Let's cut the fat...its about time I settle down. I've been engaged twice (don't ask), and neither could hack it for one reason or another. I am curious if anyone has thoughts on the ideal architect's mate. Apologies on being gender specific in the title, but of course this stretches to both sexes. I would love to hear the thoughts of those already married too.
ideally... maybe someone in another sort of design discipline? I know several people who are with interior designers or graphic designers, and there seems to be a certain understanding there, without competition. Disclaimer: I live with another architect (ok, intern). I've found this less-than-ideal, because you can't complain about your day to another architect, because their day was just as bad so they don't just let you vent. Plus, you don't want to be competing for the same jobs and stuff.
Jan 27, 07 8:34 pm ·
·
eat dinner? it's pretty obvious you were just at a quondam banquet
architechnophilia, you need to find someone who also has a burning pursuit in her soul. You spend ridiculous time and energy and passion on architecture, she needs to have equal energy, et al for something - really anything: architecture, jewelry design, art, knitting, curing cancer, fishing, the SETI project, whatever.
This way you understand one another when you need to bunker down and work, and you also can appreciate that the down time you get to spend together really should be enjoyed.
i tell you what, my wife surprised the crap out of me the other day, we were driving passed this great modernist building in St. Paul the other day - near the Capitol building - and i was saying how much i admired it and thought it was one of the best buildings in the area. my wife without skipping a beat says, it reminded her of Mies Van der Rohe - i just started laughing with amazement, she wondered why and i said it was amazing how much has rubbed off of me and how much she has picked up to remember that name and have sense of the building/architect/style/time - it shocked me, pleasantly i will say...
I'm laughing my ass off great link; but cannot compare to the excellence liberty bell as dropped on us. However i must offer my critique. Right now I'm playing the batchelor semi-finals with an interior designer, an adolescent counsellor, a medical intern whose just passed her USMLE & then there's the final spot (battle between the British diplomat and the long legged socialite). But the challenge is that I've found all of them, like me are so career driven that we can't seem to make time for each other, worse that i'm in a different country.
People first like architects (see thread about or prestige - ha ha ha). And then people hate architects. So either marry an architect, or consider loneliness.
nah man, im just a 19 year old college student, who
will one day be an architect (you all will see!!), i use
this site for inspiratoin an all that jazz.
hey but i got a q - you think itd be best to have a wife
that isnt into the arch or design thing so that u could
have an out when the job gets heavy? or do u think it
best for her to be involved in the drafting as well, sharing
ideas and a passion for the work?
just a q
i have a friend that asked me why i didnt ask her to marry her over the years.....shyt.... i have too much going on as it is right now to focus on another person....i can barely take care of myself
cryzko, it sounds counterintuitive - and other married people may disagree - but I actually found that after I got married I could focus more on my own stuff I had going on. It's like a big life decision was taken care of, and I could spend more personal energy on my career/personal development without constantly worrying about the whole "Am I going to meet someone/get married?" question. Plus the other big decisions like buying a house and having a kid are a lot easier when you share the responsibility with someone else.
I think that's also why partnering with someone who has a passion for something - architecture, art, cooking, whatever - is a great benefit, because then you can each focus on that passion individually but while sharing the domestic day to day stuff.
I agree with lb about the passion thing. But to me it also has to be curiosity about the world around you. You will never get tired with a curious person--or at least, I haven't yet--because they are willing to get engaged in things with you, together. Exploring life with another person equally excited about the world is a treat.
my own wife is not interested in architecture. i might say she used to be but i think she only humored me when we first met. but she is willful and has strong personality, and most of all is japanese, so thinks a real man should work til 3 in the morning every day, and anything else would just be wussin out...:-).
so we get along with working hours well enough, and since she doesn't care about my profession very much we spend time talking about all kinds of other things. the IMPORTANT things, really.
if i was to say why she is good match...well, you know how some people fade into the background at parties? my wife is the one who fades forward. not by being loud, but by being somehow naturally cool/interesting/charming, without even trying (not just me who thinks so)...not sure how to describe it but she is a regular person with incredible personality, and lives her life in great way...so i suppose it comes down to respect. which makes it easier for me to have some perspective about my career/lifestyle. keeps everything real...
we have been together 13 years, married for 10 come this march...
I adore the ladies of the nonprofit sector <3
And fashion designers.
But a huge requirement for anyone I date seriously-to-the-point-of-considering-marriage is: NO KIDS. Not now, not in the future, no no no no no no no no kids, world without end amen.
(Disclaimer: watch me have that biological-clock change my mind at 40 and start tending to a brood of babes at my knee. But seriously. Hahahaha. NO.)
