i am thinking about giving my father "the talk" when he gets here; you know the Parent-Child talk about the rules of the house, only i am the parent in this scenario.
DubK shouldn't it be Lei Sigh? if it has to do with Hawaii?
Ever woman I've ever met has wanted to put me in therapy. Actually therapy is good. Just wish it was free. Everybody could stand a little sitting and talking without worrying about being judged. Also, it can be awkward to be around someone else's family no matter how much you may L-U-V that other person. Because frankly people act very different around their families and many times things come up that happened between family members 20 years ago and you just stand their not knowing what or how to act. I have always expeerienced this especially if the woman comes from a family of divorce etc...Just lots and lots and lots of issues. etc.Now why he annoyed your friends? I couldn't tell ya.
Sarah gives good advice re: taking a breath and deciding if one incident is worth the entire relationship. The idea that no one will make you happy ALL the time mirrors something I actually said to vado very recently: everyone you date will annoy the fuck out of you at some point.
And vado is also spot on re: acting differently around family. Wonderman may have been freaked out because he didn't know what the hell to do. So he made a poor choice in THIS situation, has he done similarly in previously stressful situations?
beta, by the way, I feel for what you're about to face with your dad. Yeah, you DO need to give him The Talk: You are an adult, it's your home, you have rules, he's a guest.
Dubk,
Sounds like a bad scene. Anytime a close-friend or roomate wants to punch in the face or call's your SO an asshat (et al) is a bad sign.
It could be that he has similar unresolved issues with mother and/or just was thrown off by the whole situation..
Have you all had problems like this, or had any blowups before?
Either way sounds like Hawaii plans may be need to put on th eback-burner, at least for awhile.
As for parents, never understood either SH.
I mean sure they can be a pain in the ass, but i figure i was for at least 16 years so...
Morning everyone else!!! We are having about of Seattle-esque weather in North Florida this week. Been rainy and overcast for the first half of the week and suppose to be like that for the rest of week.
I love the coolness and rain (which we needed badly) but also get slightly annoyed because I don't get to bike to work. Although, i suppose that may say more about me and my lack of commitment to a low carbon lifestyle, than anything else..
a couple of thoughts on the comments, that i think most people are forgetting; an outsider should know the trap of commenting negatively on significant other's family, they have not been around long enough to know jack - even if dubK acknowledges problems, which she has, it does not give him permission to dump on her - and certainly have not been around long enough to suggest someone needs therapy. so, i understand dubK's annoyance, i'd be pissed too.
he's out of line, and i don't even know the guy, but i know my anger at my father does not give anyone else permission to dump. it forces added pressure on me to deal with the problem, a problem i am all to aware of, and have been aware of for 30 years.
Ugh. Thank you all for your perspective. I really needed it. My best friend and my roommate were both totally put off by him this weekend, as I was, and I basically feel like a different person stepped off the plane this time than the man I fell in love with last year. I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed out. I didn't even tell you about the inappropriate jokes that he made at the dinner at my professor's house ... or how he went up to one of my classmates, sat him down and told him that he needed to dress better and have goals in life - even though my classmate is the one who just got a graduate degree and WonderMan is the one who doesn't have goals, doesn't dress very well, and didn't even finish his Bachelor's degree.
I know that he's still hurt from his mom passing away and I know that he himself has been seeing a therapist and is taking mild anti-depressants. I don't know if they have other behavioral side effects like lashing out or what. I also know that he's incredibly bright and good at analyzing other people, so he should know better. But as of right now, I just feel like calling the whole thing off. I think I need to call in the big guns: my best friend that got married and had us both in his wedding. There are questions that I have for him that I've always wanted to ask but never had the reason to. Now or never, I guess.
I posted a link to my graduation speech on my blog; check it out if you'd like.
Thanks to everyone here for their virtual support, academically, professionally, personally or otherwise. If I had thought it wouldn't confuse everyone in the audience I would have mentioned you all in my "thanks" last Friday but, yeah. I don't think that I would be who I am if I didn't have this community as a sounding board. Even puddles ;o)
Holy shit, WK... I don't have any advice other than what's already been posted by much wiser people in these matters, but I hope all works out for the best.
