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ONLY female in my class!?!?!

tenex

Today was my MArch orientation, and unfortunately I am the ONLY female in my class. And while this may not bother some people, it really bothers me since I feel so incredibly uncomfortable and somewhat isolated even though there are other females in other years and programs. In fact, it bothers me so much that I am considering going to another program instead (one that I have not yet turned down b/c I received an updated financial aid letter on Wednesday and have until the end of the month to make a decision) And yes, I know that once I enter "the real world" I will be working in a historically male dominated field, but I will have the choice to work in a firm where there are both men & women and will not choose to work in a male-only firm. And yes, I know that most of you men out there will not be able to relate to my situation, so I am interested in hearing from any females out there on what their perspective is.....and even if there were just ONE other female, I know I would feel quite different. Anyway, please share...I am pretty sure that I have made my decision as to what I'm going to do, but I thought it would be interesting to hear others perspectives as well.

 
May 26, 06 10:00 pm
kylemiller

how big is your class? what school?

May 26, 06 10:27 pm  · 
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tenex

Class size is 6, school is Tulane.

May 26, 06 10:29 pm  · 
1  · 
kellyplayz

That's not too bad. There's 4 students and 2 male members of staff in my class and they were all talking about random topics loudly, while I was trying to work. It feels like having annoying loud brothers and uncles

Apr 8, 22 6:32 pm  · 
2  · 
Apurimac

Funny thing is, if you reversed the situation, and had one dude in an all female class, he probably wouldn't mind. In my experience (I'm a guy) working at an insurance company over summer breaks has always made me the only male in a group of women, and I really don't mind it that much at all. I guess its different if your a girl, guys constantly hitting on you and whatnot, but unless you feel something better comes along at a better school I don't think you should ditch your current school only on the basis that your the only female. If they make you uncomfortable, then yeah, get out, but if they're cool too you I think you could make the most out of it. Think about it, for three years you are going to have unprecedented access to the male psyche, like a spy behind enemy lines, you could use that knowledge later in life to your advantage. If all else fails you could be shopping buddies with the gay dude in your group...

May 26, 06 10:32 pm  · 
1  · 
Apurimac

Oh, its only 6 people and your the only female? I really wouldn't worry about it. Unless they turn into assholes on you.

May 26, 06 10:33 pm  · 
2  · 
kellyplayz

If the boys treated me equally and were sensible, I honestly wouldn't mind, but their behaviour was the other way round

Apr 8, 22 6:33 pm  · 
1  · 
.dwg

a class of 6 with 5 guys isn't so bad. if it was a class of 50 with 1 girl, then i'd be worried. i think once september rolls around, you'll feel a lot more connection with the other years within the studio life that it wouldn't be a problem.

May 26, 06 11:02 pm  · 
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AP

ya, 1/6 is bad. i agree w/ Apurimac, it doesn't bother guys as much...
for the first few months of my current job, I was 1 of 2 guys in our studio: 2 male architects, 3 female architects, 7 or so female interior designers, 1 female CAD tech. the other male architect left after a bit, and for 6 weeks or so I was the lone guy...really not a big deal at all. you're talkin grad school. so long as they're intelligent

May 26, 06 11:22 pm  · 
1  · 
AP

ya, 1/6 isn't bad.
i agree w/ Apurimac, it doesn't bother guys as much...
for the first few months of my current job, I was 1 of 2 guys in our studio: 2 male architects, 3 female architects, 7 or so female interior designers, 1 female CAD tech. the other male architect left after a bit, and for 6 weeks or so I was the lone guy...really not a big deal at all. you're talkin grad school. so long as they're intelligent

May 26, 06 11:22 pm  · 
1  · 
AP

*isn't ... oops.

May 26, 06 11:23 pm  · 
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AP

and Tulane, given the current geographical situation, is a unique opportunity. Surely you've taken that into consideration...

May 26, 06 11:24 pm  · 
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maya mcdifference

i have been the only female in one studio, and one of two females in another. having experienced studios with a good mix versus no mix at all, i actually preferred the studios where there were few/no other females. i've found that if you maintain a good sense of humor and work hard, you'll gain enough respect and constructive criticism from the guys around you. i apologize in advance for the following comment, but i've often felt that female architecture students have a tendency to suffer from high levels of stress and often feel the need to express it... sometimes at the expense of others. of course this does not apply to ALL females. needless to say, this scenario makes studio much more uncomfortable for everyone involved not to mention more aggravating.

i've also noticed that the female to male ratio can vary significantly in any program, year to year. while one year has 1 female, the following year might be 50/50. in one case, females were admitted at an unusually high rate which caused some suspicion at a school i won't bother to mention.

what i would be more cautious of is the total number of students in one class... seems like you might get pretty sick of the same 5 people day in/day out for 2/3 years. yikes. i hope you they don't turn into assholes on you.

