Ummm Atechno - From the website it looks like the Cleveland Wine Festival is this weekend, like in three days. Are you seriously going to be here that soon? For how long? Holy crap!!!!!!!
My performance at work has been suffering lately, and my bosses have taken notice. Yesterday the partner in charge of my projects pretty much read me the riot act. IMO, there's a few things contributing to my malaise:
1) The project itself isn't something I can get very excited about, no matter how much I try. It's been hard to come up with design schemes that amount to little more than putting perfume on a pig.
2) I've got some personal issues with my project manager, but I can usually overlook that stuff. (At my last job in Chicago, I hated my boss with a passion, but I was still able to work with her most of the time.) It doesn't make life easy, though, especially when he sits behind me and is constantly looking over my shoulder.
3) The firm itself, while it's a very well-managed firm and they've treated me pretty well over the past year, just isn't the type of place I see myself working for the rest of my career. I think I'd be a lot happier in a smaller office working on smaller but more interesting projects. Or better yet, being back in an academic setting.
The easy solution to those first three issues would be to find a new job. But here's where things get more complicated...
4) I mentioned a while ago that I'm pretty sure I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. As such, sometimes I find it almost impossible to focus on my work when my interests lie elsewhere, and I find it very difficult to concentrate on multiple tasks at the same time. And although I can usually fake it to a sufficient degree, I generally hate dealing with other people.
5) For most of my adult life, my energy level has been incredibly low. I can sleep for 12 hours and still be tired when I wake up. Oftentimes at the office, it takes every ounce of my energy just to keep from nodding off at my computer. Well, yesterday morning I was officially diagnosed with sleep apnea, which means that I periodically stop breathing while asleep, starving my bloodstream of oxygen and preventing me from getting a decent night's sleep. If left untreated, it can lead to serious problems including stroke and/or heart failure. Given how long I've had these symptoms, I wouldn't be surprised if its already done some damage. There's a surgical procedure that can (hopefully) take care of the condition, which my doc is pretty much recommending. Luckily, I have a pretty good insurance plan at my current job.
So.... I think it's pretty obvious that my health issues are having a negative impact on my work performance, but I'm unsure how to bring this up with my bosses without having it sound like I'm making excuses. And my health problems don't negate the first three points on my list.
I'd like to stick it out at my current job until I start grad school next fall, and have the surgery as soon as possible so that I can hopefully feel more energetic at work and not have to deal with this shit in grad school. But I'm a little worried that my bosses might decide to fire me anyway, leaving me with no job and no insurance. (Yeah, you technically can't get fired because of a health issue, but that stuff is almost impossible to prove in court.) I've been down this road before, and it seems like once the boss loses confidence in you, it's only a matter of time before the ax falls.
I wouldn't mind looking for a more suitable job, but then I'd lose my health insurance, and possibly not be covered for pre-existing conditions at any new gig I land. And without medical treatment, I'll be dealing with the same productivity issues.
And of course, none of this really takes into account the Asperger's, which is something I'll be dealing with for the rest of my life.
So, there it is.... Is there hope for me as a successful architect, or should I just run off and join the circus or something?
i don't recommend surgery for sleep apnea. try a c-pap machine first - well first you should have a sleep study - before you try any surgery. surgery is not fail-safe and in fact it could exacerbate the condition. i had sleep apnea and used the c-pap so i know what of i speak.
as for the job, i got nothing for you, it's the mystical thing of life - trying to find people to work for that treat you they way you'd treat others - and i don't think you can find it until you are THAT person treating others the way you believe is reasonable.
Did the sleep study already, which is what led to the diagnosis. Next step is a CAT scan to get a better idea of what's obstructing my airways. Doc mentioned the machine, but seemed lukewarm about its effectiveness in my case.
LIG, i agree with beta....my mom has sleep apnea, has for years, and she uses the machine - it has made a big difference for her. Of course it does nothing for her insomnia, that's what Ambien and Bailey's Irish Creme are for apparently, but I digress...... I think you should avoid unnecessary surgery if possible, you don't want to get opened up again if you don't even know how successful it will be.
As for the Asperger's, if you really think you have it, do you think that seeking some sort of counseling might help? Knowing is half the battle....a counselor might help you figure out ways to deal with it better. Just because you have it, doesn't mean you have to let it add chaos to your life.
Why hello, bottom of the page. Long time no see. :oP
there are zero complications - other than getting used to having a mask over your face - in trying a c-pap, and you can stop using it if it does not work. however, doing surgery there are many more complications and dangers, and it's probably not reversible. aside from that, since when do doc's advocate surgery first over something so simple as a c-pap? you can get a second opinion, and given this doc's predilection for knifing you, i'd be getting one before this one put a blade to me...
LIG - I agree with beta and WonderK on both issues. It's always best to try the least invasive thing fisrt, from there you can make the decision whether or not surgery is the way to go.
As for the Aspergers... I definitely suggest seeing a doctor/specialist to get officially diagnosed. There have got to be options out there to treat this disorder, you shouldn't have to go through life living like this if you don't have to.
Also, if you do lose your job, they have to offer you COBRA. It'll be expensive, but you'll still maintain your current healthcare benefits. Hope everything works out in the job department. And most of all, try not to let this stuff get you too down. It's hard, I know, but I like to believe everything happens for a reason. Chin up.
