Well, it happened. That damn ROGER. He filed a report on me. Just today. I’m lucky they didn’t fire my ass. Here’s what happened: As per usual, I brought in some continental-style breakfast for the enjoyment of the entire office. This morning it was some fancy pastries. Some of those had some great custard-type filling and others had some jam and just some real special types of fillings. Now, everyone gets ONE pastry! Everyone knows this to be the case and so they behave accordingly. Except that Roger. Lately, he’s been taking TWO pastries. Where does he get that extra pastry? I’ll tell you: that one is mine. I always wait until everyone has been served before taking my pastry. That’s the polite way. But lately Roger sort of sneaks up and grabs that last one before I can get to it. And that’s what he tried to do again today. I had placed that pink pastry box near my area just in case he tried it. I even wrote on the box in big black marker: “One Pastry Per. Enjoy! –Mavis.” Did he even care? No. When I wasn’t looking, he sort of came out of nowhere and snagged that old custard-filled. Well, I shot up out of my chair and said to Roger in this real firm voice, “one pastry per, Roger. It’s written right there on the box.” He just gives me this dumb stare and here’s what he says, “one of the perks of seniority, Mavis, extra pastries.” Then he lifts that pastry up to his mouth to take this big exaggerated bite. That’s when I snapped, I guess. I sort up flung my hand up real fast. I was just trying to knock that pastry out of his grip. Maybe get it to land back in the box. But things didn’t work out that way.
Seconds before I snapped: There stands Roger, all condescending and smirking, ready to take a big bite out of that pastry.
Seconds after I snapped: There stands Roger. Same ugly tie with diagonal yellow stripes. Same dirty collar. New diagonal stripe o’custard runs from chin to eye. It looks very high fashion. Under that custard, a red Roger face all contorting with anger. He tries to say, “Damn Mavis!” but he’s so mad it comes out, “Mamn Davis!” Then he threatens a report and a lot of other “loss of job” type stuff. And he did it, the bastard; he went straight to upper management. Now I have to defend my actions to those upper-level guys next week. I might be out of a stupid JOB.

you need a blog. or a hobby.

A) wrong forum...try here: http://www.angermgmt.com/angertoolkit.html

B) or you could start chucking pastries at the upper level management during your 'office decorum re-education' meeting next week.

C) you could claim that you, Mavis, didn't hit him or his pastry, but it was some other person, Davis...Roger even said so himself.

D) if you really hate this guy, and your anger management toolkit is delayed in shipping, i'd just go ahead and kill Roger or burn down the office. either way, Roger obviously deserves to die. TWO PASTRIES? that's totally innappropriate office decorum and he should be punished. death is the only viable alternative...death...kill him Mavis...kill him...ride the snake...ride the snake...

Good luck with your meeting, your ensuing unemployment and the resulting criminal trial, Mavis.

Have you seen my stapler?

Don't burn the building down, dude. Don't do it.

instrumentOFaction, your C) option is pure gold.

Mavis, is this not a joke? because if it isn't you sure set yourself up to be walked all over. Have you been doing this for years? Let's hope that you get fired from this terrible office and find a new job where you assert yourself as the two-pastry-eater.

Nice guys finish last...not just with girls...but with continental breakfast.

guiggster...your post's last line is my new screensaver. hehehe...sigh...story of my life...story of my life.

always bring more than one pastry per!

Per eats two pastries!!??

i bet Per bakes his own pastries.

of course per bakes his own pastries....

http://www.sharpknives.com/gourmets_toolbox_pages/matfer_lattice_dough_cutters.htm

look at that lattice ...only Per could conceive of such a system of sugar-enriched structural goodness. it is the pastry of the future!!!

