I found a nice girl, an amazing girl... but one thing. She isnt an architect or in design world at all. She is in medical. Fact is, she can bury my pay check 3-4x over. As a guy of course that makes me a little uncomfortable, but its a new time, and a different age, so it doesnt. However I thought the girl I would come to love would be of my same field. Someone I can share work related things with. You guys know what I mean. I always ponder what would be right, 2 struggling architects always clashing heads on design, or just 1 lunatic in the equation. I meet one girl I really liked, worked with her, but she was either not interested or on a different planet. Could never figure that out. Now I find a girl, and I am questioning it. This is the girl I always imagined in my head... but she isnt an architect. Maybe its the best thing? Then I ask myself... why am I questioning this? Why is architecture choosing my mate?
I met my wife at the architecture exam. we dated, started a firm and in october will celebrate 10 of marriage.
I woul?lt like it any other way. we work together 24/7 and tag team parenting duties.
I dated a girl in medical in a very long term relationship. we agree (and still do) that it would have never worked out. we just looked at the world differently. hard to relate to design issues, clients who drive you crazy, bad contractors. our projects are so long term while theirs are in and out.
You're kidding right? Who cares if she's not an architect or in the design field. If you like her you like her, if you don't, you don't. Finding a person you want to spend your future with is hard enough, Don't make it any harder by narrowing your search down even further.
That said... the guy who isn't aware he's my boyfriend will be architect once he passes all his exams.
my wife isn't an architect. tunes out whenever architecture conversations begin. not at all interested. except when it comes to design/furnishing of our own house, of course.
My partner (domestic not business) is an engineer and we've been together for almost 10 years. Her salary out of school is 3x of mine and we always joke about how she is on a mission to support me the "struggling designer".
are you serious? a great partner is a great partner -- if you two work well together, why bring up frivolous reasons to cast it all into doubt?!
I have dated architects and non-architects alike. Both are fun -- it makes no difference. What *does* make a difference, I find, is passion -- simply because we architects tend to be a passionate bunch (it's pretty much a job requirement to make it through this field) -- if you find yourself with someone who doesn't particularly have anything to be passionate about in life, that person can become pretty dull / one-dimensional to you in a hurry. But as long as they're passionate about SOMETHING -- be it anthropology, stamp-collecting, or pet rocks -- you will understand each other's weirdness.
My partner for the last half-decade is a wonderful, amazing non-architect who is very passionate about 3 things in life, 2 of which I share. The passions we share are a never-ending source of amusement; the passions we don't (architecture included) are a source of education and interest to the other. Also, in some ways I think it teaches you how to be a better communicator, because you have to bring your passion to life in a way that engages the other person's interest when you are telling him/her about your life/day/current project.
The good thing about a non-architect is that you get a break and a change of mind from the frustrations / struggles of your field; for me personally that has been a welcome change from dating architects.
we love it, monster. sometimes it's a source of misunderstanding, but only in a trivial way. we really couldn't be more different as personalities but somehow that has been a real benefit. we're on year 11 so it appears that it 'took'.
you are trying to self sabotage your relationship with stupid and incorrect generalizations. i suggest you get your shit together before she catches on and dumps your ass...tough love, v.r.
i love surprises... may be that's why i only dated an architect/designer once in my life, i would say its more of a mutual understanding than a love relation to me...
since then i've been going out with ppl at other walks of life n it makes me feel alive^^
are you serious? i'm not an architect yet. i'm an interior designer who's held a project architect role once so maybe i count in this convo. i would never date anyone in my field because i would simply feel suffocated and feel my world become so teeny tiny, like looking at the world through a key hole.
my husband is in med school, comes from a lineage of doctors, and i wouldn't have it any other way. he teaches me and challenges my view and vice versa. keeps me well rounded. i love learning about the humanitarian efforts through another field, not JUST in the world of architecture/design. this world is too big with too many important to have my life be all and onl about the field i'm in.
i think it's an amazing thing to be passionate and to find someone just as passionate about what they're doing as well. i think in the end, it's a personal choice but i think what you have is pretty amazing. i think we forget that sometimes the hardest thing in life, hardest thing to achieve is finding the right person. one can always go back to school, find another job, find another dream job in time, but that special person, something that is completely out of your control is very rare so it'd be plainly stupid to ruin this because she's not an architect. seriously, you must know that deep inside right? believe me, it's a good thing not to end up so insular imho.
When my last longterm gf (of four years) dumped my ass, she actually said "don't worry, you'll find yourself a nice designer lady and fall in love...."