LiG, from your dicription of Asperger symptoms, I have it too. Not to downplay it, cause I know some one who does have it - and he's a little weird - but what you discribed sounds like boredom. Maybe there was more you're leaving out. I just always assume things like this are more environmental than innate condition, maybe cause that would mean something was wrong with me, who knows.
As for sleep apnea, I don't have a clue. I imagine the mask would be difficult the first week, and definately not sexy, though I'm sure, Beta, that you can make it sexy, but what do you do when someone stays the night, or you stay somewhere else? Do you take the mask with you? On the other hand, it does sound like it would be cheaper, and safer than surgery, and worth a try.
As for your Job, I would head of the problems with the higher-ups immeadiately. Explain your side, and appoligise for your lack of excitement. Don't make excuses, just explain your reasoning. Hopefully, this can counter anything your immedeate super says, and give you a chance to account for yourself. Just don't mention that your project is boring, and equal to pigs - they might not like that, and, well, it sounds immature. We all have projects like that; hell, I draw Funeral Homes all day, and they are just Giant versions of McMansions with a morgue table in one room, and maybe a body cooler - its certainly not high Architecture.
Good luck with all that, though. And good morning TC!
Oh, and I told Husband last night that I'd been trying to make him a necklace (yes, its really been bothering me) and he didn't say much, and I didn't look at him - I do that when upset. Its sort of like Ostrich syndrome, a If I don't look at you, then you cant see me. Yes, I know its crazy. So, the necklace is off, and I'm racking my brain for new ideas. I did like Techno's shirt Idea. And while all the insinuations have been fun, thats really not a gift, but more of an activity, and should happen anyway. So, anyone know of a nice shirt manufacturer/designer? Husband can be a diva when it comes to clothes. He likes Perry Ellis, and high dollar people like that. And, he doesn't wear suits regularly, so it would be worn with jeans.
wow LIG, that is some serious stuff to deal with. you seem to have in hand though. why surgery before trying other option? sounds like someone trying to bring in fees.
my da had sleep apnia. but cuz he was hugely sumo-like, not for any genetic thing, etc. he also used alcohol as anti-insomniant. though from what i remember it didn't work so well. was kinda funny cuz i always had phone calls in middle of night and da was always slightly drunk...
which has nothing to do with nothing...i think, honestly, that you need to speak with a specialist re all of the above.
Sarah if you are looking for a cotton shirt I would go with a guayabera styled one - short sleaved. Banana Republic makes some lovely ones, as does Perry Ellis <- there's with a stiffened collar which I like. If you want to personalise it I suggest getting the lapels overstitched with an offwhite colour thread.
LIG, my heart constantly goes out to you. Just when I think things are on the up and up with you, reality seems to dawn. Notwithstanding if you do have Asperger's you are in great company, my 4 yo nephew was diagnosed at 6 months - and well with your relative success I feel extremely hopeful for him. I've also suspected I have a mild form of autism as well, but believe even if diagnosed it will be up to you to define how it will or won't affect you - you still have a job to get done (job being architectural ambition not work).
I have no problem with surgery, cut and remove the problem is a fair option for any problem. But do the options with no side effects first. By the way how's the shoulder.
LiG- I worked on the documents for a sleep apnea clinic few months back. an alternative to hooking a mask to your face or surgery is a mouth piece that shifts the angle of your jaw... much cheaper, reversible, and with no risks.
as to dealing with the aspergers - if you have the $$$, find a behavior coach. they typically they are licensed psychiatrists or psychologists and run about $100 to $150/session. these are the same folks who remade bill gates into a philanthropist and gave his some charisma. i sent you some contacts few months back, they can also direct you to coaches.
sarah, i have a cousin in austin who is a neurologist studying ADHD. Not that dallas is near austin, but I may be able to get some referrals for you. drop me an email if you want me to ask.
Finally caught up on 200 posts on TC while I was gone. GSA program is not conducive to good* Archinect habits.
I went to Ikea yesterday for the first time in over 4 years (work-related: getting GSA supplies). While I did score two sweet little lime-green 59 cent ceramic coffee cups, overall the trip reminded my I was happy to stay away for so long.
Now it's catchup on a lot of client business, then off to Kentucky again ofr two weeks.
LiG, I suggest keeping your job and hanging on to your current health insurance while you get a second opinion and then treatment for the sleep apnea. Good treatment of it may help minimize the Asperger's symptoms, no? My uncle became a completely new and much-improved person after getting his c-pap machine: he literally had not gotten a decent night's sleep in forty years.
Sarah: Get new cotton table linens or towels that you and husband can both enjoy. At the bottom of the gift box, put in a pair of skimpy cotton panties.
Nah, TK, I figure I'm just immature, not ADHD. I just need to grow up. Plain and simple. Buckle down and realise that life isn't always about me. Man, I could've been the next Dr. Phil. Time for a career change!
LB, you always come through. Thats a good idea. Or, I could combine Techno's shirt idea, with Mdlers Underwear Idea, and your box idea, and call it a day. I just love collaboration.
Good morning all.
This morning was rough. Lot of problems with software today that we are using to train new residents. And my boss's boss was "shadowing" today. Ahhhhh....
LIG. I second Archi and all of TC feelings. Everytime i think youa re out fo the woods. As for specifics. I would definetly try and hed off any potential problems with bosses. I am actually in a similar situation (i think) and am going to try and deal with it proactively.
Especially since it sounds like all things considered you need your insurance at the moment.
As for surgery, i saw if you really want to fix the problem without any trial and error, and if your doc says it will work, go for it.