Thank you for all of the helpful input and suggestions for improvement. Fire in the building is not allowed. It’s a safety hazard. There is a strict policy RE: that. Even if someone tries to smoke in the restroom, that’s a big policy violation and a report will be issued. Please DO NOT smoke in the restrooms.
Now that we’ve covered all of the housekeeping stuff, let’s discuss what’s next on the agenda. It’s this: THAT DAMN ROGER. This morning at work, take a guess what’s waiting there on my desk courtesy of ROGER. Some incriminating documents! A big photocopied picture of his tie all smeared with custard. NO CUSTARD EVER HIT ROGER’S TIE! That’s pure fabricated stuff. That custard was smeared only across his FACE. And now he wants to hit me with the cost of a NEW TIE. That photo, he just did some trick photo stuff to make it LOOK like some custard ruined it. Then, he drew these big red circles over those false custard marks to highlight the damage. If this document gets to upper-management, I’m screwed for sure.
I’ve taken anger management RE: Roger. That didn’t help, man. Here’s why: They said one good trick to do is to take deep breaths when you feel, like, some anger coming on. So I’m breathing deep and slowly. Then I think of Roger taking that pastry and I start to hyperventilate. So that didn’t work. Another trick they said was, “try to think of your enemy as a child, very innocent and such.” So I try to think of an innocent type of young Roger. I picture him drawing with crayons just very calm. But then, suddenly, I imagine him grabbing the crayons away from the imaginary kid next to him! Or, punching that kid! Then, I imagine that kid is me and so that damn management trick DOES NOT WORK.
Upper-management is going to fire my ass next week, I’m positive.

hahaha. I love this thread.

excellent, keep it coming

Mavis, mavis, mavis....your problem is that you are thinking defensively...that needs to change if you want to take care of Roger. The simple fact is that you need to treat this as if it were war....since, in fact, it is. Your job, livelihood, and future are on the line. Wars have been started under more superfluous circumstances.

Look to your history and strategize. Take for instance, the instigation of WWI. Arch Duke Ferdinand wasn't killed by a bullet...but by a bagel. look it up...i think it had Croation Lox on it which would explain the swift demise...that thing had mass! Or, take the great Swedish-Danish war of 1611-1613...duh...Danishes?!?!

Ok, so we've established that early-morning foodstuffs are suitable means by which to declare all out war. I suggest that you begin by doing your homework. stategy...its all strategy.

Surely with Roger's quick move up in rank and salary he's had to compromise what little morals he had to get what he wanted. gather your evidence and prepare your proof. Does Roger have a secretary? if so, she probably hates him and would be perfectly willing to turn any incriminating evidence over on the basis of anononymity...or maybe he's been having an inaproppriate relationship with this secretary...or with the ficus tree in the conference room. maybe both at once. photographic proof must be established. Does he take long lunches? Use the office computer to download animal-midget pornography?

Exploit what you can and make up the rest. if he is going to digitally alter photographs of his tie, i'd step it up a notch and digitally alter photographs of him and that ficus. prepare your proof and when he whips out that photo of his clothes, demand to have the article of clothing physically presented for management to judge the custard content of his poly-blend necktie.

Don't take this lying down, Mavis. The evil that is Roger must end and it must end here...your co-workers will call you their champion. Hold your ground and do not hesitate, nor falter. Your victory will be great...and you will be greeted by the lamentations of the women. Custard be damned, this is about something greater, something bigger than you, me or Roger...this is about the one-per pastry rule.

Have you tried fruit. Much better than pastries.

Thank you again for your input. Like you say, it’s time to play some HARDBALL with that goddamned ROGER. Because today he SET-ME-UP. Dammit! Here’s how it happened: I’m the guy that likes to fix the COKE machine when it gets stuck. It gets stuck when some stupid guy sticks nickels in the QUARTERS-ONLY slot. I’ve got this special tool which I hand-crafted that gets those nickels ROLLING, man.
So today Connie from H.R. comes over to my area and says the machine is stuck again and can I fix it right away because soon upper-management takes their COKE-BREAK and they will want some COKES PRONTO. So I say okay and then rummage around for my tool. Sometimes a lot of papers stack up on my desk and stuff gets lost. Well, I couldn’t find my tool and time was running out. So I got a paper clip which sometimes works to un-stick those damn nickels. I went to work on that machine but I COULD NOT GET THOSE NICKELS OUT. There was some kind of major back-up in the machine! Time keeps running out and I’m fiddling with that crappy paper clip and suddenly some upper-management guys are STANDING RIGHT THERE. “What do you think you’re doing to that machine?” one of them says to me. I say that the machine is stuck, sir, I’m trying to fix it. Then he says he’s on COKE-BREAK and wants a damn COKE RIGHT NOW. He says RIGHT NOW again real loud and hard at me and I say, “Dammit!” because I’m so nervous and everything. Then he says, “What did you say to me?” And then I’m super nervous and can’t respond or anything. He says do I realize that I’m talking to UPPER-MANAGEMENT? I say, “Yes, sir! Sorry, Sir!” He asks what my name is and I tell him it’s Mavis. Then he writes my name down in this little memo pad he’s got. He tells me I’m on super-thin ice because now I’m on his shit-list. Damn! Then he and the other upper-management guys leave. Right after they leave, those damn nickels get unstuck and come spilling out of the machine. Each one of those nickels has a little letter written on it in black marker pen. Some kind of a damn message! I go back to my desk to arrange those nickels and see what they spell out. These were the letters: S, S, W, E, R, Y, C, U, M, A, I, V, O.

