the strain of begetting and worrying about raising and feeding children drains away all the architectural creative juices. Moral: stay single & celibate to stay enthused about art & architecture. Or else become accustomed to being mediocre the rest of your life: you want the best for your children etc. etc.
john, i don't have children nor do i want to have them, but i think that you present a rather narrow way of looking of the benefit of having children or gaining inspiration from them or other things outside or sitting in an architecture studio that may then provide "creative juices" for your art/architectural vision/ambitions.
I guess I just think you can't have everything: big job, spouse, happy marriage, wonderful kids, fancy car, big house. somewhere there's got to be sacrifice. If you want kids: fine- that's a sacrifice and a vocation. so is architecture and things of the mind.
i hear you john, but balance is the key to wonderful life. to put all of your efforts into architecture only will leave you a lonely ol man, and one who may have missed so many other sources of inspiration.
there are several people in my firm who ended up divorced or perennially single due to their excessive work hours. while architecture often becomes a lifestyle, more than just a career, it is important to maintain a life outside of it as well.
i've never dated anyone else in architecture before and i like the fact that my boyfriend is not in the field. architecture is my thing, and he has his. that said, i've know several successful architect-couples. either way, it takes work, whether you're in architecture or not.
john- are a big house and a fancy car so important that you wouldn't give them up in order to have the rest of the things on that list? That's what I'd cut out of there.
yes I would give them up (already have), but, as a fine RC priest once said to me, "You have to give till it hurts" and that is as true for an architectural vocation as it is for raising a family.
It will be fine. Marriage is supposed to be a beautiful thing. With your eyes wide open both will be aware of the sacrifices and challenges you will have to face. You WILL have to go home at 5, and they will have to join you on that trek to see La Tourette
Justin_Hui might benefit from asking the same kind of question but invert what is at stake. So how could I be successful without someone who is constantly there for me emotionally?
Good luck if don't have that person. If you're miserable, it could breed the same kind of child that demands lots of attention and eats up all the time you're supposed to be spending in front of the drafting board: depression and bad karma.
I am a child of an architect, I went on the pilgrimages, I survived.
It made me more interesting and interested in the world around me, rather than just visiting Disneyland for a week. Maybe I just thought it was natural, since I did it all my life. I thought every kid went to the AIA conference and did a 5 hour walking tour of Santa Fe on their family vacation.
As for my father, he was/is a workaholic, and it could be frustrating, but he did try to make time for my family. Now that I am all grown up, I appreciate his passion and admire him greatly. I am not scarred for life or anything, but I do have workaholic tendancies.
As for my mom... I feel sorry for her. They are still married, but she realizes that she is the mistress, architecture is the wife, and it really hurts her. I think having a successful marriage depends on the people involved. If you think you can't have a successful career and a successful relationship, you are right - but there are people (architects included) that do it. If you want to dedicate yourself fully to something with no outside distractions, go for it. I personally think that in any job, outside interests and passions make you and your work more whole and expansive. It doesn't necessarily have to be a wife and kids, though.
Architects, architects. Don't get married until you grow up, or until you get past Archi-neuroses. I'm serious. If you're gonna embark on Architecture as a career fit for a monastery, don't bring someone (a civilian) into your living hell. They don't deserve it.
Marraige is a good thing, but most architects fuck it up because they shoose to remain a selfish, childish asshole. If you're gonna get married & be an Architect, at least drop the Asshole part. The selfish thing could be dropped as well because marraige is about making 2 into 1. Maybe there are architectural examples that can help guide ye - start w/ a Gehry project.
Mystery Man ... you have my back! It isn't a mystery at all, Marriage, architecture and kids is a balancing act. So one can chose to be super extreme dad and super Starchitect but the effort to try and balance that is clearly more difficult. but one can define a career that matches lifestyle, family and architect just as well.
My firm does a high percentage of ski / resort projects ( way too lodge-like for stararchitects, but it the kind of work that I like ( heavy timber, wood detailing etc ) I personally love the idea of having a client meeting inside a helicopter or snow cat in the middle of a powder day on the slope with the client, and my wife and kids love the fact they get to come along and join in the fun.
Its no fluke to have those projects it was a conscious effort to build that client base and as such I have made a effort to do work closer to the family life and lifestyle I enjoy and in an architectural vein that satisfies my career goalsand still have enough variation to keep it challenging.