And like TK, i hav eheard that behavior coaching can work wonders for mild forms of Asbergers...
Finally, Sarah H.
I like your final idea combine all the suggestions into one gift.
I personally love a nice cotton guayabera....
Gin, aside from all the medical advice above... I think you do need to tell your boss what's going on with the sleep apnea. I might leave out the suspected Asbergers, because it hasn't been diagnosed and might seem like you're making excuses. The sleep apnea you can back up, and is a very short jump to reduced job performance. Say that you are sorry you haven't discussed it with them before but you had thought you could try to deal with it without divulging, but their talk with you the other day made you realize that isn't working. A savvy employer knows that they can't fire someone for medical reasons, so this will buy you some time while you figure things out and improve performance, as well as sounding genuine, troubled, and committed to making it better.
so i am wearin a suit and tie today. had a meeting/presentation etc. so i go over to the food mall by the uni and there is this guy randomly saying "buy me a sandwich, won't someone buy me a sandwich etc." so after i eat my thai peanut saute noodles and read about the on the road text scroll that will be on exhibit here, i head back to the car and there s this guy with some food and he says to me youre that rich guy who wouldnt buy me a sandwich! i bet that suit cost five hundred dollars! (it cost 800) anyway i was actually getting pissed cuz this guy was like following me and yelling crap at me i bet you drive a bmw! you rich person etc...if he only knew i got about thirty bucks in the bank. wtf.
so i am wearin a suit and tie today. had a meeting/presentation etc. so i go over to the food mall by the uni and there is this guy randomly saying "buy me a sandwich, won't someone buy me a sandwich etc." so after i eat my thai peanut saute noodles and read about the on the road text scroll that will be on exhibit here, i head back to the car and there s this guy with some food and he says to me youre that rich guy who wouldnt buy me a sandwich! i bet that suit cost five hundred dollars! (it cost 800) anyway i was actually getting pissed cuz this guy was like following me and yelling crap at me i bet you drive a bmw! you rich person etc...if he only knew i got about thirty bucks in the bank. wtf.
gin....I would suggest taking a walk at lunch time...go goggle the babes! Plus the fresh air is good for you, even if it is NYC Air. I usually walk my dogs four times a day when it is Summer time.
It leaves me with an assurance that everything is alright in the world.
Only problem there are no babes on our walk...just ole grandmas!
hugo boss has some GORGEOUS stuff. i once dated a guy who dressed almost exclusively in hugo boss, it was wonderful. of course he only owned about 3 outfits...
vado, that reminds me of when i was particularly broke once due to some late paychecks issues at work... during that period of my life i had to pass by a bum who sat on the same part of my walk every morning and bugged everyone for money, while wearing brand new leather shoes. well one day i almost lost it at him thinking, "here i am not even getting PAID -- going into crazy debt to buy myself food -- but I am *STILL* walking to put in a day's work and how dare you harrass ME for money!" My face got red every morning as I saw he had more in his cup by 9am than I was going to get all day. It was excruciating.
well I'm off for the family tradition. Going to see Wanted with Angelina Jolie - we have a pact to go see violent movies with the parents...they seem to like that. Especially when they are unbelievably ridiculous.
funny how life is....I signed the biggest contract I have had to date in ten years...and I'm rubbing pennies together. It stems from a client burning me last fall and then having another project go south about a month ago....clients that walk can really cause you pain. Actually I
was wearing shorts and a tee shirt when I signed the contract.....great thing about Architecture...you can be suit guy or a tee shirt guy and people have the same respect for your work.
i actually wondered about panhandling as a second job. i mean you just leave work and drive over to where you want to panhandle and just ask people for money. i mean they can't say "get a job" cuz you have a job and in fact you have two jobs since panhandling would technically be your second job. people walk by and you say can you spare some change for a knob creek manhatten? etc. might work actually...wear some hugo boss and really get some results.
I figure some panhandlers must be pulling in some decent coin. Let's say you have a good location (or a captive audience on a subway train) and a compelling schtick. As a result, let's say you're pulling in about one dollar every two minutes, on average. That's $30 per hour, and assuming you put in 40 hours a week doing it, that a tax-free annual salary of $62,400. Not a bad gig if you can put up with the working conditions.
Thanks for the advice about work and health issues. if I weren't planning to start grad school next fall I'd probably already be sending out resumes, but for now I'm thinking I'll try to stick it out at my current place until I head to grad school. The week is actually turning out a little better since Monday, as we met an important deadline yesterday and our client is happy (which means my PM is happy), and I have a clearer idea of the stuff I need to do over the next few days.
Regarding the sleep apnea, I'm actually leaning towards the surgical solution for a couple reasons. One, I absolutely hate the idea of having to wear a mask at night. (Doc says this is a common sentiment, and many patients simply stop wearing it after a while.) I'd rather just have the operation and be done with it. Also, my constricted airways seem to be impacting my breathing sometimes during the daytime, which a mask won't help. Finally, the doc says this is a relatively new laser procedure that he's been doing for about 5-6 years with a good success rate. This particular doc was highly recommended by a co-worker who had similar issues, so I'm willing to take him at his word. I go in for a CT scan next week so we can plan the next steps... Wish me luck.