-COWS SAVE MY URI? No.
-I WAS YUM COVERS? That didn’t sound right.
-VICUM WEARS SOY? Not that, either.
I tried out a bunch of combos and then I finally got it. It’s this crappy message:
-SCREW YOU MAVIS

That bastard ROGER! He jammed that machine on purpose and I ended up looking real BAD in front of UPPER-MANAGEMENT. Time to play some HARDBALL. I’ve got to write some real incriminating stuff before the meeting next week! Or I’m through!

just tell Roger you had sex with his wife

I tell you, I go to BED with this stuff. GOLD!

who the hell is roger?

is this some kind out joke, can this really be taking place in a firm?
listen if this is for real and the situation at hand is this intense you
need to go out like a champ. To be blunt with you mavis odds are your gunna get fired so this is what you do..
Start looking for a new job first off then you need to get this prick roger with everything you got. come in early one day and bring in you pastry box as usual but containing the secret weapon... You need to take two pastries and place them on his desk to act like a gesture of truce showing compasion for our good friend roger. Heres where it gets good, you need to pull a van wilder stunt and pre fab these pastries with the special creme inside, and by special creme i mean special (use your creativity your a damn architect) but make sure you still have the right amount of regular custard in the inside so he won't be able to tell anything is wrong. You will see him chomping, slurping away on the deliscious pastries and you mavis and only you will know that he is truly eating the most special pastry in the deli. Revenge will be the sweetest joy......

Or just stop bringing the damned pasties. You're just doing it to be nice, right? So don't bring them. If people ask why, say that it's because someone keeps taking two and never leaving any for you, so you've decided to stop.

If this stuff is for real, then you need a new job. At the next job, DO NOT be the guy who brings the pastries, or fixes the coke machine. That stuff is for the lowest guy in the office, and as long as you do it, that's you.

But I bet you're faking it, because NO architecture office has this level of organization- "upper management" and all that. You talk like an engineer (software, hardware, or firmware, not structural, mechanical, or electrical), not someone who would feel at home on archinect.

Mavis. it has become obvious that roger has taken this situation to a whole new level. Its time to move to defcon1. Your employment outlook seems bleak considering the response of upper level management so i think its fair to say that you will not be receiving any type of favorable reference from these no-talent-ass-clowns come your rapidly approaching job search. So, what are you to do, Mavis? TAKE NO PRISONERS!

First, get dressed in the morning before work in a costume not unlike one of the boys from Lord of the Flies. Do not wear a shirt, rip khaki slacks at the knee. paint your face. wear a headdress. arrive at work with a basket of the finest pastries you can find...carry the basket over your arm and whilst whistling a happy ditty, walk up and down the maze of cubicles calling: "here Piggy, Piggy.." until you arrive at Roger's desk. (remember the look on his face at this moment. it will be the only thing keeping you warm in long lines at the unemployment office and/or jail.)

Though not original, i think that this situation deserves a direct SEVEN film reference. remember gluttony? bind roger to his task chair using his stained necktie and while standing over him laughing maniacially, cram custard (or non-custard) filled pastries down his throat by the fist full....smear them on his face. don't forget to make pig snorting sounds and yell "ONE PASTRY PER"...as he chokes for air behind mounds of buttery half chewed pastry batter.

at this point, one of two things will happen. 1. everyone in the office will be too scared of you to attempt some type of interdiction and you can continue to cram Roger's cake hole with pastry until he passes out or 2, security will be called and you will be immediately seated in your meeting with upper level management. When you are seated in this meeting, still replete with painted face, headdress and ripped pants, your hands dripping with custard, tell the management that you would have brought them all Cokes but the machine was stuck again.

