what's it like balancing architecture and being a parent?
I'd like to hear from some amazing _female_ architects who also have families.
(and no, i didn't get knocked up, its just something nobody ever talks about)
i am not a female however i have two kids 4 1/2 and 2 and it is hard, when you are expected to pull the late hours and still spend time with your family, but i have found the key to that balance....fuck the job, jobs come and go, familes are your balance, your point. if you are a real architect you will find a way to balance both and not sacrifice anything, i see to many people (mainly woman) who give up one for the other to get ahead in this profession. and if you force yourself into a choice of one or the other they both lose.
For me, now being a partner in a two-person office, it all comes down to having a spouse with a more flexible schedule, because I'll be out the door early to meet one client then have a meeting run late with another. If I didn't have my incredible husband able to accommodate daycare pickup/dropoff etc. I wouldn't be able to do my career at all.
Man it's tough.
I had a kid with my partner 5 years ago and unfortunately life in a big city and the world of architecture took its toll on our relationship, resulting in us breaking up a couple of years ago. By the way I'm not trying to discourage anybody from having kids here. I am now a single parent, i have my kid every other week and i couldn't give a flying f**k about slaving for an office anymore. My kid comes first, i try to spend as much time with her as possible. Why spend all your time and energy working for someone else? I wish i'd had this attitude earlier, i was so naive to think that working like a maniac would get me somewhere when there is so many other things to do and interests to pursue outside the professional world. I save my spare time for my kid and to work on competitions, it feels so much more gratifying. I do realize that if i ever get to do my own things then things will probably have to change but i will do my best to find a clear division between parental and professional life. It's all about trying to find the right balance.
i'd suggest that you consider having a baby as part of your "research" and then start applying for grant money. of course, i'd also suggest that you and your partner form a limited liability corporation instead of the traditional marriage. it can all work together if you have a good strategy.
you might also want to pitch your question to abracadabra on the "dear abra" thread.
French, I sorta purposefully avoided the two-architect marriage (that's another thread...) My husband is a working artist, freelance fabricator, and part-time professor of art. We can arrange daycare needs based on him teaching two days a week or whatever. It changes emester to semester.
And being self-employed means that if something comes up, I can easily change my schedule - assuming I don't have a meeting scheduled. But it also means every night at 9PM when the kid goes to bed I'm hauling out my laptop and working at least through Jon Stewart (aka midnight) - despite the kid sleeping through the night finally I'm still definitely not getting enough sleep, and don't expect I will for a few more years yet.
But again, it is so definitely worth it. That child has made me a happier, better human in countless ways.
I ask because I'm an architect, my girlfriend too, and we managed to find a strange but functional pace with our daugther. She is employed in a firm and I'm self employed, doing renderings, so I manage my time to be able to work for like two weeks and get the rest of the month for the baby. She definitely spends more time on that than me, and it was tough at the start (it took me a while to realize that I had to change my working schedule). But as you say, it's possible and definitely worth it. I whish my girlfriend was surfing archinect to tell you her opinion feelandtriple, but she's fortunately not as nerdy as me.
You can't be selfish about your career and expect a healthy family too. Its not that your career needs to suffer but its about finding balance. My experience is that it seemed tougher when I was starting out ( late nights and weekends ) and gradually got easiler to the point where the weekends are taken up by family stuff ( dance lessons, soccer games family events etc.) and I am happy to tell clients I won't work then other than a few odd meetings.
It definately helps if your partner has a flexible schedule to adapt when kids get sick and stuff ( its th esame in all relationaships ). I think you get the confidence to tell people you have a family and they either respect your time or they don't. I have dropped clients because of philosophical differences that are counter to how we work. Lots of work out there so don't feel that if you lose one you'll go bankrupt.
It is a bit clichebut, Its very important to also enjoy the early years because it does go by very fast.
Gross is what its like to look at older friends ( w/o children ) at parties when your kids are old enough to look after themselves. You can enjoy yourself and can discuss career and family life with equal passion. Whilst you have to tolerate self centered friends talk about themselves and nothing but themselves.....gross!
i admit, my previous comment was a bit immature, but i don't see how talking about your career or hobbies is any different than talking about your children.
i mean besides the obvious of one not having a human life value...
be it children or hobbies, if they are things that bring joy to your life then why is it gross and sad to be childless and have other things to talk about at parties?
