Good day! First of all I want to send my gratitude to those who took time reading this. Thank you so much. I just want to let it all out. I wanted to know from the Architect's perspective. I apologize for my English grammar because it's not my first language.
Back when I was in high school, I wanted to study Architecture course. In fact I was aware of 5 yrs + 2 yrs apprenticeship. I was a high school graduating student, unfortunately, my parent's business was caught on fire last December 2014. I was hesitant to continue enrolling to it since we're experiencing financial crisis up to this day. But I was motivated to continue that's why I availed scholarship grant during college.
I reached 3rd yr in Architecture when I felt that I don't want to study it. Honestly and sadly, It was tiring for me. I felt unhappy while working on plates/projects. It was as if a norm. Like going to school after that I immediately go back to my dorm to work on the requirements. I just continued working hard to be a dean's lister since it will help me in my tuition fees (half tuition fee if part of the DL).
There were times my professors gave me compliments which I would always say if they were sure about it. Since I was not the best or top student in class especially in Architecture major subjects. Every time they give me compliments I don't usually believe it. But I couldn't deny that their words motivated me to continue studying Architecture even if I was unhappy.
I didn't share all my struggles to my parents because I was worried that it will just add up to their problems. But I really couldn't take it that it forced me to tell it to them that I don't want to continue studying Architecture. They didn't let me enroll to another course.
I reached 5th yr in 2019. My professors praised me during title defense. I was so happy that I couldn't believe that I passed the first phase to thesis project. After a month, I was so devastated knowing my brother died. At the same time, a certain government org sued my parents business knowing we didn't do anything illegal. In pure honesty, it became the worst year of my life. Full of negative emotions developed, I have anxiety attacks, I'm mentally and emotionally unstable even today. My life was full of sadness, frustrations, anxieties, pressure. I was totally concerned about my parents knowing how would they feel that their eldest son died sleeping next to my mom. I was badly hurt that I wanted to give up.
I was full of worries thinking how could I work and finish my thesis as a graduating student. But I still continued. During proposal and interim defense, I couldn't believe my professors praised me for my work. But during the final defense, I was not fully prepared, I have incomplete requirements I was really problematic that I didn't know what to do but to cry. In the end of my defense, they still gave me compliments I was still grateful that I couldn't believe that they passed my defense knowing those circumstances I had.
I was happy they congratulated me until my other professor stood up told me pointed at me that she was truly disappointed about my performance, she said she had high expectations that I could get higher grades with my thesis, and told me I was OC that I couldn't finish my design presentation since I'm always crying, and then she left. After hearing those words, I couldn't hold my tears from falling. The panel immediately comforted me telling me that I shouldn't mind it, and I was grateful to them. I was not able to give time to grieve about my brother's death because all I think was those words, those hurtful words. It was as if a traumatic experience for me that I don't want to open my thesis document, cad software, architecture books, anything related to art and architecture.
That' s why I realized that maybe Architecture is not really meant for me. I told my parents that I don't want to work apprenticeship but they told me to because It's not only a waste of my time studying it but also it's a waste of their money, also they keep telling me that I may be the one to help my family and business from crisis. I told them that I was not ready to work in Architecture profession let me give time to heal. I applied and work for 1 week now in an architectural firm, I really don't want it. I don't want to work in any architecture related job anymore. I want to quit even if it's too early. I am afraid to share it to may parents that I want to give up to this profession, it didn't make me a happy person. My mental, emotional, and physical health are at stake by finishing it.
If I have a chance, I want to try other course. I want to start a new life again. Before, I dreamt Architecture profession but now I also think about to proceed M.Arch. for me to work on my thesis and finish it successfully. but sadly, I'm afraid to do it.
I do apologize for sharing personal matter and if my way of telling it is confusing. Thank you so much
Architecture as a job can be as time-filling as you let it be, and getting to a place where you can go home at the end of the business day and not work weekends takes perseverance and compromise. You'll need to work hard and be open and honest about your needs, which can lead to some stress and might even lose you a job here or there. But it is possible.
The stuff you went through sounds brutal, and you have my admiration that you made it through school with everything that happened. You are more prepared than most for what life can demand from you, and I don't think you'll find the actual job nearly as demanding of your time and emotion, especially if you put safeguards in place.
I am going to play your game with your comment just for the laugh.
