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abracadabra, faia

Apr 4 '05 137 Last Comment
abracadabra
Apr 4, 05 4:39 pm

with all due respect to "you take it from here" thread which i love and plan to further contribute, and, advice from friends, i decided to create a new thread to keep track of my story "abracadabra,faia"
(Fuckin' Amazing International Architect).
episodes are usually written in snippets and unedited, so please excuse me for spelling/grammar mistakes (spelling bee is alright w/ me), and please feel free to chime into abracadabra's adventures..
i will post the first five episodes shortly and i hope the management @ archinect does not have any problems with this..

*all events and characters in the story is fictional and this story is for entertainment only. It is listed in the Professional Practice section of discussion forum of Archinect, who is not responsible for it's contents and reserves right to unpublish it all or in part.




This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

 

abracadabra
Apr 4, 05 4:41 pm

04/02/05 15:38
abracadabra,faia
by OA

episode 1

SHALOM LACMA

Just got here. I am in the office. Telephone,
-zrrrrrrrnn
I pick up the phone without waiting another ring which I hate the sound of.
- lo..
- o hello. Is this mr. zabra’s studio?
- you got it. Abracadabra’s OFFICE.. abra speaking.
Studio? Zabra? O yeah, she’s got that special potential client voice to herself.
-my name is sarah. this is mrs mesnick’s office calling. she would like to speak to you. do you have a moment please?
hooollaa, this is gonna be a nice morning with people calling and shit..
-yea. You can put her onnn..
elongated ‘on’, indicating I can do that aristocratic foreign accent thing too.
-shalom mr abre. pardon me abra..we have retained your number from the union, after running into a project of yours in LACMA archives. we are going through some big changes as you might’ve heard via the media coverage.
holly shit. aleykum shalllom. archives for what? this is getting more interesting each time the lady speaks. she continiues,
-as the president of the architect selection committee for the LACMA expansion, we would like to talk to you about our plans. are you available next tuesday?
without thinking and no need to check my schedule next week,
-sure. at what time you would like me to be prehsent mrs. mesnick?
-sarah will be giving that information to your assistant, it is informal and you’ll be picked up by one of our drivers.
-would you like me to bring my tape measure, hahhahhah..
- ……
- thanks for calling mrs mesnick, i’ll be there.. just one thing..what did you see in the archives?
-well, it was brought to our attention by our senior archivist, mr chavking. it is a student project of yours, concerning the museum expansion. it was acquired from your school sylark, twenty years ago.. we want to talk to you about it. see you tuesday afternoon. i’ll put sarah on. thank you again, goodbye.

mr-rick-fucking- chavking, how and when did he become a senior fuckin’ archivist? my criminal friend from skylark days, when we co wrote ‘post modern-post mortem-per diem’ a minor manifesto, great writer/terrible architect, saw him three years ago.. i remember, he ‘borrowed’ bunch of my stuff to show for a possible job interviews years ago. so, he must have sneak the old museum project into the archives and probably created a fake ‘collected ideas for LACMA expansion’ folder, and in a classic criminal fuck-up, forgot to take out my name. i would have like to see his face when my name popped up at the end..no doubt he’ll call anytime now and letting me know of the crime, making sure of his large cut..o boy, a perfect scenario for the lone ranger of the los angeles basin like me…sarah, mrs mesnick and other benefectors, las vegas suites,…sex.. … sure, my remodeling clients will remove the beam like i wanted when they hear things about me ‘via media’.. i pop a darvocet i stole from tina's stash this morning..and, grabbed jose's request for payment, for foundation, steel placement and framing lumber drop which i didn't see at the job site yet.



04/02/05 22:02
episode 2

TUESDAY

Spending whole week refining the deal with chavking’s game, I had a chance to revisit with the project using whatever zerox copies left of it, they were found in a manila envelope with some telephone numbers on it and a couple of circular stains from a vine glass describing the environment of the last viewing. he should write the book on it if I get to do the expansion. he says last several days, my name is everywhere around the on-the-know circles at the LACMA community. He heard of some previously considered architects calling mrs mesnick and offering reduced fees for services. somebody even heard her saying ”you had your chances my dear rem”
I guess this is the right time right project finally.. my angle is, it wouldn’t happen no way, if mr piano didn’t accepted to be the new pope in Vatican.
Ten minutes before the driver arrives I give a final check to my ‘stage’ outfit. Yes the blandstones are shiny and my corduroy jean is shortened but still long with one turn.
And paul smith auto technician inspired panel jacket that is still holding up, over a nice clean newish white t-shirt making me feel un intimidated and ready to reach out and touch a few. I decide not to use my glasses until if we look at the old plans and except that I prefer to be in a big blur and not see everything but feel the vibe.

I see a factory direct black Mercedes pulling up to the hangar door. I quickly get rid of the archinect and start- turn- off click the computer and walk to the front to receive the driver who has stepped out the car, and extended his right hand while opening the back door for me. I almost said ‘ I can seat on the front.’ But I took the back seat which the pull up shades made the seat darker, without asking permission I asked where is the ashtray was, and lit up a camel filter. he immedietly rolled down his window but couldn’t say no smoking in the car. Afterall, he is taken me to a museum for a meeting with the directors circle. We are there in 15, this guy knows all the short cuts to tar pitts. we are pulled inside the side entrance beyond the security. I hesitate if I should wait for him to open the door for me, but he comes to the rescue and quickly does the job...
- this is mara sir, sarah’s assistant, she’ll guide you the rest of the way.
- allright thanks. Hi mara nice balmy afternoon ha?
- yes sir..
she leads me to inconspicuous stuff entrance and holds the door. I let her in first out of humbleness, and check out her nice butt..we go thru maze of corridors, passing frame and installation shops well menned, archives offices, lunch rooms and such. finally take a huge elevator to top floor where a gallery space turned into a well organized meeting area with a huge elliptical table and close to 20 aaron chairs. Definetly in house art director put it together with some flower arrangements and sushi table catered by mr nobu himself I suppose. Groups of two or three talking among themselves no booze at the site, except pellegrino bottles next to brand new notepads on the table and real glasses.crowd starts to look and start to come towards me. I notice a beautiful figure in shiny thight black pants and dekolte bra line top, leading the way.
-Hello abra. I am mrs mesnick. Ladies and gentelmen this is the talk of the town abracadabra.unknown poet of architecture.
Pronouncing my name as she knew it all alone, making me feel like I am the man she/they are looking for. i feel upstaged but blurry.
-Thanks madame. last time I was introduced like this, it was my friends barmitzwah. Hahhah.
From the crowd,
-hahahahahahhah.
Mrs mesnick,
-let me briefly explain the informal agenda abra. We are here because we feel we’ve discovered an unsung hero of architecture from the obscure documents we had all alone, about to be transported to the storage facility and we became breathless as we further looked into what we’ve found. Thanks to our senior archivist mr chavking and his keen eyes. Who, you will eventually meet I suppose in his the dark basement office where he is the guardian angel of our archives.
Keen eyes my ass. Motherfucker didn’t tell me about this detail that I don’t know him. Crazy fucker always living few things to chance developments. Unreliable but smart though..
Mrs mesnick,
We have the original 6 benefectors who are led by me and 2 museum executives plus the academic advisers from around the world who flew in for this meeting.
I am pissed not one black or Hispanic member,
-o is that all,now lets get to the point. Who is on my side? Hahhah
-hahahahahahah..
the guy with shaved hair who might be the next important person,
-we all are on your side sir. This has been a whirlwind for us. Your idea lifted us like a typhoon and let us suspended in the air. We want to talk to you and close a deal before you leave this room.
whooaa. closed deal before the dark settless in? what am i? bingo boy? let me tell you, if this is a candid camera job, i'm gonna stuff all the sushi to their throats even before the night arrives and watch them shit crab..
-really?
-really.
-okay i am all ears now. what you want to talk about? as far as i can tell the project is self explanatory. as might already discovered yourselves..
- ehem. my names is guuntaa gaas from gemany, behrlin polytechnic dr. gaas... abhra, your handling of tectonic issues fascinates me. can you tell us a little about the notating visual perception according to the unique relevance theory insitu?
wow, auch, that hurts. this dude must have flown in first class. as i notice mrs mesnick rolling her eyes emberassed by the question, there is a good angle beetween us that i can check her boobs without being cought by any body except by her which seems no problem. but i must take care of gasman's question first. tectonic issue. whaat mother fuck euro thrash, i see you return on economy class when i got my signed contract tonight.
- mr. gas, as you might know this ancient site called la brea tar pits, is as flat as a football field and all the piss and shit sucked in towards el segundo where it sfinx, pardon me, stinks. i mean shit goes downhill towards south. as indicated in latest reports there is a unique shift that occurs every two miles which we practically plan on addressing in the furniture layout. in a nut shell..
-brilliant mr abhra. i rest my question with an insightful and equally inspired postulation by you. thank you. we shall meet again as i extend my invitation to behrlin for a speaking arrangement in my institute.
mrs mesnick jumps in,
- he is all mine guntha dream on.. hahahah.
-hahahahaha.
ooo baby let me survey your upper topography. i am in haven so far but you never know who the prick will be..
-sir, my name is alan. alan melon.
this dude must be the melon grocery store magnet. he has a reputation for getting busted in small hotel rooms with fat prostitutes.
he continues,
- if you signed the contract with us, which is well above seven figures, will you hire at least several people to help you with the project?
-no sir. there is nothing i can think of that i need help of others no matter what the size of project is, in design phase, it is a lonely affair.. when i come to construction documents i'd like to use the services of perrera partners looks like they are good at doing that kind of work.
-exactly what i expected from you mr abra. indeed all that creative genious must not be bugged down with technical documentation.
-correct mr melon, there are monkeys and there are tigers in this trade.
- as far as i am cocerned you are the tiger sir. a big yey from me.
mrs. mesnick,
-i've seen enough. yey from me too. can't wait to select granite in portofino with ab bra..lets all sign this formality and get the show on the road, shall we?
yeys follow like stream. it is done.
-but what about the project?
mrs mesnick,
-c'mon abra the rest is detail. lets have toast in bel aire where i am throwing a cocktail to your honor and the press is waiting..you come with me.
more chit chats on the way out and i am whisked away by mrs mesnick who told me to my ear i could call her misha..

