Thankfully the nonsensically mixed stone/brick palette continues on the interior fireplace, lest you forget how ugly the front of the house is once you're inside it.
Did anyone here see the surreal and wonderfully oedipal movie Track 29, starring a young (super hot) Gary Oldman? The insane housewife of that movie would love this house.
That doesn't look real. It looks like a computer generated drawing plunked into a digital photo of the building site. The builder probably has a computer program of some sort and he/she is playing around with material selection command. Whatever, it is horrendous but not the worse you'll ever see,.
They also never quite decide what the radius of the arches should be. It was an experimentation in radii, I guess. But hey, they have a full sink in the Master Bedroom.
For some reason the front door is what bothers me the most. They have an arch top door and then plant that awful pediment on top. It looks totally out of place and just screams laziness and cost "cheapiness"
House Barf is a very popular style! And per Justin Shubow's assertions, the fact that it's popular *must* mean that it's good!
Troy the multiple arch radii drove me crazy too. Along with several different ways of terminating a roof. and the columns in the dining room that just stop. Thunk. On the drywall. And the classical molding shelf "holding up" the wall mounted TV. and the staggered, stacked cabinets in the home office. And the kitchen cooktop hood surround that looks like it's trying to swallow the chef.
Wow. That's about as awful as it gets. It's freaky and horrific, really.
Donna said, "House Barf is a very popular style! And per Justin Shubow's assertions, the fact that it's popular *must* mean that it's good!"
Well... I am not sure that's actually what Justin said.
It's not at all certain that this house's "style", if you can call it that, is actually popular. I bet most average people look at a house like that and think it's as grotesque as we do. But I do think that, if average folk DO find some appeal in awful houses like this, it's because, despite the awfulness of it, there is something in the language of traditional houses that speaks to some people.
i'm not sure what's happening on the left with the garages, so ignoring that, there are only 2 materials here, and a stone looking thing with some sort of probably eifs or stucco isn't so bad. i think there is a fair possibility that real stone (or even lick and stick) would look a bit better since the tile map would be less apparent.
also, since this example isn't built, there is the possibility that they could fix it before it gets built.
it looks like the OP house wasn't built yet when the google street car drove by, but it might be worth checking out the neighbors:
there is something about xmas decorations without snow that makes things uncomfortable when I look at google images... just feels like a bad horror movie.
Omg! 350k for that pos? Each photo gets worse and worse. Its like Tin Cup where he keeps hitting shot after shot in the water hazard... except we dont get the happy moment when he Finally hits the green. ICFBI! Appears to be a spec... Why arent more architects building houses?
While I have no interest in playing this particular game (because one glimpse was far more than enough), I will propose a version of Where's Waldo that may be even more difficult: find something in that hose that is well designed.
The handrail, it's 'deconstruction'. If Peter Eisenman had done that handrail and not in Home Depot stock railing, it would of been published and Kipnis would of wrote an essay about it and Thom Mayne would built an entire building based on the discontinuity of that handrail.
No, I can honestly say no, there is not a single good design detail in the house. The closest I could come would be the white painted risers with natural wood treads, but the bullnose and walnut finish just makes them bland.
In searching the photographs closely for something to compliment, however, I found 20 more things to despise.
Donna I don't think you understand the deconstructive nature of this house. Pic 3 - the column does not align with the coffered ceiling, therefore alluding to the artificial nature of this coffer ceiling.
EKE, the rendering you posted above is evident that the "designer" had definitely worked at a "multi-family" firm for awhile before getting the privilege of "designing" that beauty. Massing and detailing is ubiquitous to multi-family design.
Unfortunately whomever rendered it could have made it look quite a bit better if they scaled the material properly and rendered it better.
Pic 12 - the double stack fireplace allusion over the cooktop in kitchen is just a damn good joke. Venturi would be doing cartwheels. What do you put above a fireplace, not a hood, another fireplace.
Pic 13 - ridiculously ergonomic desk space. And the too small to support window shutter sill trim that is meant to be a header trim.....talk about performance art........Miles, curmudgeons can be funny as well, actually usually are funny....
Pic 15 - TV over fake fireplace mantel. The fireplace ended up as the kitchen hood, it ran away. Michael Graves was here for sure, but he ran into Salvador Dali on his way to the master bath to open his beer.
There is a mini-bar in the Master bedroom!.........Pic 18 - shower head is connected to a square bridge while the entrance to the shower is an arch in a room with a triangular tub.
This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Coworker sent me this link to a local realtor listing this morning. (Trigger Warning- "Custom Home"). I just can't.
Seen a lot worse.
A lot worse.
Material palette is kinda interesting. McMansion roof and massing is *HORK*...
The two different scales on the stone is what gets me the most. There isn't that much depth to the footprint.
OMG I LOL'd! No seriously, I gasped and laughed out loud. It looks like an elf's house at Disneyland or something. Good lord that's ugly.
Thankfully the nonsensically mixed stone/brick palette continues on the interior fireplace, lest you forget how ugly the front of the house is once you're inside it.
... that handrail disappearing act is fantastic.
Did anyone here see the surreal and wonderfully oedipal movie Track 29, starring a young (super hot) Gary Oldman? The insane housewife of that movie would love this house.
Yeah, the handrail thing is what bothers me the most...
That doesn't look real. It looks like a computer generated drawing plunked into a digital photo of the building site. The builder probably has a computer program of some sort and he/she is playing around with material selection command. Whatever, it is horrendous but not the worse you'll ever see,.
They also never quite decide what the radius of the arches should be. It was an experimentation in radii, I guess. But hey, they have a full sink in the Master Bedroom.
And no, not the worst you'll ever see. Thinking seriously about doing a driveby to verify reality.
