…i start to run towards the hill where the boom came from which echoed few times. hi decibels hitting the old tall buildings on the bunker hill. i see more and more people running to the boom…. ooh yes. it is the disney music center.. roof is completely opened up with rapture like a flower opening, as if, finally completing the building shape…lovely… I say..
but wait, there is no disaster scene. As a matter affect it is aretha franklin doing a medley with a lot of hi notes. fuckin’ A, i put two and two together right there, it was her, aretha, hitting the high note and finally blowing up the ceiling. just like the vine glass shutter job..
curios, me included, waiting thru the minutes of ovation. finally audience is pouring out in tears, i would too cry if witnessed a real morphosis of an architectural landmark, while listening to a great diva, with her hi heel boots, on top of her ben-ric fur, practically altering the fine craftsmanship both below and above.. respect indeed..i notice frank gehry walking with the help of an upside down and trimmed hockey stick (still funky after all these years sonofagun) in tears as well. murmuring repeatedly ”respect rosebud respect rosebud respect”. I decide to walk north to pasedena, ditching my appointment with the new building official in city hall.

Then I go to page 132.

Just got here. I am in the office. Telephone,
-zrrrrrrrnn
I pick up the phone without waiting another ring which I hate the sound of.
- lo..
- o hello. Is this mr. zabra’s studio?
- you got it. Abracadabra’s OFFICE.. abra speaking.
Studio? Zabra? O yeah, she’s got that special potential client voice to herself.
-my name is sarah. this is mrs mesnick’s office calling. she would like to speak to you. do you have a moment please?
hooollaa, this is gonna be a nice morning with people calling and shit..
-yea. You can put her onnn..
elongated ‘on’, indicating I can do that aristocratic foreign accent thing too.
-shalom mr abre. pardon me abra..we have retained your number from the union, after running into a project of yours in LACMA archives. we are going through some big changes as you might’ve heard via the media coverage.
holly shit. aleykum shalllom. archives for what? this is getting more interesting each time the lady speaks. she continiues,
-as the president of the architect selection committee for the LACMA expansion, we would like to talk to you about our plans. are you available next tuesday?
without thinking and no need to check my schedule next week,
-sure. at what time you would like me to be prehsent mrs. mesnick?
-sarah will be giving that information to your assistant, it is informal and you’ll be picked up by one of our drivers.
-would you like me to bring my tape measure, hahhahhah..
- ……
- thanks for calling mrs mesnick, i’ll be there.. just one thing..what did you see in the archives?
-well, it was brought to our attention by our senior archivist, mr chavking. it is a student project of yours, concerning the museum expansion. it was acquired from your school sylark, twenty years ago.. we want to talk to you about it. see you tuesday afternoon. i’ll put sarah on. thank you again, goodbye.


mr-rick-fucking- chavking, how and when did he become a senior fuckin’ archivist? my criminal friend from skylark days, when we co wrote ‘post modern-post mortem-per diem’ a minor manifesto, great writer/terrible architect, saw him three years ago.. i remember, he ‘borrowed’ bunch of my stuff to show for a possible job interviews years ago. so, he must have sneak the old museum project into the archives and probably created a fake ‘collected ideas for LACMA expansion’ folder, and in a classic criminal fuck-up, forgot to take out my name. i would have like to see his face when my name popped up at the end..no doubt he’ll call anytime now and letting me know of the crime, making sure of his large cut..o boy, a perfect scenario for the lone ranger of the los angeles basin like me…sarah, mrs mesnick and other benefectors, las vegas suites,…sex.. … sure, my remodeling clients will remove the beam like i wanted when they hear things about me ‘via media’.. i pop a darvocet i stole from tina's stash this morning..and, grabbed jose's request for payment, for foundation, steel placement and framing lumber drop which i didn't see at the job site yet.