Ouch!
Monster, STFU and count your blessings already. I've been single for a year now and only found one person I've been interested in enough to pursue. She happened to be in architecture but that didn't work out anyway, so.......
Arch Monster! I feel so passionate about this topic that i created an account just to comment.. I have been with my significant other for 11 years ( not an architect), and he is a great man.. He loves all of me all the time.. But knowing what i know now about myself, and what i want out of life, i would have definitely married an architect.. That does not mean that every architect should marry an architect.. But if you know that is what you want, and that ultimately that is how you see your life then don't settle.. If she was the one, honestly this wouldn't even be an issue. So obviously she is not the "one" for you. There are amazing people out there, and that does not mean they are perfect for you... Follow your gut, because at the end of the day only you are responsible for your happiness..
My spouse is a non-architect and I wouldn't have it any other way. She grounds me in a reality outside the design world. I spend all day talking architecture and most of my closest friends are in architecture so I'm not lacking an outlet so to speak. Meanwhile my wife gets to brag about her "Architect" husband, which really sounds impressive at parties providing we don't mention the paychecks. She also loves showing off the things I've done around the house. Right now the ultimate benefit is that she's fully employed and received a raise while my work hours and income have been drastically cut and potentially could vanish all together.
However I thought the girl I would come to love would be of my same field. Someone I can share work related things with. You guys know what I mean.
The majority of us imagine and hope that our partner would be independently successful, or come from a great family, or have every single same interest as you, or be able to recite every word that comes from Cousin Eddie in Christmas Vacation (ok, maybe the latter one is just me), but the truth is that you have to let go of these preconceived notions early. You won't find someone that meets every single one of your criteria. If you have found someone that you love, that is passionate about her life and career and you, why limit her to a certain profession?
Also, a side note: I feel like you don't necessarily have to be in a design related field to be able to professionally relate to someone. My former significant other worked at a law firm for years before going back to law/divinity school. While she never worked on construction drawings, she could totally relate to the all-nighters to meet a deadline, fickle clients, frustrations with coworkers and projects, the joy of completing a project successfully, the excitement for a new challenge, etc.
However I thought the girl I would come to love would be of my same field. Someone I can share work related things with. You guys know what I mean.
The majority of us imagine and hope that our partner would be independently successful, or come from a great family, or have every single same interest as you, or be able to recite every word that comes from Cousin Eddie in Christmas Vacation (ok, maybe the latter one is just me), but the truth is that you have to let go of these preconceived notions early. You won't find someone that meets every single one of your criteria. If you have found someone that you love, that is passionate about her life and career and you, why limit her to a certain profession?
Also, a side note: I feel like you don't necessarily have to be in a design related field to be able to professionally relate to someone. My former significant other worked at a law firm for years before going back to law/divinity school. While she never worked on construction drawings, she could totally relate to the all-nighters to meet a deadline, fickle clients, frustrations with coworkers and projects, the joy of completing a project successfully, the excitement for a new challenge, etc.
I've been single for 3 years (dating on and off but nothing serious). One person I have been and still am pretty passionate about but distance/school/timing issues are just way too overwhelming to pursue a relationship at the moment.
With that being said, he is not an architect and I find that dating an non-architect can expand your horizons. He and I found a lot of pleasure in learning about each others' professions and comparing how things are done in architecture vs. his line of work.
Don't do it. It's like dating outside your own species. And she'll always have that sterile hospital smell on her...Or the stench of sickly patient feces. Yucky for both.
Stay on the market for a good architect gal. Preferably a mac user. Girls who use Autocad always have the stench of defeat permeating their pores.
oh gosh FP, you're kidding right? yeah, date a typecast that fit into every architect stereotype and spend the rest of your life insulated and insular from the rest of the world thinking and looking and life through a keyhole. ignorance is bliss~
my significant other doesn't (didn't) know the slightest thing about design and architecture and comes from a totally different academic background, but like mantaray, newport2009 and SW already mentioned, she's intelligent and passionate about her own pursuits which is damn sexy. she works for the gov but her job is obviously more steady than this circus. she knows i'm a work-a-holic architect that comes from the world of making (as opposed to 'managing') and she's cool with that, as long as she gets her time. she's a mac-using republican, i'm a pc-using democrat... which doesn't mean shit either. she's a sexy thing with her own views that challenge my own and as a result of these differences of opinion and background, we communicate exceptionally well with each other. quit chasing the image dwell tries to shove down your throat about the 'design lifestyle' and just be a strong human being on your own... if it works, it works, if not you know something more about yourself than before.