For some reason the front door is what bothers me the most. They have an arch top door and then plant that awful pediment on top. It looks totally out of place and just screams laziness and cost "cheapiness"
This style of design is called "House Barf"
House Barf is a very popular style! And per Justin Shubow's assertions, the fact that it's popular *must* mean that it's good!
Troy the multiple arch radii drove me crazy too. Along with several different ways of terminating a roof. and the columns in the dining room that just stop. Thunk. On the drywall. And the classical molding shelf "holding up" the wall mounted TV. and the staggered, stacked cabinets in the home office. And the kitchen cooktop hood surround that looks like it's trying to swallow the chef.
Lord, just awful. All of it.
And the tile arch over the shower entry that *just kisses* the top of drywall mold farm.
There is a lesson to be learned here:
No amount of bad detailing can make up for a really shitty plan.
I like the towel hooks behind the toilet tank.
++ Miles.
a.k.a. "Sure, it's ugly, but at least it's terribly organized."
The proper architectural term is "Cake Decorating".
Wow. That's about as awful as it gets. It's freaky and horrific, really.
Donna said, "House Barf is a very popular style! And per Justin Shubow's assertions, the fact that it's popular *must* mean that it's good!"
Well... I am not sure that's actually what Justin said.
It's not at all certain that this house's "style", if you can call it that, is actually popular. I bet most average people look at a house like that and think it's as grotesque as we do. But I do think that, if average folk DO find some appeal in awful houses like this, it's because, despite the awfulness of it, there is something in the language of traditional houses that speaks to some people.
How about this one:
All the doors have four hinges so it is a really well built house, you know good bones and all that.
pretty sure that one is less real
i'm not sure what's happening on the left with the garages, so ignoring that, there are only 2 materials here, and a stone looking thing with some sort of probably eifs or stucco isn't so bad. i think there is a fair possibility that real stone (or even lick and stick) would look a bit better since the tile map would be less apparent.
also, since this example isn't built, there is the possibility that they could fix it before it gets built.
it looks like the OP house wasn't built yet when the google street car drove by, but it might be worth checking out the neighbors:
https://goo.gl/maps/PZ8hp
everything is bigger in texas. especially the bad ideas.
^ go do it
8/0 doors are provided with 4 hinges, industry standard. doesn't prove it is "well built" it just means nobody cut THAT corner...
there is something about xmas decorations without snow that makes things uncomfortable when I look at google images... just feels like a bad horror movie.
That house is hideous, EKE, but its saving grace seems to be that it's not built.
That actually takes skill. Not sure what to call that skill, but I know I don't have it.
I like the green tinted glass the most, do you think those are low E windows
of course it's in texas...
That rendering reminds me of the "2 team" jerseys from a few years back, like the ones the Harbaugh or Manning family would wear.
If snow is a requirement for Christmas Decor, we are SOL down here.
Omg! 350k for that pos? Each photo gets worse and worse. Its like Tin Cup where he keeps hitting shot after shot in the water hazard... except we dont get the happy moment when he Finally hits the green. ICFBI! Appears to be a spec... Why arent more architects building houses?
it looks like the deformed love child of two really ugly mcmansions.
think Id rather visit an ebola clinic than that house
btw... one of the best thread titles of the year, Troy. Funny and painfully relevant to the topic.
Well, Longview isn't exactly an Architecture Mecca, but still, ouch.
And I live down here, and feel strange about Christmas without snow. I blame the media.
While I have no interest in playing this particular game (because one glimpse was far more than enough), I will propose a version of Where's Waldo that may be even more difficult: find something in that hose that is well designed.
I like that the living room is on the back side of the house as opposed to the front. Well done!
i like that it's in texas. where i will never have to see it.
The handrail, it's 'deconstruction'. If Peter Eisenman had done that handrail and not in Home Depot stock railing, it would of been published and Kipnis would of wrote an essay about it and Thom Mayne would built an entire building based on the discontinuity of that handrail.
No, I can honestly say no, there is not a single good design detail in the house. The closest I could come would be the white painted risers with natural wood treads, but the bullnose and walnut finish just makes them bland.
In searching the photographs closely for something to compliment, however, I found 20 more things to despise.
Even the front door has a frown.
Donna I don't think you understand the deconstructive nature of this house. Pic 3 - the column does not align with the coffered ceiling, therefore alluding to the artificial nature of this coffer ceiling.
EKE, the rendering you posted above is evident that the "designer" had definitely worked at a "multi-family" firm for awhile before getting the privilege of "designing" that beauty. Massing and detailing is ubiquitous to multi-family design.
Unfortunately whomever rendered it could have made it look quite a bit better if they scaled the material properly and rendered it better.
Pic 5 - column does not support ceiling. It terminates shortly before, thus the presumed artificial arch is actually a clad beam.
Olaf, calling me a curmudgeon after the positive spin I put on this thread?
Pic 12 - the double stack fireplace allusion over the cooktop in kitchen is just a damn good joke. Venturi would be doing cartwheels. What do you put above a fireplace, not a hood, another fireplace.
It's so emphatic in not making any sense that it creates its own biosphere of logic. Got it.
Pic 13 - ridiculously ergonomic desk space. And the too small to support window shutter sill trim that is meant to be a header trim.....talk about performance art........Miles, curmudgeons can be funny as well, actually usually are funny....
Funny, I almost thought the fireplace surround hood was a neat idea, then I saw the stack of two.
I'd love to know who the architect is. Their website must be a hoot.
Pic 15 - TV over fake fireplace mantel. The fireplace ended up as the kitchen hood, it ran away. Michael Graves was here for sure, but he ran into Salvador Dali on his way to the master bath to open his beer.
There is a mini-bar in the Master bedroom!.........Pic 18 - shower head is connected to a square bridge while the entrance to the shower is an arch in a room with a triangular tub.
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