Jan '05 - Jan '07
I'm arrogant. I have no patience. I don't bother to listen anymore. I have absolutely no interest. I don't think they appreciate any effort. I don't think they deserve any effort. I'm tired of fighting.
After 3 years of school - years you have enjoyed, you gave your best, forgetting about ”˜life' itself - there happens something. I'm not sure what, but something happens. Slowly from that point on, things are not the same anymore. More and more you don't care, you lose your interest, you start to criticize, you shoot back at them.
After 3 years you are also growing up,you don't listen to every bullshit anymore, you choose the information they give you and maybe now more then ever you need an ally and not an enemy.
Well, things are a bit different.
They tell you you are no good, you only want to drink beer in the sun, you have no interest, no respect, lazy. I especially like the comparison with their own student period: ”˜we used to work night an day, we were united, we didn't comment as much as you do, we had less then you have today but still we worked' bla bla bla
Is it our fault that from 5 classes, 2 might be interesting (the teachers know a lot about the subject) but the teachers have no pedagogic gift and we always fall asleep?
Is it our fault that we have no normal discussions, but only very rigid ones?
Is it our fault that very often they treat you like shit but expect everything from you?
Is it our fault that they think we only want to sleep or skip school while we ask ourselves when will we start learning something?
Is it our fault that we got used to constructive discussions and we still hope for them?
Is it our fault we don't give a damn anymore?
Is it our fault that a really bad architect (a disgrace) is supposed to teach us how to design? He is telling us how important it is not to prostitute ourselves in architecture, while he is doing it for a living? Everybody avoids him/her, even the other teachers don't think much of them!
Is it our fault that we often have the feeling it's all about them, not about us?
Is it our fault the say they are doing everything for us but we feel things are actually against us?
I suppose the truth is somewhere in the middle. As always. Both sides have their own truth, but I can't help the feeling that something has been taken away from me.
I'm sometimes wondering what will happen if I will have to study another semester here. Will I be able to fool myself any longer?
I do appreciate the good parts in my schools, the first 3 years we really worked/learned a lot. But from the 4th year, you don't have any satisfactions anymore. I miss working with dedication, waiting for the crits, preparing myself for every discussion.
This is not the rage after a bad crit, no connection to crits whatsoever. I haven't had a crit in....