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The Onion Arch Headlines

Josh Emig

If there were an architectural section to The Onion (there isn't, is there?) What would some headlines be?


Santiago Calatrava Project Flies Away

American Architecture Student Receives Frank Lloyd Wright Book as Gift: "Such a Surprise," says student

Halliburton Taps Koolhaas for Yellowstone Refinery Design

 
Sep 23, 05 12:07 pm
Manteno_Montenegro

Architecture Student's Parents Shocked By Drug Use: "How else will I survive this," says son.

Sep 23, 05 12:14 pm  · 
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b3tadine[sutures]

Gehry Flattens Crumpled Paper Crowd Stones Him

Sep 23, 05 12:14 pm  · 
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b3tadine[sutures]

Karim Rashid Farts New BAM Composition

Sep 23, 05 12:16 pm  · 
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momentum

AIA in uproar over abuse of interns.

Robert Ivy, FAIA, editor of "Architectural Record" proclaims: "If I had only known half the things I put on our cover were made with this type of labor, I would have instigated change long ago. By the way, did you see our mile long exhibition hall on the cover last month? Wasn't it Fabulous?!"

Sep 23, 05 12:30 pm  · 
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ochona

frank gehry no longer allowed to make sandwiches for grandkids

(hope the link works)

http://www.theonion.com/content/index/3837

Sep 23, 05 12:36 pm  · 
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momentum

then of course there was the all foyer mansion.

Sep 23, 05 12:37 pm  · 
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Josh Emig

The strip mall one is great ... that was one of my biggest fears of going into architecture --that the economy of architecture would force me into designing strip malls. So far, I've ducked that bullet.

Another headline:

Architecture Revolutionized in Discussion Thread: "I should probably save this and print it out," remarks thread starter ... "Oh crap, here comes my boss! I gotta go."

Sep 23, 05 12:40 pm  · 
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stephanie
junior building inspector closes down tree house

New Horizontal Device Prevents Falls To Basement

one of my favorites was a story with the headline of something like, "Stoner Architect Designs All-Foyer Home" but i can't find it in the archives...

Sep 23, 05 12:44 pm  · 
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http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33932

Read on, towards the middle of the rant our career is mentioned...
I gues to some it comes "naturally" the rest of us are just posers.

Sep 23, 05 12:44 pm  · 
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momentum

master foyer, that was great.

Sep 23, 05 12:45 pm  · 
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Suture

Stoner Architect Drafts All-Foyer Mansion:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38734

Sep 23, 05 12:48 pm  · 
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Just when I thught all in Archinect was getting stale and could perceive just a slight stinking odor coming out of the discussion section, this little fresh gem appeared. Someone work that into a headline, Im working.

Sep 23, 05 12:51 pm  · 
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stephanie

thanks suture!!!

Sep 23, 05 12:57 pm  · 
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ochona

Client Asks Architect To "Do Whatever You Want, We'll Pay For It"

Sep 23, 05 1:04 pm  · 
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Josh Emig

I actually hadn't read this before posting the fake Yellowstone headline above.

Sep 23, 05 1:05 pm  · 
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momentum

Boss crashes interns car, then says "sue me? for what! ha ha ha!"

Sep 23, 05 1:20 pm  · 
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bRink
DEA Chief: Winners Occasionally Use Drugs

our profession is mentioned

Sep 23, 05 2:25 pm  · 
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chaglang

4/13/1916
Cubist Regiment Decimated

"...Skewed perspective, lack of depth prove liability as non-linear soldiers are mercilessly cut down..."

Sep 23, 05 3:15 pm  · 
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A Center for Ants?

Brick Tells Kahn "That was not what I wanted"

Sep 23, 05 3:43 pm  · 
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bRink
Graphic Designer's Judgment Clouded By Desire To Use New Photoshop Plug-In

While Gaskill, 29, admitted to making liberal use of PhotoFrame 2.0, he insists that it was appropriate for the job at hand.

"Sure, I was eager to try out the new plug-in," Gaskill said, "but only because it was perfect for this job. The wave-frame effect gives Valley View Apartments that dynamic, cutting-edge feel it needs. It communicates that Valley View living is so convenient and affordable, it'll blow your freakin' mind."