"i suggest you get your shit together before she catches on and dumps your ass..." oh snap!
I would prefer a significant other not in the design/architecture industry. That's just me though but if it happens, I have no problem with it. It's all about being in "love" and stuff.
My S.O. is a photographer, which is great. While we obviously explore different things in our respective fields, we have some great discussions on design, creativity, and imagery. We are able to learn a lot from each other, both in theory and in the work we produce, and we have a vested interest in each other's fields. She also understands and is supportive of the long hours, endless obsessing, and minimal payback involved in my work because often times she's right besides me doing the same thing.
However, we're both unemployed, skimping by on various freelancing jobs, and starting to sell furniture to afford Ramen, so count your f'n blessings if you're happy in your relationship archmonster.
my wife is an artist, turned architect, and now turned artist again. It is a great positive in our relationship that she understands the pressures i am under, my frustrations with work, that she shares my sensibility towards design decisions at home, and that our vacations will consist of going to visit buildings (and photograph them more than each other). having said that, i don't think that's essential in our relationship, and i don't think IT alone merits making or breaking your relationship...it's more of the personality and sensibility...and as stated previously, an MD paycheck would be nice in the family!!!
My wife is not an architect or designer and we will celebrate our 20th anniversary this year. For us, the most important factor has been our shared faith and view of life. She enjoys fine and performing art as well as 'good' design in general. She is a voracious/eclectic reader and enjoys painting and gardening on the side. These passions and favorites are what drew us together initally, and they have given us a thoroughly developed framework from which to argue, critique, reminisce, and dream. The funny thing is, she would have probably been a better architect than me, because of her people skills, but her joy in life has come from raising our kids and her daily mission as an elementary school teacher.
From just my general observations, I think Architecture, and most creative fields have a tendancy to create (and justify?) unhealty habits in relationships. Our marriage is not one I have always been proud of! Our priorities get out of whack on a semi-regular basis; we have sought outside help and advice many times.
Look around for couples that exemplify your definition of a "dynamic and happy" relationship. There are probably just as many solid partnerships between architectural couples as there are in houses-divided.
i wonder and admire how people find time to have relationships... I have yet to learn that skill since a lot of my SO's bailed after they experienced dealing with dating an architect
In architectural grad school I dated a girl whom I often shared similar design interests, and we could critique each others work honestly. At times we got into some really heated debates about architecture and theory that made the relationship really hard to manage. We are still friends today, but ultimately you let love guide you. I would definately not let architecture dictate my love interests. Plenty of people as mentioned above have found successful love in and beyond architecture. I myself have found a wonderful wife that respects archtitecture, but is not herself in the profession. Neither one of us makes a great deal of money, which at times would be nice to have the freedom to build what I wanted.
Maybe there's something to the school teacher thing: Huge passion for the profession. Ungodly hours/not a lot of coin. Relentless pressure to continuously improve. Mountains of mandated standards. Petty school and staff politics. Whiny and spoiled kids.
Not much different than Architecture...
And yes, we are financially challenged = Ramen+Mac n cheese
my spouse is an architect and we've been together for more than 37 years (my, what stamina she has) ... on the plus side, she never really complains when I have to work long hours because she really understands the nature of professional practice; on the negative side, every design decision around the house (and I mean every damn design decision) becomes a debate.
My wife of 16 yrs is mom/teacher/partner. Drives her crazy when i look around at buildings instead of having my eyes on the road when in the car.... my kids have noticed now too. I do feel that my life is a little more varied given that we don't completely indulge in architectural related pursuits all the time. I don't really have other architect-friends but then again I have client-friends and having been in business for many years you can get by without architect-friends but not without client friends.
i don't know....i dated an architect once and that was it for me. i have friends, colleagues to talk about design/architecture and beyond. i don't need an extra outlet when i come home and that's all there's to talk about really. i felt so suffocated with him. and this whole belief some architects have about architecture being such an esoteric field that only a few can truly understand, etc. is so pompous sounding to me. you say that this girl's in the med field? i mean, no one knows more hard work/effort into their own passion than people in the med field - believe me. if you think arch. school was hard, you times that by 1,000 and you have med school. passion? you have to have more passion than an architect going through architecture school to make it out alive in med school so there you go. no one will understand the long hours, being engrossed in your projects, and even being absent sometimes in the relationship in the contact hours than your interest. you know med school is proven to be the hardest thing you can endure that the gov't has a law stating that anyone who marries a med school student and files for a divorce after becoming a doctor, it is mandatory in all states that you automatically get half of their assets simply because you were for your spouse during the whole medical school ride. there's no law enacted for architects. so, believe me, she'll understand you and your lifestyle far better than you ever expected probably once you get to know her more. so go get her while she's right there!