04/03/05 12:02
abracadabra,faia
episode 3

Summary;

Abra checks into his office to deal with daily grunge, telephone rings and thru series of planned and unplanned events he finds himself in the middle of a major commission to design LACMA expansion (los angeles county museum of art), which was previously awarded to rem kolhaas and renzo piano. He is now an overnight starhitect through a con game by his old friend and long forgotten (until recently) student project. He has no previous experience anything bigger than 1500sq. ft., and his mind, not having a plan, acting with a street smart pragmatism and the influence of his hero tom kromer (waiting for nothing, univ. of Georgia press)...

WEST COVINA

It has been a couple of weeks after that Tuesday, I’ve received 100,000 K from the museum as a non returnable deposit. i’ve already hired an answering service, where my telephones answered “I am sorry he is not available may I take a message?”.
I’ve been approached by media of all kinds but only agreed an interview by Javier in archinect.
Recently talked to a broker about moving my office to west Covina in a 20,000 warehouse, converting little portion of it to a living area. The idea of people who wants to see me in my office, fighting the east side I-10 traffic just gives me a lot of satisfaction, except Mrs. mesnick who uses her private helicopter for appointments outside the Westside. Fuckin’ stargazer rodies, they deserve it. From now on each time I fart somebody pays me..

I’ve been in west Covina for two months now. huge warehouse with four 4x8 plywood tables on sawhorses and a dozen or so designer chairs as a gift from the mesnick foundation. I have already put the most of the deposit in futures market buying unleaded gas, soybeans and November heating oil as advised by Mr. H&R Block himself.
I’ve got a telephone call from rem kolhaas, on the recommendation of brad pitts who became my acquaintance lately, rem offered that we should collaborate, he is even willing to work on one of the desks in the office if I accept. No way man. Plus, mrs. Mesnick doesn’t want to see his fuckin’ face after she rejected his advance in her tea house.
Got a call from the pope, good ole renzo, telling me god bless and I can use his adjacency studies and bubble diagrams. Thanks piano but no thanks. i tell him not to fuck with st mark’s square. We laugh on a good note..
Then I walk to diagonal corner of the office to feed the dogs who moved in with me.


04/03/05 15:07
abracadabra,faia
episode 4


TEA HOUSE

…knock knock..
-whoizit?
-jeffry .
(misha’s personal driver, my first contact who knows all the short cuts in Westside.)
-hold on jeff be right there.
I let jeff in. he feeds me info in exchange for helping his brother’s acceptance to GSD in east coast. He likes architecture and world would be his, if he sees his little bro became an architect. I tell him when the jr. finishes his schooling he can be my intern as long as he keeps his graduated ass out my site. While jeff is chopping up the nose candy with foundation credit card, I ask,
-what brings you here man?
-I was sent by misha to pick you up for a tea in her tea house.
He forwards me the lines on a 3x6 dal tile sample. I do the longest three with a brand new 100$ bill from the office cash..
-great I could use some coffee as long as you don’t drive too fast jeffbo.
-I warn you abracadabra this is usually very tricky just watch your temptations.
I like the way he uses my full name no matter what I call him. ..temptation..seduction..all this emotional stuff.. I must not fall into the same hole rem did..