Mavis, stop waiting your time on arhchinect and go straight to McSweeney's or the Onion with this stuff.

find out if roger is allergic to anything, then bring that to the office instead.

this thread is hilarious, i hope it's real

Thank you again everyone for the great suggestions and fantastic input. But:
Damn days. DAMN days. Stuff is ROLLING DOWNHILL for me, super fast. This weekend some BRAND NEW crappy stuff has gone on! TRAGIC STUFF, like this:
Well, this apartment where I’m living is super old. It’s all damaged in a bunch of places. I’m talking paint peeling and just general DAMAGE and dilapidation type stuff, man. Also, for a long time, the tub upstairs has been leaking into MY tub when that lady up there takes nice hot baths, which is every night, practically. So I wrote a letter to the landlord to say the tub is leaking and I hope they could fix that thing when they have some spare time. But they never came to fix it. So I kept writing these various letters to ask them to please fix that tub up there when they have a good chance. But they still never send any guy to come fix it. So then I tell that lady upstairs that HER tub is leaking into MY tub. But here’s what she says: she says no damn downstairs NEIGBOOR can tell her not to take that BATH if she so chooses. She says that it’s her goddamned RIGHT as an AMERICAN CITIZEN to take a bath at any damn time. Then she slams the damn door on me.
But then last night I hear that neighbor lady once again filling up that tub for a nice hot bath, just like usual. Then it’s just real quiet because I guess she’s now in the tub relaxing, taking it easy. But then there’s this big crash and all this crazy NOISE suddenly in MY bathroom. So I run in there to see what the hell happened and the upstairs lady has sort of CRASHED THROUGH THE CEILING. HER tub is now, like, SUSPENDED above MY tub and she’s still in the goddamn TUB. Dammit! She’s in that tub screaming and just kind of flailing about so I get SUPER SCARED because is she injured bad? YES SHE IS, I’m thinking. That’s when I called emergency 911 and those fire-trucks rolled around pretty soon and took that neighbor lady to get some required help and clothing. I’m thinking HOSPITAL, even.
But then that was not the END of it. After that emergency crew left, my LANDLORD appears. He’s all frantic and such and wants to know what happened. So I tell him. He says I should have told him about the ceiling problem. I said that I wrote a bunch of damn letters about it. But he says, “No, Mavis, letters are not the protocol.” He says that I should have filled out a M.U.D.R., a Monthly Unit Damage Report. I said I didn’t know about any such damn form. He asks if I have any copies of the letters I wrote and I say no. So then he says, “You’re in deep shit, Mavis.” Shit!
And plus I might lose my JOB next week because of that damn ROGER. What are the options? I have NO CRAPPY OPTIONS. Screwed, friend!

you should turn your life stories into comics

you already have a title for the comic strip "That damn ROGER."

THIS POST IS AWESOME ... this is definitely making my day

mavis ... just realize that you are not above violence. Feed, nurture your inner anger ... it is your friend.

Can I make a suggestion? Buy throwing stars or numbchucks. Be sure your thowing stars are prefectly balanced. Opt for a lighter alloy, or perhaps titanium. When you handle shuriken, make sure you treat them like teeny frisbees, because that's what they are ... teeny, deadly frisbees.

Shadows are also your friends. Use them to your advantage. Nothing will inspire fear inside Roger's heart like a slient, deadly ninja strike under the cover of night.

A word on pipe bombs and napalm: corn syrup is a very flammable substance. Combine that with a nice fifth of vodka (something cheap, like Rikaloff or Popov), and you can get all Firestarter-era Drew Barrymore on Roger's ass.

That meeting with Upper-Management is coming up FAST. I think this HARDBALL stuff I wrote today might get me off the damn HOOK, though. I’ve been fiddling with it all day trying to get the wording just right. If I go into that meeting armed with this strong written defense, I think they can’t fire my ass. If I read it at the meeting out loud, I mean. Here’s what I have so far:

“Dear Upper-Management (People?),
I’m here to DEFEND today against the stuff Roger might say! Roger, for sure, is going to tell you all kinds of STUFF. Incriminating STUFF about me, me being MAVIS. He might tell you (people?) about a certain INCIDENT.
Today, Roger wants to say that MAVIS IS BAD. That’s his GIST. He wants to touch base with you about that, he really does. But I want to say something ELSE about that. PLEASE ALLOW ME TO DO SO.
You guys like COKES? I’ll bet you do VERY MUCH and that’s why you have COKE-BREAK. Sometimes that COKE machine gets jammed, though. Did you KNOW IT? I, MAVIS, made just a super hand-crafted tool to un-stick that machine! That’s why it’s always serving up COLD COKES for you upper-level guys. So then, I’m the guy who fixes that machine. C’MON!
Also do you Upper –Management (people?) like continental BREAKFAST or FANCY PASTRY? Well, you probably have real fancy breakfasts being Upper-Management. I’m talking maybe EGGS BENEDICT or thick, heavy WAFFLES. Still, in the Lower Departments we still like continental breakfasts. But who provides those? Right here, Sirs. I’ve been providing those for everybody for a long time already. Also, I bring in some super special PASTRIES on certain random days as a SURPRISE. Well, everybody gets ONE of those pastries! That’s just the basic RULE.
So then ROGER wants to talk about that, I guess. He might say that I flipped a fancy pastry onto him resulting in TIE DAMAGE and just general anger. And that sounds BAD, I guess. I did FLIP- UP that pastry because that was Roger’s SECOND PASTRY. I wanted to get that one back in the box. In fact, Sirs, that pastry was slated to go to ME. So that’s why I did that stuff. And I’m super sorry. But NO CUSTARD ever got on Roger’s damn TIE! No matter what that DAMN ROGER says!
I’m a super worker and just a very great part of this company. It would be really BAD if I got FIRED for being a LOOSE CANON. Thank you.”

So I’ll read this strong defense letter to Upper-Management during that meeting. Then, I’ll show those nickels with that crappy message from ROGER. Will they still fire my ass? Dammit! SCARED and NERVOUS.

I think the letter's good. But I think you know that the ending gets less professional. Saying that DAMN ROGER, might not be received well. And that last line: "It would be really BAD if I got FIRED for being a LOOSE CANON." sounds kind of like a threat. But maybe thats what you're going for.

But good luck. Sounds like you'll NEED it against that DAMN ROGER.



oh, and bring pastries. They'll appreciate that.

Mavis. you sound desperate in your letter. you need not feel nor sound this way. support your position logically and without emotion. Emotion will only damage the validity of your concerns. Pass the custard confrontation off as an accident and a personal disagreement, not worthy of upper-management involvement. Do not, under any circumstances admit that you acted the way you did because the pastry was for you. The first half of your letter tries to convince them of your can-do, team-player attitude and you should support that by simply explaining how Roger isn't any of those things. Be clear, be concise...don't mince your words but do not get emotional.

If they are still reluctant to hear your side of the argument, present to them the collection of nickels that Roger wrote on and used to jam the Coke machine. Talk about how that single episode of Roger's illogical, overbearing, demonstrative behavior caused the upper level management their well-deserved Coke Break. The burden of proof is on you, Mavis so prepare and get Connie to back your play...she is the one who always comes to you to fix the machine...she knows you are a team player. Who does Roger have, the ficus tree? He's got nothing. Build a strong case, then bring it crashing down on Roger...use your intellect to force management to see it your way. Do not, under any circumstances, leave that meeting without an apology from Roger and do not allow them to dismiss him before they dismiss you.

If you are to be disciplined, accept it with grace and humility but if Roger gets off without punishment, be prepared to sacrifice your employment based on the principle of the matter. Have your letter of resignation in hand and be prepared to present it to them. Do not do so under duress of guilt but do so on the premise that your dutiful and responsible employment was a pleasure while you were a trusted and faithful employee. You do not, however, wish to continue employment at the hands of people willing to trust a back-stabbing, emotional brown-noser over that of a team-player. You simply could not do it unless restitution was made. Allow them exactly 10 seconds of silence to consider the tendering of your resignation, then simply place the letter on the table in front of you, thank them for their time and be on your way.

Do not threaten them nor Roger while in the meeting. Be civil and professional but do not under any circumstances allow Roger the upper hand. Let him get emotional and whiney. Show managment you are better than this man. It should be easy to do.

Lastly Mavis, do not allow Roger to see the light of another day. its the principle of the thing. Do what you must and do it cleanly and without emotion. Do it well. Allow Roger's demise to become your creative masterpiece, your pinnacle. Plan well, execute with efficiency and remember your credo...one pastry per. its the rock we all stand on and its worth fighting for.

i cannot believe this ish

mavis, you gotta find a better place to work... theres laws against harassment like that.

