At the risk of looking like a douche bag, here is the sappy last paragraph of my essay. But hey, got me in a handful of schools and some money:

We have the science and the technology to not only adapt our world, but also adapt to it. Building materials are constantly modified and created allowing us to realize structures that were once deemed impossible. Industry has provided these physical ends. The University of Pennsylvania provides the intellectual stimulus needed to envision the means. At the cusp of the next stage of our architectural evolution, our species must once again embrace the relationship of the natural and built environments.

Towards the end, stop telling them how great you are, and start telling them how great they are.

Yes, rational!

"The reason I want to go to your school is (site something/someone specific)."

Otherwise, you could give up now!

you actually wrote a sentence with "our species" in it...

"we'll meet again..."

THE END

you are all my cats

A simple "Thank you for your consideration." Or "Peace out dawgs."

Hasselhoff- hehe, just the sort of pretentious b-s that the ivies expect to hear said about them. great job stroking the egos of the admissions committee.

For those fill in the blanks desperate folks:

The [school name here] provides the [goal stated in the preceeding paragraphs here] needed to become a [pick some positive adjectives here]. [you can omit/or insert a closing about: saving the whales, creating cyborgs, crochetting a swimming pool cover; or studying the effects of sleep deprivation on the line quality painted with a sumi-i brush].

"so there"

The species part made sense because I talked about my geology and anthropology background earlier in the easy. It's the whole wrap up thing.

I once heard a reviewer say he was tired of reading accounts of applicant's "early Froebel Block-like developmental experiences"...

Yes. Never mention Legos or FLW.

J-but, that sappy crap DIDN'T get me on the waiting list haha. Man, that essay was so lame. It was good, ego stroking fun, but looking back...sooooooo lame. Worked though haha.

But what if I really did start out by playing with Legos?

as much as i loved playing with legos, the thing i remember most was my dad going ballistic after stepping on one of the little single blocks in bare feet (since i regularly neglected to clean them off the living room carpet). maybe they'd like to read about that.

"After my experience with my father, I will arrive to your school well prepared for dealing with raging, angry older men who are displeased with my efforts at design. Now you know in advance that I will remain stoic during critiques."

My closing paragraph was mostly about career objectives, which was specifically requested to be included by the school I applied (and got accepted) to. It's kinda cheese, but whatever, I got in. You should see the rest if you want real cheese. :-)

"As far as specific career objectives are concerned, my interests within architecture are wide and varied. I have no doubt they’ll change many times through the process of my education. Currently, however, I’m very interested in minimalist design, simplification, and technology’s role in the way we use the spaces in which we live and work. I’m also very intrigued by the current trends in energy efficiency and how they will be permanently integrated into the practice of architecture. As society’s energy demands increase and alternative energy sources emerge, this will be increasingly important in the way buildings are designed, from private residences to corporate skyscrapers. The first step in further exploring any of these areas, however, is schooling. As education guides me and helps to focus my interests, it will more importantly expand and open my mind, giving me the tools to actualize what I know I am capable of."

May God Be With You!

......zippy.....

you bent the words with your brain well...

see ya, wouldn't want to be ya.

smell ya later.

up yours, truly.

see ya on the flip side.

Base in your face means peace, see ya later.

claim that you invented Legos

i suggest you finish with

"bitch,
peace out yo."





if i am ever in an architecture school admissions board, you get a default acceptance from me with that on your letter.

Sniff you jerks later.

Please accept me so I can later regret the day when I decided to apply to school and sold my youth.

How do you know, Hasselhoff--they could have accepted you despite your essay!

Here endeth my statement.
R. Thanks be to God.

"So, put that in your pipe and smoke it."

"In closing, please allow me the opportunity to give you $100,000 and three years of my life."

I'll be the one streaking for the quad, " Come on everbody...."

"i'll be sad if you don't accept me"

"I'll cut myself every day until I get your acceptance package."

Hasselhoff, i usually enjoy the stuff you write but that was the biggest piece of crap on the face of the earth. and your sentence structure is weak and looks like you really painfully overworked it. probably the penn faculty had a laugh at it. did you nick it off some old starship enterprise flick? :)

Gin, all of your suggestions are hilarious! Except I would replace "Thanks be to God" with "Praise be to Allah", in hopes of scaring them a little.

AL HAMDU LILAH WA SHUKRU LILLAH

Definitely not: "So, basically I just need this degree so that I can get registered."

this isn't about finales but mainly in response to the previous lego comment. feedback from columbia is that you should refrain from writing about your affairs with legos or how artistic + good at math = a good architect (namely you), unless of course, it's very compelling. apparently, many essays come in that form and it will just get lost with all of the other applications.

i believe if i was on an admissions board, the one who pointed out the fact that they were giving the school 100,000+ dollars would be my first choice.

straight to the point facts, love it gin.

I've tried this. You only get a sad breakdown of funds. Turns out your dept./school gets poo from your tuition.

Here's mine. No kidding.

"Attending architecture school will require me to sell my house and quit my six-figure environmental job with Shell Oil. Some have told me this would be a mistake. I couldn’t disagree more. In my opinion, there could be no bigger mistake than to continue on without giving greatness a chance; never living up to my potential or finding out what gifts I could have given.

I hope that I have demonstrated with my work experience, recent grades and test scores that I have both the aptitude and attitude to succeed as a graduate student at ??? and eventually make a significant contribution to the field of architecture."

Try not to cry.

I have enclosed my curriculum vitae, portfolio, and list of three references as requested application. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or require additional materials. I can be reached via email at xxxxxx@xxxx.com; or even better, my personal mobile phone at the xxxxxx, (xxx) xxx xxxx. Thanks you for your kind consideration.

pace,

xxx

^^is that one for a statement without a word limit?????! I can barely fit in all the stuff that I really, really need to say, much less fluff like that!

nambypambics: i'm still laughing at your suggestion

d-t, that seems like a cover letter.

Fluff is beautiful. Fluff is the difference.

Not saying it's bad fluff, but with word limits varying between 500 and 1000 words, I cant figure out how anyone could fit in 56 words of fluff.

garpike, oops..i meant an intent letter for teaching appointment not intended to be under the tutelage of fellowship.

rationalist - we can all use a bit of fluff from time to time. Personally, I just whacked a stamp on one of these:



Grad school here I come!

No fluff, no entry.

Chch- I'd love to recieve that sort of fluff. Automatic entry to anyone who sends me a bunny!*


*someday, when I am eventually, theoretically, on some sort of admissions committee

Does the bunny have to be alive?

of course it would have to be alive. Dead bunnies would definitely send the wrong message!

mines said,

dear peter, I just want to have fun.

sorry can't help you here. I'm having trouble starting mine