Southern California Institute of Architecture (SCI-Arc)
Pratt Institute
Tulane University
University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA)
Temple University
University of Oregon
Cranbrook Academy of Art
.
.
It's not cohesive from one paragraph to the next, and none of the paragraphs except the last really say anything compelling about you, or architecture, or about your potential in studying architecture - or in some cases anything at all. At the very end you're saying that you see solutions in architecture, to the problems of your generation. That would be a good FIRST sentence, and then the rest of your statement would flow from there into the meat of those solutions. Set aside everything but the last paragraph, and try starting over from there.
Gosh that's some heavy critique. What did you like about it? I take on board your point about it needing to be more cohesive. I am wondering why you said it wasn't compelling?
It's not a very useful conversation to anyone else, now that you've removed the essay. I said it wasn't compelling because almost all of it came across as disconnected name-dropping and shallow mentions of "isms" that interest you - but there wasn't much to tell us why those things interest you or how you would use them in your work toward your goals. It was about your interests, but it wasn't about you.
I did it first.
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