• next episode
directors office tuesday afternoon
and the project

"...urgently shaking, "I need more information"!" true story.

directors office Tuesday afternoon

Spending whole week refining the deal with chavking’s game, I had a chance to revisit with the project using whatever zerox copies left of it, they were found in a manila envelope with some telephone numbers on it and a couple of circular stains from a vine glass describing the environment of the last viewing. he should write the book on it if I get to do the expansion. he says last several days, my name is everywhere around the on-the-know circles at the LACMA community. He heard of some previously considered architects calling mrs mesnick and offering reduced fees for services. somebody even heard her saying ”you had your chances my dear rem”
I guess this is the right time right project finally.. my angle is, it wouldn’t happen no way, if mr piano didn’t accepted to be the new pope in Vatican.
Ten minutes before the driver arrives I give a final check to my ‘stage’ outfit. Yes the blandstones are shiny and my corduroy jean is shortened but still long with one turn.
And paul smith auto technician inspired panel jacket that is still holding up, over a nice clean newish white t-shirt making me feel un intimidated and ready to reach out and touch a few. I decide not to use my glasses until if we look at the old plans and except that I prefer to be in a big blur and not see everything but feel the vibe.

I see a factory direct black Mercedes pulling up to the hangar door. I quickly get rid of the archinect and start- turn- off click the computer and walk to the front to receive the driver who has stepped out the car, and extended his right hand while opening the back door for me. I almost said ‘ I can seat on the front.’ But I took the back seat which the pull up shades made the seat darker, without asking permission I asked where is the ashtray was, and lit up a camel filter. he immedietly rolled down his window but couldn’t say no smoking in the car. Afterall, he is taken me to a museum for a meeting with the directors circle. We are there in 15, this guy knows all the short cuts to tar pitts. we are pulled inside the side entrance beyond the security. I hesitate if I should wait for him to open the door for me, but he comes to the rescue and quickly does the job...
- this is mara sir, sarah’s assistant, she’ll guide you the rest of the way.
- allright thanks. Hi mara nice balmy afternoon ha?
- yes sir..
she leads me to inconspicuous stuff entrance and holds the door. I let her in first out of humbleness, and check out her nice butt..we go thru maze of corridors, passing frame and installation shops well menned, archives offices, lunch rooms and such. finally take a huge elevator to top floor where a gallery space turned into a well organized meeting area with a huge elliptical table and close to 20 aaron chairs. Definetly in house art director put it together with some flower arrangements and sushi table catered by mr nobu himself I suppose. Groups of two or three talking among themselves no booze at the site, except pellegrino bottles next to brand new notepads on the table and real glasses.crowd starts to look and start to come towards me. I notice a beautiful figure in shiny thight black pants and dekolte bra line top, leading the way.
-Hello abra. I am mrs mesnick. Ladies and gentelmen this is the talk of the town abracadabra.unknown poet of architecture.
Pronouncing my name as she knew it all alone, making me feel like I am the man she/they are looking for. i feel upstaged but blurry.
-Thanks madame. last time I was introduced like this, it was my friends barmitzwah. Hahhah.
From the crowd,
-hahahahahahhah.
Mrs mesnick,
-let me briefly explain the informal agenda abra. We are here because we feel we’ve discovered an unsung hero of architecture from the obscure documents we had all alone, about to be transported to the storage facility and we became breathless as we further looked into what we’ve found. Thanks to our senior archivist mr chavking and his keen eyes. Who, you will eventually meet I suppose in his the dark basement office where he is the guardian angel of our archives.