May 26, 06 11:38 pm  · 
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swisscardlite

i've heard that this year, 70% of b.arch applicants to cornell were female....

May 27, 06 12:50 am  · 
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Cure

so at orientation you already found out whos in your class? thats pretty sexy. if not, not all people go to orientation, maybe they'll drop and some girl will fill up that space?

May 27, 06 12:58 am  · 
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pamplemousse

I would go if I were you. It's a small class and if there are other females in the school it won't be so bad. As shaybug mentioned though, such a small class could get tiresome. I would honestly go though, it sounds like a great opportunity.

What is the other program that you are considering instead though? It would be helpful to know.

May 27, 06 1:23 am  · 
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tenex

I am considering Wash U....They revised my financial aid letter and the grant money I will be receiving from them is considerably more than what Tulane is giving me. The orientation wasn't a university wide thing, it was just for incoming MArch students...I talked with the program advisor, the summer instructors & TA's, and they all assured me that everything would be "fine" but can they guarantee that? No, they can't, and I know they were just saying that to make me feel better. And with my luck, they (the other students) WILL turn into @ssholes on me! And I know that there is a lot of opportunity here in New Orleans....that's one of the main reasons why I decided to go to school here in the first place. But what good does it do if I hate the program b/c I am not comfortable there?

May 27, 06 2:16 am  · 
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Cure

true that

May 27, 06 2:19 am  · 
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sameolddoctor

"And with my luck, they (the other students) WILL turn into @ssholes on me!" - you must be really hot then! - just kidding.....

though the opportunity is great a class of 6 is just too small. how long is the program? 3 years in a class of just 6 will get onto you.
That said, a lot depends on how the program is structured, how many studios you can take with the other masters program etc. I doubt though you will have much luck taking inter-disciplinary courses. Go to a place that has a slightly larger number of students, and a bit more international, maybe?

May 27, 06 2:51 am  · 
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pamplemousse

I would go to Wash U if I were you, in all honesty.

May 27, 06 2:59 am  · 
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tenex

Ok, I've made my decision...Wash U, here I come! I'm sure I'll grow to like St Louis, but its only for 3 years, right? And I did like everything else about their program...especially the study abroad opportunities.

May 27, 06 3:35 am  · 
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THuh

I think maybe it's just me....but as a female....I get along way better with men than females......less drama. Everyone just gets down to business.

May 27, 06 9:59 am  · 
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c.k.

what can they do to you, what does that mean 'turn into assholes on you'?

I think this is not childish, it's kind of sexist actually.

May 27, 06 11:50 am  · 
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pamplemousse

I suggest that she go to Wash U as the class size seems to bother her.

But in all honesty, I do think that if you are worried about being the only female in her class, you will be creating the tension. It is possible that there will be less drama with more males, and again, it's not like you would be the only female in the school. I think the more important decision is the class size factor. If you would like more attention and would like your education to be more small and intimate, go to Tulane. If this is not what you want, go to Wash U, if you think that it will supplement what Tulane is lacking.

May 27, 06 12:15 pm  · 
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Apurimac

Well, I hope your decision to go to Wash U wasn't made through some kind of feminist sentiment. The 1 in 6 thing should have been the LAST factor going into your decision. Anyway best of luck.

May 27, 06 12:18 pm  · 
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pamplemousse

If it were feminist sentiment, wouldn't she remain at Tulane?

May 27, 06 12:21 pm  · 
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myriam

I've been one of two females in a studio of around 10.

In small classes in my experience everyone, even when stressed, seems to understand the need to get along. You're all adults by now, you're all motivated by a common goal, and I bet you'll find that you get even closer as each of you band together to make it through. This has been backed up countless times in my experience and is totally regardless of male v. female. Both can be equally sweet and both can be equally bitchy. You will have other interactions, probably some good female teachers in fact, that give you the female friendship you crave. I think you should go with your first choice of Tulane and trust that architecture school is different than other dog eat dog paths in life--you're all passionate people and you will be amazed and refueled and inspired by the passion of those around you! I bet after day one you won't even notice who is "male" and who is "female", it really means less in an evironment where you're all thrown together like studio.