The Asperger's stuff is a bit more tricky, since there isn't really a cure or even a "treatment" for it. It's also a relatively newly-defined condition and there's tons of misinformation (or just plain lack of information) about it out there... And of the attention it's getting, most of it seems directed toward pediatric cases. There's very little in the way of resources for Aspie adults. There seems to be a small handful of specialists here in NYC who deal with adult cases, but of course, none of them are in my insurance network. There is, however, a fairly active local support group, so maybe that will suffice.
I'm actually a little curious to see how things improve after my sleep apnea treatment... Maybe that's actually a much bigger source of my problems than the Asperger's, and treating it will make the Aspie stuff much easier to live with. Who knows.
In other health news, I have an appointment with my shoulder doc tomorrow, and I'm still going to physical therapy about twice a week. It's been almost 6 months since my surgery and I'm almost back to "normal" now, so I'm hoping this will be my last doctor's visit for a while, and that I can stop doing PT soon. In addition to being painful, it's also a huge drain on my finances and on my weekly schedule.
In happier news, I had another meeting with my former studio critic from Columbia, where he looked over my portfolio and gave me some helpful pointers. Of course nothing is certain, but he said I should have pretty good chances of getting into my top-choice schools this time around, which was good to hear. He wants me to stay in touch, and he raised the possibility of having me come up to his department and sit on a jury or two... Very cool.
Now I'm at home, and a couple people are screaming and cursing at each other on the street in front of my apartment, and a police helicopter is circling around the neighborhood with its search light on. Gotta love life in Brooklyn....
So just back in from the movies. I know you yanks don't get the film until Friday but if you like shoot uhm up bang bang films with a decent story to mull over this is it. I described it to my best friend via text message during the intermission as half the Matrix, half Kill Bill volume 1 and 2 (would that then be 1/3rd?). Nonetheless go see it. With friends preferably - most of the fun came from just being in the cinema and the explosion of people's laughter and cheering.
Speaking of panhandlers, I was on my way to work this morning and saw one standing in one of the popular places. He was wearing what looked like new Gel Aesics. WTF?
There was a series on french TV that i saw a few years back where they investigated the "gypsy" panhandlers in the paris metro and (actually fake gypsies for the most part) and found that the men that pimped out the female panhandlers drove around in mercedes and pulled in hundreds of thousands a year. They would gather up a few different women, set them to work WITH THEIR CHILDREN, (more children = more donations), and drive around in the mercedes all day checking on them and cleaning out their money buckets. Exactly like pimping. The expose was meant to get people to stop giving money to them -- but it's like 99% tourists who feed into this terrible industry anyway. The children are drafted into "playing" in squalid subway tunnels all day long, never seeing daylight and certainly never going to school, while their 'mothers' clutch them and wail. It's so heart-wrenching, and not for any of the reasons it's intended to be.
Thats pretty sad. Good Morning TC. You'll never guess who called and wants to spend some one-on-one time with Abram....Yep, that its, my CRAZY MIL!!!! The same woman who, when left alone with him for a day, only fed him once! Hellooooo! He's NOT an adult, he has to eat every 3 hours during the day. Stupid Woman.
This morning I passed by the building I made the permit violation complaint on, and they've now begun demolishing the exterior walls--including beautiful terra cotta ornament! Remember, the building permit is for: "Demolition of interior non-loading-bearing partitions ONLY." I just now called up the Building Dept again to check on this, and they looked it up and said that an inspector had been out to see it and that the work is in accordance with the permit. What the heck!
I knew I should have taken a picture of that thing weeks ago, and now it's too late. This town is REALLY bad with this stuff, it's egregious. My next step will be to notify a local architecture reporter and see if he knows any tricks I don't know. My gut feeling is that the inspector either a) didn't go visit or b) was paid off, both of which occur VERY frequently and notoriously around here.
manta, that's a shame...sorry to hear it. did you get any response from the complaint at all, even a "we're looking into it" or anything?
damn. where are you located? is there really a lot of corruption? after hearing about the NYC crane inspector, maybe stuff like this will get more attention...or not. talking to the reporter is a good idea -- if it's a persistent problem it deserves some press.
on a lighter note, did anyone see the colbert report last night? paul goldberger from the NYT was on and they talked about architecture, skyscrapers, and america's relative standing on the world stage. it was pretty hilarious, and it was unexpected and pleasant to see stephen colbert talking about architecture.
wwtcd - I want to make a walk in closet. I have space that's about 7'6 deep but its 3' wide...and it accessed on the narrow side. Do you think that can work??
you can run a pole on the long side, and do built in shelving at the far short end. I'm not sure how a door fits in though... can you do a 30" pocket door?
oh, and interview went as well as it was going to, given that I'm only actually in the country about half of the time they would want me for. They were obviously disappointed with that, but I think I did a reasonable job of presenting myself as an option despite this.
Thread Central
Ummm Atechno - From the website it looks like the Cleveland Wine Festival is this weekend, like in three days. Are you seriously going to be here that soon? For how long? Holy crap!!!!!!!
Okay, time for a WWTCD moment.
My performance at work has been suffering lately, and my bosses have taken notice. Yesterday the partner in charge of my projects pretty much read me the riot act. IMO, there's a few things contributing to my malaise:
1) The project itself isn't something I can get very excited about, no matter how much I try. It's been hard to come up with design schemes that amount to little more than putting perfume on a pig.
2) I've got some personal issues with my project manager, but I can usually overlook that stuff. (At my last job in Chicago, I hated my boss with a passion, but I was still able to work with her most of the time.) It doesn't make life easy, though, especially when he sits behind me and is constantly looking over my shoulder.