Keen eyes my ass. Motherfucker didn’t tell me about this detail that I don’t know him. Crazy fucker always living few things to chance developments. Unreliable but smart though..
Mrs mesnick,
We have the original 6 benefectors who are led by me and 2 museum executives plus the academic advisers from around the world who flew in for this meeting.
I am pissed not one black or Hispanic member,
-o is that all,now lets get to the point. Who is on my side? Hahhah
-hahahahahahah..
the guy with shaved hair who might be the next important person,
-we all are on your side sir. This has been a whirlwind for us. Your idea lifted us like a typhoon and let us suspended in the air. We want to talk to you and close a deal before you leave this room.
whooaa. closed deal before the dark settless in? what am i? bingo boy? let me tell you, if this is a candid camera job, i'm gonna stuff all the sushi to their throats even before the night arrives and watch them shit crab..
-really?
-really.
-okay i am all ears now. what you want to talk about? as far as i can tell the project is self explanatory. as might already discovered yourselves..
- ehem. my names is guuntaa gaas from gemany, behrlin polytechnic dr. gaas... abhra, your handling of tectonic issues fascinates me. can you tell us a little about the notating visual perception according to the unique relevance theory insitu?
wow, auch, that hurts. this dude must have flown in first class. as i notice mrs mesnick rolling her eyes emberassed by the question, there is a good angle beetween us that i can check her boobs without being cought by any body except by her which seems no problem. but i must take care of gasman's question first. tectonic issue. whaat mother fuck euro thrash, i see you return on economy class when i got my signed contract tonight.
- mr. gas, as you might know this ancient site called la brea tar pits, is as flat as a football field and all the piss and shit sucked in towards el segundo where it sfinx, pardon me, stinks. i mean shit goes downhill towards south. as indicated in latest reports there is a unique shift that occurs every two miles which we practically plan on addressing in the furniture layout. in a nut shell..
-brilliant mr abhra. i rest my question with an insightful and equally inspired postulation by you. thank you. we shall meet again as i extend my invitation to behrlin for a speaking arrangement in my institute.
mrs mesnick jumps in,
- he is all mine guntha dream on.. hahahah.
-hahahahaha.
ooo baby let me survey your upper topography. i am in haven so far but you never know who the prick will be..
-sir, my name is alan. alan melon.
this dude must be the melon grocery store magnet. he has a reputation for getting busted in small hotel rooms with fat prostitutes.
he continues,
- if you signed the contract with us, which is well above seven figures, will you hire at least several people to help you with the project?
-no sir. there is nothing i can think of that i need help of others no matter what the size of project is, in design phase, it is a lonely affair.. when i come to construction documents i'd like to use the services of perrera partners looks like they are good at doing that kind of work.
-exactly what i expected from you mr abra. indeed all that creative genious must not be bugged down with technical documentation.
-correct mr melon, there are monkeys and there are tigers in this trade.
- as far as i am cocerned you are the tiger sir. a big yey from me.
mrs. mesnick,
-i've seen enough. yey from me too. can't wait to select granite in portofino with ab bra..lets all sign this formality and get the show on the road, shall we?
yeys follow like stream. it is done.
-but what about the project?
mrs mesnick,
-c'mon abra the rest is detail. lets have toast in bel aire where i am throwing a cocktail to your honor and the press is waiting..you come with me.
more chit chats on the way out and i am whisked away by mrs mesnick who told me to my ear i could call her misha..

