With the rise of online shopping, we have all been watching the dead mall epidemic for many years now. Addressing those left hanging on in today's world, Bloomberg now brings us the The American Mall Game: A 2018 Retail Challenge. Try your odds at managing a failing mall in this retro 90's computer game. 

First you must choose a player—I chose Colton, who made his fortune selling his beanie babies collection at the height of its craze and wants to prove to his parents he's an adult. Next you will choose a strategy of either modernizing, creating an alternative mall, or cutting costs. 

Your broker, wearing flashy 90's shades, gives you advice on how to save your dying mall. Navigate through stores like "Victoria's Conspiracy" and "Marcy's" while you get rid of rats, trash, and cyberpunk delinquents. 

I was too busy clicking on shoppers to read their irritated comments and failed quickly. See how you fare in this retail challenge, but be forewarned: if (and when) you fail Jeff Bezos will cackle at you in triumph wearing his Amazon vest. It is truly terrifying.