3) The firm itself, while it's a very well-managed firm and they've treated me pretty well over the past year, just isn't the type of place I see myself working for the rest of my career. I think I'd be a lot happier in a smaller office working on smaller but more interesting projects. Or better yet, being back in an academic setting.
The easy solution to those first three issues would be to find a new job. But here's where things get more complicated...
4) I mentioned a while ago that I'm pretty sure I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. As such, sometimes I find it almost impossible to focus on my work when my interests lie elsewhere, and I find it very difficult to concentrate on multiple tasks at the same time. And although I can usually fake it to a sufficient degree, I generally hate dealing with other people.
5) For most of my adult life, my energy level has been incredibly low. I can sleep for 12 hours and still be tired when I wake up. Oftentimes at the office, it takes every ounce of my energy just to keep from nodding off at my computer. Well, yesterday morning I was officially diagnosed with sleep apnea, which means that I periodically stop breathing while asleep, starving my bloodstream of oxygen and preventing me from getting a decent night's sleep. If left untreated, it can lead to serious problems including stroke and/or heart failure. Given how long I've had these symptoms, I wouldn't be surprised if its already done some damage. There's a surgical procedure that can (hopefully) take care of the condition, which my doc is pretty much recommending. Luckily, I have a pretty good insurance plan at my current job.
So.... I think it's pretty obvious that my health issues are having a negative impact on my work performance, but I'm unsure how to bring this up with my bosses without having it sound like I'm making excuses. And my health problems don't negate the first three points on my list.
I'd like to stick it out at my current job until I start grad school next fall, and have the surgery as soon as possible so that I can hopefully feel more energetic at work and not have to deal with this shit in grad school. But I'm a little worried that my bosses might decide to fire me anyway, leaving me with no job and no insurance. (Yeah, you technically can't get fired because of a health issue, but that stuff is almost impossible to prove in court.) I've been down this road before, and it seems like once the boss loses confidence in you, it's only a matter of time before the ax falls.
I wouldn't mind looking for a more suitable job, but then I'd lose my health insurance, and possibly not be covered for pre-existing conditions at any new gig I land. And without medical treatment, I'll be dealing with the same productivity issues.
And of course, none of this really takes into account the Asperger's, which is something I'll be dealing with for the rest of my life.
So, there it is.... Is there hope for me as a successful architect, or should I just run off and join the circus or something?
Thanks in advance...
i don't recommend surgery for sleep apnea. try a c-pap machine first - well first you should have a sleep study - before you try any surgery. surgery is not fail-safe and in fact it could exacerbate the condition. i had sleep apnea and used the c-pap so i know what of i speak.
as for the job, i got nothing for you, it's the mystical thing of life - trying to find people to work for that treat you they way you'd treat others - and i don't think you can find it until you are THAT person treating others the way you believe is reasonable.
Did the sleep study already, which is what led to the diagnosis. Next step is a CAT scan to get a better idea of what's obstructing my airways. Doc mentioned the machine, but seemed lukewarm about its effectiveness in my case.
LIG, i agree with beta....my mom has sleep apnea, has for years, and she uses the machine - it has made a big difference for her. Of course it does nothing for her insomnia, that's what Ambien and Bailey's Irish Creme are for apparently, but I digress...... I think you should avoid unnecessary surgery if possible, you don't want to get opened up again if you don't even know how successful it will be.
As for the Asperger's, if you really think you have it, do you think that seeking some sort of counseling might help? Knowing is half the battle....a counselor might help you figure out ways to deal with it better. Just because you have it, doesn't mean you have to let it add chaos to your life.
Why hello, bottom of the page. Long time no see. :oP
there are zero complications - other than getting used to having a mask over your face - in trying a c-pap, and you can stop using it if it does not work. however, doing surgery there are many more complications and dangers, and it's probably not reversible. aside from that, since when do doc's advocate surgery first over something so simple as a c-pap? you can get a second opinion, and given this doc's predilection for knifing you, i'd be getting one before this one put a blade to me...
LIG - I agree with beta and WonderK on both issues. It's always best to try the least invasive thing fisrt, from there you can make the decision whether or not surgery is the way to go.
As for the Aspergers... I definitely suggest seeing a doctor/specialist to get officially diagnosed. There have got to be options out there to treat this disorder, you shouldn't have to go through life living like this if you don't have to.
Also, if you do lose your job, they have to offer you COBRA. It'll be expensive, but you'll still maintain your current healthcare benefits. Hope everything works out in the job department. And most of all, try not to let this stuff get you too down. It's hard, I know, but I like to believe everything happens for a reason. Chin up.
LiG, from your dicription of Asperger symptoms, I have it too. Not to downplay it, cause I know some one who does have it - and he's a little weird - but what you discribed sounds like boredom. Maybe there was more you're leaving out. I just always assume things like this are more environmental than innate condition, maybe cause that would mean something was wrong with me, who knows.
As for sleep apnea, I don't have a clue. I imagine the mask would be difficult the first week, and definately not sexy, though I'm sure, Beta, that you can make it sexy, but what do you do when someone stays the night, or you stay somewhere else? Do you take the mask with you? On the other hand, it does sound like it would be cheaper, and safer than surgery, and worth a try.