I don't pine for doing art galleries and more urban projects and have turned many of those project types down because the personal / financial need to do them just doesn't exist. The grass is pretty green on my side of the fence as far as I am concerned and I don't feel a urge to pursue them at this time in my career. I expect that to change when kids are at college but then again maybe just skiing, biking and travelling would be good too!
Whistler,
I keep looking for ski-lodge projects but for some reason, they don't build 'em here, at 33.6N latitude. There are plenty of little boutiques & galleries, though. Somehow, that doesn't equal your version of client meetings though. Oh well, it's only 20 or so yrs before we have kids & get 'em on their way. See you on the slopes in 20.
there's another thing, i get these invitations to said weddings, and sometimes they are cool and well designed and everything, but then there are the ulgy ones, and they have all these shitty little inserts, like hand written "LINENS & THINGS X & Y ARE REGISTERED HERE!" and there will be like 6 of them. i think they are tacky.
Is it hot outside? Haven't been there since I came in at 7... I think its raining out here.
Don't see why not, isn't the registry thing usually done in the brides name anyways? Or you could make up a name for the "male" side of your personality and register as that couple.
WonderK and Stephanie, I join the commiseration party.
I do live with one (male) partner but it's still difficult. Though i will say, for your sake, that tall, handsome, bright, design-aware, (non-designer) men do exist in this world! YET I still manage to feel rather alone a lot of the time.
Men just don't understand some things. Even the best of them, and even though they do try. However, this has nothing to do with architecture.
I haven't worried too much about marriage, though. I have tried to get a mental picture of myself married in the future, and any vision of me being wed to a *man* is elusive and colloidal, even to the imagination - though not out of the question entirely. I can more easily see myself living permanently with a woman, it feels more sensible. So Steph, your house-sharing situation sounds nearly ideal, but I'd take the sex too, thanks.
Bridal registries have become pretty repugnant. I understand it if you really are seriously poor and need help getting on your feet.. dowries used to exist, towns used to have house-raising bees for newlyweds, and childrearing was a community effort so I think this tradition comes out of that mindset. The idea of a married couple starting out completely self-reliant is culturally unprecedented. But when a couple have been living together for 3 years already, owns their own home, have their own dishes and bedding, a comfortable income, and everything they need.. NO I am not going to contribute Frette sheets and an unnecessary espresso machine. And if I know you well enough to be expected to present you with boughten merchandise, then I know you well enough to select it!
i just broke up with my first boyfriend of 2 years, and i am a third year architecture student. technically second year.
though it was probably not the architecture that broke us up, i am scared to think that i will have to choose either architecture or boyfriend/husband. being a very needy and attaching girl, I feel like having a partner would outweigh architecture. sad, but at the current state I am in, maybe it's understandable?
I don't know.. does doing architecture really require so much passion that you neglect the important people in your life?..
for some reason i've tended to date women who were either teachers, nurses, or doctors. i've only met about two female architects who interested me at all, and both of them were already taken (and probably wouldn't have been good relationship material for me anyway)
or some reason i've tended to date women who were either bitches, or whores or opportunists, i've only met about two female architects who interested me at all, and both of them were already taken (and probably wouldn't have been good relationship material for me anyway)
marriage is a lot of work no matter what either person does...there are certain professions whose spouses just have to put up with a lot in terms of long hours, extensive travel, and one-sided shop-talk-style conversations at the dinner table. football coaches, surgeons, soldiers, and architects come to mind; there are many, many others, i'm sure...
i always tended to go for creative women but never architects. my wife is an art historian/journalist/generally incredible designer of all things and it's easy to find common ground yet have different perspectives on shared issues, which makes things interesting. as well, my wife understands what i do and what kind of schedule it requires. since i got a laptop with CAD on it i can spend more time at home, so it's working out splendidly, marriage is
^_^
i don't know how old you are, but i think you will find that you do get to choose to work countless or 40 hours a week. to have time for people or not.
i know that i use workaholicism as an excuse for having a poor ability to make emotional commitments.
but you should never have to chose being a wife over having a career. anyone who wouldn't at least try understand the duties of your job probably isn't worth your time anyway and you don't want to be with a dolt.
I think the key is to find someone who also has a passionate dedication to something, so the time you set aside for each other is agreed upon as a "time out" from your individual pursuits. In my case it's an artist husband - I understand when he wants to stay up all night painting or wants to spend $1,000 on a welder; he understands when I want to stay up all night drawing or take a five hour car trip to see a building.
