Relationships are the cornerstone of almost every aspect of our lives. In a career setting, the quality of our relationships with those around us can be directly related to our growth, opportunities, and overall success. Regardless of our ability, we cannot get far without the help of others. Some of us have well-established relationships, and some of us are still building them. In the grand scheme of things, it is the potency of this facet of our lives that will enable us to realize our ambitions and uncover what the future has in store.

It starts from day one

The funny thing about life is that anyone can end up anywhere. The kid we used to tease in school one day might turn out to be the next Silicon Valley superstar or, in our context, starchitect. Whatever the case, we would do well to abide by the “Golden Rule,” treat others the way you would want to be treated. As we progress through our lives and careers, especially in architecture, we are bound to reconnect with the same people — building relationships early on mitigates that eventual reunion.

Let’s consider our time in school — we aren’t really thinking about life afterward — the sun rises and sets in the studio. And, being the competitive people we are, drama is bound to ensue, it is only a natural occurrence after all. Suppose, one day, we are at the center of that drama, maybe even one of its instigators. Naturally, there’s sure to be a party that opposes us. Things escalate to a point where this other “opposer” and we become known “enemies.” Time passes, we graduate, and later, having progressed in our careers, decide to apply to a promising job opportunity. When we arrive at our interview, we find that the person works for the firm, and if we’re “lucky,” they are the only person from our school on the staff. After the interview, who do you think the leadership is going to ask about you? Yep, this “opposer” and, if things were not reconciled, you might not receive that deeply desired job offer.

Can we avoid conflict with everyone? Of course not. But can we seek to reconcile our differences with those we don’t jive with? Always.

Can we avoid conflict with everyone? Of course not. But can we seek to reconcile our differences with those we don’t jive with? Always. There is an ancient saying: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. It is a good maxim to live by and, absent of naiveté, acknowledges that we cannot always be on good terms with everyone, only when “it is possible.” In all aspects of life, seek to find that possibility.

Reputation is hard to repair

“So much depends on reputation — guard it with your life.”
- Law 5, from The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

Architecture is a small world, and architects have long memories. In life, guarding our reputation becomes the supreme task. It is difficult to change people’s minds about you if you’ve left a bad taste in someone’s mouth. I’ve been on two ends of this, leaving both good and bad impressions in the past.

Let’s start with the bad. At one of my previous jobs, I was put on a project team for the largest project the firm had ever been commissioned for. It was kind of a big deal. As a result of this new undertaking for the office, there was a learning curve, which meant longer hours, something that I was not a fan of at the time. For me, it was a larger issue of a lack of work-life balance (this is a more in-depth discussion. While I do believe the firm was lacking in respecting it’s employees time, here, I am specifically looking at the part I had to play in the situation. We are rarely completely innocent in such moments).

I had a lot of extracurriculars, family commitments, and other aspects that I used my time outside of work for, and I felt that this project was infringing on that time. My entire preoccupation became one of irritation with the work that I had to do for this new project. This caused my work to be subpar and left the rest of my team feeling like I was not fully invested in our common goal — I was not. In the end, the workload became too much for me, and I decided to make a change to an employer that was a better fit. The reason I call this an example of me handling my reputation in a “bad” way is that the people on that team were left with the thought of me not being a total team player, granted, they were right. The primary problem was that we weren’t the right fit for one another, but my reputation, in terms of their perspective, was tarnished.

The lesson for me? Try to work in settings where my ideals align with the rest of the group. Try to find a good fit. Remember, it is in our lesser times that we can become wiser.

Let’s look at a more positive example. For my first internship, I worked at a small three-person studio in South Pasadena. The owner of the firm was a great mentor and very patient with me. After about three months, I had to quit because of school. When I resigned I expressed that the job was getting to be a lot (I was in studio finals), but I was more than willing to work on weekends or until a replacement was found. The owner, of course, was completely supportive of my decision and told me to keep in touch with him (I was a third-year student). About a year later, at a career fair, I saw him, he had become the President of the AIA Pasadena Chapter, and then another year after that, he became a studio director at a well-known firm in LA. In all of our future interactions after I quit, this previous boss of mine had moved up in the world, and we were on completely favorable terms. Although I never did, I know, if I ever sought an opportunity from him, it would have been gladly extended. Aside from the hard work I put in during my time at his studio, I believe, my willingness to be accommodating during my resignation left my relationship with this mentor in a good place. A good reputation has been one of the critical reasons for almost all of my promising career opportunities.