How dare you say the professor was out of line. The professor had no knowledge of OP's struggle. To the professor, the student may be coasting at the end and not put in the effort. I hope you don't throw any of your colleagues or consultants under the bus like how you throw the professor under the bus here to comfort OP.
Huh, is it good? Could it be better?
Feb 12, 21 3:09 pm ·
·
SneakyPete
Way to miss the point.
Feb 12, 21 3:32 pm ·
·
rcz1001
Jay1122, professors are generally trained with some curriculum about empathy and should have recognized that there was something going on even if they don't know what or why. The one professor that told the OP was OC is not a qualified professional to make such diagnosis like if a person is "obsessive-compulsive" or not. That is one noted area where I say the professor was out of line to say that.
May I ask what does all your issues and emotions have to do with architecture exactly? It sounds like you just have too much on your plates right now and just need to relax without so much pressure and expectations put on you. It does not matter whether you are studying architecture, accounting, medicine, law, or whatever. Academic or thesis does not matter much. Your professors are purely judging the academic work. If you want to pursue academic careers you could try. Academic is even more competitive than practice.
What you need to do is determine whether you truly dislike the architecture practice(not your academic or thesis stuff) and the many possible roles and responsibilities among them. Designer: sketches, 3D models, renders, presentation drawings, etc. Production: Revit model, CD sets, details. Management: Schedules, fees, consultants coordination, etc. CA field specialist: site visit, coordinate with GC,CA review stuff. Then visit the pays, the hours. If you truly don't like doing those tasks day to day, then sure pursuit your next career you envision yourself doing.
And why would you even consider M.Arch after B.Arch when you don't even like the profession. Just to re-do the thesis and reclaim the glory the others expected? The tuition for M. Arch is not worth it unless you have the extra cash. But you said you got financial problems in family now.
Oh no, I am not here to say those typical comforting languages just to make myself feel superior on a higher moral ground. I am here to actually give a perspective of an impartial 3rd party to help OP actually see through whether architecture itself is the problem or just the current state of emotion. Before simply blame architecture as the reason and flush those experiences, finances and possible futures in the profession down the drain.
Feb 12, 21 12:24 pm ·
·
square.
good thing you're not a therapist.
Feb 12, 21 12:50 pm ·
·
SneakyPete
I hope you have no responsibility for anyone under you at your firm. Attitudes like yours are the reason people think architecture is hostile to the humans who make it possible.
That is just your opinion and assumption. And if it is my colleague telling me those, it would be different from a stranger internet post. The social dynamic is different. Even then I would not know how to tell someone to grief. People do it differently. If it is too severe, maybe find a psychologist. If a few kind words from internet post can miraculously heal OP's wounds. Then it wouldn't be a problem to begin with. What is critical that I see beyond the superficial issues, is that OP not regret later after being in a more stable emotional state. Pains fade, perspectives change. Life goes on, passion lost now may be regained later, just don't want OP to have regrets and waste all the resources already spent.
And don't ask what is the right choice to not regret, no one knows. Man I still thought cryptocurrencies are a scam. But I do wish I had invested in Bitcoin.
Feb 12, 21 2:23 pm ·
·
SneakyPete
If you feel that the internet is not the place to comment on a stranger's grief, perhaps starting with a leading question about their "issues and emotions" and following that up by telling them to "relax" was not the right way to go about showing that.
And if you truly do "not know how to tell someone to grief" then perhaps limiting your comments -to a person who obviously feels that emotions and grief are an important part of their life- would be a good choice.
OP wrote: "I just want to let it all out. I wanted to know from the Architect's perspective" And I am providing my perspective. If OP wants some comfort comments or shrink advices. Then I probably would skip through. Anyway, its just forum posts, if you don't like it, just ignore it. Don't have to use it to make yourself look like some superior saint or psychology experts.
Feb 12, 21 2:49 pm ·
·
SneakyPete
Anyway, its just forum posts, if you don't like it, just ignore it.
yes, quite an odd hill to die on here jay. i thought we left this sort of behavior in the 50s.