I am going to Denver next Wednesday for an interview. I am actually feeling pretty good about it and hoping that the third time is the charm! Until next week though, I just need to let life happen. Le sigh, part deux.
Which reminds me.... Strawbeary are you out there? Unfortunately I don't have any extra time to hang out while I'm in town but send me some happy thoughts next Wednesday afternoon, will you?
BIG hugs for WonderK... I agree, call the mutual friend, see what he has to say. We love you to death and are totally biased by only knowing you and not him, while the mutual friend can help put things in perspective.
It's my roommate's birthday. What do you get for someone who buys everything she wants for herself, and then if she decides it's too expensive, her parents buy it for her? It sounds like I'm being condescending but she's a great gal and I want to be original, however it's hard when packages show up every other day with stuff that she bought!
Good luck in Denver... I spent a weekend out there in January, and it's a pretty cool town.
There's some cool recent photos of Denver on the UrbanOhio.com site. (I like the photos that typically get posted on that site, as they tend to show much more of the character of a given city than the usual tourist shots of famous landmarks.)
DubK, make her something. Didn't you have a recycled fabric bag project on your blog awhile back? Nothing like a handmade object to show someone you care.
I would LOVE to volunteer maintaining objects bordering between antiques and artifacts. I mean it's one of the things I learned from 3 years of art history. I've been reading a lot about art restoration and maintenance because I wanted to see if I could make a living off of it but everyone wants experience and I'm not religious enough to pretend like I care so I can get in volunteer hours.
Plus, the churches around here blow. Most of them are in aluminum warehouse buildings with giant air conditioners glued to the sides.
Oh my god the bonsai tree is perfect! Plus she loves stuff from Urban Outfitters....thanks jk3hl! Hey can I call you jk for short? I can remember that without scrolling....
I've been poking around on some other forums, and the general consensus seems to be that acetone is the most effect way to remove caked-on incense resin from a thurible. Being an organic solvent, acetone shouldn't damage metal. We'll just have to wear rubber gloves and do the work outdoors.
bonsai = golden. i have always wanted one. smart call, jk.
wonderk i have thoughts for you... i keep typing out emails but it takes way too long & i suck at writing. can i call you? could you email me your phone number when you get a chance?
great pics, LiG -- you were right about the urban character they show. they also remind me how much i love seeing mountains in the backs of things... to quote wk : le sigh. one drawback to the midwestern life.
h&R: I have worked with acetone in producing serigraphs, melting film to silk and cleaning ink from silk. The stuff is nasty smelling, always work with an exhaust hood, and like I said the S**T ignites like no ones business. I have actually seen rags burst into flames.
So be careful.
i'm not using acetone? I was telling LiG to use a stoner's secret for removing resin gently from delicate objects... either by heating (with a lighter) or by a concoction of salt water, mouthwash and cream of tartar.
Some antiques don't always let you know how shoddily they were originally put together (or fixed) and dipping something in a heavy solvent can pretty much cause it to dissolve.
But if they're solid metal objects... rock the acetone. If they are gilted leaved, you'd have to discover what kind of glue they even used, if it was paint, if it was applied by mercury, if it was mechanically burnished, cold guilded, wet guilded, fire gilded and so on.
And some objects become far too 'delicate' to often gilt a second time... if you think acetone is bad, try using aqua regia.
for anybody in the vicinity of louisville, there's a cool event here next week! (will hit the events calendar soon, i hope; i submitted.)
university of kentucky college of design is hosting an exhibition/discussion of grad student work at the 21c museum (project by deborah berke) in louisville.
reception on the 27th may, 5 pm, will include a discussion of the work with:
gary bates, space group, oslo
julien de smedt, jds, copenhagen
joshua prince-ramus, rex, ny
jason scroggin, uk college of design
i'm gonna just guess that speaks will be participating as well.
the exhibition features work from a two-semester graduate research studio focusing on future projects and development for shippingport, an area of west louisville chosen for its potential for economic expansion.
i'm especially excited about this since the shippingport neighborhood was the site of my own urban redevelopment proposal for my 2004 masters project, i.e., i lived it for months at a stretch.
critics are not just visitors but were also the guest faculty directing the project over the two semesters (except ramus, i think).
worth a road trip and, just to sweeten the deal: if i recognize your archinect name, i'll buy you a bourbon.
seems like TC was rocking today. Wonder K, my heart goes out to you - I can imagine how at odds you must be by this. Aside from the hug, I'm offering a shoulder. I could dispense some advice on this, however the thoughts previously expressed by others may be a better starting point.
