In the workplace, probably unsurprisingly to many women who are routinely talked over, patronized or ignored by male colleagues, research shows that rather than women being underconfident, men tend to be overconfident in relation to their actual abilities. Women generally aren’t failing to speak up; the problem is that men are refusing to pipe down. — The New York Times
Author Ruth Whippman, writing in The New York Times, questions the focus on coaching women to adopt the aggressive social behaviors of men in the workplace. Might these efforts be more effective if men were simultaneously encouraged to cede space, attention, and power in a reciprocal manner?
"The assumption that assertiveness is a more valuable trait than say, deference is itself the product of a ubiquitous and corrosive gender hierarchy," Whippman writes. This bias, according to Whippman, includes career and educational focuses, including the fact that "tax dollars are poured into encouraging girls to take up STEM subjects, but no one seems to care much whether boys become nurses."
With progress toward pay equity in the architecture field more or less stalled, and executive-level imbalances continuing for the foreseeable future, should more men adopt a "lean out" approach?
15 Comments
Well they could learn how to be less condescending for sure. For instance I was just at a big international architectural exhibition- not in the US, and bumped into an old professor of mine who was talking to me in his usually condescending way when a head of an institute at the arch school I work for came round. I introduced her and she could barely stand him and the way he was talking to both of us, once he realized who she was he completely changed his manners. She barely talked to him for more then 5 minutes bc she could not stand him- as she told me herself after the fact.
“Ms Whippman is writing a book about raising children”
Of course.
How about writing a book telling people to do whatever the hell works for them?
More confirmation that the goal of the PC politic isn’t diversify or inclusion but getting rid of white men
Good riddance.
Chemex, you sure you don't need a grievance department?
and around and around we go
White men, are doing a good job of architecting their own irrelevance.
Dear Chemex, men don't express their grievances.
no, they murder women, trans-women, and shoot up schools, churches, malls, synagogues...............
yup. hug it out bruh. hug it out.
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The assumption that assertiveness is a more valuable trait than, say, deference is itself the product of a ubiquitous and corrosive gender hierarchy.
So perhaps instead of nagging women to scramble to meet the male standard, we should instead be training men and boys to aspire to women’s cultural norms, and selling those norms to men as both default and desirable. To be more deferential. To reflect and listen and apologize where an apology is due (and if unsure, to err on the side of a superfluous sorry than an absent one). To aim for modesty and humility and cooperation rather than blowhard arrogance.
This article is sloppy. The author fails to make a vital distinction between genuine assertiveness and aggression/arrogance. Genderizing assertiveness is not only spurious but also dangerous. In a competitive and largely indifferent world, from school to work, none of us will get far unless we learn to look out for ourselves and take initiatives that won't fall in our lap.
I taught college, and my primary goal was to encourage students to look at themselves and learn to speak up. There was no penalty for trying, or for trying and failing. Doing so helps them define themselves and will strengthen them in the years to come. They did, including and especially women, who were better students. (I sometimes felt sorry for the boys.) No amount of politeness and leaning will change the fact they have to show up to class and make the grade.
It's not hard to imagine, in our hypersensitive world, any assertive behavior being labeled as aggressive—and male—and I've seen it. This can lead to another kind of tyranny, the silence of conformity, complacency, and judgment.
We all would benefit from civility, and both genders are capable of it.
Or:
If men are aggressive, insensitive bastards, you'd better not count on them changing.
That's a sloppy reading of the article.
Capitulation poses - yes!
Men should definitely be leaning out more and we as a society should be encouraging it. I'm all for leaning in, but if you don't shut up sometimes, you'll knock heads when there's no reason to, and now more than ever we need to figure out how to work together. Go bonobos!
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