It does help when your significant other is passionate about what he/she is doing. And there are people outside of architecture field that are passionate about what they're doing...
Great responses guys. I ask her about her passions, it isn't like she has any. That scares me. All she talks about right now are the GRE's, GRE's, GREs, and school, school, school. I respect that, a lot, and I guess I can kind of relate, since a lot of my passions were hindered due to education. Maybe I am being impatient. She is interested in a lot of things but nothing really to say she is passionate about something. It's like the saying goes 'Jack of all trades, but master of none'. Sometimes I find her to be plain like vanilla, but so am I. I think I am in the point of my life where I want to taste new flavors... but other people find me as too vanilla. Maybe we can taste these new flavors together? I understand where she is coming from. She has a lot of passion in getting through with education. I know she will be a passionate wife, and mother in the future. I can see that. See is an amazing person, a little antique in her way of thinking, but I love that about her. Guess I am an individual that is scared to look into the unknown.
I've been through a series of trying relationships, and at this point in my life, I just want a guy who:
a) likes me and finds me attractive
b) isn't a total and complete f*ckwit.
...Because I always have a habit of forgetting that second rule. Honestly though, designer, doctor, mechanic, pilot, whatever... I don't care what he does, I just want someone normal and nice.
Actually if you guys have anyone for me, that would be great, because I've decided I shouldn't be in charge of picking for myself anymore! :o/
BUT...archMONSTER, in response to the question of passions... I would be worried. I think it might end up not working if you have your "thing" and she doesn't have any "thing". I have lots of things I'm passionate about, and my ex only seemed to care about ideas that he never had the balls to act upon and/or domesticating me. (Long story.) Anyway, it's important to find things that you enjoy together, but it's better if she has her own interests too, IMHO.
monster take it easy...are you under any pressure?? do you have to make a tough decision about your relationship right away??, because you start the thread by saying you have an amazing girl, (her only defect is not being an architect LOL) so enjoy it, see where it goes.
monster, no offense but it sounds like you're lost and you don't really have a strong sense of your own identity. and this is where the confusion stems from, not her.
stop overthinking and see how things progress. there's no check list here. just make sure you guys bring the best out in each other and yeah like mauone says, enjoy it and see how this flourishes.
i just think people these days are so fearful of the fear itself in getting close to someone they end up killing it by overthinking and checking off the checklist. no wonder why we have more single people more than ever!
hey archMONSTER - I'm with you. I've always been attracted to folks in the design arts but only dated one for a bit and it was great because I am such an architectural nerd. But more importantly I've found love with a doctor, Family Medicine and its great. It's actually funny - because I got out with her doctor friends and they chat about patients and medicine the whole night - and she experiences the same with me - plus driving/flying many miles to go experience a single building.
ORomaniuk... I guess my last post came across as bitter, it wasn't meant to be. I was trying to light-heartedly tell my story, trying to say that you shouldn't second-guess yourself all the time, or it'll drive you nuts.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I have enough people surrounding me who want to talk about architecture and design all the time, and usually that's the last thing I want to do. It's great on occasion but that's it (for me).
One last thing... for as long as we were dating, my ex never really had any passion for anything, meanwhile I was getting into this whole architecture thing and was very excited about it. Well, after supporting her in her pursuit of various activities (hoping she'd get excited about one or two or ten), she finally found her calling and that's when she broke it off with me. I'm glad she's happy and that she's found something she loves, and we're still close so there's no hard feelings.
MONSTER, now's the time to decide if you're serious about your ladyfriend. Before you know it, she could decide that you're the one holding her back. At that point, will you really give a shit about what profession she's in? I doubt it.
hey monster, i thought she was in the med field? shouldn't she be talking about mcat or usmle tests? gre doesn't apply for med schol or post-med school. i'm a bit confused now...
Is your Significant other an Architect / Design related biz?
I found a nice girl, an amazing girl... but one thing. She isnt an architect or in design world at all. She is in medical. Fact is, she can bury my pay check 3-4x over. As a guy of course that makes me a little uncomfortable, but its a new time, and a different age, so it doesnt. However I thought the girl I would come to love would be of my same field. Someone I can share work related things with. You guys know what I mean. I always ponder what would be right, 2 struggling architects always clashing heads on design, or just 1 lunatic in the equation. I meet one girl I really liked, worked with her, but she was either not interested or on a different planet. Could never figure that out. Now I find a girl, and I am questioning it. This is the girl I always imagined in my head... but she isnt an architect. Maybe its the best thing? Then I ask myself... why am I questioning this? Why is architecture choosing my mate?