However, now that I'm here, and not to change the topic but I would like to add to the discussion.....I'll give you a topic to elaborate on the original.....
Why do people get married?
I've been to probably 20 weddings and have found that there are no less than 20 reasons that these couples tied the knot. They run the gamut from "because they were supposed to" to citizenship, insurance benefits and beyond. I have my own reasons for wanting it but I'm curious to see if anyone else has anything to add.
wonderk, no idea why pople get married, but i think i read somewhere recently that those who marry live longer than singles...and i could seriously not imagine my life without my children (life would be joyless, and pointless, no joke)...we didn't marry for children, but just cuz it felt right...am still happy and in love, and hope wife is too (even if she has learned all about steven holl and rem koolhaas by osmosis against her will).
...which is no answer really. we have gone through very hard times, and the effects of some of them linger but not enough to harm our connection...not a christian thing cuz we is both shinto/buddhist if anything...but having wife/husband there to go through such things is very impt to us both....
btw, i have learned to talk about architecture with my business partner and keep it out of home as much as possible (except when playing with daughter, who is being indoctrinated as early as possible ;-) ). works very well so far.
-if your wife is a non-architect, non-designer, not otherwise interested or knowledgeable but still allows you to build the honeymoon around architectural pilgrimages,
-if she'll allow you to completely abandon the dealing-with-money to her and never think about it again,
-if, after seeing you rise from the doldrums and start caring about architecture again after attending a three day academic conference, suggests that she'll work to support you while you go back to get your graduate degree and pursue teaching at age 35,
-if your negotiations about house renovation/design/decor make the house better instead of compromise,
...she's the one.
i'm sure there are more.
incidentally, my wife worked in the same role for 13 yrs but was definitely NOT passionate about it. somehow, despite what i ever thought might happen to me, and despite the fact that i would never have expected it from her 8 yrs ago, i've ended up with a wife who is most passionate about staying home to raise our children. weird and wonderful.
i like the idea of a female structural engineer ...
i may also consider an interior designer or a fashion designer, but definetly not a female architect
married a brilliant and smart woman who became a family practice doctor. She is definitely passionate, and easily the smartest and most caring person I have ever known, so I married her after dating for 7 years.
Marriage for us was just the natural next step in our commitment to each other. While I was working in the graphic design field I helped put her through med school and now she is helping me through my arch degree.
Lastly, we just found out that the baby that we are expecting on june 2nd will be a boy.
nambypambics I second you with the "no kids" but honestly I love children...simply that I can't have so many weakness out there (second to my wife). Kids wrap me around their little fingers, they are just too precious I can't contain myself. I have 3 god-kids, 2 nephifies (niece & nephew) that i would spend all day with stuffing them with candy, watching cartoons its sad
the idea of kids has just started creeping into my conciousness over the past year since graduating. now watching the lil'ones slide down snow covered slopes seems like a fun thing to do. I scared my wife the other night by talking about nesting. seems that my biological clock is ticking faster then her's...
what about the cross-promotional approach ...
archit'l critic
developer
curator...
realestate investment
manufacturor
snag a complimentary sector and you'll make eachother 's carreers..
ha ha
like Eisenman and his wife
... on another note, re. passions, there seems to be a similar intesity about muscians, performers or composers, which complements the arch'ts lifestyle... tho that doesn't exactly square with the power-trip fantasy above...
might just be me - but i've a paranoia that if whoever I marry works less than i do ( hours) there will be some nasty affairs to deal with ...- is this freakish?
Whoa Cynthia Davidson is his wife....that's messed up. Lucky bastard; explains how he's been able to be published without having built anything in donkey years and producing substandard literature - yes I said. I still love him, but gosh it went to hell in a hand basket after Diagram Diaries
The Architect's Wife
Let's cut the fat...its about time I settle down. I've been engaged twice (don't ask), and neither could hack it for one reason or another. I am curious if anyone has thoughts on the ideal architect's mate. Apologies on being gender specific in the title, but of course this stretches to both sexes. I would love to hear the thoughts of those already married too.
I'm going to eat dinner, i expect to see 3 pages worth of information to peruse when I return
i think its cool how u demand 3 pages
of info by the time u get back. Haha
and uh sorry, im not married either
she's gotta have a fat ass...
ideally... maybe someone in another sort of design discipline? I know several people who are with interior designers or graphic designers, and there seems to be a certain understanding there, without competition. Disclaimer: I live with another architect (ok, intern). I've found this less-than-ideal, because you can't complain about your day to another architect, because their day was just as bad so they don't just let you vent. Plus, you don't want to be competing for the same jobs and stuff.
eat dinner? it's pretty obvious you were just at a quondam banquet
architechnophilia, you need to find someone who also has a burning pursuit in her soul. You spend ridiculous time and energy and passion on architecture, she needs to have equal energy, et al for something - really anything: architecture, jewelry design, art, knitting, curing cancer, fishing, the SETI project, whatever.