TEA HOUSE

I am told to follow yellow brick road to the tea house which is not visible from here but about 400 yards away up the hill. I light up my last cigarette for she hates smoke and she is an avid practitioner of westernized eastern harekrishna type of stuff..
I can’t believe my eyes.. tea house is a unpublished craig elwood pavillion hidden from terraserver by a brilliant landscape job by HEDGE where they left their office number on a tasteful bronze placket, kind a you see next to sculptures in museums..
Misha’s tea house is a steel structure of a two rectangular boxes separated by an open courtyard a typical elwood plan, cantilevered from a gentle hill and glazing oriented towards the gorgeous back yard adopted from an obscure olmstead job and recreated per original perspective drawings. Rare feast indeed. Yellow brick road ends where the redwood path starts,a distasteful transition probably done by bunny, her decorator and confidante..
I pass the first rectangular volume and proceed towards the second one where I see a blurry moving image. I don’t even pay attention to courtyard/deck covered by rich oriental rugs and damask covered pillows. It looks like ali baba’s tent probably done by bunny, also.. inside second rectangular volume a bigger space is separated by a suspended screen wall from a smaller space from where I hear footsteps.. I proceed to check out the room which is decorated with ruhlman looking furniture and a beautiful recamier’ upholstered with aged red velvet , probably a historic piece from the early 19 th century.
-Abra hii.
-mishaa.
An electric hug with blood rush to sensitive body parts. I remember jeff’s warning. She is wearing low cut silk dress six inches or so above her knees and tight fit revealing her well worked figure and well oiled skin.
-will you tell me about architecture?
Hola.. whats this? Archifuck cookout or something?.
-you mean the museum? I haven’t worked on it last two weeks..i am in a conceptual bottle neck..
-noo silly..the tea house..
I check her out from toe to head,
-it looks real good from where I am standing.
I can’t differentiate if her silk dress partially see thru or fabric looks like skin.,
-but I haven’t see the other cube.
-You will if you behave..gahaha.
-gahaha.
I kind of get the idea where rem fucked up. He must have lost his cool right around the ali baba’s tent and grabbed her tightly and not let her go until she got scared and slapped him. Just like the rejection scenes in cowboy movies. I am gonna ask him one o these days how he fucked up..
we sit around the room, walk to the garden, she tells me how she found the elwood thing in Alhambra and paid good money to have it transported by air and re installed there, what a mess it was with the Mexicans working around and all that..
talking about how she met her husband misha (yes they use the same name) and how the poor thing is working hard in china for last two weeks to buy portion of the great wall to convert into a 5 star hotel. My nose candy is wearing off, I wanna smoke and not even hearing what she is saying no more. I am almost not interested in her cute ass.
Then she says,
-Lets go to courtyard and have some tea
-coffee for me.
-abra you bad boy..
I wonder what she’d think of me if she knew I am affording large amounts of choice speed since I got the project. I am also guessing how she will sit or lay down on the pillowed deck.what she will reveal further and which part of her body will be more pronounced.she throws herself side ways resting her arm on the pillow and supporting her head and gesturing to pull down her dress which is revealing slightly generous portion of her legs. I am right across from her about 4 feet half standing. my legs out supporting my body with arms. Moment of silence but fully aware of each others presence.
I say,
-you look great in this place..
-really? Nobody say that to me before..
bingo.. now I know. Everyone is so intimidated by her that no one can cross the line and say something personal to her. She probably doesn’t have any friends.
Then I talk to her about rumi and sufiism as if I am a scholar in this area by repackaging the common knowledge, rising her fascination with my background.
Damn speed, making me talk like a philosopher and she is melting as I speak revealing more and more of her skin display. I tell her how I discovered these teachings at an early age and probably that’s why I was able to reflect them in my projects, understanding and interpreting this holy mysticism and connect spiritually and spatially etc.. all bull shit, I just made up.... I notice her eyes getting watery in an affected way.. then she says in the middle of my bla bla,
-abra will you hug me?
Oh no..the moment for liquid test has arrived and we are still at the ali baba area..one more time. Resist..
I make a move towards her hold her right hand and give her a soft kiss on her cheek slightly and decidedly closer to her ear and neck. This is one of the moments you are supposed to go further and turn into a seductive love scene full with desire and lust.. but hold on to your pants cowboy.. you are only a few months into this high stakes game and you don’t want to complicate the adventure just yet..blood rushes to my head and hers I feel it. I decidedly but gently pull back and say,
- you are a beautiful person misha but I must leave now without complicating the situation.
-thank you abra. You ARE different.
Expressing a deep respect for my cool and maturity.
We get up I hug her again, this time longer,closer and semi protective manner.
When I go back to office/home, I find a message on the machine misha thanking me for my presence in her sacred garden..
Fucking dogs are hungry again.. and first time in weeks I feel like working on the project..deciding to build a model..



04/04/05 11:41
abracadabra,faia
episode 5

THIS IS ALL NEW TO ME..

Last two weeks I’ve been working on the model. It just took a phone call to director to have three different scale site/context models, all clean and ready to be butchered by me. they arrived and propped up in the middle of the office first thing in the morning next day..not to mention the owner of the art + mart, herself making a personal call and taking the material and tool order directly from me and trying to include some of the new and expensive type of glues, papers, blades, plastic, wood etc., the big boys use in ‘their maquettes’. I tell her that I only need new blades, foam core, elmers and zapp and some pins since I have some other cheaper model making stuff already..

Correspondence is piling up on me…

Appearance and speaking deals, honorary (and free) membership offers, magazine layout proposals for my previously unknown projects, material manufacturing bosses inviting me to their las Vegas conventions with top floor privacy suites reserved in ceasars palace with an access to top call girls they use, and countless Hollywood people offering me big bucks to “do” their homes.. all this stuff making me uncomfortable and I am refusing all categorically. The thing is, more I refuse to participate more media interest is being pressed upon me. Javier from Archinect called me to complain about people calling 'him' to find out which days I would be in a good mood to be contacted.. I will wire him some money to put a disclaimer on me in all the major national newspapers. He is pissed off but I get him to laugh after a few juicy details of my new circles..
I finally decide talk to my lawyer friend jay who got me out of county jail few times.
- hello jaystein, I need help..
-yoo abraaa… are you at county?
-no thanks jay, I need a business get-up..
-all this art museum stuff gettin’ to ya?
-I want you to set me up jay..
-yea like you ever need a get-up.
- this time I do jay. should I come over to your office to see your jewish ass?
-I tell you what Abra, I am gonna come over to your place just to make sure this is all real and then we can discuss.
- cool buddy., I am already laying some lines the way you like it, long…
-see ya..
-see ya jayski, thanks bro..

Apr 4, 05 6:01 pm

meanwhile....
Asian punks are flipping feverishly through 5 inch thick imported comic books while sitting at the counter waiting for their lunch in a Japantown stripmall eatery. Unbekannt tourists were driving by.

"I ate their once, back in the 80s."

"Oh. When we get back to Chapel's Studio, I'm gonna make tapes of KROQ for my car back in Philly."

"Cool. Hope you get that song too."

They were heading for Santa Monica Blvd.

"Remember when we used to say 'Who Sadat?' instead of 'Who said that?'?"

"Wasn't that Kooky Faruqi's idea?"

Then they started daydreaming about drinking more margaritas once they get back to Santa Catalina Island. They're favorite waitress was Rita, Margarita Rita.

abracadabra
Apr 4, 05 11:11 pm

04/04/05 pm
abracadabra, faia
episode 6



BUSINESS PLAN


I hear a car alarm. It’s Jay.. Instead of using the door knocker, fucker always activates his car alarm just to piss me off and get my mindset ready for him.., without even saying hello,
- let me see the check stubs you fuck.. I have a plan for you..
extra fuckin great , Jay’s on.. he ‘ll make me chew shit for next four hours but I will receive a step by step how to behave/what to do instructions when I am dealing and wheeling.. it feels so far, he wants to take over as my manager, a dealer if you will..
He sits on the L shaped brown B&B sofa diagonally placed under 8x8 white bubble skylight 18’ above, surrounding a jean nouvelle coffee table.. only furniture in the whole space other than the office set up.. thanks to the .., foundation..
Of course jay chooses to sit right behind the dal tile sample with a specially rolled crisp 100$ bill just to impress him..sniff sniff. he clears his nose,
-what’s the plan pops?
-what’s the plan? A plan that a dickhead like you can follow..from now on.., other than what you do with your bumfuck designs and shit, you have to do three things before you deal, talk, think of anything relating to business, money, and politics.. ask me what they are?.. c’mon ask me you prick..
-I hope they are not too complicated..
-no they ain’t… business...? you call me..? money?.. you call me.. politics?..you fuckin call me.. copy?
-copied.. except, I don’t want to hear your fucking uber hyper voice every day ok?.. plus, I am not a fuckin phone bitch as you and your fuckin wife very well know.. how is anna anyway? Tell her I said hello. Tell her I wanna call her about something else.. something that you wouldn’t get it..
he scans the space for the first time since he got here,
-hey ab.. how many steady edies you got here?
He is friends with some localy famous Venice architects and he knows what a regular architects office look like.
-you mean intern architects?, you fuckin ambulance chaser, have some respect… nobody is here.. except the doggies and yours truly..
-wowowowo.. hold it.. did I hear.. nobody? Who the fuck you think you are gentili bellini or something? What are you, self squeezed jerk off juus? Oh boy, we got a lot of work to do..how much cash you have? I wanna see..
I show him the ‘stubs’.. it is 275K towards design development..and 400K more coming in next two months..
-how much you got?
-some pretty good design development..
-not the design shit.., you asshole.. how much cash?
-ummm.. 200..i have put deposit and shit in this place.. I got 20 or so in soybeans and euro dollar..i could easily pick up half a mil if I accept deposits from late prospects..stuff like that..
-stuff like that? Soybeans, prospects? So, you are sitting on a million probably two, in the middle of limelight, .., what you are doing? Working on a fuckin model all by yourself.. anybody see anything yet?
-nope. but I feel some pressure..
He mimicks the tune from Queen,
-tink tink, under pressure..under pressure.. I want 15 percent of your every deal.. fair?
-fair enough..
I go on to tell him the whole story, how it is all started and all, he already knows some of the people and most of the names involved, he was born and raised in north Hollywood so he knows the town pretty good..he relieves my biggest concern of ‘student project found in archives’ job, saying that I am clear of all charges since I know no evil and seen no evil, at least for the judge..and assures me, even the story blows open, the museum would be half way done etc.., and all those other angles I was already considering myself..
I show him the model, he likes it and gives me couple of good pointers as usual.. we sit around and talk about stuff from the past.. he reminds me, when I was busted in Catalina with marina trash Rita Margarita for drunk and disorderly conduct and loud sex in his boat and asks me if I still have her nude picture which he likes to jerk off to.. he leaves telling me that things will change around here next couple of weeks, gets in his new Cadillac suv, activates the alarm ones more, yells at me,
-fuckindabra hahahaha… I love you..
-I love you too shitstein..
He gasses away to Venice canals where he and anna live..I know he is trustworthy with me from way back...