(to be continued..)

Summary;
Abra checks into his office to deal with daily grunge, telephone rings and thru series of planned and unplanned events he finds himself in the middle of a major commission to design LACMA expansion (los angeles county museum of art), which was previously awarded to rem kolhaas and renzo piano. He is now an overnight starhitect through a con game by his old friend and long forgotten (until recently) student project. He has no previous experience anything bigger than 1500sq. ft., and his mind, not having a plan, acting with a street smart pragmatism and the influence of his idol tom kromer (waiting for nothing, univ. of Georgia press)...

(continued)

It has been a couple of weeks after that Tuesday, I’ve received 100,000 K from the museum as a non returnable deposit. i’ve already hired an answering service, where my telephones answered “I am sorry he is not available may I take a message?”.
I’ve been approached by media of all kinds but only agreed an interview by Javier in archinect.
Recently talked to a broker about moving my office to west Covina in a 20,000 warehouse, converting little portion of it to a living area. The idea of people who wants to see me in my office, fighting the east side I-10 traffic just gives me a lot of satisfaction, except Mrs. mesnick who uses her private helicopter for appointments outside the Westside. Fuckin’ stargazer rodies, they deserve it. From now on each time I fart somebody pays me..

Fast forward to page 210.
I’ve been in west Covina for two months now. huge warehouse with four 4x8 plywood tables on sawhorses and a dozen or so designer chairs as a gift from the mesnick foundation. I have already put the most of the deposit in futures market buying unleaded gas, soybeans and November heating oil as advised by Mr. H&R Block himself.
I’ve got a telephone call from rem kolhaas, on the recommendation of brad pitts who became my acquaintance lately, rem offered that we should collaborate, he is even willing to work on one of the desks in the office if I accept. No way man. Plus, mrs. Mesnick doesn’t want to see his fuckin’ face after she rejected his advance in her tea house.
Got a call from the pope, good ole renzo, telling me god bless and I can use his adjacency studies and bubble diagrams. Thanks piano but no thanks. i tell him not to fuck with st mark’s square. We laugh on a good note..
Then I walk to diagonal corner of the office to feed the dogs who moved in with me.

And, I hear a voice…

inside my head saying "Abra, am I just another Allah forsaken screenwriter posing as an Architect in this festering basin?"...(j/k…I love your script…keep it coming…you really should place these adventures in their own uninterrupted thread ..complete w/ title, chapter and volume origination)

…knock knock..
-whoizit?
-jeffry .
(misha’s personal driver, my first contact who knows all the short cuts in Westside.)
-hold on jeff be right there.
I let jeff in. he feeds me info in exchange for helping his brother’s acceptance to GSD in east coast. He likes architecture and world would be his, if he sees his little bro became an architect. I tell him when the jr. finishes his schooling he can be my intern as long as he keeps his graduated ass out my site. While jeff is chopping up the nose candy with foundation credit card, I ask,
-what brings you here man?
-I was sent by misha to pick you up for a tea in her tea house.
He forwards me the lines on a 3x6 dal tile sample. I do the longest three with a brand new 100$ bill from the office cash..
-great I could use some coffee as long as you don’t drive too fast jeffbo.
-I warn you abracadabra this is usually very tricky just watch your temptations.
I like the way he uses my full name no matter what I call him. ..temptation..seduction..all this emotional stuff.. I must not fall into the same hole rem did..