Feb 12, 21 3:30 pm ·
·
sameolddoctor
Jay sounds like one of those old school architects, or draftsmen from the 50s - keep drawing till you die. S/he doesn't understand the importance of a balanced mindset for being a creative professional.
tbtkiri, a lot of pressure was put upon you and you feel to an extent of being overwhelmed. First, you can take a year off from pursuing architecture to get through the emotions. Your parents don't want you to give up even though their language may seem to be a little off base by use of words that you giving up being a waste of their money. You committed a lot of time, emotion, and energy getting this far. I would argue that outright giving up may be you giving up on your passion that you had. Architecture has its good moments and bad moments where you may want to give up but strangely enough but frequently enough, people in this profession gets back on the saddle even after a little break. Remember, you can still take the time to grieve over the death of your brother, even today even though at the time, you 'couldn't' for whatever. All occupations have their good moments and bad moments. Picking yourself up and completing your passion and goal to become an Architect is a path but don't feel you have to absolutely do it in a particular timeframe. You have your entire life to do it in. If I was in your situation, I may take a break but not give up entirely and when I am ready to get back on the saddle.... continue on to the next step in the process. Break down the big goals into multiple goal points to achieve and work on it as you need to at YOUR pace. Take the reins and be in control of the situation. If you feel the need to take a break or pause on the pursuit to becoming an architect, feel free to do so. It is not like you have to do everything in 7 years just because that may be the minimum amount of time to get license. Don't waste your time and energy trying to do it in the minimum amount of time. Go at the pace you are ready to. There are plenty of people here on this forum that can testify to this point.I wish you best.
I’m sorry for your loss tbtkiri! I think you could really benefit from some personal time off to grief and think about possible next steps. To simply keep on going forward in architecture under these circumstances as if nothing happened might be just as bad an idea or advice as simply quitting and burning all your bridges, not sure...maybe some distance for a while might do you good and offer some perspective. Also, talk about how you really feel with your parents.
I would highly recommend you seek professional help to work through your struggles. It sounds like you have lingering grief and immense anxiety related to your brothers death and parents business struggles, add on the enormous pressure from architecture school. If you are able, please find a therapist to talk to. This is not a criticism; we are all humans and need help in tough times, I know I have. They can provide a safe place for you to talk through your feelings, cry, scream, whatever, and you can do so without the guilt of “burdening” others with your emotions. Once you develop the skills there to cope with grief and anxiety, you can make coherent decisions about your career.
Look up Imposter Syndrome. How you respond to both criticism and praise won't only drive you away from architecture; if you continue to let it control you as you explore other careers, you will never have confidence in your ability to pursue anything. Good luck.
Conditions to the architecture industry have posed difficulties and will continue to do so. At the end of the day, you should go and do what makes you happy!
Feb 15, 21 7:50 pm ·
·
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I don't want to pursue Architecture anymore
Good day! First of all I want to send my gratitude to those who took time reading this. Thank you so much. I just want to let it all out. I wanted to know from the Architect's perspective. I apologize for my English grammar because it's not my first language.
Back when I was in high school, I wanted to study Architecture course. In fact I was aware of 5 yrs + 2 yrs apprenticeship. I was a high school graduating student, unfortunately, my parent's business was caught on fire last December 2014. I was hesitant to continue enrolling to it since we're experiencing financial crisis up to this day. But I was motivated to continue that's why I availed scholarship grant during college.
I reached 3rd yr in Architecture when I felt that I don't want to study it. Honestly and sadly, It was tiring for me. I felt unhappy while working on plates/projects. It was as if a norm. Like going to school after that I immediately go back to my dorm to work on the requirements. I just continued working hard to be a dean's lister since it will help me in my tuition fees (half tuition fee if part of the DL).
There were times my professors gave me compliments which I would always say if they were sure about it. Since I was not the best or top student in class especially in Architecture major subjects. Every time they give me compliments I don't usually believe it. But I couldn't deny that their words motivated me to continue studying Architecture even if I was unhappy.
I didn't share all my struggles to my parents because I was worried that it will just add up to their problems. But I really couldn't take it that it forced me to tell it to them that I don't want to continue studying Architecture. They didn't let me enroll to another course.
I reached 5th yr in 2019. My professors praised me during title defense. I was so happy that I couldn't believe that I passed the first phase to thesis project. After a month, I was so devastated knowing my brother died. At the same time, a certain government org sued my parents business knowing we didn't do anything illegal. In pure honesty, it became the worst year of my life. Full of negative emotions developed, I have anxiety attacks, I'm mentally and emotionally unstable even today. My life was full of sadness, frustrations, anxieties, pressure. I was totally concerned about my parents knowing how would they feel that their eldest son died sleeping next to my mom. I was badly hurt that I wanted to give up.
