it seems pretty tough to be an architect and be married at the same time. . .is this true? or does having a partner bring vivacity into life when all life consists only of boring drafting and long hours of work?
with little money, long hours at work, extensive traveling, and an agenda to work at different firms perhaps every several years(unless you start one, which is also hard financially), it seems like marriage is only for those who are rich, old, and settled.
i'd figure it'd be pretty impossible to afford kids with such low salaries. ... . .
and what about spending time with children who need attention and affection if architects have no time at home? . . or even energy?
I must say its my biggest fear. Having to slice up my passion and love for architecture and place a wife in between. But as a friend said to me, don't marry architecture keep her as a faithful mistress that you can always return to.
Yeah I'm having a problem finding a man that inspires me enough for me to want to keep him around.....did that make sense....oh well, point is, he doesn't have to love architecture, he just has to respect it.....and be funny, attractive, clever and tall.....
Come on WonderK, I'm sure you could cruise around myspace and find some people that fit your criteria. After all, isn't that what myspace is really for?
myspace is for entertainment.
i feel you WonderK.
all i really want is someone who is intelligent, not wandering aimlessly around academia, appreciates culture, and isn't too clingy. tall and attractive would be nice, but not nessecary.
Love my wife! My best friend for sure. We dated for 7 years before getting hitched and I believe that has made a big difference.
She is in Medical Residency and I am in Architecture school finishing my bachelors I never got because I had a succesful career as a graphic/web designer, which I mostly taught myself.
It is nice being with someone who has equal drive, goals, and dreams...I can't imagine it any other way...those seven years allowed us to really know each other much deeper than the facade of skin.
what will he do at least twice? wifes or kids??? hahaha
i work in a small firm where the owners are a married couple. i guess that might be a way to spend time with your partner. just not sure if it is too healthy....
I, myself married young. I know my then girldfriend for 4 years b4 we got marry, and now 7/ 8 years later...i still going strong, we love and respect one another.
I am finishing my undergrad in a year, she just graduated this may, and now we are having a baby boy!!!it's crazy...I spend most of my time in my studio, she is left by herself...to do whatever she needs to...a lot of time she feel lonely and neglect by me, but she is a very understanding wife, she realizes my passion, she keep on pushing me even to go Grad school. Most of the time I feel very bad for not spending enough time with her...and often time when I am with her, my head is actually thinking about my studio project, I know it's hard to juggle between the two, but forgive and forget is need when you are in the marriage. I have to understand her and she have to understand the nature of what I am doing...that's all we need, I consider myself a very lucky guy to be able to have both.
I'm sitting here listening to the Postal Service (god this is a great album) and reading everyone's marriage testimonials.....it's not even that I want to get hitched, I just want a buddy, or a partner in crime. Also I want somebody to buy a house with and then renovate it. That's not easy to do by yourself.
So here's a confession.....yeah I found a couple of guys on MySpace, went out a couple of times, blah blah, but I have come to the conclusion, like stephanie, that it should remain there for entertainment. Unless I want to go out with Billy Corgan or a whole band even. Also it's good for posting blogs that no one reads.
Sorry for diverting you to my personal problems, as you were....
PS. Hayden Christensen is hot even if he is a bad actor.
WonderK-
re:Houses
a friend of mine (also female, also architect, also co-worker) is buying a house, and she doesn't have a man, she has me! i'm planning on moving in, renting from her, and helping fix it up. it will basically be like we are married, except for the sex.
i've also resigned to the fact that i need to move somewhere more metropolitain in order to find a dude. which sounds really snobby, but, even my gay friend shares the sentiment.
architecture school was tough on my relationship with my now wife. why she stayed with me, i don't know. we must have broke up like 4 times. at one point we were living together, and in order to salvage our relationship, we each got our own place. we were just at different points in our lives. shocked that it worked.
like anything you care about, it takes hard work and commitment.
Having worked for three firms since leaving school and another firm while in school of all different shapes and sizes except "starchtect", the extremely long hours everyone always speaks of have never materialized for me. I've certainly needed to put in overtime now and again, but I haven't had to work 50-60+ hours for weeks on end.