On an odd but similar note on my long drive this morning/afternoon/evening I was tossing up if I should call you/dub K. But couldn't access the email with your number. But I did get a phonecall from Liberty B - which doesn't anywhere compare to having coffee with her... but was WAY awesome nonetheless!
So essentially manta is awesome and she talked me down from a cliff. I am sorry I am so angsty. I generally require a chorus of opinions when dealing with matters that I am uncomfortable dealing with on my own. Yeah I'm just going to go down to Hawaii and see what happens.
I'm still waiting for a techno phone call though!!!
DUbK, I hope you don't feel it's overly personal, but I have really enjoyed hearing your problem and then hearing all the opinions/points of view offered. I mean I don't enjoy the fact that you are going through this shitty problem, but I very much enjoy how we all came out to help as we best could, and that you felt you could share a personal issue.
I'm glad manta was able to talk you down, and good luck.
I mean I sure as hell don't know anything about cleaning church effects, but I can tell you where to get Skyline chili and where the best views are in most major cities and I have lots of opinions on how to run a more efficient business.... but thank goodness there are other people here who can tell me how NOT to sabotage my relationships! Also how to clean church effects, LOL.
Glad to hear WonderK. Ultimately only time will tell... for everything really. Fortunately (or unfortunately) that's just how life goes.
^^Gorgeous photo. Thanks for sharing.
Now I'm off to the dermatologist to see why the hell the skin on my eyes gets irritated and flaky from time to time for the past couple of years. I only made the appt 6 months ago.
6 month lead time on a dr's appt? That seems awfully long.
Glad you've made a decision dubbers.
Ok, there's a story on Today about a woman that conceived and gave birth to twins NATURALLY, but they have different fathers. So its like a litter? Did she just admit to sleeping around on national television? Its kinda strange. I wonder how they even figured it out in the first place.
I never get any phone calls from nectures, but I'd probably be so nervous that I'd be a ball of giggles and akward pauses.
One thing I was thinking about in the shower this morning, wk (that i'm 100% sure you already know, but sometimes it's good to be reminded i guess) is that one shitty weekend in a normal relationship comes amid 123,092 other great moments together. One shitty weekend in a long distance relationship comes amid 3 other great moments together. Almost any person, no matter how wonderful, can have a 3-day emotional freakout and then not know how to discuss it /handle it maturely via telephone conversation later.
Oh, men... they're so emotional! ;-)
he he... i'm really glad i was able to help. consider it "paying it forward" for the many, many, many, many times I have been talked off a cliff. and for the record, i will be cashing in my karma chips the day i start my own business, b/c i know NOTHING about how to run a business efficiently! you can be my business consultant! also, my leed consultant! yay!
also, i forgot to ask -- is your roommate your best friend? if so, you must be having a BLAST living with her! and the bonsai tree sounds like an awesome gift idea.
Thread Central
i am thinking about giving my father "the talk" when he gets here; you know the Parent-Child talk about the rules of the house, only i am the parent in this scenario.
DubK shouldn't it be Lei Sigh? if it has to do with Hawaii?
Ever woman I've ever met has wanted to put me in therapy. Actually therapy is good. Just wish it was free. Everybody could stand a little sitting and talking without worrying about being judged. Also, it can be awkward to be around someone else's family no matter how much you may L-U-V that other person. Because frankly people act very different around their families and many times things come up that happened between family members 20 years ago and you just stand their not knowing what or how to act. I have always expeerienced this especially if the woman comes from a family of divorce etc...Just lots and lots and lots of issues. etc.Now why he annoyed your friends? I couldn't tell ya.
maybe you do need therapy or else end up like mother...of course, this could probably be said about all of us...
