Small talk is a dreaded practice for many professionals. It's often forced, and the parties involved participate out of obligation as opposed to genuine interest. Naturally, there are those of us who don't mind it, we actually enjoy it. Instead of hysterically pressing the close door button in the elevator, we hold the door, and seemlessly start a little small talk. 

But, there are those of us who, on our way to get coffee, turn around and go back to our desks if we see someone else in the break room. I can wait, we think, I want to get my coffee in peace. We put on our headphones to signal we are busy and avoid eye contact with our talkative peers. 

It's easier to pull this off during the work day, even at lunch, we can continue our avoidance, but in social settings we aren't so fortunate.  What about Beer Fridays? Holiday parties? Networking events? Even meetings? Will our anti-social tendencies serve us well in these settings? It's not always the best idea to alienate ourselves from our colleagues, so here are some ways to approach small talk:

Plan ahead

For some of us, the thought of having a conversation with a coworker (or even worse, a stranger) causes insurmountable anxiety. In those cases, a good approach is to have some things to talk about beforehand. Instead of saying, "nothing" when someone inevitably asks you how your weekend was, be prepared to share something you did. Even if it seems uninteresting to you. If you binged a show on Netflix, share that. What did you particularly like about the show? "I watched six episodes of Stranger Things, have you seen it?" Regardless of the other person's answer to this question, it'll be a perfect segue to either talk about the show in more detail with them or to follow-up and ask them what shows they're into.

Think of others as more interesting than yourself

Narcissism is a natural human characteristic. We want to talk about what we are interested in. When others are speaking, instead of really listening, we are waiting for our turn to talk. Next time you're in a group setting at work, perhaps it's lunch, look around; you'll spot a co-worker getting bored with someone else's personal story about their weekend or whatever it is they're sharing. They'll tap one of their fingers in impatience, look down at their food in disinterest, or space out. When the conversation lands on something they can relate to, they will reengage, the tapping will stop, the eyes will come up, and they'll have something to say.

It isn't a criticism, we all do it. But, if we became genuinely interested in the people around us, we'd be able to engage in the conversation in a meaningful way. I used to have a coworker who loved to go sailing. Despite my complete ignorance with sailing or anything to do with boats, he and I were able to have many intriguing conversations around this thing that he loved to do. Identifying someone's passion is a sure way into a rewarding conversation. The key is taking a sincere interest in them as a person.

Don't Interrogate

Small talk, especially in a networking setting, doesn't mean an endless stream of queries. A sure way to turn off a total stranger is to ask them a ton of back-to-back questions. They'll likely become agitated and start to give you shorter answers. Without realizing it, when we do this, it becomes abrasive and off-putting.

Try this: after you've asked someone a couple of questions in an effort to get to know them, try to introduce some details about yourself, seeking to build on something they've said. Maybe it's someone from a structural engineering firm who has expressed their efforts in studying for their licensing exams, you might share some of the details of the architectural licensing process and then ask them how their process compares. Identifying common ground will always produce a slew of things to discuss.

Keep it balanced

Sometimes, when we get to talking about something we know a lot about, we can become time hogs. If architects are good at one thing, it is talking about architecture. Without realizing it, we can find ourselves oversharing in an interaction with someone. Let's strive to keep it balanced. If you sense you might be talking too much, you probably are.

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Small talk is a nuanced thing, there are times where it's perfectly fine to keep quiet, we shouldn't force anything that isn't working. But sometimes it will be necessary for us to interact with others in our professional pursuits. Let's challenge our avoidant tendencies and allow ourselves to open up a bit.