I was full of worries thinking how could I work and finish my thesis as a graduating student. But I still continued. During proposal and interim defense, I couldn't believe my professors praised me for my work. But during the final defense, I was not fully prepared, I have incomplete requirements I was really problematic that I didn't know what to do but to cry. In the end of my defense, they still gave me compliments I was still grateful that I couldn't believe that they passed my defense knowing those circumstances I had.
I was happy they congratulated me until my other professor stood up told me pointed at me that she was truly disappointed about my performance, she said she had high expectations that I could get higher grades with my thesis, and told me I was OC that I couldn't finish my design presentation since I'm always crying, and then she left. After hearing those words, I couldn't hold my tears from falling. The panel immediately comforted me telling me that I shouldn't mind it, and I was grateful to them. I was not able to give time to grieve about my brother's death because all I think was those words, those hurtful words. It was as if a traumatic experience for me that I don't want to open my thesis document, cad software, architecture books, anything related to art and architecture.
That' s why I realized that maybe Architecture is not really meant for me. I told my parents that I don't want to work apprenticeship but they told me to because It's not only a waste of my time studying it but also it's a waste of their money, also they keep telling me that I may be the one to help my family and business from crisis. I told them that I was not ready to work in Architecture profession let me give time to heal. I applied and work for 1 week now in an architectural firm, I really don't want it. I don't want to work in any architecture related job anymore. I want to quit even if it's too early. I am afraid to share it to may parents that I want to give up to this profession, it didn't make me a happy person. My mental, emotional, and physical health are at stake by finishing it.
If I have a chance, I want to try other course. I want to start a new life again. Before, I dreamt Architecture profession but now I also think about to proceed M.Arch. for me to work on my thesis and finish it successfully. but sadly, I'm afraid to do it.
I do apologize for sharing personal matter and if my way of telling it is confusing. Thank you so much
Your professor was out of line.
Architecture as a job can be as time-filling as you let it be, and getting to a place where you can go home at the end of the business day and not work weekends takes perseverance and compromise. You'll need to work hard and be open and honest about your needs, which can lead to some stress and might even lose you a job here or there. But it is possible.
The stuff you went through sounds brutal, and you have my admiration that you made it through school with everything that happened. You are more prepared than most for what life can demand from you, and I don't think you'll find the actual job nearly as demanding of your time and emotion, especially if you put safeguards in place.
I am going to play your game with your comment just for the laugh.
How dare you say the professor was out of line. The professor had no knowledge of OP's struggle. To the professor, the student may be coasting at the end and not put in the effort. I hope you don't throw any of your colleagues or consultants under the bus like how you throw the professor under the bus here to comfort OP.
Huh, is it good? Could it be better?
Way to miss the point.
Jay1122, professors are generally trained with some curriculum about empathy and should have recognized that there was something going on even if they don't know what or why. The one professor that told the OP was OC is not a qualified professional to make such diagnosis like if a person is "obsessive-compulsive" or not. That is one noted area where I say the professor was out of line to say that.
May I ask what does all your issues and emotions have to do with architecture exactly? It sounds like you just have too much on your plates right now and just need to relax without so much pressure and expectations put on you. It does not matter whether you are studying architecture, accounting, medicine, law, or whatever. Academic or thesis does not matter much. Your professors are purely judging the academic work. If you want to pursue academic careers you could try. Academic is even more competitive than practice.
What you need to do is determine whether you truly dislike the architecture practice(not your academic or thesis stuff) and the many possible roles and responsibilities among them. Designer: sketches, 3D models, renders, presentation drawings, etc. Production: Revit model, CD sets, details. Management: Schedules, fees, consultants coordination, etc. CA field specialist: site visit, coordinate with GC,CA review stuff. Then visit the pays, the hours. If you truly don't like doing those tasks day to day, then sure pursuit your next career you envision yourself doing.
And why would you even consider M.Arch after B.Arch when you don't even like the profession. Just to re-do the thesis and reclaim the glory the others expected? The tuition for M. Arch is not worth it unless you have the extra cash. But you said you got financial problems in family now.
Emotions and issues are connected to everything, show a little empathy. Telling humans to relax generally has the opposite effect.
Oh no, I am not here to say those typical comforting languages just to make myself feel superior on a higher moral ground. I am here to actually give a perspective of an impartial 3rd party to help OP actually see through whether architecture itself is the problem or just the current state of emotion. Before simply blame architecture as the reason and flush those experiences, finances and possible futures in the profession down the drain.
good thing you're not a therapist.