On a related note, what do you think about the idea of having one child versus two or more?
I'm very much in favor of having one child for practical and financial reasons. My wife is concerned that we'll raise a spoiled brat and she wants to have two children... She's a firm believer in the "only child syndrome."
gross is watching people selfishly breed just for the sake of continuing their genetic line.
I would rather talk to a childless person about the news/politics/travel etc than someone blather on about how they are so busy running their kids to soccer practice and they are so busy at work bla bla (shop talk).
honestly, i dislike talking about work anyway... a discussion about children is better anyday, moreso when it involves something funny or stupid that the kid did.
My boss is a single parent of 4 kids, and I can say w/some certainty that if he had to try and keep the work schedule expected of him by a large firm, he'd be toast. He'd never be able to leave at any old time to pick up the youngest son from horse camp or pick up the oldest son from rugby practice. As it is, he expects me to do some of his parenting work (you know how often he "asks" me to pick up his kids from school?).
Liberty Bell - partner in a two person office. Hmm doesn't that make you the "other person?"
My fiance (its not too late dgg) and I are both adamant about not having kids. Both in our early 30s we've seen what the additional mouths do to professional dreams - we are both big on that as well. We've already made big sacrifices she's in ATL I'm in MNI but the thought of having kids is well "settling" and rather unnerving for us both. By the way she's not an architect but in PR.
Our marriage will be an opportunity for to go into private practice. Less time devoted to this cut-throat office more towards "theoffice"
I'm half of a two-architect couple, with 2 kids. we have our own firm together too. It works out great. We set up a play area in the office for the kids after school. We both come and go as we need to for after school sports, etc. We have total control over our schedules, so we set the priorities. We both spend a lot of weekend and evening time working, but hey, its what we like to do. BTW, my kids are getting older now, and I am kicking myself that we didn't have a third. Having said all that, when the kids are babies, it makes it SOOO much easier if you are working part time or from home, at least until they start school. My advice to the ladies, don't stop working completely. It is really difficult to get back into the game after 3 or 4 years off.
I saw on a similar thread something about grad school being a good career break for starting a family, but i'm in my final year of MArch, have no clue what i would do with a baby while i'm in school. i have several male colleagues with small kids, but NO female ones. how does that work financially, anyway? student debt for life? I've noticed few of the female faculty have children, either.
but i can see how teaching and doing some freelance renderings and small jobs from home could be a good way to stay in the game..
perhaps if i wrote a dissertation on the architectural implications of the womb i could get some grant money...
do you think its probably best to wait until after registration to take the maternity leave? or is studying for the ARE a good excuse to stay home with baby? what about big firms vs. small firms being supportive of this? anyone try practicing in europe? (sorry that's another thread, not sure what i'm doing with my life just now)
thanks for the feedback. its good to hear from the guys too. and sorry pixelwhore, i think i'm a breeder. i can't help the way i am.
I started architecture school as a single parent when my son was 1. He's 20 now. If you want to have children AND be an architect you can do it. You can also knit and garden and ski and solve world hunger at the same time. Having children doesn't stop you from doing the things you want to do. Anyone here with kids will tell you they only add another dimension to your life. I've never heard anyone say they wish they hadn't had their children because it takes too much time from architecture. (And I don't think it's because they're all to well-behaved to say such a thing!)
A old man was in the waiting room with my father when I had my son. They started chatting and he found out the guy was waiting for his daughter to have her baby - she was one of 15 girls. He had a farm and said girls weren't much good on a farm but they "sure ate good"! My dad asked him how he supported that many kids being a farmer and he said "If you make $100 a month and you have one kid you spend it all on that one kid. If you have 15 kids, you spread it around". Life is lke that. If you don't have children, you can spend all your time being an architect. If have kids, you spend all your time being a parent AND an architect.