This way you understand one another when you need to bunker down and work, and you also can appreciate that the down time you get to spend together really should be enjoyed.
i tell you what, my wife surprised the crap out of me the other day, we were driving passed this great modernist building in St. Paul the other day - near the Capitol building - and i was saying how much i admired it and thought it was one of the best buildings in the area. my wife without skipping a beat says, it reminded her of Mies Van der Rohe - i just started laughing with amazement, she wondered why and i said it was amazing how much has rubbed off of me and how much she has picked up to remember that name and have sense of the building/architect/style/time - it shocked me, pleasantly i will say...
The ideal architect's wife is one that gives you an erection, har har, hardy har har
I'm laughing my ass off great link; but cannot compare to the excellence liberty bell as dropped on us. However i must offer my critique. Right now I'm playing the batchelor semi-finals with an interior designer, an adolescent counsellor, a medical intern whose just passed her USMLE & then there's the final spot (battle between the British diplomat and the long legged socialite). But the challenge is that I've found all of them, like me are so career driven that we can't seem to make time for each other, worse that i'm in a different country.
betadinesutures that is...well...cute. Now don't go buying your wife a mies monograph for her birthday or your anniversary.
she makes these,
to buy more of these
(tina's partial shoe rack)
wife as double entendre
Well honey it's no wonder you're stressed, you can't make time for four women!! The goal here is to narrow it down to ONE!!! ;-)
Can the socialite support you while you squander away all your money being an architect? Marry her.
Orhan, my respect for Tina just tripled.
EUREKA!
i knew you'd dig that lb..
Very nice shoes, size 7.5 I would guess. And that shoe rack looks taller than I.
One you say Liberty...hmm tough. And no the sociality cannot support me...the only one likely is the med
Granted if you listen to a friend of mine she'll tell you my perfect woman doesn't exist - "she hasn't been created!"
People first like architects (see thread about or prestige - ha ha ha). And then people hate architects. So either marry an architect, or consider loneliness.
Ahh, but architechno, your perfect woman's perfect man doesn't exist either - both you and she only have to be "perfect enough".
thats not three pages
haha
perfect enough i like that...
Phil you married? The other people who can contribute are too busy eating meat loaf (veggie-soy for the vegans)
nah man, im just a 19 year old college student, who
will one day be an architect (you all will see!!), i use
this site for inspiratoin an all that jazz.
hey but i got a q - you think itd be best to have a wife
that isnt into the arch or design thing so that u could
have an out when the job gets heavy? or do u think it
best for her to be involved in the drafting as well, sharing
ideas and a passion for the work?
just a q
i have a friend that asked me why i didnt ask her to marry her over the years.....shyt.... i have too much going on as it is right now to focus on another person....i can barely take care of myself
der
3 pages worth of information to peruse
cryzko, it sounds counterintuitive - and other married people may disagree - but I actually found that after I got married I could focus more on my own stuff I had going on. It's like a big life decision was taken care of, and I could spend more personal energy on my career/personal development without constantly worrying about the whole "Am I going to meet someone/get married?" question. Plus the other big decisions like buying a house and having a kid are a lot easier when you share the responsibility with someone else.
I think that's also why partnering with someone who has a passion for something - architecture, art, cooking, whatever - is a great benefit, because then you can each focus on that passion individually but while sharing the domestic day to day stuff.
I agree with lb about the passion thing. But to me it also has to be curiosity about the world around you. You will never get tired with a curious person--or at least, I haven't yet--because they are willing to get engaged in things with you, together. Exploring life with another person equally excited about the world is a treat.
i can understand that lb,
my own wife is not interested in architecture. i might say she used to be but i think she only humored me when we first met. but she is willful and has strong personality, and most of all is japanese, so thinks a real man should work til 3 in the morning every day, and anything else would just be wussin out...:-).
so we get along with working hours well enough, and since she doesn't care about my profession very much we spend time talking about all kinds of other things. the IMPORTANT things, really.
if i was to say why she is good match...well, you know how some people fade into the background at parties? my wife is the one who fades forward. not by being loud, but by being somehow naturally cool/interesting/charming, without even trying (not just me who thinks so)...not sure how to describe it but she is a regular person with incredible personality, and lives her life in great way...so i suppose it comes down to respect. which makes it easier for me to have some perspective about my career/lifestyle. keeps everything real...
we have been together 13 years, married for 10 come this march...
I adore the ladies of the nonprofit sector <3
And fashion designers.