Agree with everything Ochona wrote, and Stephanie too - a good relationship is a lot of work on the part of both people, and you have to conciously decide you are going to do the work required.
beneath the dot-joining fishnet of talk the pith beneath the peel is our communal lie: unpossessed. still beneath the talk the hum of
threat.
making a point of moral valency is watery irrelevance because impending
catastrophe is amoral (i can always visualize our next breakup). catastrophe is
moral speech lamenting in its own funeral is a rush of
breathless air and i want the twig snapped stillness after, sometimes just as deseperately as sometimes wanting a fuck.
it makes the pith a mine natural, beneath and equal to, its landscape
.still waiting is a physical undoing that does not arrive but awaits. in that , there is not anger, nothing added. the reality
(our contract) out of this talk withdraws and leaves simple confusion, a great big negative too sudden too fast (all too's converge
in your humanly deferred gods).a negative and in excess. (i squirmed like a hypochondriac pig in a swamp of filth, half in delight half in
disgust (half of which was at its delight)... we were a couple)
this reasoning leads me to confess (as i have been yearning to even in talk, like a python wiggling inside a green snake)
and to say that i do not love you, have never loved you or loved.
i say perhaps the first boy, but in truth it was a discovery of bitter jealousy. i wanted him in me, in every way. his face to grow out of
mine.
he was my mould of
being real before i withdrew into acceptance.i bought his scent and mimiced his laughter. he was also a case of 'too' and so he introduced
me to the irony of impotent love. thereafter, sex became playful desperation, every penetration widening the eyes, the satisfaction of
skinning a cat or exorcising a pimple (but i loved him .. if words were what they meant or meant what they were).
then you gave me emptiness and human skin warmth in bouts. i was afforded a chance to have a benign father-fucker
and in the same instant to sound their lack. u were my hollow chance and a reminder of how much i feared
flesh and bones and breath. i sensed the rot of life in your musculature. sex forked: biological repulsion, sickening and flaubertian,
and mineral delight, a probing itching metal head idea demanding to be met and resisted. effed.
afterwards, you could let me sink into honeyed selfishness, my solitude (you were the echo-wall for my aloneness)
of allowable collapse. i held on like a mammal child, i clung to the source of warm blood and the milk of skin,sucked it for what it was
worth. i am your pet cyclostome, your affections' inquiline. window licking your love.
i'll drop the mark before the question : even 'you' is just a slot. a human shaped outline in an indefinite carriage in
a necklace of train carriages. and as for me...you already suspect a dreamy nothingness.
in your face ,this myth of contingence: does your humour shelter in the
curvature of your nostrils and your spastic fear of table objects in the spear of your eyebrow tic
exactly LB -- there has to be passion equalization. my wife is always knitting, designing cards, sewing clothes,rearranging our furniture...i sit and draft or design, she sits and knits, we talk back and forth, and each of us are doing our own thing
i think ultimately the key to any successful relationship is that each person have a part of their life that is independent of their partner (or anyone else, for that matter). whether that independence comes from work, art, golf, fixing cars, planning charity events -- whatever. successful marriages NEVER involve each spouse spending 100% of their time together. broken relationships sometimes do, though...
^_^, you CAN be both a spouse and an architect. you'll find out with time
I know I have, my wife is an artist too LB, and is not her direct influence, but I guess she inspires me. I guess it is more like a muse, both for who she is and her own work and passion.
We play when we want to play, but we then sit down and work we work. Currently we are planning a joint art show, movie making, she helped me with my grad school portoflio, I help her with her upcoming art show and the class she is teaching, etc...