I met my wife at the architecture exam. we dated, started a firm and in october will celebrate 10 of marriage.
I woul?lt like it any other way. we work together 24/7 and tag team parenting duties.
I dated a girl in medical in a very long term relationship. we agree (and still do) that it would have never worked out. we just looked at the world differently. hard to relate to design issues, clients who drive you crazy, bad contractors. our projects are so long term while theirs are in and out.
good luck.
my wife is my partner (architect also). we work well together and respect each other's opinions.
but jeesh, some income diversity would really be nice right now....
You're kidding right? Who cares if she's not an architect or in the design field. If you like her you like her, if you don't, you don't. Finding a person you want to spend your future with is hard enough, Don't make it any harder by narrowing your search down even further.
That said... the guy who isn't aware he's my boyfriend will be architect once he passes all his exams.
my wife isn't an architect. tunes out whenever architecture conversations begin. not at all interested. except when it comes to design/furnishing of our own house, of course.
My partner (domestic not business) is an engineer and we've been together for almost 10 years. Her salary out of school is 3x of mine and we always joke about how she is on a mission to support me the "struggling designer".
go into medical....that will solve a lot of your issues
how does that work Steven? are you happy with that mix?
a woman making more than you makes you uncomfortable? wow. you have compatibility issues beyond the design kind.
are you serious? a great partner is a great partner -- if you two work well together, why bring up frivolous reasons to cast it all into doubt?!
I have dated architects and non-architects alike. Both are fun -- it makes no difference. What *does* make a difference, I find, is passion -- simply because we architects tend to be a passionate bunch (it's pretty much a job requirement to make it through this field) -- if you find yourself with someone who doesn't particularly have anything to be passionate about in life, that person can become pretty dull / one-dimensional to you in a hurry. But as long as they're passionate about SOMETHING -- be it anthropology, stamp-collecting, or pet rocks -- you will understand each other's weirdness.
My partner for the last half-decade is a wonderful, amazing non-architect who is very passionate about 3 things in life, 2 of which I share. The passions we share are a never-ending source of amusement; the passions we don't (architecture included) are a source of education and interest to the other. Also, in some ways I think it teaches you how to be a better communicator, because you have to bring your passion to life in a way that engages the other person's interest when you are telling him/her about your life/day/current project.
The good thing about a non-architect is that you get a break and a change of mind from the frustrations / struggles of your field; for me personally that has been a welcome change from dating architects.
we love it, monster. sometimes it's a source of misunderstanding, but only in a trivial way. we really couldn't be more different as personalities but somehow that has been a real benefit. we're on year 11 so it appears that it 'took'.
you are trying to self sabotage your relationship with stupid and incorrect generalizations. i suggest you get your shit together before she catches on and dumps your ass...tough love, v.r.
Honestly: if you can fall in love with someone who makes a decent living, go for it.
i love surprises... may be that's why i only dated an architect/designer once in my life, i would say its more of a mutual understanding than a love relation to me...
since then i've been going out with ppl at other walks of life n it makes me feel alive^^
are you serious? i'm not an architect yet. i'm an interior designer who's held a project architect role once so maybe i count in this convo. i would never date anyone in my field because i would simply feel suffocated and feel my world become so teeny tiny, like looking at the world through a key hole.
my husband is in med school, comes from a lineage of doctors, and i wouldn't have it any other way. he teaches me and challenges my view and vice versa. keeps me well rounded. i love learning about the humanitarian efforts through another field, not JUST in the world of architecture/design. this world is too big with too many important to have my life be all and onl about the field i'm in.
i think it's an amazing thing to be passionate and to find someone just as passionate about what they're doing as well. i think in the end, it's a personal choice but i think what you have is pretty amazing. i think we forget that sometimes the hardest thing in life, hardest thing to achieve is finding the right person. one can always go back to school, find another job, find another dream job in time, but that special person, something that is completely out of your control is very rare so it'd be plainly stupid to ruin this because she's not an architect. seriously, you must know that deep inside right? believe me, it's a good thing not to end up so insular imho.
When my last longterm gf (of four years) dumped my ass, she actually said "don't worry, you'll find yourself a nice designer lady and fall in love...."
Ouch!
