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Don't mistake this for "yo momma jokes..."
I'll provide the first one...
Q: "What do you say when your Ortho breaks...?"
'Trust me...I'm an architect'
I just know broad brush evaluations people make of architects, but no jokes. But I can construct one.
There's a joke in South America, among the Argentines themselves, actually.
Q: How does an Argentine commit suicide?
A: He jumps off his own ego.
I'm sure the word architect could be substituted for Argentine in many cases.
The practice of architecture is a joke.
The Physician can bury his mistakes, the architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
An architect and an engineer walk into a bar after spending the afternoon looking over the construction of a building they were both working on. They both grab a stool and look at a half a mug of beer left from the previous occupant. The inevitable conversation starts about whether the mug is half full or half empty.
The engineer starts talking about what tools and formulas he’s going to use to determine if the mug is even the slightest bit more full or empty.
The architect explains to his companion that the number doesn’t really matter, but he will present the beer to the viewer so they feel the mug is however full he wants them to see it.
The bartender lets them squabble about it for a few minutes before quietly walking over and pouring the beer down the sink. The bartender smiled and wiped off the spot where the mug sat and he told them, “I don’t care how full or empty it is. It was making my bar look messy.”
To follow up Miles joke:
Two architects are having a conversation about sex. The first architect says that sex is 75% work and 25% pleasure. The second architect says that sex is 25% work and 75% pleasure. At a standstill, they decide to ask their intern's opinion.
Sex is all pleasure says the intern.
Why do you say that? reply the architects.
Because if it there is any work involved, you two would be having me do it.
Q: Why are architects banned from Heaven?
A: Jesus was a carpenter.
Nice one, gwharton!
Welp, guess I'm going to hell, so I might as well have fun. Someone give me a million dollars so I can practice until it's all gone!
A young couple - one an Architect and the other an Engineer - go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and soon fall asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes the Architect and asks: "Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"
The Architect replies, "I see millions of stars."
The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"
The Architect ponders for a minute and then says: "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically speaking , it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why ... what does it tell you?"
The Engineer is silent for a moment, and then speaks. "Practically speaking ... it seems self evident that someone has stolen our tent".
Only tangentially related, but along the lines of the carpenter/heaven joke...
As a new age of detente and understanding dawns between Heaven and Hell, a collective decision is made to construct a great, gleaming bridge between the two. A collaborative design team of angels and demons labored for years to come up with a spectacularly beautiful design symbolizing unity and peace for the whole universe.
At the project planning meetings, it's decided that it would be most efficient to built the bridge from the ends and have them meet in the middle. A schedule and detailed construction plans are drawn up, and the teams retired to their respective domains to begin construction.
Two years pass, during which the construction team from Hell works three-shift days around the clock (even holidays!), whipping poor souls conscripted into construction duty mercilessly as the Project Devils compress their schedule on critical path. They reach the agreed-upon middle-way join point two months ahead of schedule and under budget. The Heaven side of the bridge construction effort is nowhere in sight. The Project Devils congratulate themselves for showing up those smug angelic fools once again.
Days and then weeks pass. Finally, the agreed-upon Join Day arrives. The Project Devils and Demon Superintendents amass in ranks at their end of the bridge, smugly looking out over the empty celestial realm opposite. As they wait, Heaven's Project Angel appears in a flash of golden light and tentatively approaches the Lead Project Devil, sheepishly looking toward his shoes.
"Well?" says the Project Devil looking down his nose as the abashed angel, "We've been waiting for months now and still now sign of your construction crew."
"There's been a bit of snag," Says the Project Angel.
"How far along have you managed to get?" says the Devil, "We can't even see your crew from here."
"Well...see...that's the thing," says the Angel, "We haven't actually started construction yet."
"WHAT?!" says the Devil, "What do you mean you haven't even started? The plans are complete and clear. Are you having supply chain problems?"
"Oh, we've got all the materials we need stored and ready for construction." says the Angel, "That's not really the problem..." He pauses with embarrassment.
"Out with it, fool!" says the Devil, "Why haven't you started construction?"
"It's more of a staffing problem, actually," the Angel admits, "You see ...
... you've got all the contractors."
As for architecture and jokes, some architecture schools are bigger jokes than others.
Oui, Jean, d'accord:
1. Je crois que c'est un espece de trembleterre. Ce n'est pas un edifice.
2. Je deteste la bibliotheque de Seattle. Tres etrange.
3. Un paquebot que sera dehors de mode tout suite.
I liked Blue Sky's!
Fantastic jokes. - Good one gwharton.
For a similar theme try the this Tee version i came across. Some v. funny, some cheesy, some designer oriented. Worth a look.
I know he advised against Yo mamma jokes but I couldn't help myself...
Yo mamma so poor, she's probably and architect.
Here is a good one: "archinect, please boycott Israel"
Q: What do architects eat with Chinese meals?
A: Spatial Fried Rice
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