As for your Job, I would head of the problems with the higher-ups immeadiately. Explain your side, and appoligise for your lack of excitement. Don't make excuses, just explain your reasoning. Hopefully, this can counter anything your immedeate super says, and give you a chance to account for yourself. Just don't mention that your project is boring, and equal to pigs - they might not like that, and, well, it sounds immature. We all have projects like that; hell, I draw Funeral Homes all day, and they are just Giant versions of McMansions with a morgue table in one room, and maybe a body cooler - its certainly not high Architecture.
Good luck with all that, though. And good morning TC!
Oh, and I told Husband last night that I'd been trying to make him a necklace (yes, its really been bothering me) and he didn't say much, and I didn't look at him - I do that when upset. Its sort of like Ostrich syndrome, a If I don't look at you, then you cant see me. Yes, I know its crazy. So, the necklace is off, and I'm racking my brain for new ideas. I did like Techno's shirt Idea. And while all the insinuations have been fun, thats really not a gift, but more of an activity, and should happen anyway. So, anyone know of a nice shirt manufacturer/designer? Husband can be a diva when it comes to clothes. He likes Perry Ellis, and high dollar people like that. And, he doesn't wear suits regularly, so it would be worn with jeans.
wow LIG, that is some serious stuff to deal with. you seem to have in hand though. why surgery before trying other option? sounds like someone trying to bring in fees.
my da had sleep apnia. but cuz he was hugely sumo-like, not for any genetic thing, etc. he also used alcohol as anti-insomniant. though from what i remember it didn't work so well. was kinda funny cuz i always had phone calls in middle of night and da was always slightly drunk...
which has nothing to do with nothing...i think, honestly, that you need to speak with a specialist re all of the above.
Sarah if you are looking for a cotton shirt I would go with a guayabera styled one - short sleaved. Banana Republic makes some lovely ones, as does Perry Ellis <- there's with a stiffened collar which I like. If you want to personalise it I suggest getting the lapels overstitched with an offwhite colour thread.
LIG, my heart constantly goes out to you. Just when I think things are on the up and up with you, reality seems to dawn. Notwithstanding if you do have Asperger's you are in great company, my 4 yo nephew was diagnosed at 6 months - and well with your relative success I feel extremely hopeful for him. I've also suspected I have a mild form of autism as well, but believe even if diagnosed it will be up to you to define how it will or won't affect you - you still have a job to get done (job being architectural ambition not work).
I have no problem with surgery, cut and remove the problem is a fair option for any problem. But do the options with no side effects first. By the way how's the shoulder.
LiG- I worked on the documents for a sleep apnea clinic few months back. an alternative to hooking a mask to your face or surgery is a mouth piece that shifts the angle of your jaw... much cheaper, reversible, and with no risks.
as to dealing with the aspergers - if you have the $$$, find a behavior coach. they typically they are licensed psychiatrists or psychologists and run about $100 to $150/session. these are the same folks who remade bill gates into a philanthropist and gave his some charisma. i sent you some contacts few months back, they can also direct you to coaches.
sarah, i have a cousin in austin who is a neurologist studying ADHD. Not that dallas is near austin, but I may be able to get some referrals for you. drop me an email if you want me to ask.
Finally caught up on 200 posts on TC while I was gone. GSA program is not conducive to good* Archinect habits.
I went to Ikea yesterday for the first time in over 4 years (work-related: getting GSA supplies). While I did score two sweet little lime-green 59 cent ceramic coffee cups, overall the trip reminded my I was happy to stay away for so long.
Now it's catchup on a lot of client business, then off to Kentucky again ofr two weeks.
LiG, I suggest keeping your job and hanging on to your current health insurance while you get a second opinion and then treatment for the sleep apnea. Good treatment of it may help minimize the Asperger's symptoms, no? My uncle became a completely new and much-improved person after getting his c-pap machine: he literally had not gotten a decent night's sleep in forty years.
Sarah: Get new cotton table linens or towels that you and husband can both enjoy. At the bottom of the gift box, put in a pair of skimpy cotton panties.
* Defining "good" as "often".
...reminded me why...
Nah, TK, I figure I'm just immature, not ADHD. I just need to grow up. Plain and simple. Buckle down and realise that life isn't always about me. Man, I could've been the next Dr. Phil. Time for a career change!
LB, you always come through. Thats a good idea. Or, I could combine Techno's shirt idea, with Mdlers Underwear Idea, and your box idea, and call it a day. I just love collaboration.
Good morning all.
This morning was rough. Lot of problems with software today that we are using to train new residents. And my boss's boss was "shadowing" today. Ahhhhh....
LIG. I second Archi and all of TC feelings. Everytime i think youa re out fo the woods. As for specifics. I would definetly try and hed off any potential problems with bosses. I am actually in a similar situation (i think) and am going to try and deal with it proactively.
Especially since it sounds like all things considered you need your insurance at the moment.
As for surgery, i saw if you really want to fix the problem without any trial and error, and if your doc says it will work, go for it.
And like TK, i hav eheard that behavior coaching can work wonders for mild forms of Asbergers...
Finally, Sarah H.
I like your final idea combine all the suggestions into one gift.
I personally love a nice cotton guayabera....
