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Do you architects even have time to date?

ieugenei

Do you architects have time to date and meet people? Is it really that bad that you have no time for leisure at all? Do you guys get to at least spend a little time lounging around home or going out to have drinks with friends and such?

 
Dec 13, 04 4:07 pm
graspin

we have a high divorce rate, i know that! (not from personal experience...but i look around my office, and...ya know.)

basically, you can break it down like this: ladies/men (good looking ones) find it exciting to get invoved with architects. we seem interesting, and a perfect companion to any career oriented person. but when they find out how much with bitch and complain, that we pulll long hours, that we work on condos, and make very little coin, they drop us hard!

bitter?

YES!

Dec 13, 04 4:11 pm  · 
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larslarson

i've found livin in nyc..i have plenty of time to go out...
it's the sleeping i'm having trouble fitting in...

and as far as dating..fitting that in isn't the problem...
it's meeting cool people that you want to date that seems
to be the problem..or at least my problem...

Dec 13, 04 4:12 pm  · 
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Jeremy_Grant

it's bad that when i do have the time to lounge around i feel like i'd rather be working on or studying about architecture

=|

Dec 13, 04 4:44 pm  · 
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meversusyou

you have ta meet them in college, a mysterious artistic type can keep them on the hook for years.
keep them in your little black book for a rainy day, or when you dont want to take the time to find someone new.
and yes i realize that i used 'them' as a reference to women. i am a bad person.
luckily the girl i am with hasnt gotten tired of me yet. not yet.

Dec 13, 04 4:51 pm  · 
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gringodms50

i totallyyyyyyyyyy agree bloodclot Arcattack......... i find myself reading a new book about architecture or looking around for new projects etc..
as for datinggggg well the fun thing about it is that my dates hang out with me while i work........ so that is cool...

Dec 13, 04 5:36 pm  · 
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e

life is all about balance. inspiration comes from many places.

Dec 13, 04 5:40 pm  · 
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Jeremy_Grant

heh the reason i left an archigirlfriend was cause all she did was bitch about her work.... yet i don't bitch...

Dec 13, 04 5:53 pm  · 
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Ms Beary

I have time to hang out. why wouldn't I? it's just that when I hang out I am always wanting to do one of the following:
A. visit a new building I haven't been in yet to check it out
B. drive by one of my projects and talk about it.
C. discuss my work and how cool/horrible it is.
D. sketch, draw, or make something
E. see a movie with eye candy architecture

I need to get a real life.

Dec 13, 04 6:00 pm  · 
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aeaa

if someone works in an office that doesn't afford a healthy social life then that someone is in the wrong office..........

Dec 13, 04 6:20 pm  · 
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Tim DeCoster

I too have the problem of not finding anyone interesting enough.

I've been putting off the dating thing lately. There's always a reason to wait... a big project due, wait till school is over... now that school is over, I'm waiting until I move again and start another school... and then the cycle will resume.

The only way it could work out was if I dated a female architect (or student). I tried that though, and she was very emotionally unstable... and some time into the relationship I found out she was to be married weeks before I began dating her. Maybe I should move on to artists... but that could be even more crazy.

Dec 13, 04 7:33 pm  · 
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Devil Dog

architects should date in the law/ med school pools.

for obvious reasons.

Dec 13, 04 8:01 pm  · 
1  · 
Ms Beary

interesting note: most all the architects at my office are married to teachers. that is if their wives have jobs at all.

Dec 13, 04 8:10 pm  · 
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Tim DeCoster

Strawbeary, that's interesting.... I have noticed the same thing.


My room mate, a graduated arch. student who is turning to industrial design, literally just forged his to-be finance's ring last night.... and she's a teacher.

... the longest relationship I had, which was about 2 years was with a psychology student. That was the best fit, but still not quite right.

Dec 13, 04 8:29 pm  · 
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Ms Beary

my hubby is a psychologist. also a good match for architects. free counseling.

Dec 13, 04 8:32 pm  · 
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meversusyou

i am dating a photographer, who i should say has more talent in her left hand than i do i my whole body. i always thought a significant other should be much smarter. its like playing golf, you do much better when you are playing with a good golfer, they seem to challenge you to do better. i couldnt imagine dating someone who wasnt in an 'artistically minded' profession. plus we will both have the benefit of being extremely poor for the rest of our lives, so thats a plus!