Sarah gives good advice re: taking a breath and deciding if one incident is worth the entire relationship. The idea that no one will make you happy ALL the time mirrors something I actually said to vado very recently: everyone you date will annoy the fuck out of you at some point.
And vado is also spot on re: acting differently around family. Wonderman may have been freaked out because he didn't know what the hell to do. So he made a poor choice in THIS situation, has he done similarly in previously stressful situations?
beta, by the way, I feel for what you're about to face with your dad. Yeah, you DO need to give him The Talk: You are an adult, it's your home, you have rules, he's a guest.
Dubk,
Sounds like a bad scene. Anytime a close-friend or roomate wants to punch in the face or call's your SO an asshat (et al) is a bad sign.
It could be that he has similar unresolved issues with mother and/or just was thrown off by the whole situation..
Have you all had problems like this, or had any blowups before?
Either way sounds like Hawaii plans may be need to put on th eback-burner, at least for awhile.
As for parents, never understood either SH.
I mean sure they can be a pain in the ass, but i figure i was for at least 16 years so...
Morning everyone else!!! We are having about of Seattle-esque weather in North Florida this week. Been rainy and overcast for the first half of the week and suppose to be like that for the rest of week.
I love the coolness and rain (which we needed badly) but also get slightly annoyed because I don't get to bike to work. Although, i suppose that may say more about me and my lack of commitment to a low carbon lifestyle, than anything else..
a couple of thoughts on the comments, that i think most people are forgetting; an outsider should know the trap of commenting negatively on significant other's family, they have not been around long enough to know jack - even if dubK acknowledges problems, which she has, it does not give him permission to dump on her - and certainly have not been around long enough to suggest someone needs therapy. so, i understand dubK's annoyance, i'd be pissed too.
he's out of line, and i don't even know the guy, but i know my anger at my father does not give anyone else permission to dump. it forces added pressure on me to deal with the problem, a problem i am all to aware of, and have been aware of for 30 years.
Beta makes a good point...
Ugh. Thank you all for your perspective. I really needed it. My best friend and my roommate were both totally put off by him this weekend, as I was, and I basically feel like a different person stepped off the plane this time than the man I fell in love with last year. I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed out. I didn't even tell you about the inappropriate jokes that he made at the dinner at my professor's house ... or how he went up to one of my classmates, sat him down and told him that he needed to dress better and have goals in life - even though my classmate is the one who just got a graduate degree and WonderMan is the one who doesn't have goals, doesn't dress very well, and didn't even finish his Bachelor's degree.
I know that he's still hurt from his mom passing away and I know that he himself has been seeing a therapist and is taking mild anti-depressants. I don't know if they have other behavioral side effects like lashing out or what. I also know that he's incredibly bright and good at analyzing other people, so he should know better. But as of right now, I just feel like calling the whole thing off. I think I need to call in the big guns: my best friend that got married and had us both in his wedding. There are questions that I have for him that I've always wanted to ask but never had the reason to. Now or never, I guess.
Crap, I just need a hug.
I'm sending you a virtual hug DubK.
what's a hug?
I posted a link to my graduation speech on my blog; check it out if you'd like.
Thanks to everyone here for their virtual support, academically, professionally, personally or otherwise. If I had thought it wouldn't confuse everyone in the audience I would have mentioned you all in my "thanks" last Friday but, yeah. I don't think that I would be who I am if I didn't have this community as a sounding board. Even puddles ;o)
Holy shit, WK... I don't have any advice other than what's already been posted by much wiser people in these matters, but I hope all works out for the best.
Any word about the potential gig in Denver?
I am going to Denver next Wednesday for an interview. I am actually feeling pretty good about it and hoping that the third time is the charm! Until next week though, I just need to let life happen. Le sigh, part deux.
Which reminds me.... Strawbeary are you out there? Unfortunately I don't have any extra time to hang out while I'm in town but send me some happy thoughts next Wednesday afternoon, will you?
Hug squared...
I am working busily today. Much of it time spent on the phone. Yeah!!!