My two cents. And I understand where you're coming from, too. These are things I thought about too as I embarked on an arch. degree back when my school was 70% male 30% female. Trust me, just don't worry about it.

May 27, 06 12:24 pm  · 
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Apurimac

hmm... interesting point wantan, sexist sentiment then? Sometimes i get feminism and sexism confused.

May 27, 06 12:24 pm  · 
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joed

j and ckl: regardless of whether it is childish or sexist or not (i agree that, to a certain extent, it is both), but it is certainly her prerogative to go to another school if she feels uncomfortable. and her discomfort is not unreasonable, as it would not be entirely ridiculous for somebody to choose not to attend a program, as you suggest, in response to a class of five ardent christians/muslims/jews, or to a class of five people who are in any way similar with her as the odd one out. the most important thing is whether she will be comfortable, not whether her discomfort is 'correct.'

May 27, 06 12:29 pm  · 
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joed

oh, and i went to wash u for undergrad. great school.

May 27, 06 12:29 pm  · 
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Apurimac

I agree that comfort should be the priority, but to dismiss a class soley because your the odd one out is foolish. Your passing judgement on people you don't even know. If I came in here and said "OMG I'm the only white boy in a class of black people!" How would you interpret that? My discomfort comes from a bias, and by surrounding myself with those black guys I might learn something new and overcome that racist sentiment. It's no different than sexism. Discomfort is part of life, school/studio by nature is discomforting, thats the point. Being thrown into the unknown is always discomforting. However if she came back a few months from now and said "These guys are all over me, my ass feels like a pincushin, im outta here." Then alright, I agree. But she's not even giving these guys a chance. I really do hope her descison to go to wash U was out of finacial and academic concern than blatant sexism.

May 27, 06 12:39 pm  · 
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myriam

I think it's perfectly alright to make a decision based on comfort. But in this case I think tenex realizes it is the fear of discomfort, or what she feels may end up being a discomfortable situation, but doesn't know for sure since she hasn't experienced it yet. Hence her desire to seek out advice from those who specifically have experienced the situation before and can say whether or not it is, in fact, uncomfortable. It seems like she doesn't want to make a rash decision, so she is trying to inform herself. Excellent idea.

Hence my response that for my part although definitely worried enough about the issue before school began (enough to in fact join a sorority specifically in order to maintain female friendships in my life) after not very long I found that it didn't matter like I thought it would as we were all bound for the same goal and distincitions like gender simply dropped away as we lived and breathed architecture only for 24 hours a day. In fact I developed very good friendships with both genders and ended up hanging out only with architects and essentially not with my sorority at all.

May 27, 06 12:43 pm  · 
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c.k.

absolutely, everyone should go where they think it's comfortable for them.
I just have a problem with thinking in generalities, that "men will be assholes". You can never tell what will be the source of your discomfort in grad school, and I've had surprises, both nice and unpleasant that couldn't have been foreseen at orientation. First impressions don't mean much when you're stereotyping people into categories you feel comfortable with.

May 27, 06 12:50 pm  · 
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THuh

I think the focus should be more on the resources, quality of education in regards to personal goals, expectations and personal learning abilities rather than the sex or (for some) the race of the class. If you focus on your differences and how you compare to the others....you'll cause yourself more grief than necessary. Trust me I know.

May 27, 06 12:54 pm  · 
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Cure

everybody is different and has their individual likes and dislikes. go for what you think feels right :) you'll be happy

May 27, 06 1:00 pm  · 
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tenex

Geez people, I did NOT mean to turn this into a sexist/feminist/biased argument! I am none of the above!

And the men/assholes statement was SARCASTIC since I was refering to a statement that somebody before me had made!

I have had to deal with situations in high school where the guys didn't think the girls were "smart enough" to handle the harder science classes and ended up making life hell for us....I had a friend who stuck by me through this since we were on the same academic path, and guess what? We graduated 1/2, ahead of the guys. Again, in college I was in a major that was predominantly male, and had to deal with the same sort of tensions (albeit not quite as bad as in hs) I found a few female friends who were there to support me, and it helped me get through those classes!

And I've met another female who was bullied out of her MArch program by a group of guys while the administration sat around and did nothing to help her.

So yes, in a perfect utopian society I wouldn't have to worry about such things, but this is the real world, and things are FAR from perfect!