That's the thing about being a parent. You learn how to do many things at once. And you always find a way to somehow make things work out.
right now my boys are fast asleep, my wife is enjoying abit of quiet time and i am working on a few schemes for a rec center at 10:24 pm est, and that is how i get my work done, a little overtime late in the evening but i leave the office at 5:30 hang with my fam, they all go to sleep and i work...thank goodness i am an insomniac. but whatever works and nothing suffers...
oh, and for those of you that say "yeah, but you are working in the middle of the night..." i seem to prefer that, no ringing phones, no contractors (and for that matter clients) to babysit, nothing...just me and my thoughts
Mum, I don't know how you did it. Single parenting must be overwhelmingly exhausting. I stand in awe.
feelandtriple, two additional comments. I got registered before having a baby. For myself, there is no way I could have studied for the exams whle also being a parent - I just would have put it off and put it off and it never would have gotten done. On the other hand, margine, as stated in the previous discussion I linked to, did her licensing while home with a kid or two. I only stayed home with my son for 3 months, but it was a fulltime job - I could barely get a meal on the table every day let alone study for and take 9 exams!
Also, I don't know how close you are to your family, but in my social group I saw that the new mothers who had family close by had a much easier time of it than those of us who didn't - always a willing and trusted babysitter on hand when your mom lives close by! Women of previous generations depended pretty intensively on a social network of other mothers and extended family to babysit, provide sympathetic companionship to keep you from tearing your hair out, alert you to diaper sales at the local stores...Our modern condition of urban isolation has really changed motherhood. My point being you might think about social geography as you embark on this baby project.
As to firm size, I have been fortunate to work in a couple of medium-sized firms that value family and a personal life outside of architecture. They do exist!! A firm with a female partner might be a better place to work as a new mother, then again, some women who have achieved status in this field had to do it at the expense of being devoted mothers (or mothers at all) and thus might not want to cut you any of the slack they didn't get.
although voluntary human extinction is an entertaining idea, i have to give 'mad respect' to the breeders among you. having children gets more difficult every day (at least in america), and even more so in this profession. all the respect in the world to you.
I have to admit I cheated a little. My parents lived very close by and my mom did a lot of babysitting in the early years. Liberty Bell is right, having a mom nearby is critical. When my son was 5 a family moved in next door who did daycare and their son was my son's best friend. That was REALLY convenient. I also didn't go to school full time at first. I think I took only 3 classes including studio at the time. And I had some financial help from my parents for which I was very grateful. They were also very happy to see me escape from an awful marriage.
Most of the firms I've worked at are very accepting of family life. There was this one guy though, who prohibited telephone use if it was personal. He stood next to me staring at me while I had an important conversation with my son's 8th grade math teacher. You generally talk to teachers when THEY'RE available, not at your convenience because they're so busy. He pitched a fit when I finally hung up. The irony of it? His wife was an 8th grade math teacher! The firm I'm at now puts family ahead of everything. It's great.
My son was around 11 when I started exams. I don't know how much earlier I'd try that. You really need large chunks of time to study. Freeandtriple, if you finish the MArch, get pregnant, start working and get your three years in to finish your internship, you can get that out of the way and still devote a lot of time to parenting. The exams can wait. Work them around having the baby, not the other way around. Motherhood has so many unknowns, whatever you plan will bring the opposite.
thank you heterarchy and all others with positive things to say. i think whatever choice you make about procreation is fine, however you don't have to insult people for the choice they make or limit your perception of people because of that. people are multi-faceted. all people who don't have children aren't selfish and all people who do aren't 'boring' or only consumed with 'soccer practice'. all the insulting and offensive comments are pretty disappointing and disturbing to me. i am an graduate architecture student with a 4 year old and it is indeed very hard but its also very fulfilling to feed multiple aspects of my being. and the closer and closer i get to finishing, i feel more and more empowered in my accomplishments. i agree with those that chose to have them, that children enrich your life in ways you can't even begin to comprehend until you experience it. i think if you want to, you can make it work and do well. if you don't, you don't.
I heard an interview on NPR with the guy from the new documenty murderball (I think thats the name.) Anyway he says he is a much better person since he is in the chair. Well that doesnt mean I am going to run out and become a parapalegic. No doubt kids are a challenge and they change who your are as a person, but they also limit you in a really perminant way. And they dont just effect you they effect the people around you.
My sister has a three year old. Since my niece was born my sister has come to visit me once. Its just two expensive for her and my niece to fly together, get a hotel room etc. Instead I end up going to see them, not always my first choice, when I would like to have the chance to see friends etc on vacation too.