I hope you have no responsibility for anyone under you at your firm. Attitudes like yours are the reason people think architecture is hostile to the humans who make it possible.
Seriously you don't have to attack me to make yourself feel superior. Go ahead and comfort OP.
Your projection is revealing.
That is just your opinion and assumption. And if it is my colleague telling me those, it would be different from a stranger internet post. The social dynamic is different. Even then I would not know how to tell someone to grief. People do it differently. If it is too severe, maybe find a psychologist. If a few kind words from internet post can miraculously heal OP's wounds. Then it wouldn't be a problem to begin with. What is critical that I see beyond the superficial issues, is that OP not regret later after being in a more stable emotional state. Pains fade, perspectives change. Life goes on, passion lost now may be regained later, just don't want OP to have regrets and waste all the resources already spent.
And don't ask what is the right choice to not regret, no one knows. Man I still thought cryptocurrencies are a scam. But I do wish I had invested in Bitcoin.
If you feel that the internet is not the place to comment on a stranger's grief, perhaps starting with a leading question about their "issues and emotions" and following that up by telling them to "relax" was not the right way to go about showing that.
And if you truly do "not know how to tell someone to grief" then perhaps limiting your comments -to a person who obviously feels that emotions and grief are an important part of their life- would be a good choice.
OP wrote: "I just want to let it all out. I wanted to know from the Architect's perspective" And I am providing my perspective. If OP wants some comfort comments or shrink advices. Then I probably would skip through. Anyway, its just forum posts, if you don't like it, just ignore it. Don't have to use it to make yourself look like some superior saint or psychology experts.
Anyway, its just forum posts, if you don't like it, just ignore it.
yes, quite an odd hill to die on here jay. i thought we left this sort of behavior in the 50s.
Jay sounds like one of those old school architects, or draftsmen from the 50s - keep drawing till you die. S/he doesn't understand the importance of a balanced mindset for being a creative professional.
tbtkiri, a lot of pressure was put upon you and you feel to an extent of being overwhelmed. First, you can take a year off from pursuing architecture to get through the emotions. Your parents don't want you to give up even though their language may seem to be a little off base by use of words that you giving up being a waste of their money. You committed a lot of time, emotion, and energy getting this far. I would argue that outright giving up may be you giving up on your passion that you had. Architecture has its good moments and bad moments where you may want to give up but strangely enough but frequently enough, people in this profession gets back on the saddle even after a little break. Remember, you can still take the time to grieve over the death of your brother, even today even though at the time, you 'couldn't' for whatever. All occupations have their good moments and bad moments. Picking yourself up and completing your passion and goal to become an Architect is a path but don't feel you have to absolutely do it in a particular timeframe. You have your entire life to do it in. If I was in your situation, I may take a break but not give up entirely and when I am ready to get back on the saddle.... continue on to the next step in the process. Break down the big goals into multiple goal points to achieve and work on it as you need to at YOUR pace. Take the reins and be in control of the situation. If you feel the need to take a break or pause on the pursuit to becoming an architect, feel free to do so. It is not like you have to do everything in 7 years just because that may be the minimum amount of time to get license. Don't waste your time and energy trying to do it in the minimum amount of time. Go at the pace you are ready to. There are plenty of people here on this forum that can testify to this point.I wish you best.
I’m sorry for your loss tbtkiri! I think you could really benefit from some personal time off to grief and think about possible next steps. To simply keep on going forward in architecture under these circumstances as if nothing happened might be just as bad an idea or advice as simply quitting and burning all your bridges, not sure...maybe some distance for a while might do you good and offer some perspective. Also, talk about how you really feel with your parents.
I would highly recommend you seek professional help to work through your struggles. It sounds like you have lingering grief and immense anxiety related to your brothers death and parents business struggles, add on the enormous pressure from architecture school. If you are able, please find a therapist to talk to. This is not a criticism; we are all humans and need help in tough times, I know I have. They can provide a safe place for you to talk through your feelings, cry, scream, whatever, and you can do so without the guilt of “burdening” others with your emotions. Once you develop the skills there to cope with grief and anxiety, you can make coherent decisions about your career.
My best wishes to you friend.
Look up Imposter Syndrome. How you respond to both criticism and praise won't only drive you away from architecture; if you continue to let it control you as you explore other careers, you will never have confidence in your ability to pursue anything. Good luck.
Conditions to the architecture industry have posed difficulties and will continue to do so. At the end of the day, you should go and do what makes you happy!
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