Have you tried printing this version of it? If you haven't you might try and see what you think. I've found black can almost be convincing enough digitally but when you print it...more so double sided, like this would be - the paper will be so saturated with ink, it might be a little sloppy.
Just a thought.
The contrast between the white and black is pretty intense and eye straining as well. (from my angle) Maybe thats what you were going for.
For one, I having a difficult time with the layout. There doesn't seem to be a consistent layout logic, i.e. not using a grid system, that would really help this to look a little more professional. This is really evident when you start looking at the type which is a different line length on each page (and often too short given the selection of font and size).
Related to that, it seems like the majority of the work is pushed too close to the center seam which will be really annoying when this a printed and bound piece.
All of the pages in this portfolio carry essentially the same weight which come be a little problematic as it's easy for the viewer to look through 4 or 5 pages and then skim the rest. I would try to add some variation to keep your audience engaged- full bleed pages or even an entire spread with just one image, variation between title pages and secondary pages.
I'm not loving the font, but I am not hating it either.
All in all, I think the content is good it just needs tighter formatting to pull it together.
Forgive if this could be more organized, I'm just going to keep it stream-of-conciousness style
*the griddy thing is the only feature of the front, so it better play out to be important... oh, wait, it doesn't. Ditch the mannerism.
*I'm not digging the white outlines on the artwork.
*Your indents are HUGE! Try doing an indent of only 10 or 20 points, instead of several tabs.
*Your type and image is getting uncomfortably close on page 9. Your grid should not just be single lines, but have a 'gutter' between each module so that this does not happen.
*your footer seems to be jumping around vertically, make sure it's in the same place on every page. Also, I'm not convinced by the centered page numbers: this is a very formal, old style convention, and does not seem to match the rest of your sensibilities. Also, you don't really need a page number on every page, once per spread is fine, so for instance if you had a project/studio title on the recto page and a page number in the same or mirrored position on the verso page, that would be perfectly fine.
*on pp14-15 your layout is just stuck. You've trapped negative space into funny shapes and my eyes don't move through it naturally. Previous text comments apply throughout. Also on this spread the black is starting to make your building seem ominous and unpleasant. The darkness combined with the absence of people makes me feel like it's an anxious space.
*whoa, now we're getting images butted right up against each other, where'd that come from? If you're going to do that you need to do it more consistently.
*Use hang lines to locate your text, not baselines. Because we read top-down, our eyes perceive a greater consistency in text that begins at the same height than in text that ends at the same height. Think of text blocks like windows and that may help.
*You've got a pacing problem going on here. Every page has approximately the same amount of content, the same visual density to it. It's not immediately apparent when we've moved on to a new project. For lack of a better way to say it, this gets boring after a while, it's hard to hold attention, like when someone speaks in a monotone. Also, when you've hit a title page of a project/studio section, you don't need to have the title both above the project description AND in the footer, and you can eliminate the footer in this instance. Or, if your footer type were not so gigantic, this wouldn't seem so strange. Footer type is typically smaller than text type.
* The spreads which bleed to the edge are working best for you, like pp20-21.
*you need to do more to unify some of your images. For instance, on pp26-27, you have three different images in three different sizes, lighting conditions, compositions, and color palettes. That's too many differences to coexist nicely, and I would either crop them to the same size and proportion or make them black and white, or something.
*pp34-35 you've got that awkward negative space again, and the stair-step look of your image compositions is no good.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. The work may be great (I just looked at it as a document, didn't read a whole lot to be honest) but as a publication it needs a lot of work.
Another Critique My Portfolio Thread!
Just graduated UofMichigan's 3G Master's Program, and I've been working on this.
http://issuu.com/alwakeel/docs/portfolio
Any tips?
Observations?
black. I noticed black. Its pretty heavy.
Have you tried printing this version of it? If you haven't you might try and see what you think. I've found black can almost be convincing enough digitally but when you print it...more so double sided, like this would be - the paper will be so saturated with ink, it might be a little sloppy.
Just a thought.
The contrast between the white and black is pretty intense and eye straining as well. (from my angle) Maybe thats what you were going for.
For one, I having a difficult time with the layout. There doesn't seem to be a consistent layout logic, i.e. not using a grid system, that would really help this to look a little more professional. This is really evident when you start looking at the type which is a different line length on each page (and often too short given the selection of font and size).
Related to that, it seems like the majority of the work is pushed too close to the center seam which will be really annoying when this a printed and bound piece.
All of the pages in this portfolio carry essentially the same weight which come be a little problematic as it's easy for the viewer to look through 4 or 5 pages and then skim the rest. I would try to add some variation to keep your audience engaged- full bleed pages or even an entire spread with just one image, variation between title pages and secondary pages.
I'm not loving the font, but I am not hating it either.
All in all, I think the content is good it just needs tighter formatting to pull it together.
Forgive if this could be more organized, I'm just going to keep it stream-of-conciousness style
*the griddy thing is the only feature of the front, so it better play out to be important... oh, wait, it doesn't. Ditch the mannerism.
*I'm not digging the white outlines on the artwork.
*Your indents are HUGE! Try doing an indent of only 10 or 20 points, instead of several tabs.
*Your type and image is getting uncomfortably close on page 9. Your grid should not just be single lines, but have a 'gutter' between each module so that this does not happen.
*your footer seems to be jumping around vertically, make sure it's in the same place on every page. Also, I'm not convinced by the centered page numbers: this is a very formal, old style convention, and does not seem to match the rest of your sensibilities. Also, you don't really need a page number on every page, once per spread is fine, so for instance if you had a project/studio title on the recto page and a page number in the same or mirrored position on the verso page, that would be perfectly fine.
*on pp14-15 your layout is just stuck. You've trapped negative space into funny shapes and my eyes don't move through it naturally. Previous text comments apply throughout. Also on this spread the black is starting to make your building seem ominous and unpleasant. The darkness combined with the absence of people makes me feel like it's an anxious space.
*whoa, now we're getting images butted right up against each other, where'd that come from? If you're going to do that you need to do it more consistently.
*Use hang lines to locate your text, not baselines. Because we read top-down, our eyes perceive a greater consistency in text that begins at the same height than in text that ends at the same height. Think of text blocks like windows and that may help.
*You've got a pacing problem going on here. Every page has approximately the same amount of content, the same visual density to it. It's not immediately apparent when we've moved on to a new project. For lack of a better way to say it, this gets boring after a while, it's hard to hold attention, like when someone speaks in a monotone. Also, when you've hit a title page of a project/studio section, you don't need to have the title both above the project description AND in the footer, and you can eliminate the footer in this instance. Or, if your footer type were not so gigantic, this wouldn't seem so strange. Footer type is typically smaller than text type.
* The spreads which bleed to the edge are working best for you, like pp20-21.
*you need to do more to unify some of your images. For instance, on pp26-27, you have three different images in three different sizes, lighting conditions, compositions, and color palettes. That's too many differences to coexist nicely, and I would either crop them to the same size and proportion or make them black and white, or something.
*pp34-35 you've got that awkward negative space again, and the stair-step look of your image compositions is no good.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. The work may be great (I just looked at it as a document, didn't read a whole lot to be honest) but as a publication it needs a lot of work.
thank you so much for the detailed critique, rationalist.
definitely appreciate it.
working on getting those fixes in this morning.
completely reworked. any comments are appreciated :-D
Block this user
Are you sure you want to block this user and hide all related comments throughout the site?
Archinect
This is your first comment on Archinect. Your comment will be visible once approved.