I think anyone who does end up in such a situation should seriously question what, if any, benefits will be taken from spending so much time in the office at the expense of pursuing other needs and interests. Most people I know who do regularly put in 10 hours or more of overtime seem to do so less becase their firm requires or expects them to and more as the result of one of the following three reasons, or some combination therof: 1.) people who work extremely slowly and methodically; 2.) people who view working long hours as the way to more responsibilities, promitions, and raises; 3.) people who irrationally believe that long hours simply go with the territory of the architecture profession and anyone who just works 40/week is simply not a dedicated architect.
While the people I know who put in lots of overtime generally have not been hurt from the responsibilities, promitions, and salary perspective, they have not been helped either.
date in within the architecture community my girlfriend and i are both currently in architecture school. that way the partner is understanding about whats going on.
it sounds like the only way to be happy is to either get married real young, or marry an architect. Or else your partner wont understand you. that blows!
You are absolutely right. I did alot of math, alot of thinking and alot of soul searching and I came up with exactly the same conclusion. Call it what you will but I have been married for almost seven years with the marry real young theory; and honestly it has worked out great. Relationships are never easy but you have to be honest with your self and with what you really want.
Yeah you know I think its sort of a crazy saga thing. Everybody in architecture knows it, i mean ofcourse there are acceptions but for the most part all married architects are married to architects or long time lovers. There also is the option of marrying other designers, but you see, "designers" again. Its not only a matter of how we spend so much time making love with architecture, its also that we develop our own language and way of thinking which sounds cool, but at the same time segregates us from "normal happy" people.
I am actually in the middle of writing an article about this, maybe it will get published in the architecture newspaper.... we'll see...
my husband loves architecture and likes to take "place" pilgrimmages with me. that's important. don't know how the kids (future) are going to handle that. C'mon kids, were going to check out this cathedral/museum/mall/tower/bridge/cemetary and we ain't going to go pray/muse/shop/climb/cross/mourn. we're going to photograph it, sketch it, and study it's very physicalness!
yeah well atleast maybe kids wont quite understand, or maybe they'll grow up thinking thats normal. i think thats awesome!
but what about dates? if i start talking about how the LED is bugging my eyes out and how the material choices arent quite working with the spacial qualities etc, there is a 87% of getting dumped by a regular guy. haha. i think its great really. we should all start a country together!
my wife also enjoys my architectural pilgrimages - as long as she gets to pick some desinations as well. i got to see calatrava's work at valencia, she got monet's gardens in giverny. i got to drag her to the williams/tsien a/c museum, the diller/scofidio show at the whitney, she got to take us to baz luhrmann's 'la boheme' on broadway. she got to shop in soho, i got to see oma's prada. luckily, we both like it all.
it's not impossible to find compatibility in a non-architect, guys and gals. as long as you learn to share and not be one-track. the only time my wife gets impatient is when i have nothing else to talk about. and when i work all weekend and then bitch about it.
If I may for a moment shift the topic to wedding bands . . . damn, a lot of em are ugly! sorry, but two-toned bands with yellow gold + anything is disgusting. Yellow gold just makes me cringe! I need to find a wedding band. I kind of have a problem with jewelery myself . . . I just don't like wearing it. But I do love my fiance, therefore, I would like to respect our marriage with a wedding band. Looking for something very simple, no engravings, no do dads, just a simple band. Perhaps white gold or titanium? Anyone ever get a titanium ring?
simple 'pipe' band in platinum is what i got. you just choose how many mm thick (mine's 6) and they cut that much off the tube. not cheap, but...
i like it 'cause platinum's got some heft. you know you're wearing it. straight cut sides make very clean edge. and the inside stays shiny while the outside gets scratchy and worn.
my wife got two pipe bands of 1.5mm to flank her engagement ring. looks great.
wisof, it's a shame you aren't near chicago. this guy is awesome. though you couldn't tell from his website (he doesn't have many images in the portfolio because of theft issues).
My wife gets bored out of her mind in architecture trips, my son doesn't mind he has grown into it. But, on the other hand she's absolutely non abrasive when in comes to architecture topics and I think that makes up for it. She's a graphic designer. Similiar but different enough to not conflict.
wisof- a friend of mine got a titanium ring. He's a construction worker, and was afraid a gold one would get too dinged up on the job. It's held up so far, and I think it looks fine.
i dated guy from my architecture studio once, and at first it was wonderful. we talked about architecture all the time and go on trips together. but then after a while, it just got too much. that was all we ever talked about. i think its important to be able to talk about silly things, and also ofcourse architecture...
of course I do. I've got rasterbatorized images, drawings by Lebbeus Woods, a life-sized wooden head, various Archibald comics, a Darth Vader action figure (in box), and a Gonzo action figure (still in box), and plenty of other random things.