And things do start to change next day..

TED
Apr 5, 05 12:18 am

ok,

way too long.

are we supposed to dis abra?

TED
Apr 5, 05 12:38 am

where is Per C when you need him?

abracadabra
Apr 5, 05 12:59 am

be patient dude.. you will love abracadabra when he shreds Eric Moss into the pieces.. i'll make that episode specially short so you can read it..

TED
Apr 5, 05 1:02 am

ok

i'll wait!!!

abracadabra
Apr 5, 05 7:00 pm

04/05/05
abracadabra, faia
episode 7

A NEW SET UP

Jay is great.. He set me up with a Japanese accountant who does all the blue-chip artists in Los Angeles.. I am on a salary myself.. there are 11 young architects working on the project right now as we speak.. They are from different countries like Romania, Turkey, Texas and Chicago. One of them, Roman, is the first Gypsy architect to work on a major museum project.. This makes me specially proud.. It is amazing how good these kids are, in a few weeks they have developed plans, 3d computer models as well as physical models. I am so happy with them that I bought the best lap top out there for each of them as a gift.. I went against Jay’s suggestion that I should wear ray-ban aviator glasses when I am talking to them to make myself a little mean and distanced, and, asking them to vacate to office when I want to look at the work..
‘We’ are catching up and museum has called to have a preliminary design review 4 weeks from now..
I talk to Misha few times, not cold but cordial, she is a busy woman leading an empire after all..
I stopped doing speed.. instead, I am smoking a little outdoor grown weed from northern Cali.. Boy, am I glad to have stopped drinking five years ago cold turkey.. At least I can say I’ve done something good in my life..
So far so good. After the review they want to bring in a construction estimator.. I hope they don’t fight with me to jazz it up a bit and change some of the materials with imported stone or titanium and shit..
Talked to a designer, Per from Norway.., really sweet person who has been working on some revolutionary building system in which everything works no problem.. He sent me pictures of his boat designs which are great. I’d like to buy one of them boats as a present to Jay and Anna who like to sail..
Just now.., the project consultant, Ted, from Chicago calling me to look at something he doesn’t like.. Some times difficult but extremely talented dude.. I am going to ask him to go, instead of me, to a panel discussion, moderated by Jerry Springer, with some local architects, including Eric Owen Moss.. That should be good.. Ted Adorno vs. Nitchemanmoss..

I want to leave the crew alone for 5 days and let them go as far as they want to go with the project and when I come back we’ll have a real discussion about what they came up with..
I am going to hang out inChaco Canyon with Mango who is convinced that my great grandpa did not participate in Armenian genocide..

anotherquestion
Apr 5, 05 11:02 pm

abra, i have an architect crush on you for your sense of humor, but do you have an F'ing job? how is it that you can post on EVERY SINGLE thread?

dying to know.

but keep it short.

abracadabra
Apr 6, 05 12:05 am

thank you..
this is my office which i share with another architect not related to my work. if it looks busy to you, because it is. small but fun projects, smart clients, and low overhead, no kids, and my girlfriend and i bought a house when they were affordable.. i do spend an hour plus on each episode. architects should do different things too..

abracadabra
Apr 6, 05 12:06 am
abracadabra
Apr 6, 05 12:07 am

anyway the picture is in the workspace gallery it is the first one submitted.

abracadabra
Apr 6, 05 12:10 am

but i am a persistant sonofabitch.

A
Apr 6, 05 8:55 am

Nice office...I especially like the coiling door. Is that your only natural light source?

instrumentOFaction
Apr 6, 05 11:19 am

abra, i'm hooked....keep the chapters coming. nice work, indeed.

abracadabra
Apr 6, 05 5:08 pm

04/06/05
abracadabra, faia
episode 8


A NICE LITTLE PROJECT

Just returned from chaco canyon. Bob is far out.. he has been drawing the same 8’ x 8’ adobe wall in Anasazi ruins for last 20 years, without taking his jacket off under 100 + degrees of direct heat, I wonder why he is not video taping this…that would make a serious video installation in some museum or in DIA foundation or something.. an architect drawing the same wall for 20 years.. one complete loop every 6 months...he says it is the ‘process’ that interests him… He should change the subject matter and move to Ephesus
to draw mighty Afroditi for the remaining part of his life... IMHO.


Well, I am more like an action man these days.. This morning I am meeting Jane Fonda.. on a brief conversation she told me, she got my telephone number from stan and roni whose 1200 sq. ft. house I remodeled last year.. very interesting indeed, not related to LACMA project.. That’s why I accepted the invite.. She really likes what I’ve done for her friends, and wants to see me about building her a small house on 200 acres vacant land, south of Salinas... I will take a smaller scheduled flight from Burbank airport and she’ll pick me up in Monterey.

Thank god she doesn’t walk around with workout outfits.. She is more like resembling
Hanoi Jane days of her youth which I like her for..
Without any bullshit,
-I am Jane Fonda.
I shake her hand firm like she does,
-abra aqui, nice to meet you Jane..
-likewise. Thanks for coming.
-no luggage?
-nope. Just my tape measure and camera.
-ok.. get in..
she drives thru some winding roads while I am enjoying the scenery in her cherokee..
I say,
-can I turn on the radio?
-it only gets AM around here.
-that’s even better.
I find a talk radio about husband and wife problems and we both start to laugh about the problems people have… Like this woman, want her husband out of the house because he never comes home…

She pulls in thru a gate and we drive another mile or so on the dirt road.. oak trees all around.. gentle rolling topography..
We come to a trailer and without getting out of the car we listen the end of the story for couple minutes on the radio… laughing our ass off..