Dec 13, 04 8:34 pm  · 
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stephanie

i have time for that stuff, or i make time at least, i didn't so much in college, but when you are practically married to school/yourself/work, sometimes you dont really deem such social activities nessecary.

personally, i went on a date last night, and one the week before, but it as mentioned before nobody really seems that interesting generally because i am picky, self involved, fairly comfortable with being single, and mutually hung up on an friend/ex who lives in another city...

Dec 13, 04 8:40 pm  · 
 · 
e

meversusyou, if see did some commercial photograhy from time to time, she could make a very good living. day rates for photographers can be in the thousands

Dec 13, 04 8:54 pm  · 
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meversusyou

she just graduated from college, she is awesome at what she does, i'm just trying to get her to be my sugar momma

Dec 13, 04 8:55 pm  · 
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e

sugar momma inded. she has lots of potential. i'm always floored when i need to hire a photographer and they tell me their rates. be sure to treat her right.

Dec 13, 04 8:58 pm  · 
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meversusyou

will do, funny thing, 'e'

that is the nickname i call her too, no joke

Dec 13, 04 8:59 pm  · 
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spaghetti

go into interior design.. the ratio is unbelievaablly in my favor

Dec 13, 04 9:03 pm  · 
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THE SUPERMARKET

there are always good looking eligible singles at the supermarket...

Dec 13, 04 9:07 pm  · 
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stephanie

what isn't at the supermarket?

Dec 13, 04 9:12 pm  · 
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Ms Beary

supermarket - you sound like a bot. ever go to one of those chat sites where there are posts like "any fine ladies wanna chat?" and everyone turns on the ignore? supermarket - I would put you on ignore if i could.

Dec 13, 04 9:13 pm  · 
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e

meversusyou, you better hold on to her because i won't be filling in if you lose her ;]

Dec 13, 04 9:55 pm  · 
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ieugenei

nice responses guys. so i guess im set, since im in a social fraternity right now in undergrad and roadtripping a great deal to other schools for parties and stuff, meeting lots of lady friends. =D

Dec 14, 04 1:18 am  · 
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Jordan Lloyd

Ive been with a girl for over 8 months now and im fine, the fact she lives 7 hours away has nothing to do with the fact its convenient or anything....

As for my friends, I have very little time to see them now. I just usually arrange a dinner date with most of them and catch up.

Dec 14, 04 3:47 am  · 
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David Cuthbert

I've been seeing someone for about 10 months...for most of it she's been in either Latvia, Doha or Barbados. She comes and goes, I go and visit her otherwise. Its been great. I've seen other people - well that's not part of the arrangement. I thought she was stellar, she's now back with me for 10 days - and now I don't know. Yes its hard to date most of the women out there just seem well different to what my tastes want. She wants me to move to China with her...to leave my job I've just finally secured for the next 2 years she wants me to leave my job, where I have two award worthly constructions she wants me to leave my job - i dunno, grounds for seperation. Ahhh need a cigarette...the options are slim though...

btw my preference has been diplomats from the uk...especially those on short postings

Dec 14, 04 6:56 am  · 
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ieugenei

so everyone says artists, lawyer, doctors are the best match, why, how?

Dec 14, 04 7:40 am  · 
 · 

I'm doing the archigirlfriend route at the moment, and its yet to be a problem. This past summer if we were looking for something to do, we'd go find a building to check out (lesson learned: the tour at the Gehry building at Bard College wasn't worth the money). I get a lot of crap from her for being an "archi-nerd" and only talking/reading/caring about architecture... but I'm watching her turn into the same thing. I'm on good terms with her studio professor, so I was a guest critic at her end of semester review - needless to say I excused myself from her presentation.

I guess when your life revolves around architecture, dating someone at least remotely involved in the field works out well - its just "more of the same thing".

Dec 14, 04 7:58 am  · 
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graspin

all of my coworkers (4 of them) are married to teachers...funny stuff! they keep trying to set me up...for stability. lol.

