I'm sure I'm not the only one facing a situation like this. I will soon be deciding between two grad schools--UMD and UVA for MArch, which are 150 and 250 miles from my current home. My wife is finishing grad school here so she will be unable to move for another 12-18 months. Any advice from people who are about to do this themselves, or who have been through it already? Time with my wife is very important to me. We feel up to the challenge, but I'd like to have an idea of what we can expect. How easy is it to put grad school aside during weekends/holidays? We would like to start a family but that will likely wait until my wife joins me. Further discussion about the balance between school and other areas of life (family, friends, health, etc.) would be most welcome...
i've faced a similar situation for the past couple of years. i've worked at a firm an hour and a half from home while a full time student AND my wife is in grad school. I can't lie to you, unless you're on the same page in your relationship things can and will suck. It took some adjustment time but we've made it work. Feeling stoked from our ability to run ourselves into the ground and still maintain a relationship I applied to a MArch1 program. I'm 0:2 out of 4 so I'll have to see if I get in one to test our true resolve.
The best advice I can give is this:
1) have one night a week where you don't plan anything and stick to it. that night is for you and your ladyfriend to drink, nugs, or chill. seriously, your life will spiral out of control without this one night.
2) take saturday or sunday (out of the studio) and spend some quality time with your ladyfriend. it's good to see them in daylight so you can renew your memory on what they look like in natural light.
While I can't speak to the distance relationship issue, my wife and I do have a 6 month old daughter. I'm in my second year of an MArch1 and while the workload is enormous, as long as I manage my time effectively and realize that I need to live on 5-6 hours of sleep a night (not really enough for me usually, but I can get by for a few weeks at a time) then things work out reasonably well. I do alot of work between the hours of 8pm and 3am when the baby is asleep in bed. When I get home from school in the early evening I spend 3 or so hours with the family then start to work. I also second kix's suggestion of taking a weekend day to think about something other than school. We have family day on Sunday's. Of course this gets put aside during mid terms and finals if needed.
If you think grad school is demanding, try spending all day with a baby that is completely dependent on you for food, entertainment, clean and dry clothing, etc... Now that is demanding.
In general, just make sure you find a balance that allows you to feel like you are not short-changing family or school, but if occasionally you have to short-change something, school it should be.
Thank you both for sharing your points of view. My priorities are similar to yours. It'll be tough at times, for sure, but I know I can find a good balance.
what you describe is more or less the same situation i was in about 5 years ago. In my case my wife stayed in japan to work while i returned to canada to start MArch. The long distance thing is tuf, but manageable; I went back and forth a few times for the first year, after which we returned to canada together. While i started on second year my wife gave birth to our first child and more or less became a full-time mother.
Our marriage thrived, i finished school, and all remains well. School and family were difficult to manage at times but my wife was/is very supportive and i personally believe the flexibility of the school schedule allowed more time with the family than i would have had working in an office. the only thing that suffered was my social life as a student which i mildly regret, but can't have everyhting.
long as you and your wife are copacetic should work out.
i worked and saved madly for three + years between degrees, working as an architect in japan. It was about enough to get through masters's degree, but I also go a scholarship and worked part-time in an office to make ends meet. worked out well enough in the end and only a few years of our life so not that hard to manage really.
Apr 1, 05 5:44 am ·
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Student spouse, student parent
I'm sure I'm not the only one facing a situation like this. I will soon be deciding between two grad schools--UMD and UVA for MArch, which are 150 and 250 miles from my current home. My wife is finishing grad school here so she will be unable to move for another 12-18 months. Any advice from people who are about to do this themselves, or who have been through it already? Time with my wife is very important to me. We feel up to the challenge, but I'd like to have an idea of what we can expect. How easy is it to put grad school aside during weekends/holidays? We would like to start a family but that will likely wait until my wife joins me. Further discussion about the balance between school and other areas of life (family, friends, health, etc.) would be most welcome...
i've faced a similar situation for the past couple of years. i've worked at a firm an hour and a half from home while a full time student AND my wife is in grad school. I can't lie to you, unless you're on the same page in your relationship things can and will suck. It took some adjustment time but we've made it work. Feeling stoked from our ability to run ourselves into the ground and still maintain a relationship I applied to a MArch1 program. I'm 0:2 out of 4 so I'll have to see if I get in one to test our true resolve.
The best advice I can give is this:
1) have one night a week where you don't plan anything and stick to it. that night is for you and your ladyfriend to drink, nugs, or chill. seriously, your life will spiral out of control without this one night.
2) take saturday or sunday (out of the studio) and spend some quality time with your ladyfriend. it's good to see them in daylight so you can renew your memory on what they look like in natural light.
hope this helps
While I can't speak to the distance relationship issue, my wife and I do have a 6 month old daughter. I'm in my second year of an MArch1 and while the workload is enormous, as long as I manage my time effectively and realize that I need to live on 5-6 hours of sleep a night (not really enough for me usually, but I can get by for a few weeks at a time) then things work out reasonably well. I do alot of work between the hours of 8pm and 3am when the baby is asleep in bed. When I get home from school in the early evening I spend 3 or so hours with the family then start to work. I also second kix's suggestion of taking a weekend day to think about something other than school. We have family day on Sunday's. Of course this gets put aside during mid terms and finals if needed.
If you think grad school is demanding, try spending all day with a baby that is completely dependent on you for food, entertainment, clean and dry clothing, etc... Now that is demanding.
In general, just make sure you find a balance that allows you to feel like you are not short-changing family or school, but if occasionally you have to short-change something, school it should be.
Thank you both for sharing your points of view. My priorities are similar to yours. It'll be tough at times, for sure, but I know I can find a good balance.
what you describe is more or less the same situation i was in about 5 years ago. In my case my wife stayed in japan to work while i returned to canada to start MArch. The long distance thing is tuf, but manageable; I went back and forth a few times for the first year, after which we returned to canada together. While i started on second year my wife gave birth to our first child and more or less became a full-time mother.
Our marriage thrived, i finished school, and all remains well. School and family were difficult to manage at times but my wife was/is very supportive and i personally believe the flexibility of the school schedule allowed more time with the family than i would have had working in an office. the only thing that suffered was my social life as a student which i mildly regret, but can't have everyhting.
long as you and your wife are copacetic should work out.
jump-
how did you support yourselves, with you in school and the wife with the baby?
i worked and saved madly for three + years between degrees, working as an architect in japan. It was about enough to get through masters's degree, but I also go a scholarship and worked part-time in an office to make ends meet. worked out well enough in the end and only a few years of our life so not that hard to manage really.
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