Master the follow through

When the chance presents itself to connect with someone new, especially someone you respect, try to follow through with what you discuss with them. For example, if your professor recommends that you read a particular book, read the book, and then tell (or email) her that you read it and what you learned. Most people don’t listen to the advice people give them. And the people who give advice know this. When you come back to someone, and they see that you’ve actually done what they’ve recommended, your ambition and willingness to be teachable will be undeniable.

When the chance presents itself to connect with someone new, especially someone you respect, try to follow through with what you discuss with them

I remember when I was a senior in high school, an architect from the local community college came to give a talk about the profession. I attended, and one of the pieces of advice he gave was that any young person looking to get into architecture should think about working at Lowe’s or Home Depot. For him, this presented a lot of opportunities to learn about the different components of a residential (single-family mostly) dwelling.

Immediately after that meeting, I went online and applied to Home Depot, and about three weeks later, I was starting my first day. I worked there for about three and a half years and learned a great deal. When I ended up attending that community college, I had this man as my professor, and I was sure to tell him where I worked and why I worked there. He was impressed and went on to teach me many more things about architecture. Today, about eight years later, we still run into each other from time to time.

Is “networking” overrated?

Your time, in any capacity, has a value attached to it. When you decide to step out to meet new people, it is a very tangible investment. And like with any investment, there is an expectation of some kind of return. For us, that’s opportunity. Think of it like this:

time + relationship = opportunity

The summation of the time you put into your professional relationships has the potential to yield you a return of opportunities. This can manifest in various ways. An opportunity will be different for each person: for some, it’s a job, for others it may just be to learn from the person, their knowledge. Whatever it is, it cannot occur without us investing our time into the other person. But also, we should acknowledge that the return we hope to gain does not always have to be directly offered from the individual we are building a relationship with. It can materialize in more peripheral ways, as well.

Let’s say your good friend knows of an opening at a firm and he happens to be close with one of the higher-ups there. His vouching for you instantly raises your value to that prospective employer. It is the same in school, stay on good terms with your professors, and they will be more than happy to refer you to their peers if an opportunity arises. With this in mind, we realize that “networking” is not overrated but merely an investment of our time in hopes of some kind of return.

It should be reciprocal

But, we want to also find moments in which we can provide value back to those we reach out to. While we desire a return on our investment, we also should want to give the other person some kind of return as well. Value can be had in many different ways. Some people will value your connections or even a specific connection. If you feel like you can broker a promising relationship, offer to make an introduction. Others might value a particular skill you have; perhaps you can lend a helping hand on a project. There are also those who will want some insight into the knowledge you have on some specific topic, be open to providing them the answers they are seeking. In this way, we aren’t merely takers but mend the relationship in a reciprocal fashion. Long term success comes from an interaction of giving and taking. It wasn’t until recently that I have been able to offer value to many of the mentors I had while in school. The experience that I have gained since being their students is now valuable to them, and they, in turn, can reap some of the rewards of their time invested in me. It is a cycle we should strive to keep revolving.

Don’t disappear

Stay in touch with the people that you have connections with. You won’t be a fit with everyone you encounter, but every so often you will just click with the right person, it might be a peer, a teacher, a mentee, whoever it is, stay connected to them. How to do this? One way is to provide a small update of where you are in your life and ask them how they’re doing. You might do this if you haven’t spoken in over six months or so. Maybe there is an event that you think aligns with their interest, shoot them an email and let them know about it. Perhaps they just wrote a new book, read it and let them know your thoughts. I good rule of thumb when keeping in touch is to try and have some relevance or value in your correspondence. When I reach out to professors that I had in school, I’ll update them on where I’m at in my career, but I’ll usually have something in there that’s relevant to my interactions with them in the past. For example, I still keep in touch with my philosophy professor. I will run some of my new ideas by him, and also seek to explore what he is currently working on as well. I like to think that he appreciates seeing the growth in his pupil (me) and also gets a reward from our sharing ideas.

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Lastly, remember to value your interactions, even if it’s with people you don’t like. And continue to understand that networking is an investment in hopes of a return, but always seek to provide value to those you meet along the way. In your journey, your reputation shapes people’s perception of you, guard it with your life. In the end, prioritize building relationships, and you are sure to see bountiful fruit in your career.