Gin, aside from all the medical advice above... I think you do need to tell your boss what's going on with the sleep apnea. I might leave out the suspected Asbergers, because it hasn't been diagnosed and might seem like you're making excuses. The sleep apnea you can back up, and is a very short jump to reduced job performance. Say that you are sorry you haven't discussed it with them before but you had thought you could try to deal with it without divulging, but their talk with you the other day made you realize that isn't working. A savvy employer knows that they can't fire someone for medical reasons, so this will buy you some time while you figure things out and improve performance, as well as sounding genuine, troubled, and committed to making it better.
sarah
look at Paul Smith
so i am wearin a suit and tie today. had a meeting/presentation etc. so i go over to the food mall by the uni and there is this guy randomly saying "buy me a sandwich, won't someone buy me a sandwich etc." so after i eat my thai peanut saute noodles and read about the on the road text scroll that will be on exhibit here, i head back to the car and there s this guy with some food and he says to me youre that rich guy who wouldnt buy me a sandwich! i bet that suit cost five hundred dollars! (it cost 800) anyway i was actually getting pissed cuz this guy was like following me and yelling crap at me i bet you drive a bmw! you rich person etc...if he only knew i got about thirty bucks in the bank. wtf.
so i am wearin a suit and tie today. had a meeting/presentation etc. so i go over to the food mall by the uni and there is this guy randomly saying "buy me a sandwich, won't someone buy me a sandwich etc." so after i eat my thai peanut saute noodles and read about the on the road text scroll that will be on exhibit here, i head back to the car and there s this guy with some food and he says to me youre that rich guy who wouldnt buy me a sandwich! i bet that suit cost five hundred dollars! (it cost 800) anyway i was actually getting pissed cuz this guy was like following me and yelling crap at me i bet you drive a bmw! you rich person etc...if he only knew i got about thirty bucks in the bank. wtf.
gin....I would suggest taking a walk at lunch time...go goggle the babes! Plus the fresh air is good for you, even if it is NYC Air. I usually walk my dogs four times a day when it is Summer time.
It leaves me with an assurance that everything is alright in the world.
Only problem there are no babes on our walk...just ole grandmas!
most wtf thread on archinect...i mean, really, architects bragging about saving money!?!...what is the world coming to?
Wow Vado. That guy annoyed you soo much that you had to post twice, huh? Stupid Guy.
Damn, Mdler, You've got expensive taste!
that I do...which is a problem when I be's an architect
Hugo Boss has some nice stuff as well
puddles, I didn't post about saving money because not only am I not, my net value is actually negative.
Is that more like it?
Wait, I just came up with something: I'll go post it now.
liberty, I'm in the same situation. My savings averages to about -$500/month right now, not counting the student loans. I think I've got a problem.
Hopefully, that problem will be solved by my job interview this afternoon....
OOOHHHH!!!! Good Luck Rationalista!
Wow! And I thought I was the only one that didn't have two pennies to rub together at the moment.
Good Luck Rationalist! Go kick some interview ass.
my two pennies are rubbin' together...
^^ EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! ;o)
hugo boss has some GORGEOUS stuff. i once dated a guy who dressed almost exclusively in hugo boss, it was wonderful. of course he only owned about 3 outfits...
vado, that reminds me of when i was particularly broke once due to some late paychecks issues at work... during that period of my life i had to pass by a bum who sat on the same part of my walk every morning and bugged everyone for money, while wearing brand new leather shoes. well one day i almost lost it at him thinking, "here i am not even getting PAID -- going into crazy debt to buy myself food -- but I am *STILL* walking to put in a day's work and how dare you harrass ME for money!" My face got red every morning as I saw he had more in his cup by 9am than I was going to get all day. It was excruciating.
well I'm off for the family tradition. Going to see Wanted with Angelina Jolie - we have a pact to go see violent movies with the parents...they seem to like that. Especially when they are unbelievably ridiculous.
my mantaray's alright
funny how life is....I signed the biggest contract I have had to date in ten years...and I'm rubbing pennies together. It stems from a client burning me last fall and then having another project go south about a month ago....clients that walk can really cause you pain. Actually I
was wearing shorts and a tee shirt when I signed the contract.....great thing about Architecture...you can be suit guy or a tee shirt guy and people have the same respect for your work.
i actually wondered about panhandling as a second job. i mean you just leave work and drive over to where you want to panhandle and just ask people for money. i mean they can't say "get a job" cuz you have a job and in fact you have two jobs since panhandling would technically be your second job. people walk by and you say can you spare some change for a knob creek manhatten? etc. might work actually...wear some hugo boss and really get some results.
I figure some panhandlers must be pulling in some decent coin. Let's say you have a good location (or a captive audience on a subway train) and a compelling schtick. As a result, let's say you're pulling in about one dollar every two minutes, on average. That's $30 per hour, and assuming you put in 40 hours a week doing it, that a tax-free annual salary of $62,400. Not a bad gig if you can put up with the working conditions.
Thanks for the advice about work and health issues. if I weren't planning to start grad school next fall I'd probably already be sending out resumes, but for now I'm thinking I'll try to stick it out at my current place until I head to grad school. The week is actually turning out a little better since Monday, as we met an important deadline yesterday and our client is happy (which means my PM is happy), and I have a clearer idea of the stuff I need to do over the next few days.
Regarding the sleep apnea, I'm actually leaning towards the surgical solution for a couple reasons. One, I absolutely hate the idea of having to wear a mask at night. (Doc says this is a common sentiment, and many patients simply stop wearing it after a while.) I'd rather just have the operation and be done with it. Also, my constricted airways seem to be impacting my breathing sometimes during the daytime, which a mask won't help. Finally, the doc says this is a relatively new laser procedure that he's been doing for about 5-6 years with a good success rate. This particular doc was highly recommended by a co-worker who had similar issues, so I'm willing to take him at his word. I go in for a CT scan next week so we can plan the next steps... Wish me luck.