Dec 14, 04 8:26 am  · 
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graspin

strawberry: so, what's your sign? wink.

Dec 14, 04 9:01 am  · 
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A

This is interesting. Back in college I really didn't date too much. I eat/slept/breathed and worshiped studio. Since getting out in the real world I've always made time to date and socalize w/friends. Often I find myself getting 6 or less hours of sleep a night. Someday I'm sure that will catch up to me, but lately this year I haven't putting in the horror show of hours that I was doing a couple years back. That's helped me re-evaluate what I find really important in life, and surprisingly enough, I'm realizing people are more important than buildings that, with the help of clients, never turn out too great.

I've been with a particular lass for about 2-3 months now. So far she's put up with my bitching about work. (It's good to hear I'm not the only one doing that.) Also when I talk the business it mostly goes in one ear and out the other. Guess I do much the same to her when she talks about her work.

Dec 14, 04 9:03 am  · 
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the righteous fist

ahh... but does anyone in a relationship ever have time to detail? *that* is the REAL question innit? *cowers under hail of mechanical pencils* seriously, where's your inner ubermensch? ayn rand is crying (go to her)...

ATLAS DINED:

By Huck

Could I please have a glass of ice water?

The server hurried off, somehow seeming annoyed that he had ordered ice water. Jack Caldwell didn't know why he had, why it summoned inside of him a strange emotion, not quite envy, but a nagging-- well, who had time to think of emotion? He had been longing for ice water all day; not out of need, but respect, for its clarity, its precision, and yet, he felt a certain contempt for it. Perhaps it was because its perfection was wasted on craven fools who wiped tables and carried food for people.

Marla Packwood sat across from him, trying not to let him see the shock in her face, which was cut as if by a sculptor, its lines tracing out the form of archaic nobility. She knew his request for ice water was a challenge to her, that he knew she cared what beverage he ordered. As long as they'd known each other, she had endured long hours of pain, in order to show indifference toward his food and drink, but tonight she had slipped, and she wondered why. She hated herself for it, but only for an instant, after which she regained her cold, stiff, emotionless, yet dangerously feminine demeanor.

It was the height of the dinner rush, and throughout the restaurant, elegantly dressed diners chattered away, consuming California wine and whispering about Harold Molt, who was in the restaurant with some friends.

Harold Molt had created a stir in the country when he published a book of philosophy. In it, he stated that America was corrupt, and he recommended that all industrialists be shot dead at once, as a lesson for the children. His philosophy was already gaining wide acceptance among college professors, newspaper editorialists, and the wives of industrialists. It was surprising to see him at this restaurant, but in this horrendous age, nothing was surprising anymore.

"Jack, do you see that scoundrel is here tonight?", Marla asked, managing to put emphasis in her question without showing any emotion, a trick she had mastered when only three years old, the year she graduated from high school.

"Yes," he answered, with a look of blankness which she knew meant that he felt the same way, that they didn't agree with Molt's ideas, that they both recognized Molt as an assault on everything that was good in the world, what good there was left.

When their dinner arrived, neither dared look at one another. They had both ordered rib eye steak with asparagus and baked potato. He had requested his own basket of rolls, and she knew he had done it to mock her. He could eat more rolls than she, and she hated herself for letting him, for caring, for not being able to hide her shame, in the pleasure it gave her to submit, to eat only one roll while he ate four.

Neither buttered their potato. They had both made their fortunes the hard way, with no help, unless of course you consider millions of dollars in property and stock inheritance help. They both valued the harsh struggle over all else, barely noticing the pain at all, welcoming it, sometimes not sleeping for weeks at a time, usually during tax season. To them, putting a pat of butter on a baked potato was a sign of weakness, and an immoral waste of time.

To watch Jack Caldwell cut into his steak was like watching a great building erected to the heavens, like watching a figure skater, after years of torturous practice, do what no one else could. His hands extended from his arms with delicate grace, and yet with all the passionate fury required to cut meat into bite size pieces. His knife hand and fork hand moved purposefully, as if their moves had been designed by a great choreographer. She watched him, and she knew he was the only worthy dining companion she'd ever know. All her life she had wondered why she seemed to be the only person in the world who was wholly competent and deserved to eat out. Here was someone who understood, someone who would order correctly, who would challenge her to chew her food with scientific precision, and someone who would never talk with his mouth full, or play the jukebox.