Marriage is the best idea we ever had.
marriage per se, neither yes nor no. but the maturity and contentedness and fulfilledness (?) that have come with marriage has definitely made me both more productive and a better designer. neither of us are big on collaboration as such but we do bounce ideas off each other and critique each other's ideas and, more than anything, provide support for each other. all this has enabled me to become way more than i would have ever become were i single or unmarried
i am a 3rd year arch. student and i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. he's already out of school + working in the real world. he only has a 2 year degree and works very hard for his money. this is really the only thing that bothers me about our relationship - i hope it never gets to a point where tension develops between us b/c of our very different educational backgrounds. when i'm at school we live about 4 hours apart. sometimes we go several days without talking much more than 10 minutes if i was trying to meet a deadline or pulling all-nighters. he understands what i go through in order to finish school and pursue further education and eventually a career in architecture + fully supports whatever i want to do (including spending the next semester in barcelona). however, we both understand that relationships are not a 1-way street. i think that the fact that he's been with me since i've been in school will help us in the future but i don't think it's a necessity to a relationship with someone involved in a demanding field like architecture. we both try to make the most out of the time we do have with each other + we trust each other completely. i think as long as you can be happy when you are together and have complete faith in the other person, then in the end you should have a strong relationship. maybe i'm viewing this through rose-colored glasses though b/c i am in such a good relationship.
i think ultimately the key to any successful relationship is that each person have a part of their life that is independent of their partner (or anyone else, for that matter). whether that independence comes from work, art, golf, fixing cars, planning charity events -- whatever. successful marriages NEVER involve each spouse spending 100% of their time together. broken relationships sometimes do, though...
marriage
i'm married to a physicist... great match.
and got a stunning ring!
well ... this seems odd... the whole life i mean ...
i am dating to my girl for 5 years but i cannot think of marriage as i think of the troubles and those work sttuff i will face ...
thinking of children is great but having them and times they consume is ...
the strain of begetting and worrying about raising and feeding children drains away all the architectural creative juices. Moral: stay single & celibate to stay enthused about art & architecture. Or else become accustomed to being mediocre the rest of your life: you want the best for your children etc. etc.
john, i don't have children nor do i want to have them, but i think that you present a rather narrow way of looking of the benefit of having children or gaining inspiration from them or other things outside or sitting in an architecture studio that may then provide "creative juices" for your art/architectural vision/ambitions.
I guess I just think you can't have everything: big job, spouse, happy marriage, wonderful kids, fancy car, big house. somewhere there's got to be sacrifice. If you want kids: fine- that's a sacrifice and a vocation. so is architecture and things of the mind.
i hear you john, but balance is the key to wonderful life. to put all of your efforts into architecture only will leave you a lonely ol man, and one who may have missed so many other sources of inspiration.
there are several people in my firm who ended up divorced or perennially single due to their excessive work hours. while architecture often becomes a lifestyle, more than just a career, it is important to maintain a life outside of it as well.
i've never dated anyone else in architecture before and i like the fact that my boyfriend is not in the field. architecture is my thing, and he has his. that said, i've know several successful architect-couples. either way, it takes work, whether you're in architecture or not.
i've never seen any correspondence between architectural success and childlessness. lots of our architectural powerhouses are also parents.
john- are a big house and a fancy car so important that you wouldn't give them up in order to have the rest of the things on that list? That's what I'd cut out of there.
yes I would give them up (already have), but, as a fine RC priest once said to me, "You have to give till it hurts" and that is as true for an architectural vocation as it is for raising a family.
It will be fine. Marriage is supposed to be a beautiful thing. With your eyes wide open both will be aware of the sacrifices and challenges you will have to face. You WILL have to go home at 5, and they will have to join you on that trek to see La Tourette
Justin_Hui might benefit from asking the same kind of question but invert what is at stake. So how could I be successful without someone who is constantly there for me emotionally?
Good luck if don't have that person. If you're miserable, it could breed the same kind of child that demands lots of attention and eats up all the time you're supposed to be spending in front of the drafting board: depression and bad karma.
architects are ugly.
LOL
I am a child of an architect, I went on the pilgrimages, I survived.
It made me more interesting and interested in the world around me, rather than just visiting Disneyland for a week. Maybe I just thought it was natural, since I did it all my life. I thought every kid went to the AIA conference and did a 5 hour walking tour of Santa Fe on their family vacation.
As for my father, he was/is a workaholic, and it could be frustrating, but he did try to make time for my family. Now that I am all grown up, I appreciate his passion and admire him greatly. I am not scarred for life or anything, but I do have workaholic tendancies.
