The first thing I noticed is that you misspelled "professionals" in your table of contents. I find the layout to be fine (better to have it organized than not for a job search portfolio) but if I were considering you for a position i'd be concerned that you have no drawings or models in a scale bigger than the entire building. Do you have any wall sections, exploded axonimetrics, fabrication dwgs, details?

Be careful with italics. Maybe less stuff on the less important projects, and more on the larger projects.

Thanks for the responses. The spelling error is embarrassing, I have to remember to hit the spell check in InDesign. (I just realized I made a typo in the title of that post too).

I have a few technical drawings I can put in there. And I will look at the italics. I may have overdone it.

Thanks again, and any more critiques are welcome.

OK...I have a few minutes here, so here goes...

First I would say look at brer's comment about the spelling of 'professionals'. Very important - especially on the front page.

From there:

P2: I like the cube, it seems to represent early undergrad stuff well, but I'm not keen on the way you described the project. The use of the word 'great' seems a little casual and perhaps even a little self-celebratory. Even if you were to use it, don't use it twice in two sentences. I'd suggest a more objective phrasing such as '...successfully communicates the relationship between the part and the whole' etc.

P3: Maybe change 'modern' (with all it's stylistic connotations) for contemporary. Don't point out that it was 'not very explorative' (not sure if that's a word!), but rather say briefly what you would have liked to have done. Suggest positives rather than highlight negatives.

P4: I like this project but, again, lose the word 'great'.

P5: Love the bowl! It's frickin' awesome!

P7: Maybe adjust the curves on the right hand image so the tonal range matches the others.

P9: Not very keen on the paint/pen work on the wall (the flower thing). I think the architecture is strong enough on it's own. You could maybe photoshop it out so that the form does the talking without being interrupted.

P10: Needs a white boarderless fill behind the text to stop the lines in the bg from confusing things.

P13: Really like the perspective on this page, but brer is right again: it could do with being bulked out with some details. It would be especially nice to see the perspectives juxtaposed with some details to give a technical/experiential balance.


Overall I'd say it's pretty good, but a bit of tweaking will make a huge difference. I'd say include any previous professional work you've done (and label it as partly your work within a team). Employers will need to see that you've been exposed to technical standards.

brer is spot on.

just to add...

p1.
-title:edit rearrange mix up change it. it's too literal and i'm a little pedantic.

-images: maybe show enlarged detail, that is clipped. if that is final size, it's too small.


p2.
what's a 'geometric cube from'? the text feels really forced and struggles a bit grammatically. also, will the final pics be less blurry?


p3.
renderings read a little flat. anyway to make them pop? also, seems blurry.

p4.
any details you can show rather than a b/w image that is virtually the same thing?

p5.
nice project. that's insane.
" a lathe is nothing if not circular" do you mean cylindrical?
how did you finish? talk about some of the tactile qualities. how heavy is it? that is where you might find your voice.

p6-7.
sketches, i can't crit. i can't sketch for sh*t. but the color, justification don't match rest of folio. how can you duplicate reality with a sketch?

p10.
site plan gets lost, can't really make out the buildings and it looks like i sneezed on the dwg.

p11.
images are a bit confusing. it reads flat.

p12.
broke rule about titles in text block. please don't use sketch up trees. they ugly.

p13.
some of the renderings on the left are a little blurry/can't tell what i am looking at.

is there any logic to how the text blocks wander through the folio or is it just whatever fits? how does that relate to the title page?

I would reconsider your use of adv/adj like "nicely" "great" etc
use active rather than passive voice "I tried to..." "I was trying..." -- either say that you did it or not.
you don't need to say 'Goal' for projects if it is the first thing and you're setting it off with italics.

>>> use simple, direct language that supports (rather than supplants) the work itself.

i sorta sway between being annoyed by and enjoying the text. it is full of odd grammar and strange unprovable assertions about success and what you have achieved. and you seldom say anything about the architecture...so its amazingly narcisistic. on other hand i like biographies so enjoy reading about what you were trying to do; the comments read like interviews more than project description...which is kind of fresh...

the buildings are more difficult to understand. for those i really do want to know what the building does, or what it is supposed to do, not just read that you think it works. if the images show that it works tht would be cool, but mostly they seem not to show what the text talks about at all...as an example, the entrada project is largely incomprehensible to me - the concept is not apparent in the blurry renderings or in the plans, and since materials are entirely absent from the images i wonder why you worry about the decision to use concrete...it could be that these were all important to you but the images and text don't match...so i have nothing to judge but the graphics, and frankly the blurriness is not so attractive to me.

a nice start though.

I can give you an engineer's POV, no comments on the art stuff though, I couln't tell the difference b/w good or bad anyway and besides I couldn't draw like that to save my life.

- I like the finish on the exactitude frames, it's very clean (that's more the craftsmen in me talking)

- Love the bowl, I can't imagine how many times you must have needed to start over (the lathes I'm used to are very finicky). I can't help feeling that instead of a block you could have cut some of the material off prior to turning and made some nice tea cups (seems like a waste of good wood)

-The Utah project looks like it would draw little power for heating/cooling based on the low flat profile and recessed windows.

-I'm concerned that the Mesa project would draw A/C power like crazy, too many uncovered windows in the desert. I'm no MEP specialist but my understanding tells me that could be a prob. Also where are the toilets, nobody ever wants to do the toilets, I do most of my creative thinking on the can personally and the atmosphere does matter.

These critiques are priceless, thanks guys. Most of what you are pointing out confirms my suspicions of things I need to fix, but you bring up a lot of things I didn't realize too.

I am going to revise the text, get rid of the italics, and make some tweaks to the layout. Unfortunately, I probably won't have time to go back and redo some renderings (for Entrada specifically) until summer comes around. Hopefully I will have a job by then.
Thanks again and keep them coming.

Oh, and Holz.Box, where would one get better trees than Sketchup? I agree they are not too fabulous.

Wow - a fellow ASU student. 5th yr, i'm guessing? (I'm 6th). What studio are you in? (Wondering if I know you).

To help:
Regarding trees, I like photoshop-ing trees (either in greyscale, or white silhouette).
P13 - I'm not crazy about the extensive use of the PS filter (glow?). The top image is okay because it shows the planes extending into the ground. But I'm not sure what the other two get you.

Yeah, I'm 5th year, I am in Ron's studio. My name is Justin but I don't know any 6th years. I should wander the building more.

Regarding p13, the site is a red sand desert location, so I was going for kind of a dusty look, but it needs to be redone.

ps is best bet. i just have a few, and mirror/scaling makes them look a little different.

are there two justin's in ron's studio? cause I know one, but I also know he knows lots of 6th years.

anyway, there's a good collection of desert trees going around (tif/jpg files).