In the summer of 1863 after three days of brutal warfare, the Battle of Gettysburg culminated with the retreat of Robert E. Lee's army, something, that at the time, President Lincoln was not happy about. While the battle was seen as a triumph for the Union Army, Lincoln saw an important missed opportunity. So much so, that he prepared a letter to General George Meade. In an excerpt from the letter, Lincoln writes:
"Again, my dear general, I do not believe you appreciate the magnitude of the misfortune involved in Lee's escape. He was within your easy grasp, and to have closed upon him would, in connection with our other late successes, have ended the war. As it is, the war will be prolonged indefinitely."
He goes on:
"Your golden opportunity is gone, and I am distressed immeasurably because of it."
Lincoln wasn't happy and he wanted to be sure his General knew about it.
We've all been in a situation where a coworker, a contractor, or even a client sends us a message of some kind, perhaps an email, that really gets under our skin. Maybe the superintendent on a job site continues to require you to do "unnecessary" tasks in order to receive their approval to move forward. If we get frustrated and respond accordingly, they make things even more difficult in an effort to assert their power over us.
In whatever case, sometimes our heated emails and messages to people involved in a project we are working on ends up coming back to bite us. It might manifest in passive aggression from the recipient for the rest of the time we must work with them on the project. It could end up causing undue strife within our team. And it can even potentially create more work for us, as in the case with the superintendent.
The interesting thing about that letter Lincoln wrote to General Meade was that he never sent it. He wrote the letter and put it in a drawer in his desk, a practice he often used when he became angry and impulsive. He was able to get all of his feelings and emotions out on paper, but was wise enough to delay sending them to the individual. More often than not, he decided sending the letter might not be the best strategy.
Perhaps, we can learn something form Lincoln in this regard. In considering the long-term repercussions of our words in professional practice, we may decide to hold off on the snap response. It's something easier said than done, but also, something that may avoid unneeded issues down the road.
Important pro tip in the age of electronic messaging and the ease of hitting the wrong button (save draft vs. send) ... don't compose the heated message in your email software. Compose it somewhere else first. Then, if you decide it's worth sending, copy and paste it into the email message.
A helpful tip I've discovered, for all kinds of potentially troublesome emails:
Draft, write, vent your heart out. But leave the address field empty, such that even if you accidentally hit send, nothing happens. This has saved me many times.
Also, the "vent but not sent" message in this thread is sage advice for all parts of life, work or no.
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My father would do the same thing. I wonder if he knew he was following in the footsteps of Abe.
Nice! Wise man
Yep. I had to resign an AIA position because of an email I sent in the momentary heat of anger!
Good but painful life lesson.
Sorry to hear that. [hashtag] not your AIA?
It's worth writing it down, it allows you to vent, almost a form of therapy. Key is not to send it or at least wait overnight and think about it again in the morning. Often done it, but always wait to hit send. Sometimes in the interveying time between writing and sending something else will occur that will change your reasoning on sending it over ie the client changes their mind back or some other issue arises that affects your reasoning for being angry in the first place.
I find that often I'm angry because I read the email in a way that was at angles with the intended message's meaning. It's one of the weaknesses of instant written communication, nuance can be difficult to write and sometimes is lost, causing the message to be perceived incorrectly. Texting is the mist extreme example of this, but Email runs hot behind.
Important pro tip in the age of electronic messaging and the ease of hitting the wrong button (save draft vs. send) ... don't compose the heated message in your email software. Compose it somewhere else first. Then, if you decide it's worth sending, copy and paste it into the email message.
Generally a good idea for important emails, as I've sent emails with mistakes in them or accidentally added an incorrect recipient and then somehow flailed on the windows keyboard shortcut for send and regretted it.
Excellent tip
A helpful tip I've discovered, for all kinds of potentially troublesome emails:
Draft, write, vent your heart out. But leave the address field empty, such that even if you accidentally hit send, nothing happens. This has saved me many times.
Also, the "vent but not sent" message in this thread is sage advice for all parts of life, work or no.
I'll do it one better. Have the "hard" conversation, on the phone, or in person.
Always, always better.
Totally agree
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