My daughter is now 3 months old. TIME FLIES!!!! And I have to say that it has rocked and made me rethink my priorities. Before I was working like a dog working weekends, evenings etc. Now I still work lots but have switched to mornings. Rather that stay that extra hour after work, I now come in an hour earlier. I AM NOT A MORING PERSON> But having my little one kick me in the ribs at 6am usually wakes me up, so I head off to work while my wife starts nursing. Anyway - like so many others posting I'm not a woman, but throwing in my two cents, kids are great! It also gives me something to talk about with developers who all seem to have kids as well, puts me on their level.
g-bot. try 4.30 am. i have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and the youngest is a very early riser with this habit of waking her parents by climbing all over them...
caffiene, my kids have never been a negative, career-wise or in my personal life. I admit I am lucky that I have an incredibly supportive wife and we are much closer for having our children.
We had the first when i was in MArch and the second after grad and going back to the office. now i work on my own while doing phd and its all good. as an architect it hasn't hurt me at all and i have won enough awards(national, international) to confirm that kids don't hurt design a dam wit.
if i were to think of anything that has changed in my design work since they were born it is my new found and slightly irrational fascination for proper stair rails and removing child high furniture with sharp corners from all of my designs...
hey I'm proud of anyone who ventures into parenthood, it freaks me out personally and i wonder how anyone could so calmy (calmy) venture into that arena. I know professionally especially early in ones career not having personal committments is always a plus, granted it is a little unfair. But those that do have familes prioritise very well - more than we can imagine - to the point where it really is incomparable, and i top my hat off to all of you.
Yamani, I remember what grad school was like - I had to kick my then gf to the curb because i was going crazy, granted I think that might have been because she was evil. but nonetheless it began to affect work. I had students as well who had children of varying ages, and they were all really keen when it came to the work, making sure it was done. They weren't in the studio at 4 am when i came to visit (post-clubbing post local) but damn when the work went up, it was comparable. So my hats off to you Yamani
Jul 10, 05 9:58 pm ·
·
Block this user
Are you sure you want to block this user and hide all related comments throughout the site?
Archinect
This is your first comment on Archinect. Your comment will be visible once approved.
architects making babies
what's it like balancing architecture and being a parent?
I'd like to hear from some amazing _female_ architects who also have families.
(and no, i didn't get knocked up, its just something nobody ever talks about)
i am not a female however i have two kids 4 1/2 and 2 and it is hard, when you are expected to pull the late hours and still spend time with your family, but i have found the key to that balance....fuck the job, jobs come and go, familes are your balance, your point. if you are a real architect you will find a way to balance both and not sacrifice anything, i see to many people (mainly woman) who give up one for the other to get ahead in this profession. and if you force yourself into a choice of one or the other they both lose.
feelandtriple, look at this previous discussion.
For me, now being a partner in a two-person office, it all comes down to having a spouse with a more flexible schedule, because I'll be out the door early to meet one client then have a meeting run late with another. If I didn't have my incredible husband able to accommodate daycare pickup/dropoff etc. I wouldn't be able to do my career at all.
It'snot easy, but it's worth it.
liberty bell, is he an architect too?
Man it's tough.
I had a kid with my partner 5 years ago and unfortunately life in a big city and the world of architecture took its toll on our relationship, resulting in us breaking up a couple of years ago. By the way I'm not trying to discourage anybody from having kids here. I am now a single parent, i have my kid every other week and i couldn't give a flying f**k about slaving for an office anymore. My kid comes first, i try to spend as much time with her as possible. Why spend all your time and energy working for someone else? I wish i'd had this attitude earlier, i was so naive to think that working like a maniac would get me somewhere when there is so many other things to do and interests to pursue outside the professional world. I save my spare time for my kid and to work on competitions, it feels so much more gratifying. I do realize that if i ever get to do my own things then things will probably have to change but i will do my best to find a clear division between parental and professional life. It's all about trying to find the right balance.
feelandtriple
i am not female by the way so i hope you don't mind me posting on your thread...
i'd suggest that you consider having a baby as part of your "research" and then start applying for grant money. of course, i'd also suggest that you and your partner form a limited liability corporation instead of the traditional marriage. it can all work together if you have a good strategy.
you might also want to pitch your question to abracadabra on the "dear abra" thread.
French, I sorta purposefully avoided the two-architect marriage (that's another thread...) My husband is a working artist, freelance fabricator, and part-time professor of art. We can arrange daycare needs based on him teaching two days a week or whatever. It changes emester to semester.
