the moose gets distracted by looking at itself in the mirror?

my friend hit a rabbit in his Audi TT a few weeks ago. Did a couple g's worth of damage. The rabbit ripped of part of his bumper and took out part of his air conditioner system

this was a great thread...how come more people haven't commented on it?

that was a qustion...hereks a statement: i want a scotch that smells like bubble gum!

i used to get bubble gum slushes....taking it back to 1986

back when i lived in vermont...i hit a deer on a cold lonely road one night. the walking banquet literally poked his head out of a ditch just far enough to get in the way of my front right bumper. i saw the rack snap off and fly over the car and heard the thump. i knew he was dead instantly. didn't do a lick of damage.

i was on my way into town for band practise, but who was i to give up the opportunity for some free venison?

so me and the nice guy who pulled up after me to see what had happened grabbed the 4 point buck, poor bugger, and tossed him in the back of my pick-up. we went promptly to the local package goods store and bought some beer, then went to his house to start cutting.

we laid the carcass out on a workbench in his garage and got to work...first and only time i ever butchered a whole animal from start to finish. fur, hooves, guts and all, and obviously still warm.

when we were finished, i gave him a whole tenderloin, the heart, liver, and a dozen pounds of steaks for his trouble, and for helping me out.

i showed up at band practice three hours late and stained with blood...(and the boys cried "WOLVERINE!")...with 50 pounds of fresh venison as my spoils.



an odd coda to the story is this: i dumped the carcass off the side of another cold and lonely road. windy and dark it was, and i stomped back into the forest a 1/4mi maybe...it was particularly spooky this night, and dropped the garbage bags of guts and fur on the ground. being the boy scout that i am, i tore them open to spill out the parts and take the plastic with me, figuring the 'coons would get it all by morning. for some reason or another, i was wicked spooked at this point...maybe i thought i was going to get busted for dumping...who knows.

10 days later, i crashed and totaled my truck. rolled it over in a ditch after hitting a patch of black ice on a curve...at the exact spot i had dumped the carcass.

interesting, no?

That's a great story, mighty. That deer might have been the Jersey Devil?

I only once saw a family, whose house I was staying at, grab a freshly roadkilled deer and gut it in their garage. I was shocked at first, and then realized how much sense it makes.

I passed at least 8 flattened deer along I-94 on the drive down to chicago on monday. I always thought that folks in gun country would take any venison they can get. maybe cheeseheads prefer fresher meat with a seasoning of lead since the hunting season opened last week.

hmm...roadkill - i don't think that i would bring it home for dinner. i have hit one deer (while i was behind the wheel) and i was scarred from it. it wasn't a clean kill and the only thing i had in the car was a softball bat. i took care of business and while walking back to my car a carload of nuns - i wouldn't lie about this shit - drove by and i saw the shock in their eyes. i feel that is why i have never hit anything else since then and i drive through crazy deer country all the time.

where i use to work as a security guard (up in the hills)...from time to time, a resident of this gated community will hit a deer. my first experience with a resident hitting a deer was more of a big deal than it should've been now that i see barry lehrman passing 8 in one drive. this is one in 2 years. this one was partially alive.

i received back to back phone calls at the guard house. i was calling animal control back to back as well and leaving messages on their answering machine. one guy told me to put a blanket over the deer's head to calm him...so i have my partner take over the guard house and i take the patrol truck down our storage yard to grab some traffic cones. i get to the scene and pull up in front of the deer and the headlights freaked the deer out. he started flailing in the middle of the road. definitely some broken legs and maybe some head injury. a few minutes later, a resident, on his way home, got out of his car and helped subdue the deer while my partner (back at the guard house) repeatedly calls animal control for someone to do something with the injured deer. in the meantime, a few other residents and i were directing traffic, signalling motorists to slow down.

when animal control finally arrived and picked up the injured deer...my partner and i asked the dude if the deer will be seen by a veterinarian...he said "no, we're just gonna put him to sleep"

