what are you going to do when your girlfriend gets an offer from Iowa state after 8 years in a PhD and three years on the job market? will you follow her to each of the three one-year adjunct appointments she needs to have a shot at tenure track?

you cant lose either way, IMO. mich will help with midwest contacts and youll be with your gf. nyc will be a great experience and 4 years is most likely a sign of a strong relationship that can handle the distance/time.

if you want to make both your career and your relationship happen, im sure youll find a way. good luck

I think that for an Urban Design degree it's much, much better to work in a team. Plus the fact that the Columbia people call theirs Architecture+Urban Design must speak volumes about what to expect. Or maybe not... :)))

I am a bit surprised, because the the issue of going some place where the gf/bf also is seems to rise up quite a lot around Archinect. I would never, ever make a choice based on my relationship status and mespellrong has put it very well though quite sharp, but who am I to judge? Of course career and relationships are equally important parts of one's life so I guess it all comes down to what is a priority to you. Also considering your significant other's priorities would be wise. What if you go to UMich and it does not work out? You will be stuck in Ann Arbor and maybe start to question your choice in the first place. Of course the same might happen if you go to NYC.

with the title, i was certain this thread was a joke...dang!

jojo, have you ever been in love?

Never ever make your decision based on someone else. A friend of mine chose Wash U over UPenn to follow his girlfriend of 2 years to Wash U and a year into the program she dumped him and eventually married someone else. You have to do what is right for you and if your relationship is strong enough to last 4 years you can make it 1 year apart. You will only be at Columbia for exactly 12 months in the Urban Design program and will have access to many of the great minds that will be writing the books you will read at UMich such as Gwendolyn Wright, Richard Pluntz and Kenneth Frampton, Mark Wigley, Felicity Scott, ect.....why choose to get the information second hand when you can get it from the horses mouth in the classroom. In New York you will also make many more relevant contacts to your future career path wether it be in Chicago or NYC. Columbia will allow you to dip into the architecture classes as well if that interests you and there is a joint Architecture-Urban Design studio. Michigan is a great school but Columbia is where it is all happening right now.

otis, have you ever been in love?

gssoul: i know its hard decision to make, but you have decide what will be best for your career, and by extension, for the both of you, in the long run. My wife (then my girlfriend) were doing long-distance for 4 years of grad school before we were finally together in NYC two years ago. First, it was NY-DC for a year and then NY-Philadelphia for 3 years. Granted, its way closer and convenient compared to long distance between Ann Arbor and NYC, but in your case, it would only be for a year. My wife was at Columbia, and I was at Penn. Though I did have an offer from Parsons, and the chance to be in the same city as her, I thought that between the two, Penn offered me much better prospects for the future. Note that we got married while we both in grad school, conveniently scheduled during our overlapping winter break. LOL

I think mespellrong brings up a good point too, particularly for the significant other of someone in academia. Ask yourself which degree will open up more opportunities for you in the long run if you end up following her at different job postings. Don't just think about regional reputation- you want to work in Chicago at this point in your life, but 10 yrs later it might be NY, SF, London or who knows where?

You have to make this decision for yourself, but realize that a lot of other people go through the same difficult choices and their relationships come out of it just fine, if not stronger.

I didn't mean to be a prat. What I was hoping to provoke was a consideration of what each of you was trying to accomplish.

When I was a graduate student and dating I had several "friends" in comparative lit and english lit, and the common denominator for those young women who chose not to become the third wife of their dissertation advisor was, at best, three years as an adjunct or postdoc at several respectable, remote universities before having a shot at a full time job in their discipline. The young ladies who were serious about it would get together once a term to vent their frustration about having to make a choice between a boyfriend and a career. after two whisky sours, they would head back to the library for another term.

Honestly, those long hours we spend at a the studio complaining about how hard we work is nothing compared to what a Lit Phd has to endure. You will have to choose between being visible in the studio when the digital surveillance system devised by the class above you shows the faculty who is serious and making a real dinner for your girlfriend who will otherwise eat so many non-diet microwave meals while crying her way through Jane Austen for the 49th time that she becomes too fat for you to ever be seen at an architecture party with her.

There is a reason why both architecture and literature are described by the marriage and family statisticians as "accessory professions."

DJ Tanner> u still in puppy love?

yes, with an actual puppy.

i just don't like when people give out relationship advice when they don't have any clue what it's like to be in that situation. it's like me trying to tell a teenage girl how to handle her period.

i always think that architecture is our only love... the rest is insignificant.

DJ, this is not relationship advice, this is a serious career decision. Someone asked a question and people are offering their opinions..which is what was asked. As far as I know there was no prerequisite stating that you had to be in a relationship to offer an opinion on this. I don't see you offering anything to this thead other than hits on everyone else who is answering the question honestly. In the end only gssoul can decide this one based on knowledge of his own relationship situation.

or his girlfriend could decide for him.

yeah but it is also relationship advice. one's career is not necessarily the most important thing in one's life.