when a person makes a conscience decision to return to school, he/she realizes the sacrifices that must be made. when one decides to choose architecture as this endeavor, one pretty much prepares for the break-up speech with one's life that very day.
"we had a great run, you and i. all those reckless nights of nonsensical bar hopping, those days shopping for cheap bargains at sample sales, frozen yogurt at 2 in the afternoon on a lazy sunday, rolling around in bed till noon, nice home cooked meals, nights at the theatre, seinfeld marathons, lost marathons. remember the great times in vegas? wow those 4am steak n' eggs deals were awesome! remember those great nights at the abbey with those marvelous mojitos? all those hot (though gay) men we got to gawk at. i've loved you my whole life...but alas we must part. please...turn away..i don't want you to see my tears...perhaps when the time is right, we can reunite and reignite our relationship. but things are difficult right now...its not you, its me. no no no...of course its not another man.....okay so its a woman....why do want to know her name? it wont matter! ugh...architecture okay! happy!? oh yea well i didn't really love you either! fine! i hate you!...............................................
i miss you....i need you....i love you!!!!"
i started off wanting to make this a quite serious entry...but i guess i can't help being ridiculous. its been a strange week...in a wonderful way. my midterm review, which was moved from friday to monday, was then pushed to wednesday due to NAAB meetings of some sort. after making the decision to stop all production after monday, my week, though starting on a tuesday, has been strangely normal. i've been getting great amounts of sleep (after not getting much sleep, i slept for 16 hrs monday night...frightening i know). reviews on wednesday that were constructive. on thursday, studiomate M and i went SHOPPING! and had frozen yogurt...during the day! while it was still sunny outside! it was great. friday night was spent at the ahmanson theatre watching Light in the Piazza. fantastic music btw. saturday was spent with a good friend...having ramen for lunch and a youtube marathon, followed by a bbq at M's place. 1 pint of newcastle, 1 cheeseburger, 1 sausage, 1 piece of chicken, 2 smores, 1 piece of cheesecake, 1 cup of soymilk with a bit of coffee (those of you who know me know why), and who knows what else i ate. and today, my very own Heroes marathon (awesome show!) followed by supper club dinner with friends. i mean is this what life is supposed to be like? there are some people in studio that i see somewhat balancing school and life pretty well...and to you guys... i salute you mr/ms future architect lifer balancer!
i'm trying.
after all the hard work, its really strange to get compliments during a review. half of you wants to beat in the face of the reviewers for asking so many vague questions and asking for an insane amount of production...and the other half wants to break down and cry because of the validation you feel. i hate the fact that i feel that sense of approval and relief when the compliment reinforces that all that hard work has paid off. i tell myself that i dont need that approval...and i work and believe that i dont...that everything i do, i do it for myself. the fact that i get the joy from a compliment drives me nuts cause it probably means that deep down, my brain is still starving for validation. i can't wait when i'm 88 and will finally be at the point in my life when i dont need that validation...i can't wait when i get to the point where i dont feel the need to prove myself.
8 Comments
i'm glad you've been getting out! I on the other hand will be in this building all day and night this week. I enjoy going home at 4am sometimes though - it's strange.
i think a lot of architecture students struggle with defining(or defying?) normality. more so than the need for validation is the recurrent need of 'earning one's freedom'...i couldn’t enjoy a week at home with my family unless it followed a tortuous semester of all nighters, crits, 24 hour essay marathons, etc...
SOT, i definately agree with the going home at 4 am sometimes...its nice working late when its super quiet in studio...going home and seeing downtown through fog when everything is asleep and still. maybe i'll see u around school sometime
interesting take sandrina. i've never believed that i had to "earn" freedom nor do i think many others feel that way....it sounds very generalized in the way you state it. i think its more like, 'getting your shit done AND trying to enjoy some free time.' nevertheless, life should be first, architecture, though i love it, should come 2nd. yes the studio life makes you appreciate being with family and friends more, but i've ALWAYS enjoyed having them in my company...whether or not i was pulling all nighters and 24 hr essay marathons.
kim,
i guess in the midst of deadlines and pressure from architecture taking over my life, I often forget that I'm doing it out of my own free will. I have to remind myself sometimes that I CHOSE to do it, that I am not a slave to the program/ or the profession.
maybe it doesnt apply to a lot of people, but sometimes I feel like certain sacrifices I make "in the name of architecture" are self imposed and often unnecessary. It's like deciding to walk around with your steel toe boots all day just to have the satisfaction at the end of the day of taking them off and feeling lighter.
maybe 'depriving' yourself of 'normal' things (on purpose or not) makes you appreciate them better later.
Architecture students are semi-masochistic. Most enjoy the pains we go thru because of the pay-off in the end. In my 6th year of Architecture, I've become adapted and when I sit down and try to watch TV I become annoyed. I'm critical of everything on mainstream tv. I don't wish to go back to the way I was, but rather I feel enlightened and liberated because of my education.
As for recreational activities, I try to incorporate them..like go on holiday, but visit architecture projects.
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