Despite Gaskill's confidence, fellow Blue Moon graphic designers say they would have given the brochure a more traditional look.

"It's an ad for an apartment complex, not a head shop," Mahaffey said. "Why would you want to show Valley View's 'convenient on-site parking' and 'friendly office team' through a hallucinogenic haze?"
Sep 23, 05 4:10 pm  · 
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Surgical2x4

On the line of similar fields...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39683

Sep 23, 05 4:13 pm  · 
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bRink
IKEA Claims Another 10,000 Lifestyles
Sep 23, 05 4:14 pm  · 
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ochona

Area Architecture Student Actually Was In Studio On Saturday Night

Sep 23, 05 4:20 pm  · 
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fordified

Palestine Appoints New Minister of Rubble and Urban Development

link

Sep 23, 05 4:30 pm  · 
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fordified

oops, here's the link spelled out:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30047

Sep 23, 05 4:32 pm  · 
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fordified
New Chuck E. Cheese Restaurant Forged in Iron and Blood

Price of Penis-Shaped Pool Negotiated

Typo Results in 10,000-Acre Wyoming Skate Park

and.....

Tourist Realizes It's All Just A Lie Set in Place For Him

September 15, 1999 | Issue 35•33

SAGEBRUSH, TX—An excursion to the Sagebrush Wild West Ghost Town ended in disillusionment Saturday, when, over the course of two hours, Lodi, NJ, resident Vic Coyne came to see the 'genuine 1873 frontier village' for the play-acting fantasy artifice it always was. "I was first taken aback by the blacksmith's shop with the concrete frame," Coyne said. "But I figured it could be a reconstruction from old photographs in cooperation with a local historical society." The final blow, Coyne said, was "the 'old-time' saloon, in which the bartender's nametag read 'Smilin' Joe' and a menu item read 'Old-Fashioned Sarsaparilla,' with 'Hires Root Beer' in parentheses."

Sep 23, 05 5:01 pm  · 
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fordified

Gehry's Staff Mistakenly Issue CDs of Secretary's Phone Doodle

Architecture Faculty Stubbornly Deny Anything Is the New Black

Sep 23, 05 5:16 pm  · 
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ochona

Intern Turns Down Pay Raise, Says Minimum Wage Is "Too Much Already"

Sep 23, 05 6:05 pm  · 
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chaglang

lol, fodified, on the "new black"

Citing Bulging Bank Accounts, Interns Opt For Psycic Pay

Sep 23, 05 7:14 pm  · 
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lifeform

Childs Promises to Return Design Idea "When the Next Plane Hits"

Prince Charles Secretly Oggling Blobitecture in Spare Time

Partner Storms out of Office Meeting in Frustration of CAD Line Standards Decision

Big Shot Visiing Lecturer decides to Forgoe Honorarium Becasue "I Just Love Hearing Myself Talk"

Sep 24, 05 1:09 pm  · 
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Louisville Architect

big shot visiting lecturer...excellent

Sep 24, 05 1:11 pm  · 
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Louisville Architect

Colonial Williamsburg Tears Down Governor's Mansion to Make Way for New Modern Visitor's Center

Sep 24, 05 1:13 pm  · 
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lifeform

Kirstie Alley and Roseanne Calls Zaha "That Fat Cow"

Eisenman says the WHole Derria Thing was Just a Joke

Remment Officially Changes Name to Coolhaus and Declares it the Natural Successor to Bauhaus

Norman Foster Decides that Architecture is Too Easy and Takes Up COnquering the World Instead

Sep 24, 05 6:11 pm  · 
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db

ahhhh...truly in the spirit of the old archinect...here's hoping this one stays near the top

Sep 24, 05 6:29 pm  · 
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lifeform

Local Grad Student Confesses That his Project had a "Kickass" Form With the Hopes of "Bedding a Chick"

Sep 24, 05 8:39 pm  · 
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ochona

Supermarket Shopper Relates Orientation of Bar Joists To Deleuze Text Just Like Architect Intended

Sep 25, 05 1:43 am  · 
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