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Doubts in pursuing my studies

carmenbonja

Hi everyone,

It is taking me a lot of courage to write this post but I ran into some forums and would like to explain my situation.

I always had doubts in my creativity and I always felt like I didn’t  have it enough. I don’t dream enough when I’m making my buildings and I am only making plans that function without any concept.

I have noticed this recently. I am a second year architecture student in Paris. I am a foreign student and I already feel really bad that my parents are paying everything for me to succeed. 

I really liked architecture before I started going to school, and used to watch a lot of documentaries about architecture and had a big passion for art. I didn’t go to an architecture school right after high school because I had a lot of creativity doubts and ended up doing a year of biology because of these doubts. I gave it a lot of thought and decided that architecture was what I wanted and that I had to stop doubting myself. During my first year of school, I found myself in the exact position I though I would be: no creativity, having a hard time to find a concept, and slowly started hating architecture. My profs criticized me a LOT, they’re french and super fucking rude. I have trouble expressing myself and my ideas and can’t use proper terms to describe my ideas. I passed my year by 0.06 and my profs told me I should work on myself more during the summer.

I obviously didn’t open a book of architecture during the summer because I really wanted to take a break from the school year, which was super tiring. 

Anyway, I wouldn’t say that I hate architecture but it‘s sort of a love hate relationship.

This year I’m in my second year of architecture. My 2 bestfriends dropped out of school and I changed professors. ( I am currently supposed to be working for a final presentation in 2 days but instead i’m writing this) Anyway, I have really good profs this year but I somehow can’t find my passion doing anything anymore. I do not appreciate art as much as I used to, I feel like I lost my taste and aesthetics, I am never inspired and I hate my current project. I cry every week for 2 or 3 days before each presentation because I hate my projects and I think I might have fallen into some sort of depression. I started doubting myself in everything and lost completely all my hobbies and find myself not passionate at all, about anything. It really hurts me to think that I am not good and that I suck because I know I’m good at other things but I never have the time, effort and will to do them anymore. 

I feel so bad because my father really wants me to become an architect and is really providing sooo much for me but I just feel like I’m completely losing myself, my personality and joy. 

I don’t know what to do anymore, who to talk to and what to do with my project for this week. I want to drop out. I know if I do that I’ll regret it so! much because I really like architecture it’s just that I am bad at it. I think maybe I might be more scientific? 

If you read this entirely thank you so much. I am really going through a very hard phase and would really appreciate some help :( 

Thank you!! so much

 
Nov 16, 19 12:20 pm
TED

2nd year often brings these doubts because your studies are more independent. Doesn't help your mates dropped. You need to build a support network of students who love life - just get yourself in a better place before you decide to quit - Architecture requires failure to learn so.  Might be good to speak to your tutor for advice and support.  We live in a world with high expectations that everything is perfect the first time out - this is so far from the truth.  

Nov 16, 19 12:29 pm
dc1

Carmen, you are in a profession only because your father expects it of you. I am guessing he runs an architecture firm and is hoping you will be his successor?

I would suggest an open conversation with him to tell him - if you do not enjoy the work, you will not excel in it.

Work backwards. What do you want out of your life then choose a course that might suit that kind of life you envision for yourself.

Its hard to make money in architecture compared to other professions. So if you are not prepared for that, switch to something you actually love.. or ... Something more practical and financially lucrative. 

I left the architecture profession and have absolutely no regrets. I get to enjoy architecture by designing my own homes, but do not have to practice it and put up with the nonsense from contractors and owners that most architects have to put up with. You can do the same.


Nov 17, 19 4:08 pm

Some random thoughts...

You are not BAD at architecture.  You might just be lacking in what your school wants from you.  There are other paths and other schools that you may fit into better.

A mental health professional might be able to help you work through your thought process and help you figure out what is making you so unhappy with architecture.

Remember there is way more to the profession than aesthetics/design.  I am much more of a project manager/technical architect/pragmatist.  Architecture needs those kinds of people too, otherwise nothing would get built!  Can you do an internship so you can see how an office works?

Definitely don't do architecture just because your father wants you to or because you are afraid of disappointing him.  Take a deep look at why you are in architecture.  As another poster said, make sure you talk through this with your father.

You wrote an entire post about how miserable you are, but finished by saying you really like architecture.  What is it that you like and how can you do more of THAT, both in school and once you graduate?

Good luck.

Nov 17, 19 8:38 pm

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