It happened. That meeting with Upper-Management. And ROGER. Damn that guy. I went into that meeting all prepared with the Strong Defense Letter. And some special stuff on top of that. For instance, COLD COKES for those Upper-Managers.
So I get into that conference room 31-A a little early to arrange those nickels and practice reading my letter. There’s this big damn widow in 31-A where you can look out into some Upper Management work areas. And there’s ROGER with some Upper-Managers! One of those Managers was that guy whose shit-list I’m on. They’re laughing and taking these fake ghost golf swings. And laughing some more. Meanwhile, the meeting was supposed to START already. I’m getting more and more nervous and then, suddenly, they all come walking in to 31-A, Roger and the whole damn bunch of them. Then, they all sit ACROSS from me, including Roger.
So, first, I try to give them those COKES but those are now WARM COKES because I’ve been waiting so long already. One of those Managers says, “We’ve already had our damn COKE BREAK.” And so they won’t take those. So next I start to read my letter. But right away Roger says to me, “SHUT IT, Mavis. We’re not here to listen to your excuses.” Then he starts to say all this other stuff which went like this:

“Basically, here’s the situation, Mavis. You’re a loose canon. And a mess. You’ve violated all kinds of Company Policy and such. These gentlemen here have promoted me to Upper-Management. And so it’s for ME to decide what we’re going to do with you. Of course, they want to fire you. And so do I Mavis, so do I. So here’s what I’m going to do. Think of yourself as a fired man. BUT, you’re a fired man with a chance to be RE-HIRED. Here’s how it works. Next week you will act as my Personal Assistant. I’ve got a scorecard here, Mavis. See it? It’s got your name right here at the top and all of these BEHAVIOR categories. You get a few POINTS for certain behaviors. What you need, Mavis, is 200 points. That’s the magic number. Then you’ll be re-hired. Of course, you can LOSE points, too. It’s all up to me. I’m keeping score. So, if at the end of the week you have the required 200 hundred points, well, you get your job back. If not, Mavis, you’re screwed, basically.”

And then all those guys start to laugh. Then, out of nowhere, Roger pulls out my special hand-crafted COKE machine fixer tool. He says, “What the hell is this, Mavis, a weapon?” Dammit! ROGER had taken that off my desk, that’s why I couldn’t find that tool! I say that it’s no damn WEAPON, it’s a super special hand crafted FIXER tool for the COKE machine. He says that it looks like a weapon and that we can’t have a LOOSE CANON running around the office with WEAPONS. He says he’ll need to confiscate it. And then he starts to CLEAN HIS NAILS with that TOOL.
Oh. I’ve not been this LOW and SCARED, friends. Not ever. This job is all I have, I can’t DO any damn thing else. Can I get the required 200 points? Can I keep this job and not be out on my ASS? Out on the damn STREETS!

My cats called George or Mavis, depending on whether I want to put him off guard. Actually, I try and call him a different name everytime I see him - at the moment it's Stipulation - just to confuse him. We have a confuse/annoy relationship.

I, for ONE, shall wait with bated breath.

Mavis. You have my empathy for your current situation. Please do not mistake my attitude for anything but genuine concern for your well being but please understand our position as counselors in your plight. As such, its time for some tough love.

You insist on allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, Mavis, and you continue to think defensively. If you refuse to take the advice of this forum you can only expect further disappointment.

Your first mistake was that you underestimated Roger and you did not secure your base of operations, ie. your desk. How could you allow your coke-machine-quarter-slot-jigger tool to be confiscated by the enemy? it was a part of your defense, yes? Your second mistake in underestimating Roger was his cunning and coniving mis-use of managment responsibilities. Any HR department would have the boss' head for promoting someone currently involved in a dispute with a fellow employee. it shows he cannot resolve conflict peacefully and does not play well with others. You are missing opportunities here, Mavis.

By finding the chink in the armor of upper level management you will find, therein, the way to defeat Roger. Their backgrounds must be checked and rechecked. Scandals investigated, evidence gathered and carefully scrutinized. Defeat them, Mavis, and Roger will be placed on the chopping block at your will. They will offer him up to save their own skin. Modern warfare means controlling the enemies movements as well as control over information itself. Roger is too power hungry to not be making mistakes and now that he has his promotion he will drop his guard....he will leave himself open for attack...and you MUST act upon it. carpe diem, Mavis.

You cannot, under any circumstances, continue to work in this office...but if i were you, i'd use this last week with Roger and his 200 points to your advantage. If you plan correctly...you can make sure his week is worse than your own. Do your research, dammit and make it count. figure out a way to ruin his homelife. Incriminating photos to his wife...phony cell phone calls to escort services...arrange hotels in his name and get confirmation calls sent to his wife's cell number... Ruin him. Do his bidding from 8-5...but from 5-8...make him do yours. Do not get caught....make your plans and execute them efficiently...and make his life a living hell.