As for my mom... I feel sorry for her. They are still married, but she realizes that she is the mistress, architecture is the wife, and it really hurts her. I think having a successful marriage depends on the people involved. If you think you can't have a successful career and a successful relationship, you are right - but there are people (architects included) that do it. If you want to dedicate yourself fully to something with no outside distractions, go for it. I personally think that in any job, outside interests and passions make you and your work more whole and expansive. It doesn't necessarily have to be a wife and kids, though.
my ex wife most likely has some thoughts on this thread.
lol Israel
my fiance did think this post was rather depressing
Architects, architects. Don't get married until you grow up, or until you get past Archi-neuroses. I'm serious. If you're gonna embark on Architecture as a career fit for a monastery, don't bring someone (a civilian) into your living hell. They don't deserve it.
Marraige is a good thing, but most architects fuck it up because they shoose to remain a selfish, childish asshole. If you're gonna get married & be an Architect, at least drop the Asshole part. The selfish thing could be dropped as well because marraige is about making 2 into 1. Maybe there are architectural examples that can help guide ye - start w/ a Gehry project.
Remember, if you shoose marraige, don' no be un-cool.
Mystery Man ... you have my back! It isn't a mystery at all, Marriage, architecture and kids is a balancing act. So one can chose to be super extreme dad and super Starchitect but the effort to try and balance that is clearly more difficult. but one can define a career that matches lifestyle, family and architect just as well.
My firm does a high percentage of ski / resort projects ( way too lodge-like for stararchitects, but it the kind of work that I like ( heavy timber, wood detailing etc ) I personally love the idea of having a client meeting inside a helicopter or snow cat in the middle of a powder day on the slope with the client, and my wife and kids love the fact they get to come along and join in the fun.
Its no fluke to have those projects it was a conscious effort to build that client base and as such I have made a effort to do work closer to the family life and lifestyle I enjoy and in an architectural vein that satisfies my career goalsand still have enough variation to keep it challenging.
I don't pine for doing art galleries and more urban projects and have turned many of those project types down because the personal / financial need to do them just doesn't exist. The grass is pretty green on my side of the fence as far as I am concerned and I don't feel a urge to pursue them at this time in my career. I expect that to change when kids are at college but then again maybe just skiing, biking and travelling would be good too!
Whistler,
I keep looking for ski-lodge projects but for some reason, they don't build 'em here, at 33.6N latitude. There are plenty of little boutiques & galleries, though. Somehow, that doesn't equal your version of client meetings though. Oh well, it's only 20 or so yrs before we have kids & get 'em on their way. See you on the slopes in 20.
There's always golf!
i'm tired of buying wedding gifts, i swear i'm up to like, two a week.
i know this sounds like a bitchy comment, but i've got 9 couples getting married this summer. 9!
why can't people buy me gifts for, like, deciding that i am for the most part happy with my commited relationship to treating myself well?
well then, at what stores are you registered?
there's another thing, i get these invitations to said weddings, and sometimes they are cool and well designed and everything, but then there are the ulgy ones, and they have all these shitty little inserts, like hand written "LINENS & THINGS X & Y ARE REGISTERED HERE!" and there will be like 6 of them. i think they are tacky.
again, sorry for more bitchiness.
it's hot outside.
can you register for yourself?
Is it hot outside? Haven't been there since I came in at 7... I think its raining out here.
Don't see why not, isn't the registry thing usually done in the brides name anyways? Or you could make up a name for the "male" side of your personality and register as that couple.
yes my registry would have to be somewhere cool
IKEA, crate and barrell are maybes
step it up a knotch Knoll
Segranies - hmm
i didn't read this whole thread . . . but just in case it hasn't been said. do what I did - marry another architect
WonderK and Stephanie, I join the commiseration party.
I do live with one (male) partner but it's still difficult. Though i will say, for your sake, that tall, handsome, bright, design-aware, (non-designer) men do exist in this world! YET I still manage to feel rather alone a lot of the time.
Men just don't understand some things. Even the best of them, and even though they do try. However, this has nothing to do with architecture.
I don't trust anyone to pick out important jewelry for me!
But here is the perfect engagement/wedding set:
http://www.brokenoff.com/thediamondseries.jpg
or if it doesn't work, http://www.brokenoff.com/tobias.html# (new diamond project)
And of course there is the Georg Jensen "Centenary" collection.
I haven't worried too much about marriage, though. I have tried to get a mental picture of myself married in the future, and any vision of me being wed to a *man* is elusive and colloidal, even to the imagination - though not out of the question entirely. I can more easily see myself living permanently with a woman, it feels more sensible. So Steph, your house-sharing situation sounds nearly ideal, but I'd take the sex too, thanks.
