i think the main thing is to be sure you will have funding for most of your phd.

in my case i did my m.arch when first daughter was born and phd when second was born.  my wife didn't work during either degree and only just went back to working 2 years ago.  we were able to do this because we saved for the m.arch degree and i had a fairly ok  scholarship for the phd.  i had to work during phd however.  if i was single it would have been enough money but with 2 kids and a wife it just wasnt enough.  i don't know if that is the case where you are but i am in tokyo where costs are not low so a bit of cash was required.  none of my classmates were in the same boat.

in terms of time, well the nice thing about academia is that it is very flexible.  so i never found it too hard to manage family.  i went to all large events, and have managed to be home almost every night to read books to the kids or whatever since they were born til now.  an academic life makes that much easier to do than pure archi-office lifestyle.

tenure gigs are hard to come by from what i hear, since most universities are managing the hard financial situation by hiring adjunct professors for lower wages.  this is what i did for awhile and i quite liked it, but i have another full-time job so that was quite ok.   if i had to live on the wages from a class or two a week it would simply not be enough.   currently i am a research lecturer at private school outside tokyo.  the only reason i have the position is because i have phd, so it was definitely worth getting.  it is a minimum standard for teaching here and as i understand it more so in western countries as well.

as far as time for the family goes i think it gets harder after graduation.  i was 35 when i started phd and in early 40's now.  the responsibilities that come with age and the kinds of jobs i am asked to do now are much more demanding than when i was younger and really take a lot of effort and time.  this is nothing to do with the system  or anything, it's just about growing into the community and taking on leadership positions.  more than anything i find that aspect of things is harder to manage than school or work ever was.

From where i stand now, phd was a breeze. if it's what you want to do i would not see family as an obstacle and more as an anchor...

i pretty much agree with everything that jump said... i'm now in the 4th year of my phd program (now ABD) and definitely wouldn't consider family to be an obstacle, although i don't have any kids... if your wife works than the finances shouldn't be a problem as long as you are in a fully-funded phd program... the funding tends to be in the ballpark of $20k/year, which would be enough to survive if single, but probably not for a family of 4... the pace of a phd program is very different from that of m.arch. programs... you'll probably spend most of your waking hours reading, but that can be done from home... the competition for tenure track positions is VERY HIGH, and it can be damn near impossible to get on the tenure track without at least a few years of adjunct teaching... unfortunately the pay for adjunct teaching is miserably low (at least at public universities)... i'm teaching two classes this semester and the pay is less than what my phd fellowship was...

Jump and Phillip thanks for your comments, it is very helpful. I have read some of your other threads and the two of you, citizen and smokey seem to be the stalwarts on the forum pertaining to PhD's. It sounds like post-doctorate life is a little grim? But I assume with most careers you need to put in your time. A few other questions, the GRE, how much does it play a role in the admissions process? It seems as though from another thread, finding a professor you can align your research with is more critical. Any other helpful advice for the admission process? How does the language requirements work? Do you take language courses your first two years? My next few question are directed toward Phillip, you are at Upenn, correct? I am interested in the program, how do you like it? Where you able to get credits toward you PhD electives with you M.Arch degree?

Stalwart?  I like that!

Not married with children here, so I defer to Jump and Phillip on those important issues.  As to the other topics:

• GRE scores' importance is inversely proportional to the other information in your app package.  The better your app essay, writing samples, and recommendation letters, the less that admissions committees must rely on sources like the GRE.  When I sat in on committee meetings, it was the international applicants (whose writing may not be up to snuff yet, or whose recommenders may not be as well-known in these parts) for whom the GREs figured more heavily.
• Yes, I beat the drum for pre-application visits and/or conversations with faculty in the interest of finding a good fit (availability of faculty, research field/topic, personality quirks, etcetera).  Finding at least one (and hopefully two) faculty interested in your area and willing/able to work with you is a must.  Of course, this means having a general idea of where you want to focus, topic-wise. 

Don't be this poor soul: too excited on gaining admission to a DREAM U's doctoral program to have really thought about mentors and interests over the long term.  These unfortunates find themselves wandering the halls in their 3rd or 4th year (or 5th or 6th, it does happen), because their chair doesn't have time for them (too many students already), or really isn't that interested in their work (as it turns out), or has retired (because they were 30 years in already).  I've met such people, and they are usually miserable.

I lucked out and found two personally and professionally outstanding mentors--I met them during the application process and had several conversations before starting.  We are still in regular contact after several years out.  They continue to write me letters of rec for jobs and grants from time to time (and I for them on occasion, in award nominations).

Obviously every case is different; not everyone becomes friends with their chair and committee.  But a good fit during the degree is terribly important--especially the lonely and crucial dissertating years.  You need support, accessibility, and some amount of shared values and research interest.  Do your best to find it (or at least a good chance of it) while you're considering different programs; don't just cross your fingers and hope for the best down the road.

Good luck!

Like citizen, I would also highly recommend starting a conversation with faculty members in the programs that you're interested in, both as a way of learning more about the program and as a way to gauge interest in possibly working with you. That being said, I didn't actually do this during my application process, but in hindsight I would if I was to do it all over again. I would also agree with citizen's take on the GRE. In most cases it will be the least important part of your application package.

Specifically in regards to UPenn, I have really enjoyed the program. There are only a few required courses, so you are free to really sculpt the program to your own interests. In addition to courses within architecture I have taken courses in landscape architecture, environmental studies, philosophy, and urban studies. In addition to my phd, I'm also working on (actually already completed) the graduate certificate in urban studies. I was able to gain advanced placement credit for classes taken during my M.Arch. studies, which reduced the amount of course requirements to 2 years rather than 3.

Language requirements will vary depending on the school. At UPenn, we are required to pass two language exams (other than English.) The university offers free 6-week summer courses in the primary languages for PhD students, after which you take a translation exam. I did French during my first summer and German during the second summer.