Oof... >.<

Not mine, someone else here posted it: Why does Jesus hate architects? Because he was a carpenter.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon, aimlessly drifting for hours when he realizes he’s lost. He spies another man standing in the field below and he lowers the balloon to yell at the man.

“Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am."

“Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.”

“You must be an Architect” says the man in the balloon.

“Why do you say that?” says the man in the field.

And the balloonist says: “Because, what you told me, though technically correct, doesn’t help me in my current situation at all”

“Well, you must be a contractor” says the man in the field.

“Why’s that” says the balloonist

And the man in the field says: “Well, you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problems. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”

This is maybe my favorite joke and I only get to tell it around architects...

An atrium walks into a bar, sits down & orders a drink.

Bartender says "Hey buddy, you seem down, wanna talk about it?"

Atrium says "All day long, people just walk all over me. Nobody even notices all the work I put in. They just rush right past to the more important rooms and leave me covered in dirt and water. Nobody respects me!"

Bartender says "That does sound tough."

Atrium continues "And today was even worse! A bird got in this morning when the janitor propped a door open. Damn thing flew all over, making a racket and crapping everywhere. It was a disaster!"

Bartender nods and pours another drink, "This one's on me, for your troubles."

The atrium says nothing.

Bartender looks over, "You alright? What else is bugging you?"

Atrium says "Woah man, if you want more than two stories I'm gonna need a smoke break."

A guy walks into a bar...

Why did the architecture prof miss his class? Because he had sprained his angle.

So this isn’t a joke so must as it is a hilarious situation that only an architect can appreciate ::

I was visiting Miami the week after hurricane Andrew in the 90s. Hurricane Andrew was no laughing matter. It devastated southern Florida terribly.....and is not the butt of the joke. However, one day while watching the news, I saw a news reporter flying over Dadeland Florida in a helicopter and showing the sea of devastation for miles. He commented about the sea of devastation while showing the demolished buildings, trees and lives....he so happened to fly over a particular department store building in Dadeland southern Miami  and mentioned the extent of the devastation - the slanted roof structure, the crumbling, separated, cracked and broken walls ... According to the news reporter, “Hurricane ..Andrew really battered this building in particular.”
I looked closely at the building and recognized it.   
This building wasn’t heavily damaged by the hurricane ......it was a Frank Gerry - post modern Best Buy store and was designed to look that way. If anything the hurricane may have helped to embellish it’s already broken looking features.....Amid the tragedy and devastation of it all, I laughed out loud and said to myself that only an Architect who studied Post modernism and Frank Gherry in particular, could see the irony and humor in that situation, despite all of the devastation from the Hurricane.

What did the client say when you sent them the invoice?

-what happens when an architecture grad gets out of school mid recession, breaks his ass everyday, and finally builds his business up?

-Pandemic!

An architecture instructor walks up to a widow at her husband's funeral and asks, "May I say just one word?"

"Sure," she replies.

"Plethora," he says.

The widow says, "Thanks.  That means a lot."

Wow, two years old already!  Not architecture-related, but wordy-nerdy:

Where in your Favorites folder should you place p0rn links, if you want to make sure you don’t accidentally delete them with other bookmarks?

Last, lest lust list lost.

Architect 1: see, it's not caulk, it's sealant, caulk is an 18th century nautical term.

Architect 2: fine. Then suck my sealant.