I like her already..
-I just got this place from my brother.. I really like it and I want to live here..i am gonna bring my horse and keep the trailer as a guest house., I know a spot where I want to build a house.. see what you think..
we walk down a little and she shows me this very special spot, slightly above a creek. Building sites like that already know the building they want...That special..Like when FLW saw the Fallingwater at Bear Run at his first scan…
-it is a magnificent spot, very special..
she looked at me smilingly,
-I am so happy you got it..
-so what’s the “house”?
-one story, two bedrooms, living room, kitchen and a bathroom. 1500 sq. ft. max. I want to take care of it myself, my budget is 250K max, I’ll pay you %10 and will use the contractors engineer.. Mr. Eastwood (Clint) will get the permits. He lives not too far..
This dudette.. she already knows the gig..,
-any other requests? As to style and stuff?
-nope.. I know what materials and finishes 150$ sq.ft. buys around this wealthy woods.. so I expect the most delicious ‘lemonade’ you can make..stan and roni trust you so do I…
Wow. This is 1 hanoi jane.. right on..
-how long it’ll take you to come up with something?
-ummm..i am really busy right now with a bigger project… how about two weeks..?
-done..here is a 1500 deposit.. don’t spend it in one place..
She gives me an envelope with bunch of hundreds in it.. and a hand drawn but informative survey with septic tank installed and electric service not too far..
-don’t loose this though..
I fold the rolled survey and put it in my messenger bag I got in Korea town..

She takes me back to airport…I say goodby, she says ‘o, don’t forget to put a deck’..

I see her land from the air.. every property around it have a helipad…

anotherquestion
Apr 6, 05 8:22 pm

hm... more caffeine perhaps will allow me, too, to write a novella.

abracadabra
Apr 6, 05 9:21 pm

....next week two new episodes....

abracadabra
Apr 10, 05 4:49 pm

Episode 9


My mercurial rise to architectural stardom ended just like it started.. Fast. For all I’ve seen so far, I have the freedom to roam freely again. No more telephone calls from editors of design mags and radio stations.. They dropped me like nilly vanilly and I am happy they did…. I am once more back to my own pursuits of doing the best I can with what is mine. Which is doing right projects for the right people including Jane.. Fonda…
Turns out to be old friend Rick, the head archivist, did another one of his ‘almost’ perfect pranks, creating a false public interest by showing a kosher product to the museum board and attaching my name on it.. He found an easily likable proposal for a museum in Israel by an Israeli artist and snuck it into the boardroom.. The new sucker is already imported from Tel Aviv and now working on the museum from his new office in Fairfax district..
And I’ve heard he told mrs. Mesnick that he couldn’t come for a tea since he wants to wrap the project and start construction ASAP.. i think they will get a nice project fit for the gig...


The new museum as designed by an Israeli archi.

We did finish the ‘maquette’, presented it, and got rave reviews from architectural illuminati.. I still think that was a right project for LACMA and oddly enough have an invite from Republic of Cyprus to build it ¼ the size for their new Belgian embassy..



Scaled model of our proposal for LACMA.

All the people who worked on the project were bummed at first but when I said that we would split the money that is left over from the proceedings, and could keep all the perks they’ve earned so far, the air in the office was restored to jovial levels quickly.. +, we had the new prospects coming in regardless the scandal.. Sometimes, I think it is true.., that there is ‘no bad publicity’.. Museum board decided to hush hush the prank and let us keep with the monies paid.. Model was retained by LACMA, probably be moved to their storage facility, never to be seen again.. (‘never say never’- 007 james bondi.)

Most of the crew left to distant places for a time to reflect on their own future.. I am still able to keep the office in West Covina for another year, since Jay predicted something like this eventually would happen and paid the 2 years rent in advance.. He knows better..
Besides, neighbors weren’t happy when I was lodging in Jay and Anna’s garage and did late night jam sessions with my musician friends, including Jay, who is a steady bass player.

I am in the office with Roman who is stayed on, and living in a gypsy trailer he moved into the office.. and the door bell rings while I am feeding the pups..
- who is it?
- Fedex…

(to be continued)

Brim
Apr 14, 05 9:27 pm

cmon abra - keep it coming!

abracadabra
Apr 15, 05 12:06 pm

Episode 10
04/15/05


Fedex is from Target stores.. It is an ashtray sample, hand poured translucent concrete with hand carved walnut base, they want me to sign my name on it.. now that’s a good use of some materials..
I fill it with a whole pack of cigarette butts I just smoked and send it back to them…I don’t like ashtrays that don’t have half circles cut on the rim for cigarette to sit..,ggahaha.
However my custom deck of cards for Circus Circus in Las Vegas doing extremely well with Queen of spades punishing the Jack of harts, in black leather outfit. It is selected to be the official celebrity poker tournament deck, next year..

Guess what?.. Renzo Piano, after resigning from his papal duties in a young boy scandal is back on LACMA job, but only to develop cafeteria interior and jazz up the exposed exhaust pipes.

I am thinking what a place this Los Angeles is.. Every day 850 new people arrive, never to leave this city again..,a lot of dreams stain the cardboard walls of ‘dingbat’ apartments..this is a place easy to arrive hard to leave..I wonder if Los Angeles will ever be understood… more on that later..

I have to go to a small remodeling job site in Santa Monica, meeting the clients and the contractor before he closes up the walls.
-hey Roman you want to come to the job site?
-sure abra. Should I bring my notebook to take notes?
-fuck that.. It makes clients to think we are taking measurements for their drapery..just listen and say something stupid each time they want to talk about the tiles... And, yes your Hungarian cousin can stay in your trailer while she is in town..

Manteno_Montenegro
Apr 15, 05 3:43 pm

abra can you put all that into a word file because I"d really like to read it all. All on the way home. All on the el. I might just stay on the damned thing until I'm done reading.

ether
Apr 15, 05 3:53 pm

aye. i'm about to road trip it for the weekend. kohler, wi. woot.

i need books on tape. think you can get it to my by 5?

abracadabra
Apr 15, 05 5:15 pm

Episode 10.5
04/15/05



HGTV card..

As we step up to space from a temporary 2 x 10 ramp, I notice the owner and his wife frantically tape measuring up something with contractor bob helping them.
-que paso?
They all look at me and the wife continues her measuring nervously..
Hmmm, looks like we got a little wife project propping up, I whisper, and only she hears it..
Husband john, sheepishly,
-hi.abra..
sounds like these people had a bad night arguing about design and she won.
he continues.,
-we have some changes.. Jessica and I have decided on some details..

fuck me.. I knew she was gonna come out the closet and declare herself a designer, right after the light and space candy appeared.. this is one of those moments I must go for the kill and finish her design aspirations, unlike the handbook of professional practice suggests..
hausband john first and later she, talks about the shitty details they had a fight over and none of them has anything to do with anything.. as soon as she wraps it up, Roman lays a big fart...sonofabitch is like a swiss conductor.. perfect timing..reason for a raise..
I say,
- now that you and Jessica finally arrived at the annals of design paraphernalia, you will not need anymore services from us. And I am canceling the pre production meeting with my friends at HGTV.. I am sorry, your ideas are only fit for a public access channel.. You can say GOOD by to the extreme homes spot.. adios amigos..

Two days later I get a call from john saying, they will carry on with my design and a spot on national TV is going to be an asset for re sale value, and Jessica is going back to acupuncture school and now she appreciates my honesty... bla bla..

note to 'my' readers:
live broadcasting of abra's adventures will soon be a regular part of windows media. please allow pop ups on your settings.

Apr 15, 05 6:26 pm

[...before the approaching apocalyptic EtherWare party.]

"Santa Monica, she's the mother of St. Augustine, right?"
And Santa Barbara, she's the non-existent patron saint of architects, right?"

"Shut-up already. We have to get out of West Hollywood before the stupid parade starts. I say we go to Malibu."