Marla sensed the piece of plain potato in her mouth. She felt as if the bland taste were the blandness of the ordinary people, who seemed somehow insensed when being trampled on by superior men, that she was consuming that blandness, overcoming it. The soft, moist texture was that of the average middle manager, a source of constant distraction to her. But now she was proving her superiority, her invincibility, and it felt, well, empty and emotionless.

"Pass the salt, Mar--".

She passed it to him, noticing the fine cut of the salt shaker, a form that might have been concieved by a master architect. They don't make salt shakers like that anymore, she thought.

I almost said her name, Jack thought to himself. He had caught himself in time, but he realized she had the upper hand now, which meant they would probably have to stay for dessert.

When the server took their plates away, everyone in the restaurant seemed to notice that Jack hadn't quite finished his asparagus. They all fell silent, in awe of any man who could deny himself three hefty spears in February. This was a man to watch, they all thought. He pushed himself away from the table and looked almost, but not directly, at Marla.

"Dessert?"

"No."

Just with that one word, she knew he knew that she knew she had won. But she couldn't help feeling defeated. It was like that sometimes. Heck, even stolid objectivists have bad days.

Steam poured out rebelliously from a manhole as they walked back to the car. Neither had minded parking the car across the river in New Jersey. A twenty mile walk was a rare chance to enjoy the marvelous, heroic skyscape of Progress. They enjoyed the Marcal factory particularly. Marla summoned all her energy, barely aware of the fact that it had been 78 hours since she had slept, and even then it was a five minute nap in her office. She looked up as a DC-10 that she owned flew overhead, and belched with all the precision of a diamond cutter. Jack knew it was the closest thing to perfection he had heard all day. He knew he could possess the source of that belch, through a civil ceremony, that she would say yes, and that for that reason he could never ask. That instead he must destroy her, for he was a man of Reason, and he knew, as did she, that it was the right thing to do.

Dec 14, 04 10:26 am  · 
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phreak125

back to reality...

i'm dating a photographer who wants to be a teacher... hahaha.

Dec 14, 04 11:52 am  · 
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ArchAngel

No matter how much architecture gets you off, another person is better suited for the task. Life is too short to spend it alone.
A couple friends (archs) use some IM based sites to meet some decent people...really. I'm set, but without someone else I'd probably resort to the Internet vs. clubs nowadays - is that crazy? I really don't know as I am really old compared to the rest of you. I've never met a quality companion (long term) at a club.

Dec 14, 04 12:04 pm  · 
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Dazed and Confused

Back in the old days, when we drafted by hand, we were like medieval scribe monks. Now with the advent of the computer, we have all the time in the world to frolic and fornicate!

Dec 14, 04 12:14 pm  · 
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Ms Beary

my best friend, also an architect, met her man at a night club in chicago. he's an actor. they've been together for about 5 years now.

Dec 14, 04 12:19 pm  · 
1  · 
ArchAngel

D+C, 34 is almost as old.

Dec 14, 04 12:29 pm  · 
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whistler

I stlll remember getting out of architecture school and having a bunch of very awkward dating episodes with the darkside ( non - arch females ) but I learned to adjust. Fortuantely I had a lot of friends who were and still are non - archs thank goodness. Its good to get away from Architecture to be perseved as normal, would be a start, besides if your interested in doing your own work some other arch isn't going to hire you.

and by the way I also married a teacher.

Dec 14, 04 1:11 pm  · 
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graspin

i need a teacher!

Dec 15, 04 10:22 pm  · 
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c

there's all this talk about guys getting more girls because they're architects-
brilliant/glam image, good clothes...not to mention sex-starved...the usual , i can understand that- but what about the otherway around? is the achitect's allure equally present in women? does it make a woman any more/less attractive- is it a turnoff? intimidating? or just another workaholic woman?

Dec 16, 04 7:01 pm  · 
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mauOne™

Dating…hum……that’s not a problem….yeah right !!!!
It’s not that hard once they get to know me……. yadda yadda

I’ve found that I’ve been careless socially in general…….which leads to tremendous isolation. Isolation inside architecture and books and projects.