And being self-employed means that if something comes up, I can easily change my schedule - assuming I don't have a meeting scheduled. But it also means every night at 9PM when the kid goes to bed I'm hauling out my laptop and working at least through Jon Stewart (aka midnight) - despite the kid sleeping through the night finally I'm still definitely not getting enough sleep, and don't expect I will for a few more years yet.
But again, it is so definitely worth it. That child has made me a happier, better human in countless ways.
I ask because I'm an architect, my girlfriend too, and we managed to find a strange but functional pace with our daugther. She is employed in a firm and I'm self employed, doing renderings, so I manage my time to be able to work for like two weeks and get the rest of the month for the baby. She definitely spends more time on that than me, and it was tough at the start (it took me a while to realize that I had to change my working schedule). But as you say, it's possible and definitely worth it. I whish my girlfriend was surfing archinect to tell you her opinion feelandtriple, but she's fortunately not as nerdy as me.
You can't be selfish about your career and expect a healthy family too. Its not that your career needs to suffer but its about finding balance. My experience is that it seemed tougher when I was starting out ( late nights and weekends ) and gradually got easiler to the point where the weekends are taken up by family stuff ( dance lessons, soccer games family events etc.) and I am happy to tell clients I won't work then other than a few odd meetings.
It definately helps if your partner has a flexible schedule to adapt when kids get sick and stuff ( its th esame in all relationaships ). I think you get the confidence to tell people you have a family and they either respect your time or they don't. I have dropped clients because of philosophical differences that are counter to how we work. Lots of work out there so don't feel that if you lose one you'll go bankrupt.
It is a bit clichebut, Its very important to also enjoy the early years because it does go by very fast.
I find that its preferable to just be an uncle...when you are done you can just tell them to go find their mom...
children are gross.
Gross is what its like to look at older friends ( w/o children ) at parties when your kids are old enough to look after themselves. You can enjoy yourself and can discuss career and family life with equal passion. Whilst you have to tolerate self centered friends talk about themselves and nothing but themselves.....gross!
and a bit sad!
i admit, my previous comment was a bit immature, but i don't see how talking about your career or hobbies is any different than talking about your children.
i mean besides the obvious of one not having a human life value...
be it children or hobbies, if they are things that bring joy to your life then why is it gross and sad to be childless and have other things to talk about at parties?
On a related note, what do you think about the idea of having one child versus two or more?
I'm very much in favor of having one child for practical and financial reasons. My wife is concerned that we'll raise a spoiled brat and she wants to have two children... She's a firm believer in the "only child syndrome."
Perhaps this is a question for Abra...
gross is watching people selfishly breed just for the sake of continuing their genetic line.
I would rather talk to a childless person about the news/politics/travel etc than someone blather on about how they are so busy running their kids to soccer practice and they are so busy at work bla bla (shop talk).
i agree!
honestly, i dislike talking about work anyway... a discussion about children is better anyday, moreso when it involves something funny or stupid that the kid did.
My boss is a single parent of 4 kids, and I can say w/some certainty that if he had to try and keep the work schedule expected of him by a large firm, he'd be toast. He'd never be able to leave at any old time to pick up the youngest son from horse camp or pick up the oldest son from rugby practice. As it is, he expects me to do some of his parenting work (you know how often he "asks" me to pick up his kids from school?).
Liberty Bell - partner in a two person office. Hmm doesn't that make you the "other person?"
My fiance (its not too late dgg) and I are both adamant about not having kids. Both in our early 30s we've seen what the additional mouths do to professional dreams - we are both big on that as well. We've already made big sacrifices she's in ATL I'm in MNI but the thought of having kids is well "settling" and rather unnerving for us both. By the way she's not an architect but in PR.
Our marriage will be an opportunity for to go into private practice. Less time devoted to this cut-throat office more towards "theoffice"
I'm half of a two-architect couple, with 2 kids. we have our own firm together too. It works out great. We set up a play area in the office for the kids after school. We both come and go as we need to for after school sports, etc. We have total control over our schedules, so we set the priorities. We both spend a lot of weekend and evening time working, but hey, its what we like to do. BTW, my kids are getting older now, and I am kicking myself that we didn't have a third. Having said all that, when the kids are babies, it makes it SOOO much easier if you are working part time or from home, at least until they start school. My advice to the ladies, don't stop working completely. It is really difficult to get back into the game after 3 or 4 years off.
Jam- Fiance? Congratulations! Lucky girl.