"Damn! We should've rented a Malibu."

"I thought it was your idea we got the vintage Probe."



abracadabra
Apr 23, 05 2:49 pm

Episode 11
04/23/05

EXPERT WITNESS

Yesterday I got a summon from the superior court of los angeles to appear as an expert witness.
Arya Group, inc v. Cher..
A little background,
link

I am cher’s witness to verify that the house built by Arya is still smells and feels Mediterranean, unlike the contractor claims that, it is now Venetian, therefore required more details and more unpaid extras..
Why me? Ok. I slept with her and this is how it happened;
As I was driving on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, returning from surfing in County Line, a tennis ball came thru the sun roof of my car and hit me on the head almost causing a crash.. On the tennis ball there was a print similar to ‘Wilson’ but said ‘Cher’ in gold letters. I traced the ball to adjacent property and sure enough I found out the culprit, or cupid should I say.. I buzzed the gate and the security took me to owner as I was holding the tennis ball in my hand.. and yes she was the famous singer herself..
- I am so sorry.. Goddamn city of Malibu for not letting me to raise the fence to 60’, knowing I have killer backhands..
- no problem miss. Happens all the time. Anyone for tennis? Hahahah..
- I am glad you didn’t die. Can I offer you some eviannn?
- Sure thanks..
I scan the property as if I am gonna come back as a thief and later my eyes lock into her ass cheeks.
- You leave here alone? Ich nahme ist Abra..
- Cher.. but you can call me Cher..
we go to her gourmet kitchen and she takes out an Evian bottle from her glass front commercial refrigerator.. I pinch myself to take my eyes out of her skin,
- you cook?
- Just dolmas and I bake lahmajun..
- Whoa.. my favorites..
- You are in luck.. I just made some.. care to stay for lunch?
- Sure thanks..
There is a guy cleaning the pool.. the type you see in porno flicks.. and a dark skinned model type gardener clipping the hedge in the shape of a Harley Davidson..
Anyway to make the long story short we end up here..

and later here..


All designed by a licensed Florida architect with a musical website..

In the courtroom, lawyer reads my credentials and I verify the house is a dead on Mediterranean because of the small beauty bead on the crown molding (first thing they teach you in sci arc). I don’t answer further questions after stating to the judge, that I got a severe case of diarrhea.. After couple days I get a call from Cher that the dolmas on stove and I have to come for a skinny dipping..
Chumash moon in Malibu Indeed..

Javier ArbonaJavier Arbona
Apr 23, 05 7:15 pm

Manteno: you can use the Print View at the top to have a handy pamphlet for your ride home.

I stained a few cardboard walls in a dingbat apartment during my days living west of LaBrea.

Apr 24, 05 1:08 pm

They say it is better to give than to receive, but there's volumes to fill regarding the notion of "Cher and Cher alike."

[...and while on the phone with a friend in Cincinnati:]

"Hey, remember all those "Sisters and Daughters of Plachette" names we made up while swimming in a backyard pool somewhere in the "slums" of Palm Springs?"

"I remember Antoinette Plachette and Parapet Plachette and Toilette Plachette, but what were the others?"

"Who knows anymore. That guy who was squirting us with a hose while we were in the pool came up with some good ones too."

"Wonder where he is now?"

"Maybe he's working somewhere in the Beverly Center, if that's even still there."

abracadabra
May 1, 05 5:09 pm

Episode 12
04/30/05

PUBLIC ART

- Would you mind taking yourself and your cigarette smoke elsewhere?
It’s coming from this guy, twice my size, as I am sitting outside of the gourmet coffee place on Montana ave. in santa monica..
- I would sir.. as far as I am concerned you can go and fingerfuck yourself on top of a pine tree.. fuck yeah...
Without any further debate the guy grabs his coffee cup and throws it at my table. Cops arrive and ‘I am’ arrested after two minutes for using faul language and knowingly spreading cancer.. some people at the coffee shop yells at me to go back where I came from. I give them the finger and police car drives away with me in the back handcuffed.
I am put on probation and ordered not to go to Montana ave. again..
Turns out the guy who threw the coffee at me is a chief trainer at gold’s gym, who knows entire santa monica police dept employees by their first name..
There is no justice, just connections.. you are mostly guilty against a member of a white race until you prove your innocence which is hard..

I have no desire to look at buildings as I am driving, or no desire to pull to the side and snap a picture of a building or a situation.. everything is covered with the haze. I don’t even want to stop for gas.. I just want to drive to a previously unknown street in los angeles grid, pull over and sleep in the car and dream in black and white..
I pull over to the front of a tract house somewhere in culver city where all the street lights are designed by public art artists around skinny palm trees with, I Beams and shit, to hold a small light bulb.. thanks to one percent for the arts program..


maybe some of you remember, Eric Moss fought this program, saying since his buildings are art thus his developer doesn’t have to give single penny to put some stupid art work in front of his buildings..
http://www.pixelmap.com/images/dma_mos_00.jpg


you be the judge..

I fall into sleep in the car and dream some scenes from the original Swept Away in which she throws me coffee after every wave hits the sand..
i wake up all sweated..
I gas away from this public art hell and find myself staring in front of a Salvadorian mural in Pico Union and snapping the picture of it.. real art in public, really illuminating something.
]http://www.sparcmurals.org/sparcone/images/stories/sparc_murals/WW_TriumphHearts.jpg[/img]

abracadabra
May 1, 05 5:10 pm


*Last picture

abracadabra
May 13, 05 5:10 pm

Episode 13
05/13/05

SALINAS HOUSE

back to Hanoi jane..
we finished the house using the wood her brother collected at the site. jane and I did the stucco work ourselves. 150K included some kilims as well.




I thought of a linear plan. A living room at the middle flanked by two bedrooms just like she needed. I got the design from Nail Cakirhan, a Turkish architect, and adopted to the new site. Nail was elevated to be a service to jane fonda and turned out that Barbarella was his favorite film. So we send him this poster from the movie signed by her and photo shop change of Nail’s head put in on the male figure.


...,
I guess sometimes like rita novel says, architecture is a reenactment after all and you have to be big enough to give up your ego.
The project won an aga khan award and all the credit is given to nail, me being credited as the architectural curator and job site architect.. Think about that.. Me giving up the big title of being ms. Fonda’s architect and instead, and find her a readymade, a real Mediterrannian..
...
zirrrn. telephone.. Mrs. Mesnick.. County Museum lady.. She wants me to curate an Architectural museum show.. Whoa.. a lot of people are going to make appointments with me to kiss my ass for a museum exposure.., if I accept to take on the curator job..

(to be continued)

abracadabra
May 13, 05 5:14 pm

barberalla poster Nail got. (head on the male figure changed to his head on photoshop)

May 17, 05 11:30 am

...architects featured generally throughout the museum will include: John
Phillipsonian and his partner/wife Whitney Davidoff (of Hybridsburg,
Texarkana), Eon Krie[ge]r (architect of the war against time), La Corbusienne (the Alpine 'Suzie Chapstik' of exposed skin architectures), St. Helmut (infamous heretic architect martyr of the cutting-edge [sword of] antiquity, lately proclaimed by the Vatican as a dubious 'real' fraud), Lois Ikonotsky (of Upper Reaches, the Caulklands), Franc-Le-Luc-Adroit (global net-setting architect of 'die schlampigen neue Reichen'), Scott Ventura (pet [house] architect, who btw is inseparable from his brown-nosed hound Dee-leash), Jasper Sterling St. James Goldsmyth VI (most recently lauded for his just completed Good-Looking Sachlichkeit Gesamtkunstwerk Museum on post-shell-shocked Helgoland), and (the 'queen' of all narrative architectures), Rita Novel. . . plus many, many more, like Meandra Refrigidhaar (as the architectural critics love to say, "She be syncin'!").
2000.01.09

abracadabra
Jun 3, 05 4:37 pm

Episode 14
06/03/05

snap shot of Sci Arc when it was a puppy.