BIG hugs for WonderK... I agree, call the mutual friend, see what he has to say. We love you to death and are totally biased by only knowing you and not him, while the mutual friend can help put things in perspective.
Ugh! Ok, back to happy thoughts....
It's my roommate's birthday. What do you get for someone who buys everything she wants for herself, and then if she decides it's too expensive, her parents buy it for her? It sounds like I'm being condescending but she's a great gal and I want to be original, however it's hard when packages show up every other day with stuff that she bought!
Good luck in Denver... I spent a weekend out there in January, and it's a pretty cool town.
There's some cool recent photos of Denver on the UrbanOhio.com site. (I like the photos that typically get posted on that site, as they tend to show much more of the character of a given city than the usual tourist shots of famous landmarks.)
Consider this a good luck sign:
Get her an Urban Outfitters bonsai tree - that's what I gave my sister for graduation and she loved it!
P.S. the newer packaging is cooler.
DubK, make her something. Didn't you have a recycled fabric bag project on your blog awhile back? Nothing like a handmade object to show someone you care.
The bonsai is a good idea too.
get your roomie one of these
[img]http://blogs.nypost.com/popwrap/photos/brad-pitt-fight-club-sexiest.jpg width=410[/url]
i hear the ladies and some men love em, and i hear they are pretty easy to find in LA...
Thanks nam... and no problem LiG.
I would LOVE to volunteer maintaining objects bordering between antiques and artifacts. I mean it's one of the things I learned from 3 years of art history. I've been reading a lot about art restoration and maintenance because I wanted to see if I could make a living off of it but everyone wants experience and I'm not religious enough to pretend like I care so I can get in volunteer hours.
Plus, the churches around here blow. Most of them are in aluminum warehouse buildings with giant air conditioners glued to the sides.
I don't know... he's looking quite hot too.
Oh my god the bonsai tree is perfect! Plus she loves stuff from Urban Outfitters....thanks jk3hl! Hey can I call you jk for short? I can remember that without scrolling....
h&r:
I've been poking around on some other forums, and the general consensus seems to be that acetone is the most effect way to remove caked-on incense resin from a thurible. Being an organic solvent, acetone shouldn't damage metal. We'll just have to wear rubber gloves and do the work outdoors.
bonsai = golden. i have always wanted one. smart call, jk.
wonderk i have thoughts for you... i keep typing out emails but it takes way too long & i suck at writing. can i call you? could you email me your phone number when you get a chance?
H&R WHEN WORKING WITH ACETONE....DON'T SMOKE! OR STRIKE MATCHES.
great pics, LiG -- you were right about the urban character they show. they also remind me how much i love seeing mountains in the backs of things... to quote wk : le sigh. one drawback to the midwestern life.
okay, snook... but uh, thanks for the half-assed jab!
manta > done.
h&R: I have worked with acetone in producing serigraphs, melting film to silk and cleaning ink from silk. The stuff is nasty smelling, always work with an exhaust hood, and like I said the S**T ignites like no ones business. I have actually seen rags burst into flames.
So be careful.
i'm not using acetone? I was telling LiG to use a stoner's secret for removing resin gently from delicate objects... either by heating (with a lighter) or by a concoction of salt water, mouthwash and cream of tartar.
Some antiques don't always let you know how shoddily they were originally put together (or fixed) and dipping something in a heavy solvent can pretty much cause it to dissolve.
But if they're solid metal objects... rock the acetone. If they are gilted leaved, you'd have to discover what kind of glue they even used, if it was paint, if it was applied by mercury, if it was mechanically burnished, cold guilded, wet guilded, fire gilded and so on.
And some objects become far too 'delicate' to often gilt a second time... if you think acetone is bad, try using aqua regia.