(sorry, I have no input that actually pertains to the topic, carry on)
I saw on a similar thread something about grad school being a good career break for starting a family, but i'm in my final year of MArch, have no clue what i would do with a baby while i'm in school. i have several male colleagues with small kids, but NO female ones. how does that work financially, anyway? student debt for life? I've noticed few of the female faculty have children, either.
but i can see how teaching and doing some freelance renderings and small jobs from home could be a good way to stay in the game..
perhaps if i wrote a dissertation on the architectural implications of the womb i could get some grant money...
do you think its probably best to wait until after registration to take the maternity leave? or is studying for the ARE a good excuse to stay home with baby? what about big firms vs. small firms being supportive of this? anyone try practicing in europe? (sorry that's another thread, not sure what i'm doing with my life just now)
thanks for the feedback. its good to hear from the guys too. and sorry pixelwhore, i think i'm a breeder. i can't help the way i am.
I started architecture school as a single parent when my son was 1. He's 20 now. If you want to have children AND be an architect you can do it. You can also knit and garden and ski and solve world hunger at the same time. Having children doesn't stop you from doing the things you want to do. Anyone here with kids will tell you they only add another dimension to your life. I've never heard anyone say they wish they hadn't had their children because it takes too much time from architecture. (And I don't think it's because they're all to well-behaved to say such a thing!)
A old man was in the waiting room with my father when I had my son. They started chatting and he found out the guy was waiting for his daughter to have her baby - she was one of 15 girls. He had a farm and said girls weren't much good on a farm but they "sure ate good"! My dad asked him how he supported that many kids being a farmer and he said "If you make $100 a month and you have one kid you spend it all on that one kid. If you have 15 kids, you spread it around". Life is lke that. If you don't have children, you can spend all your time being an architect. If have kids, you spend all your time being a parent AND an architect.
That's the thing about being a parent. You learn how to do many things at once. And you always find a way to somehow make things work out.
i'm feeling the need to breed!!! or at least get some practice in. any takers?
right now my boys are fast asleep, my wife is enjoying abit of quiet time and i am working on a few schemes for a rec center at 10:24 pm est, and that is how i get my work done, a little overtime late in the evening but i leave the office at 5:30 hang with my fam, they all go to sleep and i work...thank goodness i am an insomniac. but whatever works and nothing suffers...
oh, and for those of you that say "yeah, but you are working in the middle of the night..." i seem to prefer that, no ringing phones, no contractors (and for that matter clients) to babysit, nothing...just me and my thoughts
Mum, I don't know how you did it. Single parenting must be overwhelmingly exhausting. I stand in awe.
feelandtriple, two additional comments. I got registered before having a baby. For myself, there is no way I could have studied for the exams whle also being a parent - I just would have put it off and put it off and it never would have gotten done. On the other hand, margine, as stated in the previous discussion I linked to, did her licensing while home with a kid or two. I only stayed home with my son for 3 months, but it was a fulltime job - I could barely get a meal on the table every day let alone study for and take 9 exams!
Also, I don't know how close you are to your family, but in my social group I saw that the new mothers who had family close by had a much easier time of it than those of us who didn't - always a willing and trusted babysitter on hand when your mom lives close by! Women of previous generations depended pretty intensively on a social network of other mothers and extended family to babysit, provide sympathetic companionship to keep you from tearing your hair out, alert you to diaper sales at the local stores...Our modern condition of urban isolation has really changed motherhood. My point being you might think about social geography as you embark on this baby project.
As to firm size, I have been fortunate to work in a couple of medium-sized firms that value family and a personal life outside of architecture. They do exist!! A firm with a female partner might be a better place to work as a new mother, then again, some women who have achieved status in this field had to do it at the expense of being devoted mothers (or mothers at all) and thus might not want to cut you any of the slack they didn't get.
although voluntary human extinction is an entertaining idea, i have to give 'mad respect' to the breeders among you. having children gets more difficult every day (at least in america), and even more so in this profession. all the respect in the world to you.
I have to admit I cheated a little. My parents lived very close by and my mom did a lot of babysitting in the early years. Liberty Bell is right, having a mom nearby is critical. When my son was 5 a family moved in next door who did daycare and their son was my son's best friend. That was REALLY convenient. I also didn't go to school full time at first. I think I took only 3 classes including studio at the time. And I had some financial help from my parents for which I was very grateful. They were also very happy to see me escape from an awful marriage.