Do your job and get his precious 200 points...but when you do...give him and the upper level managment your resignation in the same breath. Show them they are losing a quality employee capable of working effectively even under such duress. make them miss you when you are gone. you don't want to work under these conditions do you, Mavis? NO? then COWBOY THE F UP AND GET'R DONE. You can't lose this, Mavis...

well?

quality...

quality...

So it all went down with that ROGER. In a major way, man. I’m saying it went DOWN. Here’s some of the stuff I had to do to get those 200 points. I had to lint roll those Upper Managers cubicles. That was just a ton of lint and hairs and other real disgusting dirty stuff. So I got 10 points for that. Also, I had to serve up COLD COKES at an instant for 2 points per service. Then this: prepare REESES SNICKERS for Roger. Roger likes Snickers candy bars from the food vending machine. He also likes REESES Peanut Butter Cups. But he likes to combine those two snacks without the Snickers peanuts. So I had to dig out the peanuts in the Snickers bar then spread some of that REESES peanut butter onto the bar. So that was 2 points per bar. He ate like 10 of those things which gave me 20 points. Then there was a whole ton of other degrading stuff that I don’t care to even mention, frankly.
At the end of the week I had almost 200 points. The whole week, Roger had been sort of tapping me hard on the head with my fixer tool. That was whenever he wanted me to do something or also just for no reason. So that was getting super aggravating. And I kind of snapped again. Here’s what I said to him:

“Stop that tapping business, Roger.”
“What tapping business?” he says. “You mean this?” Then he hits me hard on the head with that tool.
“Stop it, ROGER.”
Then he does it again. And then again and again a bunch of times.
“Tap, Tap, Tap, Tap, Tap.” He’s saying.

Then I snapped. I quick grabbed that fixer tool right out of his damn hand. And I smacked that DAMN ROGER right in the stupid head with it. He falls over his desk and I just start running. I’m smashing into work areas and stuff’s crashing all around and there’s all this crazy shouting. Someone grabs my shirt but I sort of break free and keep running until I get the hell out of that building. Then I keep running and running until I kind of collapse on this grassy median strip between these two roads.
So I’m just laying there and looking up into the sky. There’re some crazy hawks or regular birds or something just flying around and around in these big circles. There’s sunlight and everything coming through their damn wings and a skimpy little tree next to me and it’s just real calm. So I fall asleep right there on that median. I spent the night out there, I guess.
The next day, when I got back home, there’s a message for me on the answer machine. It’s from Connie in H.R. and she says I need to clear out my desk pronto and that Roger wants to press some charges. She says she’s sorry to see me go. I’ll miss that Connie.
Thank you everyone for listening to all this stuff. You had some terrific suggestions and I always liked reading those even when I felt so terrible and down. But it’s to the streets for me now, friends. I’m through.

*sigh*


Satyameva Jayate

beautiful story :)

mavis, i went through some similar shit for an office that i worked in about five years ago and, i got to tell you, getting fired sucked at first but i have been thankful ever since.

egh....

what if instead during that meeting you stuffed that score card down THAT ROGER'S throat with a full fist, then taken the fixer tool and carved out the heart of every upper manager in conference room 31-A, then cleaned up in the restroom while having a smoke which you then put in the waste basket to cause a fire, then cruised by Connie's office to whisk her away like a romantic while the fire alarm blares and the firemen start chopping down doors....

Wow, this stuff is hilarious! (Sorry Mavis).

Cut your loses, find a new & better job. Talk personally to your coworkers who know you and your work and will give you good references (not ROGER tainted ones). Record this incident, factually for future reference if it ever comes up again. Keep the coins. Rise above ROGER and don't let this incident pull you down altogether. Obviously the man has a problem to pinpoint you without reason and hassle you to such a point.

Move on to better things. Let it go. Remember you're worth more than this. No need to bring in pastries, fix the coke machine, or give everyone cold drinks.

Most important of all, next time someone first taps you on the head with a tool- react like he thrashed a hammer to your head. Then sue for assault.

actually I need an office enforcer; are you available 'cause there's this one really mean girl who keeps deleting my files and sending email from my account (I'm looking at YOU Rosa)

seriously are you joel or ethan beta testing a script