The Asperger's stuff is a bit more tricky, since there isn't really a cure or even a "treatment" for it. It's also a relatively newly-defined condition and there's tons of misinformation (or just plain lack of information) about it out there... And of the attention it's getting, most of it seems directed toward pediatric cases. There's very little in the way of resources for Aspie adults. There seems to be a small handful of specialists here in NYC who deal with adult cases, but of course, none of them are in my insurance network. There is, however, a fairly active local support group, so maybe that will suffice.
I'm actually a little curious to see how things improve after my sleep apnea treatment... Maybe that's actually a much bigger source of my problems than the Asperger's, and treating it will make the Aspie stuff much easier to live with. Who knows.
In other health news, I have an appointment with my shoulder doc tomorrow, and I'm still going to physical therapy about twice a week. It's been almost 6 months since my surgery and I'm almost back to "normal" now, so I'm hoping this will be my last doctor's visit for a while, and that I can stop doing PT soon. In addition to being painful, it's also a huge drain on my finances and on my weekly schedule.
In happier news, I had another meeting with my former studio critic from Columbia, where he looked over my portfolio and gave me some helpful pointers. Of course nothing is certain, but he said I should have pretty good chances of getting into my top-choice schools this time around, which was good to hear. He wants me to stay in touch, and he raised the possibility of having me come up to his department and sit on a jury or two... Very cool.
Now I'm at home, and a couple people are screaming and cursing at each other on the street in front of my apartment, and a police helicopter is circling around the neighborhood with its search light on. Gotta love life in Brooklyn....
search light...hmmm
So just back in from the movies. I know you yanks don't get the film until Friday but if you like shoot uhm up bang bang films with a decent story to mull over this is it. I described it to my best friend via text message during the intermission as half the Matrix, half Kill Bill volume 1 and 2 (would that then be 1/3rd?). Nonetheless go see it. With friends preferably - most of the fun came from just being in the cinema and the explosion of people's laughter and cheering.
Oooooh Atechno that does sound good.
Speaking of panhandlers, I was on my way to work this morning and saw one standing in one of the popular places. He was wearing what looked like new Gel Aesics. WTF?
There was a series on french TV that i saw a few years back where they investigated the "gypsy" panhandlers in the paris metro and (actually fake gypsies for the most part) and found that the men that pimped out the female panhandlers drove around in mercedes and pulled in hundreds of thousands a year. They would gather up a few different women, set them to work WITH THEIR CHILDREN, (more children = more donations), and drive around in the mercedes all day checking on them and cleaning out their money buckets. Exactly like pimping. The expose was meant to get people to stop giving money to them -- but it's like 99% tourists who feed into this terrible industry anyway. The children are drafted into "playing" in squalid subway tunnels all day long, never seeing daylight and certainly never going to school, while their 'mothers' clutch them and wail. It's so heart-wrenching, and not for any of the reasons it's intended to be.
Thats pretty sad. Good Morning TC. You'll never guess who called and wants to spend some one-on-one time with Abram....Yep, that its, my CRAZY MIL!!!! The same woman who, when left alone with him for a day, only fed him once! Hellooooo! He's NOT an adult, he has to eat every 3 hours during the day. Stupid Woman.
hehe, that's no good, Sarah...but i bet your husband is really skinny!!! in all seriousness, good luck with the MIL today...
Today's Dictionary.com Word of the Day (and my new favorite place):
Cockaigne \kah-KAYN\, noun: An imaginary land of ease and luxury.
Doesn't puddles live here?
ha ha, i think puddles does!
in some very disappointing news:
This morning I passed by the building I made the permit violation complaint on, and they've now begun demolishing the exterior walls--including beautiful terra cotta ornament! Remember, the building permit is for: "Demolition of interior non-loading-bearing partitions ONLY." I just now called up the Building Dept again to check on this, and they looked it up and said that an inspector had been out to see it and that the work is in accordance with the permit. What the heck!
I knew I should have taken a picture of that thing weeks ago, and now it's too late. This town is REALLY bad with this stuff, it's egregious. My next step will be to notify a local architecture reporter and see if he knows any tricks I don't know. My gut feeling is that the inspector either a) didn't go visit or b) was paid off, both of which occur VERY frequently and notoriously around here.
manta, that's a shame...sorry to hear it. did you get any response from the complaint at all, even a "we're looking into it" or anything?
damn. where are you located? is there really a lot of corruption? after hearing about the NYC crane inspector, maybe stuff like this will get more attention...or not. talking to the reporter is a good idea -- if it's a persistent problem it deserves some press.
on a lighter note, did anyone see the colbert report last night? paul goldberger from the NYT was on and they talked about architecture, skyscrapers, and america's relative standing on the world stage. it was pretty hilarious, and it was unexpected and pleasant to see stephen colbert talking about architecture.
I think you might be right dubK...do you have to wear codpieces when you are there? Seems as if it would be appropriate to do so.
i believe roma is the preferred to gypsy.
wwtcd - I want to make a walk in closet. I have space that's about 7'6 deep but its 3' wide...and it accessed on the narrow side. Do you think that can work??
you can run a pole on the long side, and do built in shelving at the far short end. I'm not sure how a door fits in though... can you do a 30" pocket door?
oh, and interview went as well as it was going to, given that I'm only actually in the country about half of the time they would want me for. They were obviously disappointed with that, but I think I did a reasonable job of presenting myself as an option despite this.
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