Get into a position with your career so that you can leave like at 4:30 so you can coach their soccer team.
Spend time with them on homwork at night.
Take them camping on the weekends.
Same goes for your wife.
Simple plan like in Architecture works for a reason. I 've just been inundated with way too much info in the last week about friends who are/have /or will be splitting up ( all non- architects ) I feel the worst for the kids because they don't deserve it ....their parents however have been fools.
Its takes work like anything .... even great Architecture.
sorry, I now see that other thread, but . . . do you mind if I keep asking about this here?
There is a concrete and sterling silver band on Konzuk it looks damn cool. But would the silver be too soft a metal, and would the concrete just turn into sand eventually? Perhaps I should ask the Konzuk site . . .
i used to work with a guy that would get phone call updates from his wife about his child every evening while we were all working late. occassionally he would share news like "my daughter just said her first word," " my daughter just took her first step," etc. he was missing his daughter growing up. it was the saddest thing ever.
marriage
it seems pretty tough to be an architect and be married at the same time. . .is this true? or does having a partner bring vivacity into life when all life consists only of boring drafting and long hours of work?
with little money, long hours at work, extensive traveling, and an agenda to work at different firms perhaps every several years(unless you start one, which is also hard financially), it seems like marriage is only for those who are rich, old, and settled.
i'd figure it'd be pretty impossible to afford kids with such low salaries. ... . .
and what about spending time with children who need attention and affection if architects have no time at home? . . or even energy?
Rent-a-Wife and
Rent-a-Kid is 2 mall kiosks down to the left.
right between the Gap Store and the Sharper Image shop.
hahahahahahahaha
its possble, its so possible you will do it multiple times. just expect that.
yup. at least twice.
I must say its my biggest fear. Having to slice up my passion and love for architecture and place a wife in between. But as a friend said to me, don't marry architecture keep her as a faithful mistress that you can always return to.
Yeah I'm having a problem finding a man that inspires me enough for me to want to keep him around.....did that make sense....oh well, point is, he doesn't have to love architecture, he just has to respect it.....and be funny, attractive, clever and tall.....
Is that too much to ask?
I think Haden Christianson is available WonderK. And you could always try for Brad before he gets too tangles in Angelina's web.
Come on WonderK, I'm sure you could cruise around myspace and find some people that fit your criteria. After all, isn't that what myspace is really for?
myspace is for entertainment.
i feel you WonderK.
all i really want is someone who is intelligent, not wandering aimlessly around academia, appreciates culture, and isn't too clingy. tall and attractive would be nice, but not nessecary.
Love my wife! My best friend for sure. We dated for 7 years before getting hitched and I believe that has made a big difference.
She is in Medical Residency and I am in Architecture school finishing my bachelors I never got because I had a succesful career as a graphic/web designer, which I mostly taught myself.
It is nice being with someone who has equal drive, goals, and dreams...I can't imagine it any other way...those seven years allowed us to really know each other much deeper than the facade of skin.
goodluck all!
what will he do at least twice? wifes or kids??? hahaha
i work in a small firm where the owners are a married couple. i guess that might be a way to spend time with your partner. just not sure if it is too healthy....
I, myself married young. I know my then girldfriend for 4 years b4 we got marry, and now 7/ 8 years later...i still going strong, we love and respect one another.
I am finishing my undergrad in a year, she just graduated this may, and now we are having a baby boy!!!it's crazy...I spend most of my time in my studio, she is left by herself...to do whatever she needs to...a lot of time she feel lonely and neglect by me, but she is a very understanding wife, she realizes my passion, she keep on pushing me even to go Grad school. Most of the time I feel very bad for not spending enough time with her...and often time when I am with her, my head is actually thinking about my studio project, I know it's hard to juggle between the two, but forgive and forget is need when you are in the marriage. I have to understand her and she have to understand the nature of what I am doing...that's all we need, I consider myself a very lucky guy to be able to have both.
Almost every architect I've met thus far was married and most had kids. What works is what you make work.