Most of the firms I've worked at are very accepting of family life. There was this one guy though, who prohibited telephone use if it was personal. He stood next to me staring at me while I had an important conversation with my son's 8th grade math teacher. You generally talk to teachers when THEY'RE available, not at your convenience because they're so busy. He pitched a fit when I finally hung up. The irony of it? His wife was an 8th grade math teacher! The firm I'm at now puts family ahead of everything. It's great.
My son was around 11 when I started exams. I don't know how much earlier I'd try that. You really need large chunks of time to study. Freeandtriple, if you finish the MArch, get pregnant, start working and get your three years in to finish your internship, you can get that out of the way and still devote a lot of time to parenting. The exams can wait. Work them around having the baby, not the other way around. Motherhood has so many unknowns, whatever you plan will bring the opposite.
Pixelwhore, this site is hilarious.
thank you heterarchy and all others with positive things to say. i think whatever choice you make about procreation is fine, however you don't have to insult people for the choice they make or limit your perception of people because of that. people are multi-faceted. all people who don't have children aren't selfish and all people who do aren't 'boring' or only consumed with 'soccer practice'. all the insulting and offensive comments are pretty disappointing and disturbing to me. i am an graduate architecture student with a 4 year old and it is indeed very hard but its also very fulfilling to feed multiple aspects of my being. and the closer and closer i get to finishing, i feel more and more empowered in my accomplishments. i agree with those that chose to have them, that children enrich your life in ways you can't even begin to comprehend until you experience it. i think if you want to, you can make it work and do well. if you don't, you don't.
I heard an interview on NPR with the guy from the new documenty murderball (I think thats the name.) Anyway he says he is a much better person since he is in the chair. Well that doesnt mean I am going to run out and become a parapalegic. No doubt kids are a challenge and they change who your are as a person, but they also limit you in a really perminant way. And they dont just effect you they effect the people around you.
My sister has a three year old. Since my niece was born my sister has come to visit me once. Its just two expensive for her and my niece to fly together, get a hotel room etc. Instead I end up going to see them, not always my first choice, when I would like to have the chance to see friends etc on vacation too.
My daughter is now 3 months old. TIME FLIES!!!! And I have to say that it has rocked and made me rethink my priorities. Before I was working like a dog working weekends, evenings etc. Now I still work lots but have switched to mornings. Rather that stay that extra hour after work, I now come in an hour earlier. I AM NOT A MORING PERSON> But having my little one kick me in the ribs at 6am usually wakes me up, so I head off to work while my wife starts nursing. Anyway - like so many others posting I'm not a woman, but throwing in my two cents, kids are great! It also gives me something to talk about with developers who all seem to have kids as well, puts me on their level.
g-bot. try 4.30 am. i have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and the youngest is a very early riser with this habit of waking her parents by climbing all over them...
caffiene, my kids have never been a negative, career-wise or in my personal life. I admit I am lucky that I have an incredibly supportive wife and we are much closer for having our children.
We had the first when i was in MArch and the second after grad and going back to the office. now i work on my own while doing phd and its all good. as an architect it hasn't hurt me at all and i have won enough awards(national, international) to confirm that kids don't hurt design a dam wit.
if i were to think of anything that has changed in my design work since they were born it is my new found and slightly irrational fascination for proper stair rails and removing child high furniture with sharp corners from all of my designs...
that's what i like to hear! =)
hey I'm proud of anyone who ventures into parenthood, it freaks me out personally and i wonder how anyone could so calmy (calmy) venture into that arena. I know professionally especially early in ones career not having personal committments is always a plus, granted it is a little unfair. But those that do have familes prioritise very well - more than we can imagine - to the point where it really is incomparable, and i top my hat off to all of you.
Yamani, I remember what grad school was like - I had to kick my then gf to the curb because i was going crazy, granted I think that might have been because she was evil. but nonetheless it began to affect work. I had students as well who had children of varying ages, and they were all really keen when it came to the work, making sure it was done. They weren't in the studio at 4 am when i came to visit (post-clubbing post local) but damn when the work went up, it was comparable. So my hats off to you Yamani
Block this user
Are you sure you want to block this user and hide all related comments throughout the site?
Archinect
This is your first comment on Archinect. Your comment will be visible once approved.