I wish I could say that I felt just as comfortable around men as I do around women (in general), but the fact is that I do not. This is NOT because I am a "man-hater" or an "ultra-liberal feminist" but rather stems from the fact that I had a traumatic childhood that was traumatic due to the fact that I grew up in a household with a violent man.....so perhaps you can see why I am more comfortable around females than males. I know this is a problem and yes, I'm working on it, but its not just something that I can change overnight. And I do not outright discriminate against men or treat them any differently...this is about my own personal comfort level and I feel that I need to be comfortable in a program in order to succeed.

And to be honest with you, I liked both Tulane & Wash U about equally but thought that Tulane could offer me a great opportunity to help rebuild a city whereas Wash U could not. And there are other things that Wash U can offer to me that Tulane can not.

So I don't thing my reasoning is "childish" or "sexist" or taking feminism back another 50 years.

Would you continue with something that felt so incredibly wrong and was going to cost you a ton of money? I don't have the free time and extra money to see if things will eventually work out in the end by staying in a program I do not feel comfortable in.

May 27, 06 2:34 pm  · 
 · 
ringlet

I graduated undergrad as one of two females in a class of about 40 people. Construction Management. I loved it. Yes, I stood out, but that pushed me to excel even more. Most of the guys were like my brothers-we were great friends. There was one guy that was an asshole-total pig-and we constantly butted heads, then we both tried out for a competition and I got the position-he shut up after that.
I would stay at Tulane-its a great opportunity. It's not like you will only be with your classmates, there are other students at the school as well. And being the only female could be to your advantage-it at least gets you noticed, which is good if you work hard.
But you have to do what makes you comfortable, but also weigh the education you will get. And three years in a city you don't like doesn't sound very long, but I've spent 1 year in a city I don't like, and it feels like forever!!!! Best of luck with your decision.

May 27, 06 2:51 pm  · 
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b3tadine[sutures]

one word.


chickenshit!

May 27, 06 3:39 pm  · 
 · 
THuh

Be comfortable with your choice. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

May 27, 06 3:43 pm  · 
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myownpath

For some time, I was the only woman in my graduate class. I did not foresee any problems as I have always managed to get along with most people. Much to my surprise, a few of the guys were assholes and did make my life difficult at school. It was a very real problem stemming from very real insecurity on their part.

That being said, I would not hesitate to again be the only woman working with men in an academic or professional context. I have learned TONS from the men in my life and I would only be hurting myself if I allowed a bad (and unique) experience with a few people to overshadow the potential of new opportunities. Besides, I believe most men are secure enough to handle working with - and, at times, competing against - women.

In my opinion, tenex hasn't given Tulane and the other grad students a fair shake.

May 27, 06 6:41 pm  · 
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Apurimac

Hmm... Well tenex, if your experience of men has all been negative, than i can understand how you feel. I was slightly distrusting of a certain race of people (which happened to be my own) before I met a few people who changed my attitudes. If you stayed at Tulane, figure what could happen, you could make excellent friends with these guys and shatter pre-existing barriers, maybe even fall in love, who knows. Worst case scenario, they fufill the stereotype of "man-pig" and treat you like a second class citizen. But even in that stiuation you could run, or fight like hell and change THEM. Rise to the top, set yourself apart and shatter their misconceptions. Right now, you not giving yourself the chance. If your going to Wash U because of financial and academic concerns, then great. If your going there because you feel distrust for your fellow grad students at Tulane, who you don't even really know yet then... that's sexism, and to me that's wrong.

May 27, 06 7:09 pm  · 
 · 
tenex

Wow, I guess I'm just shocked to find out that I am completely and totally sexist because of certain feelings which I CAN NOT control. (SARCASM for those of you who aren't quick on the uptake) Do you think I actually LIKE being uncomfortable around 50% of the population?!? NO, I do not! It would be one thing if I actually thought that men were scum and that women were obviously the more superior sex, but I do not. Please do not confuse uncontrolable feelings with controllable thoughts or opinions. I am not sexist, and do not appreciate being labeled as so. Please take the time to educate yourself so that you can begin to see things from other peoples points of view without applying unjust labels.

May 27, 06 8:25 pm  · 
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fulcrum

hey everyone, the lady has decided, so just respect her decision, wish her luck, and let her go.

Good luck, tenex. btw, St.Louis is very hot and humid.