Monster, STFU and count your blessings already. I've been single for a year now and only found one person I've been interested in enough to pursue. She happened to be in architecture but that didn't work out anyway, so.......
Arch Monster! I feel so passionate about this topic that i created an account just to comment.. I have been with my significant other for 11 years ( not an architect), and he is a great man.. He loves all of me all the time.. But knowing what i know now about myself, and what i want out of life, i would have definitely married an architect.. That does not mean that every architect should marry an architect.. But if you know that is what you want, and that ultimately that is how you see your life then don't settle.. If she was the one, honestly this wouldn't even be an issue. So obviously she is not the "one" for you. There are amazing people out there, and that does not mean they are perfect for you... Follow your gut, because at the end of the day only you are responsible for your happiness..
there are many many more non-architects here than architects on this planet, why limit ur choice?
strange!
My spouse is a non-architect and I wouldn't have it any other way. She grounds me in a reality outside the design world. I spend all day talking architecture and most of my closest friends are in architecture so I'm not lacking an outlet so to speak. Meanwhile my wife gets to brag about her "Architect" husband, which really sounds impressive at parties providing we don't mention the paychecks. She also loves showing off the things I've done around the house. Right now the ultimate benefit is that she's fully employed and received a raise while my work hours and income have been drastically cut and potentially could vanish all together.
The majority of us imagine and hope that our partner would be independently successful, or come from a great family, or have every single same interest as you, or be able to recite every word that comes from Cousin Eddie in Christmas Vacation (ok, maybe the latter one is just me), but the truth is that you have to let go of these preconceived notions early. You won't find someone that meets every single one of your criteria. If you have found someone that you love, that is passionate about her life and career and you, why limit her to a certain profession?
Also, a side note: I feel like you don't necessarily have to be in a design related field to be able to professionally relate to someone. My former significant other worked at a law firm for years before going back to law/divinity school. While she never worked on construction drawings, she could totally relate to the all-nighters to meet a deadline, fickle clients, frustrations with coworkers and projects, the joy of completing a project successfully, the excitement for a new challenge, etc.
The majority of us imagine and hope that our partner would be independently successful, or come from a great family, or have every single same interest as you, or be able to recite every word that comes from Cousin Eddie in Christmas Vacation (ok, maybe the latter one is just me), but the truth is that you have to let go of these preconceived notions early. You won't find someone that meets every single one of your criteria. If you have found someone that you love, that is passionate about her life and career and you, why limit her to a certain profession?
Also, a side note: I feel like you don't necessarily have to be in a design related field to be able to professionally relate to someone. My former significant other worked at a law firm for years before going back to law/divinity school. While she never worked on construction drawings, she could totally relate to the all-nighters to meet a deadline, fickle clients, frustrations with coworkers and projects, the joy of completing a project successfully, the excitement for a new challenge, etc.
Oopsy. My apologies.
sounds like Dustin's still a bit bitter..
I've been single for 3 years (dating on and off but nothing serious). One person I have been and still am pretty passionate about but distance/school/timing issues are just way too overwhelming to pursue a relationship at the moment.
With that being said, he is not an architect and I find that dating an non-architect can expand your horizons. He and I found a lot of pleasure in learning about each others' professions and comparing how things are done in architecture vs. his line of work.
fortunately, no.
though she's really into architecture and extremely supportive, and amazingly let me drag her all over europe to look at projects...
i just wish she'd get a job so we could get a house.
Don't do it. It's like dating outside your own species. And she'll always have that sterile hospital smell on her...Or the stench of sickly patient feces. Yucky for both.
Stay on the market for a good architect gal. Preferably a mac user. Girls who use Autocad always have the stench of defeat permeating their pores.
oh gosh FP, you're kidding right? yeah, date a typecast that fit into every architect stereotype and spend the rest of your life insulated and insular from the rest of the world thinking and looking and life through a keyhole. ignorance is bliss~
my significant other doesn't (didn't) know the slightest thing about design and architecture and comes from a totally different academic background, but like mantaray, newport2009 and SW already mentioned, she's intelligent and passionate about her own pursuits which is damn sexy. she works for the gov but her job is obviously more steady than this circus. she knows i'm a work-a-holic architect that comes from the world of making (as opposed to 'managing') and she's cool with that, as long as she gets her time. she's a mac-using republican, i'm a pc-using democrat... which doesn't mean shit either. she's a sexy thing with her own views that challenge my own and as a result of these differences of opinion and background, we communicate exceptionally well with each other. quit chasing the image dwell tries to shove down your throat about the 'design lifestyle' and just be a strong human being on your own... if it works, it works, if not you know something more about yourself than before.