Isolation like……complaining about how the rest suck and how great an architect I am, but in the end you need that social contact if you ever want to create something significant……..don’t see anyone coming and knocking on my door just cause its there.

Since I am such a geek I’ve found it easier to relate to women in the field, or in a creative field, and absolutely no connection to women in other fields……..women in economics for example, seem to want a guy who’s surely a big buck maker in the short term…..while they know that us architects MIGHT only make the bucks in the long term.

Dec 16, 04 7:39 pm  · 
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Last year I dated a teacher - actually a fellow grad student who was student teaching/getting a masters in education. At the time, I thought she was a great break from the psychotic culture of architecture school. She is really cute, and nice in ways that most architecture students cannot comprehend. I thought she'd be good to raise my kids, and would keep me from getting too wierd/cynical. it turns out that she is just as boring and controlling as you might expect a teacher to be. we had good intellectual conversations and whatnot, but she didn't want to do anything social or exciting. and she thought i was like one of her little remedial kids because of my architecture-normal personality quirks. she was convinced that i have ADD (even thought i've been a straight A student my entire life), and basically made me feel bad for the way i was (ie, all the things listed on this board). in the end, she would have ruined my life, and if i married her, i'd probably cheat on her within 5 years with some strange artistic type whose life wasn't so much of a boring hell, and then she'd take all my money and my house, etc.

anyway, this year i'm dating a law student. i don't really like her personality, but we're both so busy that we can go for a while without calling eachother and not be upset about it, and the sex is really good.

something in between would be nice. at one point this semester, i was on the cusp of dating 3 girls at one time. i lost two of them because i just didn't have the time it takes to take someone out and impress them etc. in the beginning of the relationship - that string of the first 3 or so dates that establishes something. that's why other professional types are good - they're busy too, so they don't notice that you didn't call them at the right time or at the right frequency. and they respect your committment to work if they do.

anyway, i think it is bullshit that we don't have time to date. architecture is not more important than sleep, sex, shelter or food.

Dec 16, 04 8:09 pm  · 
1  · 
c

Zaha is not so hot...

if howard roark were a woman would she be hot? or would she scare the f**k out of any man who met her?, literally.

Is the architchick an image
...that guys are attracted to ?
....or that women feel they benefit from...?

Dec 16, 04 8:40 pm  · 
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ieugenei

i think i'd get along with an artsy type the most. i've gone out with a girl in pre-med , although she's not in med yet , i kind of see what some of you are saying. she was not so entertaining. nothing interesting to talk about really, just how days were. unlike the sorority girls i meet, she's not so social or outgoing (heheh).

Dec 17, 04 3:33 am  · 
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graspin

i dated an architectural type...once. she was hot. but all you do is bitch when you get together. i hate bitching! well, in small doses, it can be fun, but not all the time. the say misery loves company, and with and archi-couple, this is so true!

although i find the guys to fit the mould, i find the women 'in architecture' to be unattractive. now, if you want a design-type-hottie, slum it around an interior design firm/school. lol.

Dec 17, 04 8:22 am  · 
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stephanie

personally, i dont think that the architecture card gets you any more or less action as a female. i've been told that i am intimidating because the dude doesn't know what i am talking about or can't relate to my interestes...but i might just be ugly.

Dec 17, 04 9:22 am  · 
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graspin

lol. the fact that you're an 'architect' makes you sexy!!! and don't you forget it!

Dec 17, 04 10:00 am  · 
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David Cuthbert

i want to date (marry if i weren't afraid) a doctor or a lawyer, instead I have tossles with diplomats, date teachers, and students who want to switch to graphic design....what a life i lead

I find though that recently i've really become a tart....not really dating anyone, but seeing quite a few. There was the 19 yo model who impressed the night i drove her around a recently completed building, the tart who was visiting the island on vacation, the graphic design student, the diplomat....this was all from about summer...why, that's not me I stick to a mode....tropical modernism, clean lines and a little fantasy. My work today bears alot on my work 10 years ago...wait what i was talking about...oh yea women...i think i need once, duece, quartorence

Dec 17, 04 2:03 pm  · 
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