I'm sitting here listening to the Postal Service (god this is a great album) and reading everyone's marriage testimonials.....it's not even that I want to get hitched, I just want a buddy, or a partner in crime. Also I want somebody to buy a house with and then renovate it. That's not easy to do by yourself.
So here's a confession.....yeah I found a couple of guys on MySpace, went out a couple of times, blah blah, but I have come to the conclusion, like stephanie, that it should remain there for entertainment. Unless I want to go out with Billy Corgan or a whole band even. Also it's good for posting blogs that no one reads.
Sorry for diverting you to my personal problems, as you were....
PS. Hayden Christensen is hot even if he is a bad actor.
WonderK-
re:Houses
a friend of mine (also female, also architect, also co-worker) is buying a house, and she doesn't have a man, she has me! i'm planning on moving in, renting from her, and helping fix it up. it will basically be like we are married, except for the sex.
i've also resigned to the fact that i need to move somewhere more metropolitain in order to find a dude. which sounds really snobby, but, even my gay friend shares the sentiment.
Marriage is tough, life is tough, architecture is tough........blah, blah, blah. COME ON MAN JUST DO IT!!!!
woeirw le'tls jusitu saaly i'm;f sltill sddrunk ffrrljom lassst njijght.
LOL
architecture school was tough on my relationship with my now wife. why she stayed with me, i don't know. we must have broke up like 4 times. at one point we were living together, and in order to salvage our relationship, we each got our own place. we were just at different points in our lives. shocked that it worked.
like anything you care about, it takes hard work and commitment.
steph, this topic needs more discussion but I feel bad doing it here. check your myspace inbox.
Having worked for three firms since leaving school and another firm while in school of all different shapes and sizes except "starchtect", the extremely long hours everyone always speaks of have never materialized for me. I've certainly needed to put in overtime now and again, but I haven't had to work 50-60+ hours for weeks on end.
I think anyone who does end up in such a situation should seriously question what, if any, benefits will be taken from spending so much time in the office at the expense of pursuing other needs and interests. Most people I know who do regularly put in 10 hours or more of overtime seem to do so less becase their firm requires or expects them to and more as the result of one of the following three reasons, or some combination therof: 1.) people who work extremely slowly and methodically; 2.) people who view working long hours as the way to more responsibilities, promitions, and raises; 3.) people who irrationally believe that long hours simply go with the territory of the architecture profession and anyone who just works 40/week is simply not a dedicated architect.
While the people I know who put in lots of overtime generally have not been hurt from the responsibilities, promitions, and salary perspective, they have not been helped either.
date in within the architecture community my girlfriend and i are both currently in architecture school. that way the partner is understanding about whats going on.
it sounds like the only way to be happy is to either get married real young, or marry an architect. Or else your partner wont understand you. that blows!
aikitecht9,
You are absolutely right. I did alot of math, alot of thinking and alot of soul searching and I came up with exactly the same conclusion. Call it what you will but I have been married for almost seven years with the marry real young theory; and honestly it has worked out great. Relationships are never easy but you have to be honest with your self and with what you really want.
Tectonic,
Yeah you know I think its sort of a crazy saga thing. Everybody in architecture knows it, i mean ofcourse there are acceptions but for the most part all married architects are married to architects or long time lovers. There also is the option of marrying other designers, but you see, "designers" again. Its not only a matter of how we spend so much time making love with architecture, its also that we develop our own language and way of thinking which sounds cool, but at the same time segregates us from "normal happy" people.
I am actually in the middle of writing an article about this, maybe it will get published in the architecture newspaper.... we'll see...
my husband loves architecture and likes to take "place" pilgrimmages with me. that's important. don't know how the kids (future) are going to handle that. C'mon kids, were going to check out this cathedral/museum/mall/tower/bridge/cemetary and we ain't going to go pray/muse/shop/climb/cross/mourn. we're going to photograph it, sketch it, and study it's very physicalness!
yeah well atleast maybe kids wont quite understand, or maybe they'll grow up thinking thats normal. i think thats awesome!
but what about dates? if i start talking about how the LED is bugging my eyes out and how the material choices arent quite working with the spacial qualities etc, there is a 87% of getting dumped by a regular guy. haha. i think its great really. we should all start a country together!
my wife also enjoys my architectural pilgrimages - as long as she gets to pick some desinations as well. i got to see calatrava's work at valencia, she got monet's gardens in giverny. i got to drag her to the williams/tsien a/c museum, the diller/scofidio show at the whitney, she got to take us to baz luhrmann's 'la boheme' on broadway. she got to shop in soho, i got to see oma's prada. luckily, we both like it all.
it's not impossible to find compatibility in a non-architect, guys and gals. as long as you learn to share and not be one-track. the only time my wife gets impatient is when i have nothing else to talk about. and when i work all weekend and then bitch about it.