"i suggest you get your shit together before she catches on and dumps your ass..." oh snap!
I would prefer a significant other not in the design/architecture industry. That's just me though but if it happens, I have no problem with it. It's all about being in "love" and stuff.
My S.O. is a photographer, which is great. While we obviously explore different things in our respective fields, we have some great discussions on design, creativity, and imagery. We are able to learn a lot from each other, both in theory and in the work we produce, and we have a vested interest in each other's fields. She also understands and is supportive of the long hours, endless obsessing, and minimal payback involved in my work because often times she's right besides me doing the same thing.
However, we're both unemployed, skimping by on various freelancing jobs, and starting to sell furniture to afford Ramen, so count your f'n blessings if you're happy in your relationship archmonster.
my wife is an artist, turned architect, and now turned artist again. It is a great positive in our relationship that she understands the pressures i am under, my frustrations with work, that she shares my sensibility towards design decisions at home, and that our vacations will consist of going to visit buildings (and photograph them more than each other). having said that, i don't think that's essential in our relationship, and i don't think IT alone merits making or breaking your relationship...it's more of the personality and sensibility...and as stated previously, an MD paycheck would be nice in the family!!!
My wife is not an architect or designer and we will celebrate our 20th anniversary this year. For us, the most important factor has been our shared faith and view of life. She enjoys fine and performing art as well as 'good' design in general. She is a voracious/eclectic reader and enjoys painting and gardening on the side. These passions and favorites are what drew us together initally, and they have given us a thoroughly developed framework from which to argue, critique, reminisce, and dream. The funny thing is, she would have probably been a better architect than me, because of her people skills, but her joy in life has come from raising our kids and her daily mission as an elementary school teacher.
From just my general observations, I think Architecture, and most creative fields have a tendancy to create (and justify?) unhealty habits in relationships. Our marriage is not one I have always been proud of! Our priorities get out of whack on a semi-regular basis; we have sought outside help and advice many times.
Look around for couples that exemplify your definition of a "dynamic and happy" relationship. There are probably just as many solid partnerships between architectural couples as there are in houses-divided.
My fiancee is an elementry school teacher.....
We eat alot of Ramen....
i don't even have a significant other...insert sad face here...:(
i wonder and admire how people find time to have relationships... I have yet to learn that skill since a lot of my SO's bailed after they experienced dealing with dating an architect
well, an architecture student. but still.
In architectural grad school I dated a girl whom I often shared similar design interests, and we could critique each others work honestly. At times we got into some really heated debates about architecture and theory that made the relationship really hard to manage. We are still friends today, but ultimately you let love guide you. I would definately not let architecture dictate my love interests. Plenty of people as mentioned above have found successful love in and beyond architecture. I myself have found a wonderful wife that respects archtitecture, but is not herself in the profession. Neither one of us makes a great deal of money, which at times would be nice to have the freedom to build what I wanted.
iheartbooks,
Maybe there's something to the school teacher thing: Huge passion for the profession. Ungodly hours/not a lot of coin. Relentless pressure to continuously improve. Mountains of mandated standards. Petty school and staff politics. Whiny and spoiled kids.
Not much different than Architecture...
And yes, we are financially challenged = Ramen+Mac n cheese
my spouse is an architect and we've been together for more than 37 years (my, what stamina she has) ... on the plus side, she never really complains when I have to work long hours because she really understands the nature of professional practice; on the negative side, every design decision around the house (and I mean every damn design decision) becomes a debate.
My wife of 16 yrs is mom/teacher/partner. Drives her crazy when i look around at buildings instead of having my eyes on the road when in the car.... my kids have noticed now too. I do feel that my life is a little more varied given that we don't completely indulge in architectural related pursuits all the time. I don't really have other architect-friends but then again I have client-friends and having been in business for many years you can get by without architect-friends but not without client friends.
i don't know....i dated an architect once and that was it for me. i have friends, colleagues to talk about design/architecture and beyond. i don't need an extra outlet when i come home and that's all there's to talk about really. i felt so suffocated with him. and this whole belief some architects have about architecture being such an esoteric field that only a few can truly understand, etc. is so pompous sounding to me. you say that this girl's in the med field? i mean, no one knows more hard work/effort into their own passion than people in the med field - believe me. if you think arch. school was hard, you times that by 1,000 and you have med school. passion? you have to have more passion than an architect going through architecture school to make it out alive in med school so there you go. no one will understand the long hours, being engrossed in your projects, and even being absent sometimes in the relationship in the contact hours than your interest. you know med school is proven to be the hardest thing you can endure that the gov't has a law stating that anyone who marries a med school student and files for a divorce after becoming a doctor, it is mandatory in all states that you automatically get half of their assets simply because you were for your spouse during the whole medical school ride. there's no law enacted for architects. so, believe me, she'll understand you and your lifestyle far better than you ever expected probably once you get to know her more. so go get her while she's right there!