This isn't a lie either....One winter night (Back in 1991) I was driving up to Lake Geneva with a girlfriend following close behind a car full of senior citizens - their silver hair glowing in my headlights. They hit a deer just outside of Richmond, Illinois. I almost struck it a second time as I passed, and we pulled over because the car of seniors went off the road erratically and almost hit a tree - but they were ok. The deer was laying in the road moaning and steam was puffing from it's mouth and nostrils..it's rack was busted off. As we approached it tried to run, but both of it's front legs had compound fractures and the exposed bones were scraping on the asphalt, so we backed-off and it rested - it was one of the most unsettling things I had ever seen. A few minutes later a trooper pulled-up and after a while he decided to fire a bullet into its head at point blank range - and missed. Needless to say it was spooked and began the whole attempted getaway all over again. When the deer again settled, the trooper made another approach and fired another shot, missing the deer's head, but shooting right through the thickest part of it's neck - obviously tearing open its jugular. Blood sprayed out of the hole like a garden hose, and the deer began to spin and spin kicking it's hind legs into the asphalt. It had now become even more disturbing, partly because of the cop's ineptitude with a firearm and also from the amount of blood that was spraying and speckling the snowy roadway. The trooper went back to his car, shaken by his cruel inaccuracy, and we watched this poor (beautiful) animal die in what looked like several gallons of steaming plasma. By then the seniors had left, and a pick-up truck pulled up with a man from the local church who took the deer away to butcher for Christmas dinner for the needy.

i've eated roadkill deer like that. one of my mom's ex-boyfriend's son hit one. i think it's a good way to go, it makes some good out of a completely senseless death, and makes no waste.

Yikes, that's a disturbing story. Sounds like something from a South Park episode, except that it's not nearly as funny when it isn't animated.

I hope the trooper decided to spend some more time at the shooting range.

This one also completely true, humiliating, and terrible. About 12 years ago my grandfather finally retired from his 45+ years as an electrical engineer at the same company and congratulated himself by buying a new lexus, which was pretty out of character fro him ( he was a pretty humble beat-up-ford-station-wagon sort of guy). he went the whole 9, sun roof, leather, key-less entry, etc etc. The weekend after he got it, he and a one of his buddies planned to take a drive up 95 to go golfing in Maine (we were from Mass). They were driving pretty late and i guess about 50 miles north of the Maine/NH border a moose ran into the street. If you've ever seen a moose, you know that they're fucking huge, and there's no real way you can avoid them. They hit it going about 40 and it bounced up and landed on the roof, almost collapsing it and busting out the sun roof panel. The moose's size worked in its advantage, because even though they knocked it off its feet, it was still alive, and as they quickly found out.. scared shitless. Unfortunately the the moose in it's panic starting pissing everywhere.. and thanks to the sun roof being dislodged, everywhere included all over the interior of his new lexus, my grandfather, and his friend. the moose was able to get back on it's feet and run into the woods, and my grandfather bought another ford station wagon.

these are great stories. i'm glad to have helped open the floodgates.

no time right now, but when i get in the office i'll regale you all with another incident from way back in high school.

you see growing up in jersey, deer were a part of your life, be they alive, dead, or somewhere in between. this one involves hallucinogens so it should be particularly odd.

-ml

when I was a young lad, I was very much interrested in Native American crafts (beeding, quilling, feathers, etc). Anyways, I was on vacation in Northern Michigan with my family. I had always wanted to try quilling (using porcupine quills as a decorative element) some birtch bark. Porcupine quills were very expensive for a 10yr old kid, so I figured that any way I could get ahold of some quills would be good

As my family and I were visiting Harbour Springs (the Beverly Hills of Michigan) I saw this dead porcupine on the side of the road; obviously a victim to roadkill. I demanded that my parents stop the car and let me harvest the quills from this dead, bloated animal. They let me out and kept on driving; obviously embarrassed that their son was harvesting roadkill in the ritzy part of town

I havent seen my parents sense

cool, this thread makes archinectors feel like a bunch of rednecks. Pretty neat actually.

okay...i'm batch printing in the background, so here's the nutshell version of my other crazy deer story.

i was tripping on lots of acid with a couple of friends driving around our sleepy suburban town on the backroads. (don't try this at home kids...i'm a professional!)

of course on one of these roads we clobbered a deer that stupidly ran into the SIDE of the car. out of nowhere, this doe just slams into the side of the car.

it's now lying on it's side, neck completely broken, in obvious need of relief from suffering.

my bolder friend steve (a landscape arch, actually) pulls a buck knife (or should i call it doe-knife? thanks folks, i'm here all week...try the prime rib!) and proceeds to get down and begin slicing the poor gals throat, hoping to help her out of her obvious misery. the knife wasn't too sharp.

it took a while.

the deer got up and tried to move around unsuccessfully more than once.

we were mostly in shock. for about twenty minutes. then we went back to being stupid high school kids on drugs driving around the sleepy back roads of my sleepy suburban hometown.

true story. i was somewhat scarred, but not too much. pretty reilient guy i guess.

pdf's are done. gotta' go!