If I may for a moment shift the topic to wedding bands . . . damn, a lot of em are ugly! sorry, but two-toned bands with yellow gold + anything is disgusting. Yellow gold just makes me cringe! I need to find a wedding band. I kind of have a problem with jewelery myself . . . I just don't like wearing it. But I do love my fiance, therefore, I would like to respect our marriage with a wedding band. Looking for something very simple, no engravings, no do dads, just a simple band. Perhaps white gold or titanium? Anyone ever get a titanium ring?
wisof, there was a thread on twedding bands, search for "archi-wed". I can't seem to load the link right now.
wisof-
simple 'pipe' band in platinum is what i got. you just choose how many mm thick (mine's 6) and they cut that much off the tube. not cheap, but...
i like it 'cause platinum's got some heft. you know you're wearing it. straight cut sides make very clean edge. and the inside stays shiny while the outside gets scratchy and worn.
my wife got two pipe bands of 1.5mm to flank her engagement ring. looks great.
wisof, it's a shame you aren't near chicago. this guy is awesome. though you couldn't tell from his website (he doesn't have many images in the portfolio because of theft issues).
verny nice rings!!
My wife gets bored out of her mind in architecture trips, my son doesn't mind he has grown into it. But, on the other hand she's absolutely non abrasive when in comes to architecture topics and I think that makes up for it. She's a graphic designer. Similiar but different enough to not conflict.
wisof- a friend of mine got a titanium ring. He's a construction worker, and was afraid a gold one would get too dinged up on the job. It's held up so far, and I think it looks fine.
i dated guy from my architecture studio once, and at first it was wonderful. we talked about architecture all the time and go on trips together. but then after a while, it just got too much. that was all we ever talked about. i think its important to be able to talk about silly things, and also ofcourse architecture...
Silly things help ALOT in a relationship because the rest of life is usually so serious.
this is a depressing thread.
think I'll go sit in a dark room and listen to Morrisey or Saves the Day...
i already am sitting in a dark room. my office.... AAAAAAARRGHGHGHG
at least you have an office, I'm in a cubicle type space.
and yes, I'm listening to Saves the Day!
Pixelwhore,
i think cubicles are awesome. i once wrote a whole essay on the american cubicle culture in highschool. please tell me you decorate your cubicle.
of course I do. I've got rasterbatorized images, drawings by Lebbeus Woods, a life-sized wooden head, various Archibald comics, a Darth Vader action figure (in box), and a Gonzo action figure (still in box), and plenty of other random things.
archibald comics? what are archibald comics? Do your cubicle walls fall down when you flip out?
Have kids early when you have the extra energy.
Get into a position with your career so that you can leave like at 4:30 so you can coach their soccer team.
Spend time with them on homwork at night.
Take them camping on the weekends.
Same goes for your wife.
Simple plan like in Architecture works for a reason. I 've just been inundated with way too much info in the last week about friends who are/have /or will be splitting up ( all non- architects ) I feel the worst for the kids because they don't deserve it ....their parents however have been fools.
Its takes work like anything .... even great Architecture.
Whistler,
My man, you are so right on target that it makes me proud to be on this thread.
marry yourself - claim yourself as a dependent - best sex besides - so long as you can make time for yourself outside the cubicle!
sorry, I now see that other thread, but . . . do you mind if I keep asking about this here?
There is a concrete and sterling silver band on Konzuk it looks damn cool. But would the silver be too soft a metal, and would the concrete just turn into sand eventually? Perhaps I should ask the Konzuk site . . .
Thx Tectonic!... I don't don't claim to be the greatest father in the world but compared to my dopey friends I look like a hero.
yeah whistler's got it right.
i used to work with a guy that would get phone call updates from his wife about his child every evening while we were all working late. occassionally he would share news like "my daughter just said her first word," " my daughter just took her first step," etc. he was missing his daughter growing up. it was the saddest thing ever.
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