But a huge requirement for anyone I date seriously-to-the-point-of-considering-marriage is: NO KIDS. Not now, not in the future, no no no no no no no no kids, world without end amen.
(Disclaimer: watch me have that biological-clock change my mind at 40 and start tending to a brood of babes at my knee. But seriously. Hahahaha. NO.)
I'm sorry I clicked this thread.
However, now that I'm here, and not to change the topic but I would like to add to the discussion.....I'll give you a topic to elaborate on the original.....
Why do people get married?
I've been to probably 20 weddings and have found that there are no less than 20 reasons that these couples tied the knot. They run the gamut from "because they were supposed to" to citizenship, insurance benefits and beyond. I have my own reasons for wanting it but I'm curious to see if anyone else has anything to add.
She should be low-maintanence.
really low.
or she should be a structural engineer.
my web site is low maintenance...
lol. but Im sure many people check it out.
wonderk, no idea why pople get married, but i think i read somewhere recently that those who marry live longer than singles...and i could seriously not imagine my life without my children (life would be joyless, and pointless, no joke)...we didn't marry for children, but just cuz it felt right...am still happy and in love, and hope wife is too (even if she has learned all about steven holl and rem koolhaas by osmosis against her will).
...which is no answer really. we have gone through very hard times, and the effects of some of them linger but not enough to harm our connection...not a christian thing cuz we is both shinto/buddhist if anything...but having wife/husband there to go through such things is very impt to us both....
btw, i have learned to talk about architecture with my business partner and keep it out of home as much as possible (except when playing with daughter, who is being indoctrinated as early as possible ;-) ). works very well so far.
obviously it depends on you. if you were me:
-if your wife is a non-architect, non-designer, not otherwise interested or knowledgeable but still allows you to build the honeymoon around architectural pilgrimages,
-if she'll allow you to completely abandon the dealing-with-money to her and never think about it again,
-if, after seeing you rise from the doldrums and start caring about architecture again after attending a three day academic conference, suggests that she'll work to support you while you go back to get your graduate degree and pursue teaching at age 35,
-if your negotiations about house renovation/design/decor make the house better instead of compromise,
...she's the one.
i'm sure there are more.
incidentally, my wife worked in the same role for 13 yrs but was definitely NOT passionate about it. somehow, despite what i ever thought might happen to me, and despite the fact that i would never have expected it from her 8 yrs ago, i've ended up with a wife who is most passionate about staying home to raise our children. weird and wonderful.
i like the idea of a female structural engineer ...
i may also consider an interior designer or a fashion designer, but definetly not a female architect
i dont know who im gonna marry but i definitely want this band to playTHE RECEPTION!!!
married a brilliant and smart woman who became a family practice doctor. She is definitely passionate, and easily the smartest and most caring person I have ever known, so I married her after dating for 7 years.
Marriage for us was just the natural next step in our commitment to each other. While I was working in the graphic design field I helped put her through med school and now she is helping me through my arch degree.
Lastly, we just found out that the baby that we are expecting on june 2nd will be a boy.
name him chris. i dare ya!
Marry an engineer, she will keep you honest.
isn't this considered a threesome?...
nambypambics I second you with the "no kids" but honestly I love children...simply that I can't have so many weakness out there (second to my wife). Kids wrap me around their little fingers, they are just too precious I can't contain myself. I have 3 god-kids, 2 nephifies (niece & nephew) that i would spend all day with stuffing them with candy, watching cartoons its sad
jump is breeding his own little architect over there "indoctrination" he says buh hah hah
the idea of kids has just started creeping into my conciousness over the past year since graduating. now watching the lil'ones slide down snow covered slopes seems like a fun thing to do. I scared my wife the other night by talking about nesting. seems that my biological clock is ticking faster then her's...
what about the cross-promotional approach ...
archit'l critic
developer
curator...
realestate investment
manufacturor
snag a complimentary sector and you'll make eachother 's carreers..
ha ha
like Eisenman and his wife
... on another note, re. passions, there seems to be a similar intesity about muscians, performers or composers, which complements the arch'ts lifestyle... tho that doesn't exactly square with the power-trip fantasy above...
might just be me - but i've a paranoia that if whoever I marry works less than i do ( hours) there will be some nasty affairs to deal with ...- is this freakish?
congratulations OldFogey
I think I need to put lawyer in the mix too...someone save my soul
c. what does Eisenman's wife do?
Whoa Cynthia Davidson is his wife....that's messed up. Lucky bastard; explains how he's been able to be published without having built anything in donkey years and producing substandard literature - yes I said. I still love him, but gosh it went to hell in a hand basket after Diagram Diaries
link
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