No high school diploma was asked and I was accepted to school starting from the second year by bill simonian and ray kappe. Year 1979. I had 8 semesters until I get my bachelor of architecture, and, being a high school dropout I thought this would never happen. I guess the innocent portfolio I put together, tracing f.l. wright designs and gradually coming up with my own versions, worked with bill and ray. I was a self thought student up to second year.
The minute I walked into that old warehouse on Berkeley st, santa monica, it was a love on the spot. Everything was built by students from instant railing system (kee klamp), it was a maze of 10 by 10 ‘cubes’ up to three floors floating in the warehouse with airplane wings and spaceships hanging down from the ceiling trusses. (rumors were that the place was an old LSD factory which made a lot of us searching for hidden compartments and stash during our education). No school had that kind of chaos and energy that I visited in California. Third year and up was bunched together in this so called vertical studio, of their choice, grad (who received same bachelor degree since the program was not certified) and undergrad mixed in same class. there were 150-200 of us, nearly a half living in school or in the adjacent parking lot in a shanty town built like homeless camps. Entrance slider had no lock on it and the place was open 24 hours all year.
And yes, they were there, eric moss, thom mayne, glen small, fred fisher, coy howard ahdi lahti, mike rotandi (who was one of the first graduates) and later mangurian with some other often more interesting experimental architects and artists dropping in and out and, of course ray kappe, everybody’s dad.. And I wish I picked up one of the cardboard chairs done by gehry students that were ending up in the trash bin.
There was a studio, riding bicycles with tents, camping in century city and other corporate plazas and parks in los angeles and hold discussions about the city. There were even some NASA grants to hold design studio’s for the design of future space colonizations.
In school two suppliers of weed and one supplier of speed (good students, names withheld to protect their practices today) were available 24 hours either working on their projects or sleeping in their cube or on the roof, whom could be waken up for extra redoozing charge.
Most of the faculty had their first garage addition just finished or were working on one. Helvetica lettered diplomas included the words “ diploma was given on the recommendation of faculty and (very important) fellow students. Which, made everybody concern themselves with other’s projects as well.
714 $ per semester tuition with a lot of beat up cars in the parking lot was affordable even then. specially to me. Most students were runaway boys and girls studying architecture there, against their families’ wishes or knowledge. defiant, sci arc was the black sheep of architectural schools with ideas and energy ahead of other places at the time.

There were school meetings that always ended up in disagreement and profane language was abundant.
Thom Mayne, ‘this meeting is meaningless I am leaving’ (in almost all the meetings)
Student, ‘ that’s fine thom you can go fuck yourself in the parking lot’
Or,
Coy howard raising his fist and declaring in one word “DESIGN”, to recruit students for his design studio and getting booed with thumbs down, but still managing to fill up the class.
Wild parties given in school with ‘deep throat’ looping on several tv monitors and bands like divo playing for free.

some of these names are not recognizable today but back then they were the young soldiers that made the so called California radicals around sub commandante gehry. With whom few of us smoked a joint in one occasion and he inhaled hard.
[img]http://www.volume5.com/sciarc/1.jpg
[/img]


abracadabra
Jun 3, 05 4:41 pm
Jun 3, 05 5:56 pm

"It's the 'administrators' at sci-arc again. They're asking what they should do next. Should I finally tell them who we are? Or do you guys still wanna be secretly in charge of everything?"

Luckily for sci-arc the secret advisors continued to dispense their valuable counsel. As a result, sci-arc people have been standing out from the ho-hum architectural community ever since.

abracadabra
Jun 7, 05 4:41 pm

Episode 15
06/07/05
abracadabra, faia

BRAD PITT

I am feeding the dogs, telephone rings, zirrrrn, it is brad pitt..
- hi mr. cadavra.
- I am not dead yet. Is your last name spelled with 2 t’s? you can call me ‘a-bra.’ Are you muslim?
- nossir, but ‘bismillah’ anyway. Mr. e-bra, I am calling to see if you have any job openings.
I am liking this guy already..
- maybe. We have to interview you first and see your ugly face..hehhe.
- hehhe. When?
- right now. We are on speed..
- me too. I’ll be there in half an hour. Across from aamco transmissions right?
- right. but don’t park on their side they’ll tow.

He is wearing archinect t-shirt. Female robot. He checks out the office.
- nice space. How many people work here?
- Just me and roman right now but we need couple of useful people.
- Great this is the kind of place I was looking for. what kind a use?
- One beginner architect and one retired.
- I guess I would be the beginner applicant. How would you use me?
- Roman will tell you that. Don’t worry we won’t fuck you..
- Oh. That’s good to know. Few other starchitects offices weren’t so kind..
I hope Roman doesn’t use him to do his weed deliveries. But that’s their business.
- do you want to talk about you and architecture in few words?
- sure. i see buildings going up all the time and I want to design a few.
- good enough. We can pay you 12$ per hour. most places will charge ‘you.’
- thank you, at last I don’t feel like sucker. I plan to work full time no more Hollywood for me.
- well in this town architecture is very similar to Hollywood. it is all hype and La Times Sunday Magazine.. We have a book coming out by Benjamin Buchloch called, ‘Abracadabra, A New Refutation of Time’. Only the art and archigeeks will read it. People think Benjamin is a genius art critic, he used to sing in german bars. You see everything is possible.
- thanks abra, I have a real hard time people trying to dny me what they appropriate for themselves.
- don’t worry, fuck um. first roman will make you a monkey and you’ll go on your own to become a whore. Hahahaha.
- well do you want to see some of my work?
- not right now. I rather see 'how' you work than what you’ve worked on. But most important you show up on time and keep it secret from the public that you work here.
- thank you, thank you and thank to the dogs.
He leaves happy to land on a job.
Telephone rings, rita novel calling to see if there is anything new with the curating job with LACMA.

Jun 8, 05 9:29 am

Ach, Abra. Fucking sie LACMA for now. Let me tell you more about za Pittsker Prize. He vuz calling me yestourday too. Vunted to buy spezial artzwurkz.

Ah ha!

Ja ah ha! It vuz like Veech Liszt coming true.

I forgot you went to the Meryl Streep School of Foreign Accents.

Ah Hell, I was just talking English like my mother. It's great for selling art, like the Pittsker wants Museumpeace, the chair, and Wig Nut and Wig Not. Hey, he's about the only one who can afford that stuff.

How 'bout Anonymous Saint In Bikini While Jesus Is Walking On Water?

Ah, I say, that's already going to Cloony Tunes.

[magic laughter]

Ja, Pittsker Prize laughed too and then he offered more money. I say, Veight, you vunt more of za rare wurkz. I show you The Size Of The Horse's Balls. It iz iconoclastic! I'll tell ya, Pittsker sure knows his stuff when it comes to The Size Of The Horse's Balls. He got all the inverted iconoclastic symbolism and even read between the lines. So I said, you are really liking The Size Of The Horse's Balls, ja? He says ja, ja ja, ja ja ja ja ja. So then I hum a couple of sentences, you know, like Freud, works all the time, and then I say, you can have leetle discount. We close the deal. And then he told me he's gonna call abracadabra, faia, so I say, you know, to be really good in architecture you must always hold your own. Wow, he says, thanks Rita, I think the whole world wants to see me hold my own.

Is that you're call waiting or mine?

