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    Office Archetypes

    BuildingSatire Feb 1 '13 0

    Having worked at a few offices now, I’d like to share a few recurring characters I’ve noticed.

     

    Goliaths
    Goliaths are old beasts who have roamed the white halls of the office for years. They are comfortable throwing their weight around knowing there are no known consequences they could ever suffer. They stand firmly knowing that past success has earned them the respect, recognition, and fear they now bask in. Unfortunately, most goliaths are simply ogres, fumbling oafs easy to anger and slow to solving problems.

    Snakes
    Keen and quiet, the snake is seductively kind but waiting — waiting for the most opportune time to strike. In the event the meticulous snake does slip up, they will use you to take the fall. Like a shed skin, the snake will release you into the highway to be pulverized by speeding cars. The snake knows that their prolonged polite and soft reserve is enough to mislead management into thinking they are a most ideal employee.

    Trendsetters
    Trendsetters are not critical thinkers, they simply make an idea catch. Trendsetters may negate your ideas only to re-present them at a later time, sometimes even in the same conversation. You should not point out the fact that they just proposed your idea but rather let it pass realizing that they were the student who found a way to turn every architectural concept into something about weaving. Keep your distance from this parasite.

    Young Bloods
    Every office including those outside the world of architecture have this archetypal person. This child-at-heart is that not-so-innocent soul who spends their time as they might when they were still in school. Hours of browsing the internet, watching videos, chatting, scrolling blogs, and checking email. When confronted, this slug may use the excuse of a slow or lagging computer which interestingly and miraculously will be working by the time you arrive.

    Pack Rats
    Dissimilar from pack rats who crowd the company fridge, I am referring to those that are constantly saving their work, especially those gigantic files that take ten minutes to save. When it comes down to it, they do so little work because they spend half their time saving a file before they can even draw anything. Additionally, this rodent may write down everything they do through the day in an effort to create a long list and appear productive — when in actuality, they are just skipping by.

    Cassanovas
    These slick cats hit on everything with a pulse — a two-faced sort for anything with similar genitalia (maybe). Do know that regardless of their ridiculously entertaining stories, Cassanovas are often truth-stretching braggarts and strangers to tact. Deep down, these characters desire to be loved and needed, making up for their inability to form meaningful relationships with promiscuity.

    Fountainheads
    Those interns and entry level designers holding on to idealistic fantasies. Often these fantasies lack depth while such idealism is only an excuse to complain. Additionally, fountain-headed employees tend to hate anything past conceptual design and often do not know AutoCAD.

    If you an unable to identity each of these office characters, do not be skeptical of this article, but find pleasurable discomfort knowing that you may be one of them.

     

     
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BuildingSatire is a blog consisting of architectural satire, cynicism, and humor to alleviate the tension and pretension in professional architecture. we also have a twitter. whatup.

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