May 27, 06 8:48 pm  · 
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colinrichardson

tenex! how's it going... i think you were right to go to wustl... i just got the most bizzare and unsettling email from fin aid at tulane

i totally understand your problem, i've been the only guy in a studio before, and it wasn't fun. i think it would be even tougher being an only woman in a class, a class that you're going to be spending the next few years with.

it's not sexist necessarily, and i after meeting you, i don't think you feel this way for stupid sexist reasons. the shitty elements of gender dynamics are so often brought out and even amplified in classroom situations. you might have had a fine time if you stuck with it, or these demographics could have really worsened your experience. it wasn't a risk worth taking.

May 27, 06 9:10 pm  · 
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b3tadine[sutures]

yeah, whatever. deciding on going to school a vs. school b because school a has "too many" minorities is a good decision, logical, thoughtful and wholly respectable for a grad student...just think about it for a minute, how would we react if some white kid came on here and said that he was the only white guy in the class and how he felt uncomfortable with that, how we'd kill that guy and blast him off archinect for being a racist. i tell you what, go to that other school be happy in your decision to chicken out not because the program sucked, but because you had penis envy and couldn't deal.

i hope some other female student gets to take your place at Tulane and becomes the next fucking great american architect...

May 27, 06 11:24 pm  · 
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3tk

i went to washu undergrad (not arch, but took enough studios to understand it, loved it, got to know the grad program too). you'll like st louis, there are a lot of nice neighbourhoods there.

though i wouldn't have worried about the ratio. it's the opposite here at uva. my 1st yr class was 10 females to 2 guys in the arch program. it was a little weird. now the faculty in the landscape faculty is all female, and the candidates for the positions were heavily skewed that way. there was some complaint about that mentioned by some students that were rather harshly extinguished. either way, balance in all aspects is always nice.

i understand where you're coming from, and enjoy washu there are some great teaching faculty there and the resources of that university is awesome.

May 27, 06 11:36 pm  · 
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maya mcdifference

tenex - go where you feel comfortable and most productive, although i do agree with ringlet... it's sort of nice to stand out from the guys, have to prove yourself, and actually succeed. yes, it sucks that we often feel the need to 'prove' ourselves as respectable students before anyone gives us credit, but it offers a good reason to get motivated and work harder. if you end up @ tulane, use it to your advantage. good luck.

May 28, 06 2:35 am  · 
1  · 
sporadic supernova

I would have loved to be the only guy in a class full of girls ... cuts out the competition ... lol ..

May 28, 06 3:52 am  · 
1  · 
kellyplayz

Trust me... being the only person with the opposite gender in a class is not fun

Apr 8, 22 6:31 pm  · 
1  · 
Nevermore

things can go wrong in paradise too !

May 28, 06 7:32 am  · 
 · 
joed

beta, you're way out of line. the girl already explained her position: she is uncomfortable despite her desire to not be so. if somebody came on archinect and said the same situation with ANY groups plugged in... white/black, religious/non-religious, etc., she would find the same mix of responses: some thoughtful and understanding, some disrespectful and abrasive.

for somebody who is apparently trying to preach a sweeping message of brotherly love, you sure are one harsh mofo. chill out and give the girl a break.

May 28, 06 10:31 am  · 
 · 
Medusa

I've been the only chick in the class several times. It never bothered me, but if you feel that uncomfortable, then maybe you should consider switching programs. Your work shouldn't have to suffer because you feel out of place.

But then again, our profession is largely male-oriented, so if being the only girl in class bothers you, then maybe you should reconsider your choice of profession.

May 28, 06 11:12 am  · 
1  · 
b3tadine[sutures]

i am sorry but this unacceptable. i stand by my assertion that if this was a caucasian saying this about a class of african-americans or asians, or any other racial or ethnic "minority" you'd be up in arms - as would i.

i agree with medusa, maybe she should consider another profession, where she could be surrounded by people more like her.

she has a responsibilty to explain then to Reed Krolof why she is leaving and that perhaps the school has not done enough to bring more diversity to Tulane, but no, what does she do? she comes here and on the basis of a few "supporting" comments she chooses to abandon ship and go to a uni with maybe perhaps a "more" safe environment??

it's cowardly.

May 28, 06 2:31 pm  · 
1  · 
kellyplayz

Yeah, women deserve to be treated equally

Apr 8, 22 6:30 pm  · 
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c.k.

I have been the only girl in a few classes also and it was great. especially when you're among the best in your class.

then I graduated and had a job where I met a bully like nothing I'd seen in my life (and I've seen a lot), she was a woman and I gave up that job


May 28, 06 2:36 pm  · 
1  · 
kellyplayz

My Highschool bully was also a girl, but she was the worst

Apr 8, 22 6:29 pm  · 
1  · 

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