Jun 16, 05 4:47 pm

Abra, good news. That was my broker on the other line, and now is the prefect time for me to liquify some of my funds, hence I can give you the go-a-head to start the schematic designs for my new LA gallery.

What site?

Oh, yeah. It's the one that you though would be best. And guess what? I've come up with the perfect name for the gallery--Rita Novel This Sontag. Gosh, I'm so excited. Magic architecture is going to be so big. We'll do lunch soon. Ciao 4 now.

abracadabra
Jun 16, 05 5:39 pm

address:
LINCOLN BLVD.
its got future rita.

Jun 16, 05 5:45 pm

Ja, ja. Zat iz da vun!

I can already see it: Rita Novel This Sontag on Linclon Boulevard.

Javier ArbonaJavier Arbona
Jun 17, 05 12:22 am

Lincoln Blvd is so 2002

abracadabra
Jun 17, 05 1:16 am

well, 2002 ish.. security guy says the place next to save-on will be available again. you know, some live bands and shit right on the floor level with the audiance, no raised stage, melbourne style. still interested? jose's uncle jose will be the floor security. man makes the scarface look like a domestic pet.
for rita on the other hand, we only need a space as wide as a sideyard setback which is 6' or so. no man's alley between korean swapmeet and smart-final is kind of ideal. pending episode will cover some of that stuff..

abracadabra
Jun 19, 05 2:20 pm

Episode 16
06/19/05
abracadabra, faia

DUMP SITE STUDIO

sci arc asked me to teach a studio since most of their faculty resigned due to lack of parking space. What the fuck. Ok. My only condition is, it has to be a first year undergrad studio. Eric said it is fine as long as I don’t cause him to loose his curly hair (he didn’t mean his pubic hair)..
so after some thinking I came up with this idea for the class.
Studio will take a place in Colton dump site. me and the students will set up a camp on this wasteland picking up useful garbage to build from as we will discuss alternative uses for dumpsites and debris.
I found a dozen of students who signed up and didn’t tell their parents that their thousands of dollars tuition money spent on picking up waste. Later on this issue became alright when the parents saw their children on tv.
We set up a live feed for the studio, net-casting the daily activities of the class, got all necessary permits from the governor himself after a single telephone call.
It went like a brush fire and we had cnn, abc, and pbs visiting the site and put our class on national tv. We told dwell magazine to go fuck themselves in a shipping container..
(* i invited javier arbona and bryan finoki as guest lecturers and we thank them for their participation.)
There were visiting dignitaries like the mayor and leading environmentalists, like everyone wanted to associate their name with this class. Even mrs mesnick came for an afternoon hot dog party with her helicopter. We got sponsorship from true value hardware for hand tools, u-haul for transportation, dell computers giving students free wireless laptops.
Studio raised 500K for sci arc from contributions, for that, all the tuition was waved for the participants making other studens sorry for not signing up. to make the long story short, here is a pictorial of the studio from my camera.

site


students arriving to the site not knowing exactly what they are in for
[img]http://www.elaw.org/assets/images/pictures/impacts/bagmati.river.dump.jpg
[/img]

students picking materials


installation by a student


computer junk


building projects




student made a book of dumsite photos


models of alternative uses made by students





at the end of the semester, a yucca tree nearby flowered.


Javier ArbonaJavier Arbona
Jun 19, 05 5:22 pm

If Jose is in on it, I'm in on it.

c.k.
Jun 25, 05 1:13 am

ah, getting ready to leave los angeles and as i'm throwing away shit i came across a map of the TENT that was given to me at orientation
mr. abra i will add your story to it

abracadabra
Jul 5, 05 7:59 pm

Episode 17
07/05/05
abracadabra, faia

ROMAN AND SONYA, gypsy cousins
( roman from previous episodes; roman stayed on with abracadabra after the county museum fiasco and moved a trailer into the industrial building we have, he sells weed on the side to his intern friends and does design and make drawings as well as models. his Hungarian cousin is staying with him and they argue all the time about this and that, at the end Sonya putting him to a lower spot than hers.)

dogs, rupee and his sister lazy, gone to camping trip by Roman his Hungarian cousin Sonya. i wonder how this is going to work. since her arrival with three plastic bags from Budapest and staying in roman’s trailer, i’ve never heard her talking about the same subject more than two minutes. sometimes when roman and I working on a model of a building, she comes by and says “what’s this?” and turns around and goes away without waiting for an answer. since she got here, she already set up a business and bought a car borrowing money from roman and me. she figured out of way to get in touch with all the porno production companies in the valley and sells lingerie on the sets from her fake louis vuitton suitcase. we wouldn’t surprise to see her starting her own production co. she definitely got a good eye for the action and she still didn’t show us the spools of super 16 films she keeps around the little corner desk we gave her to do her work. she is working on a film and meeting a lot of good people that are interested working for a non-porno project, free. and, she asked us if can built some sets for her which she knows what’s gonna be.
she says the film is based on Budapest and los angeles and she already has a lot of footage to edit for the Hungarian part. I have the most gentrified and, creative as hell, gypsy youth around me.
roman is very different than her. his creativity is really spatial. he knows where the light comes into the buildings. he only likes alvaro siza in conversation passing. he took on the small project of a pair of guest cabins on a three acre site in Topanga canyon., and so far, he designed and built the project with Arturo, without permits on my illegal advise.. two 10’x10’x10’ cabins connected with a deck overlooking a creek.

plan

construction

cubes

cabin #1

I am happy to have the whole space to myself and i called tina if she wants to spend a few days with me and asked her to bring the darvocet prescription with her..

abracadabra
Jul 5, 05 8:00 pm

well pictures will come when i pay to photo album i guess..

abracadabra
Jul 5, 05 8:16 pm

abracadabra
Jul 25, 05 6:18 pm

Episode 18
07/25/05
abracadabra, faia


mo. the ruler of dubai. I am interviewing him for archinect.

abra- selam aleykum greatness MO.
mo- aleykum selam.
-mo, we see a project shaped like a pair of palm trees and another one, a world map of islands, what’s gonna be next?
-habibi, you are asking a difficult question. there are couple of themes we are, I am, considering for the next project. first one is called “Blonds Have ‘Mo’ Fun” and the second, ‘Mo Better Music’, get the idea? sort of personal this time.. first two projects were too political. this time I want to sell to the less serious mo fun people. copy?
- laser jet sir. my next question is ‘how are you financing all these endeavors?’
-bismillah.. people think it is oil money. simply it ain’t. oil money, that we give them to yankee’s and brits for protection. the real cash comes in from foreign investments and real estate. people think we are stupid, but they don’t know their underwear is made by one of our companies.. hahaha.. do you know I have a waiting list for ‘the islands’ ? what a gas, hahaha..
-what about the skyscraper ? do you need it ?
-another interesting question.. gaabra?
-abRA.
-whatever.. getting back to skyscraper, that project is completely financed by Rupert… Murdock that is.. when it is ‘erected’, you’ll be able to see eastern Afghanistan on a clear day. geraldo wants to be the one who catches osama on a red alert day..
-what about osama?
-nice family, bad apple.. we gave, as gifts, some ‘palace models’ to his brothers and sisters in ‘the islands’ and ‘palms’ and I believe geraldo will have his ass anyway..
-mo, do you swim?
-when allah permits.. only with sharks.. hahahahaha…
-Respect.. you want to buy some ad space in archinect ?
-you wanna buy a duplex?

in the airport, I send an e mail to mike davis..
“mike, “dead wrong” ..
‘ra..”
davis' article


meanwhile on boards in dubai;

Blonds Have Mo Fun – plan

Mo Better Music - plan

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