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In 2012 secret agent Schiacchia-Kos invented a scale to evaluate the effects of architecture conferences on audience. The Kos scale*
FIRST HOUR – Attention
u chew your first chewing gum
one silenced fart
u follow the conference with great attention
u play footsie with the person sitting next to u
SECOND HOUR – Absent-mindedness
the one sat next to you has changed his/her seat
legs spreading to let conditioned air flowing through the planets
u make origami with a page of your notebook
last chewing gum
THIRD HOUR – Limbo
u fart a non-silenced S.O.S.
childhood memories awaken (your favourite Japanese cartoon theme song)
(u feel need 1 piss)
u change your religion
FORTH HOUR – What am I doing here?
u go back to your former religion
u don’t give a damn about following the conference
your stomach plays Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Croquette”
audience with their tongues dangling between their Nike sneakers
FIFTH HOUR – Hallucinations
u see Patti Smith giving a poetry reading to the guys of Jersey Shore
u think that Tadao Ando is a pupil of Bernini’s
u think that Karim Rashid is Zaha Hadid’s toyboy
Great Paper Wall of Japan ?
Brad Pitt is 1 architect in Oslollywood?
we love architecture
SECRET AGENTS >>> K SCALE
agent y9n31t: Get a move on.
agent x2c45h: WHA?
agent y9n31t: There's not much time. This gazabo is starting to make trouble.
agent x2c45h: But if no one gives a flying fuck about him. He's totally bonkers.
agent y9n31t: Schiaccha-Kos has become a real pain. They classified him in our files as 1 malignant artist, a enemy agent, a dangerous 666.
agent x2c45h: If you ask me, as artist 666 he's not worth a suck suck suck. He barely deserves a passing grade, a CCC minus minus minus, 1 yo-yo-yo.
agent y9n31t: Yer, yer, yer a dumbo u are! Don't change t subject. What does the CCC have to do with it!? Schiacchia-Kos has offended the golden book of the élite, he's a traitor. Schiacchia-Kos invented a scale 4 architecture conferences! BLEAH! He's even attacked the nomenklatura that sucks up Venice and their ******** has ordered us to boycott him.
agent x2c45h: What'll we do?
agent y9n31t: First thing we'll put his "portrait" in the Doges Palace next to the veiled painting of the traitor Marin Falier, but instead of the dark veil we'll hit him in the face with a pair of underpants.
agent x2c45h: Dirty underpants, I'd say, old and dirty.
agent y9n31t: EEEEEEEEHHHHH! Great idea X2c45h, just great. Peed in his pants, he has!
agent x2c45h: And then?
agent y9n31t: S-K is a member of the filthy race of ********* (censored), he dared to put in doubt the glad tidings announced by the art critic, he offends the sacred truths of architecture. We need to take radical action. We have to plan a damnatio memoriae right away. His name has got to be erased from all the class registers, from kindergarten, elementary school! Even the covert activity dossiers reporting him for numerous embarrassing episodes have got to disappear. We'll buy up every last disgusting thing he's painted - his paintings aren't worth a plugged nickel anyhow - and destroy them. We'll sand them down
agent x2c45h: Wouldn't burning be better?
agent y9n31t: No no, better to sandpaper them 1 by 1
agent x2c45h: True. Better. We'll sand them. But getting rid of all the traces is difficult. In t city are more than 6000000 telecameras to control the city, useful also for us when we want to ********* (censored). S-K filmed when he runs to go shopping - S-K filmed when he goes to pay the rent - S-K when he minds his own fucking business! A whole life on film!
agent y9n31t: We'll black out his image in the videos. We'll cover it with blots - underpants!
agent x2c45h: BlotKos! BlotKosKy!
agent y9n31t: X2c45h! Sel-control! Don't get carried away! If I weren't here the secret missions would be discoverd in 5 minutes!
agent x2c45h: I beg your pardon. Little tricks of stress, they've been working us too hard lately. In the past few days they gave me the job to ****** ***** ** ******* ******* *****. I told those guys at the ********* that they should plan the missions better! We're not well coordinated. Also at the conference of the architect *******, last week, the hall was full, but there were only three real spectators, all the others were secret agents!
agent y9n31t: AAAAAHHHHHH yesssss!
agent x2c45h: Tooooo much work lately.
agent y9n31t: Yeah... toooooo much "work", lately.