Bridal registries have become pretty repugnant. I understand it if you really are seriously poor and need help getting on your feet.. dowries used to exist, towns used to have house-raising bees for newlyweds, and childrearing was a community effort so I think this tradition comes out of that mindset. The idea of a married couple starting out completely self-reliant is culturally unprecedented. But when a couple have been living together for 3 years already, owns their own home, have their own dishes and bedding, a comfortable income, and everything they need.. NO I am not going to contribute Frette sheets and an unnecessary espresso machine. And if I know you well enough to be expected to present you with boughten merchandise, then I know you well enough to select it!
i just broke up with my first boyfriend of 2 years, and i am a third year architecture student. technically second year.
though it was probably not the architecture that broke us up, i am scared to think that i will have to choose either architecture or boyfriend/husband. being a very needy and attaching girl, I feel like having a partner would outweigh architecture. sad, but at the current state I am in, maybe it's understandable?
I don't know.. does doing architecture really require so much passion that you neglect the important people in your life?..
no. those people keep you grounded in reality and make you better at bridging between architecture-world and community.
you'll survive. if you're like me, you may not find that really impt person until you're 30, but you'll survive. have some fun along the way.
for some reason i've tended to date women who were either teachers, nurses, or doctors. i've only met about two female architects who interested me at all, and both of them were already taken (and probably wouldn't have been good relationship material for me anyway)
or some reason i've tended to date women who were either bitches, or whores or opportunists, i've only met about two female architects who interested me at all, and both of them were already taken (and probably wouldn't have been good relationship material for me anyway)
marriage is a lot of work no matter what either person does...there are certain professions whose spouses just have to put up with a lot in terms of long hours, extensive travel, and one-sided shop-talk-style conversations at the dinner table. football coaches, surgeons, soldiers, and architects come to mind; there are many, many others, i'm sure...
i always tended to go for creative women but never architects. my wife is an art historian/journalist/generally incredible designer of all things and it's easy to find common ground yet have different perspectives on shared issues, which makes things interesting. as well, my wife understands what i do and what kind of schedule it requires. since i got a laptop with CAD on it i can spend more time at home, so it's working out splendidly, marriage is
^_^
i don't know how old you are, but i think you will find that you do get to choose to work countless or 40 hours a week. to have time for people or not.
i know that i use workaholicism as an excuse for having a poor ability to make emotional commitments.
but you should never have to chose being a wife over having a career. anyone who wouldn't at least try understand the duties of your job probably isn't worth your time anyway and you don't want to be with a dolt.
I think the key is to find someone who also has a passionate dedication to something, so the time you set aside for each other is agreed upon as a "time out" from your individual pursuits. In my case it's an artist husband - I understand when he wants to stay up all night painting or wants to spend $1,000 on a welder; he understands when I want to stay up all night drawing or take a five hour car trip to see a building.
Agree with everything Ochona wrote, and Stephanie too - a good relationship is a lot of work on the part of both people, and you have to conciously decide you are going to do the work required.
and then you get this melodrama:
luver,
beneath the dot-joining fishnet of talk the pith beneath the peel is our communal lie: unpossessed. still beneath the talk the hum of
threat.
making a point of moral valency is watery irrelevance because impending
catastrophe is amoral (i can always visualize our next breakup). catastrophe is
moral speech lamenting in its own funeral is a rush of
breathless air and i want the twig snapped stillness after, sometimes just as deseperately as sometimes wanting a fuck.
it makes the pith a mine natural, beneath and equal to, its landscape
.still waiting is a physical undoing that does not arrive but awaits. in that , there is not anger, nothing added. the reality
(our contract) out of this talk withdraws and leaves simple confusion, a great big negative too sudden too fast (all too's converge
in your humanly deferred gods).a negative and in excess. (i squirmed like a hypochondriac pig in a swamp of filth, half in delight half in
disgust (half of which was at its delight)... we were a couple)
this reasoning leads me to confess (as i have been yearning to even in talk, like a python wiggling inside a green snake)
and to say that i do not love you, have never loved you or loved.
i say perhaps the first boy, but in truth it was a discovery of bitter jealousy. i wanted him in me, in every way. his face to grow out of
mine.