It does help when your significant other is passionate about what he/she is doing. And there are people outside of architecture field that are passionate about what they're doing...
Great responses guys. I ask her about her passions, it isn't like she has any. That scares me. All she talks about right now are the GRE's, GRE's, GREs, and school, school, school. I respect that, a lot, and I guess I can kind of relate, since a lot of my passions were hindered due to education. Maybe I am being impatient. She is interested in a lot of things but nothing really to say she is passionate about something. It's like the saying goes 'Jack of all trades, but master of none'. Sometimes I find her to be plain like vanilla, but so am I. I think I am in the point of my life where I want to taste new flavors... but other people find me as too vanilla. Maybe we can taste these new flavors together? I understand where she is coming from. She has a lot of passion in getting through with education. I know she will be a passionate wife, and mother in the future. I can see that. See is an amazing person, a little antique in her way of thinking, but I love that about her. Guess I am an individual that is scared to look into the unknown.
I've been through a series of trying relationships, and at this point in my life, I just want a guy who:
a) likes me and finds me attractive
b) isn't a total and complete f*ckwit.
...Because I always have a habit of forgetting that second rule. Honestly though, designer, doctor, mechanic, pilot, whatever... I don't care what he does, I just want someone normal and nice.
Actually if you guys have anyone for me, that would be great, because I've decided I shouldn't be in charge of picking for myself anymore! :o/
BUT...archMONSTER, in response to the question of passions... I would be worried. I think it might end up not working if you have your "thing" and she doesn't have any "thing". I have lots of things I'm passionate about, and my ex only seemed to care about ideas that he never had the balls to act upon and/or domesticating me. (Long story.) Anyway, it's important to find things that you enjoy together, but it's better if she has her own interests too, IMHO.
monster take it easy...are you under any pressure?? do you have to make a tough decision about your relationship right away??, because you start the thread by saying you have an amazing girl, (her only defect is not being an architect LOL) so enjoy it, see where it goes.
monster, no offense but it sounds like you're lost and you don't really have a strong sense of your own identity. and this is where the confusion stems from, not her.
stop overthinking and see how things progress. there's no check list here. just make sure you guys bring the best out in each other and yeah like mauone says, enjoy it and see how this flourishes.
i just think people these days are so fearful of the fear itself in getting close to someone they end up killing it by overthinking and checking off the checklist. no wonder why we have more single people more than ever!
hey archMONSTER - I'm with you. I've always been attracted to folks in the design arts but only dated one for a bit and it was great because I am such an architectural nerd. But more importantly I've found love with a doctor, Family Medicine and its great. It's actually funny - because I got out with her doctor friends and they chat about patients and medicine the whole night - and she experiences the same with me - plus driving/flying many miles to go experience a single building.
I think I would really love being with a doctor. Techno can you find me one? LOL
have u guys ever consider having relationships with non-professionals instead of doctors, designers, lawyers etc?
the most memorable relations i had was with a waitress, hair dressor and beer promoter... they did open up my horizon^^
ORomaniuk... I guess my last post came across as bitter, it wasn't meant to be. I was trying to light-heartedly tell my story, trying to say that you shouldn't second-guess yourself all the time, or it'll drive you nuts.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I have enough people surrounding me who want to talk about architecture and design all the time, and usually that's the last thing I want to do. It's great on occasion but that's it (for me).
One last thing... for as long as we were dating, my ex never really had any passion for anything, meanwhile I was getting into this whole architecture thing and was very excited about it. Well, after supporting her in her pursuit of various activities (hoping she'd get excited about one or two or ten), she finally found her calling and that's when she broke it off with me. I'm glad she's happy and that she's found something she loves, and we're still close so there's no hard feelings.
MONSTER, now's the time to decide if you're serious about your ladyfriend. Before you know it, she could decide that you're the one holding her back. At that point, will you really give a shit about what profession she's in? I doubt it.
hey monster, i thought she was in the med field? shouldn't she be talking about mcat or usmle tests? gre doesn't apply for med schol or post-med school. i'm a bit confused now...
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