Denver has all the sprawl of any other Metro area.
for anybody in the vicinity of louisville, there's a cool event here next week! (will hit the events calendar soon, i hope; i submitted.)
university of kentucky college of design is hosting an exhibition/discussion of grad student work at the 21c museum (project by deborah berke) in louisville.
reception on the 27th may, 5 pm, will include a discussion of the work with:
gary bates, space group, oslo
julien de smedt, jds, copenhagen
joshua prince-ramus, rex, ny
jason scroggin, uk college of design
i'm gonna just guess that speaks will be participating as well.
the exhibition features work from a two-semester graduate research studio focusing on future projects and development for shippingport, an area of west louisville chosen for its potential for economic expansion.
i'm especially excited about this since the shippingport neighborhood was the site of my own urban redevelopment proposal for my 2004 masters project, i.e., i lived it for months at a stretch.
critics are not just visitors but were also the guest faculty directing the project over the two semesters (except ramus, i think).
worth a road trip and, just to sweeten the deal: if i recognize your archinect name, i'll buy you a bourbon.
seems like TC was rocking today. Wonder K, my heart goes out to you - I can imagine how at odds you must be by this. Aside from the hug, I'm offering a shoulder. I could dispense some advice on this, however the thoughts previously expressed by others may be a better starting point.
On an odd but similar note on my long drive this morning/afternoon/evening I was tossing up if I should call you/dub K. But couldn't access the email with your number. But I did get a phonecall from Liberty B - which doesn't anywhere compare to having coffee with her... but was WAY awesome nonetheless!
hey beta, did you ever email me about that thing you mentioned? because if you did, then it's lost in archi-limbo
So essentially manta is awesome and she talked me down from a cliff. I am sorry I am so angsty. I generally require a chorus of opinions when dealing with matters that I am uncomfortable dealing with on my own. Yeah I'm just going to go down to Hawaii and see what happens.
I'm still waiting for a techno phone call though!!!
DUbK, I hope you don't feel it's overly personal, but I have really enjoyed hearing your problem and then hearing all the opinions/points of view offered. I mean I don't enjoy the fact that you are going through this shitty problem, but I very much enjoy how we all came out to help as we best could, and that you felt you could share a personal issue.
I'm glad manta was able to talk you down, and good luck.
elle belle, that's why I love TC :o)
I mean I sure as hell don't know anything about cleaning church effects, but I can tell you where to get Skyline chili and where the best views are in most major cities and I have lots of opinions on how to run a more efficient business.... but thank goodness there are other people here who can tell me how NOT to sabotage my relationships! Also how to clean church effects, LOL.
Which reminds me, the best view in Seattle is definitely at the top of Smith Tower.
hahahaha. If you were up there last night, you would've seen the Space Needle get struck by lightening.
Whoa! Really? That's amazing.
Glad to hear WonderK. Ultimately only time will tell... for everything really. Fortunately (or unfortunately) that's just how life goes.
^^Gorgeous photo. Thanks for sharing.
Now I'm off to the dermatologist to see why the hell the skin on my eyes gets irritated and flaky from time to time for the past couple of years. I only made the appt 6 months ago.
6 month lead time on a dr's appt? That seems awfully long.
Glad you've made a decision dubbers.
Ok, there's a story on Today about a woman that conceived and gave birth to twins NATURALLY, but they have different fathers. So its like a litter? Did she just admit to sleeping around on national television? Its kinda strange. I wonder how they even figured it out in the first place.
I never get any phone calls from nectures, but I'd probably be so nervous that I'd be a ball of giggles and akward pauses.
One thing I was thinking about in the shower this morning, wk (that i'm 100% sure you already know, but sometimes it's good to be reminded i guess) is that one shitty weekend in a normal relationship comes amid 123,092 other great moments together. One shitty weekend in a long distance relationship comes amid 3 other great moments together. Almost any person, no matter how wonderful, can have a 3-day emotional freakout and then not know how to discuss it /handle it maturely via telephone conversation later.
Oh, men... they're so emotional! ;-)
he he... i'm really glad i was able to help. consider it "paying it forward" for the many, many, many, many times I have been talked off a cliff. and for the record, i will be cashing in my karma chips the day i start my own business, b/c i know NOTHING about how to run a business efficiently! you can be my business consultant! also, my leed consultant! yay!
also, i forgot to ask -- is your roommate your best friend? if so, you must be having a BLAST living with her! and the bonsai tree sounds like an awesome gift idea.
"One thing I was thinking about in the shower this morning, wk"
I just read this really wrong...
The best thinking happens in the shower. Along with other best things, sometimes.
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