he was my mould of
being real before i withdrew into acceptance.i bought his scent and mimiced his laughter. he was also a case of 'too' and so he introduced
me to the irony of impotent love. thereafter, sex became playful desperation, every penetration widening the eyes, the satisfaction of
skinning a cat or exorcising a pimple (but i loved him .. if words were what they meant or meant what they were).
then you gave me emptiness and human skin warmth in bouts. i was afforded a chance to have a benign father-fucker
and in the same instant to sound their lack. u were my hollow chance and a reminder of how much i feared
flesh and bones and breath. i sensed the rot of life in your musculature. sex forked: biological repulsion, sickening and flaubertian,
and mineral delight, a probing itching metal head idea demanding to be met and resisted. effed.
afterwards, you could let me sink into honeyed selfishness, my solitude (you were the echo-wall for my aloneness)
of allowable collapse. i held on like a mammal child, i clung to the source of warm blood and the milk of skin,sucked it for what it was
worth. i am your pet cyclostome, your affections' inquiline. window licking your love.
i'll drop the mark before the question : even 'you' is just a slot. a human shaped outline in an indefinite carriage in
a necklace of train carriages. and as for me...you already suspect a dreamy nothingness.
in your face ,this myth of contingence: does your humour shelter in the
curvature of your nostrils and your spastic fear of table objects in the spear of your eyebrow tic
i can see that we are bones and flesh
much boney love
tammuz
exactly LB -- there has to be passion equalization. my wife is always knitting, designing cards, sewing clothes,rearranging our furniture...i sit and draft or design, she sits and knits, we talk back and forth, and each of us are doing our own thing
i think ultimately the key to any successful relationship is that each person have a part of their life that is independent of their partner (or anyone else, for that matter). whether that independence comes from work, art, golf, fixing cars, planning charity events -- whatever. successful marriages NEVER involve each spouse spending 100% of their time together. broken relationships sometimes do, though...
^_^, you CAN be both a spouse and an architect. you'll find out with time
Have you guys found that marriage hs made you:
A-More productive
B-A better designer
I know I have, my wife is an artist too LB, and is not her direct influence, but I guess she inspires me. I guess it is more like a muse, both for who she is and her own work and passion.
We play when we want to play, but we then sit down and work we work. Currently we are planning a joint art show, movie making, she helped me with my grad school portoflio, I help her with her upcoming art show and the class she is teaching, etc...
Marriage is the best idea we ever had.
marriage per se, neither yes nor no. but the maturity and contentedness and fulfilledness (?) that have come with marriage has definitely made me both more productive and a better designer. neither of us are big on collaboration as such but we do bounce ideas off each other and critique each other's ideas and, more than anything, provide support for each other. all this has enabled me to become way more than i would have ever become were i single or unmarried
how about this idea for the unmarried male architects:
get yourself a sugar mommy!
my boyfriend thinks that i will be his sugar momma, i really wish he would believe me when i say that i will make NO money...
my girlfriends getting her phd. in cancer biology and pharmacology.
I'm set.
If I ever do decide to take the plunge, I want my china pattern from here.
Or should i say here rather.
what bekarius said. 'cept... I really hope i'll be making enough money to feed the both of us.
i am a 3rd year arch. student and i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. he's already out of school + working in the real world. he only has a 2 year degree and works very hard for his money. this is really the only thing that bothers me about our relationship - i hope it never gets to a point where tension develops between us b/c of our very different educational backgrounds. when i'm at school we live about 4 hours apart. sometimes we go several days without talking much more than 10 minutes if i was trying to meet a deadline or pulling all-nighters. he understands what i go through in order to finish school and pursue further education and eventually a career in architecture + fully supports whatever i want to do (including spending the next semester in barcelona). however, we both understand that relationships are not a 1-way street. i think that the fact that he's been with me since i've been in school will help us in the future but i don't think it's a necessity to a relationship with someone involved in a demanding field like architecture. we both try to make the most out of the time we do have with each other + we trust each other completely. i think as long as you can be happy when you are together and have complete faith in the other person, then in the end you should have a strong relationship. maybe i'm viewing this through rose-colored glasses though b/c i am in such a good relationship.
-ochona, i could agree more with what you said!
i think ultimately the key to any successful relationship is that each person have a part of their life that is independent of their partner (or anyone else, for that matter). whether that independence comes from work, art, golf, fixing cars, planning charity events -- whatever. successful marriages NEVER involve each spouse spending 100% of their time together. broken relationships sometimes do, though...
couldn't*
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