TEA HOUSE

I am told to follow yellow brick road to the tea house which is not visible from here but about 400 yards away up the hill. I light up my last cigarette for she hates smoke and she is an avid practitioner of westernized eastern harekrishna type of stuff..
I can’t believe my eyes.. tea house is a unpublished craig elwood pavillion hidden from terraserver by a brilliant landscape job by HEDGE where they left their office number on a tasteful bronze placket, kind a you see next to sculptures in museums..
Misha’s tea house is a steel structure of a two rectangular boxes separated by an open courtyard a typical elwood plan, cantilevered from a gentle hill and glazing oriented towards the gorgeous back yard adopted from an obscure olmstead job and recreated per original perspective drawings. Rare feast indeed. Yellow brick road ends where the redwood path starts,a distasteful transition probably done by bunny, her decorator and confidante..
I pass the first rectangular volume and proceed towards the second one where I see a blurry moving image. I don’t even pay attention to courtyard/deck covered by rich oriental rugs and damask covered pillows. It looks like ali baba’s tent probably done by bunny, also.. inside second rectangular volume a bigger space is separated by a suspended screen wall from a smaller space from where I hear footsteps.. I proceed to check out the room which is decorated with ruhlman looking furniture and a beautiful recamier’ upholstered with aged red velvet , probably a historic piece from the early 19 th century.
-Abra hii.
-mishaa.
An electric hug with blood rush to sensitive body parts. I remember jeff’s warning. She is wearing low cut silk dress six inches or so above her knees and tight fit revealing her well worked figure and well oiled skin.
-will you tell me about architecture?
Hola.. whats this? Archifuck cookout or something?.
-you mean the museum? I haven’t worked on it last two weeks..i am in a conceptual bottle neck..
-noo silly..the tea house..
I check her out from toe to head,
-it looks real good from where I am standing.
I can’t differentiate if her silk dress partially see thru or fabric looks like skin.,
-but I haven’t see the other cube.
-You will if you behave..gahaha.
-gahaha.
I kind of get the idea where rem fucked up. He must have lost his cool right around the ali baba’s tent and grabbed her tightly and not let her go until she got scared and slapped him. Just like the rejection scenes in cowboy movies. I am gonna ask him one o these days how he fucked up..
we sit around the room, walk to the garden, she tells me how she found the elwood thing in Alhambra and paid good money to have it transported by air and re installed there, what a mess it was with the Mexicans working around and all that..
talking about how she met her husband misha (yes they use the same name) and how the poor thing is working hard in china for last two weeks to buy portion of the great wall to convert into a 5 star hotel. My nose candy is wearing off, I wanna smoke and not even hearing what she is saying no more. I am almost not interested in her cute ass.
Then she says,
-Lets go to courtyard and have some tea
-coffee for me.
-abra you bad boy..
I wonder what she’d think of me if she knew I am affording large amounts of choice speed since I got the project. I am also guessing how she will sit or lay down on the pillowed deck.what she will reveal further and which part of her body will be more pronounced.she throws herself side ways resting her arm on the pillow and supporting her head and gesturing to pull down her dress which is revealing slightly generous portion of her legs. I am right across from her about 4 feet half standing. my legs out supporting my body with arms. Moment of silence but fully aware of each others presence.
I say,
-you look great in this place..
-really? Nobody say that to me before..
bingo.. now I know. Everyone is so intimidated by her that no one can cross the line and say something personal to her. She probably doesn’t have any friends.
Then I talk to her about rumi and sufiism as if I am a scholar in this area by repackaging the common knowledge, rising her fascination with my background.
Damn speed, making me talk like a philosopher and she is melting as I speak revealing more and more of her skin display. I tell her how I discovered these teachings at an early age and probably that’s why I was able to reflect them in my projects, understanding and interpreting this holy mysticism and connect spiritually and spatially etc.. all bull shit, I just made up.... I notice her eyes getting watery in an affected way.. then she says in the middle of my bla bla,
-abra will you hug me?
Oh no..the moment for liquid test has arrived and we are still at the ali baba area..one more time. Resist..
I make a move towards her hold her right hand and give her a soft kiss on her cheek slightly and decidedly closer to her ear and neck. This is one of the moments you are supposed to go further and turn into a seductive love scene full with desire and lust.. but hold on to your pants cowboy.. you are only a few months into this high stakes game and you don’t want to complicate the adventure just yet..blood rushes to my head and hers I feel it. I decidedly but gently pull back and say,
- you are a beautiful person misha but I must leave now without complicating the situation.
-thank you abra. You ARE different.
Expressing a deep respect for my cool and maturity.
We get up I hug her again, this time longer,closer and semi protective manner.
When I go back to office/home, I find a message on the machine misha thanking me for my presence in her sacred garden..
Fucking dogs are hungry again.. and first time in weeks I feel like working on the project..deciding to build a model..

Then I go to page 260..
(to be continued)

(continued)

THIS IS ALL NEW TO ME..

Last two weeks I’ve been working on the model. It just took a phone call to director to have three different scale site/context models, all clean and ready to be butchered by me. they arrived and propped up in the middle of the office first thing in the morning next day..not to mention the owner of the art + mart, herself making a personal call and taking the material and tool order directly from me and trying to include some of the new and expensive type of glues, papers, blades, plastic, wood etc., the big boys use in ‘their maquettes’. I tell her that I only need new blades, foam core, elmers and zapp and some pins since I have some other cheaper model making stuff already..

Correspondence is piling up on me…

Appearance and speaking deals, honorary (and free) membership offers, magazine layout proposals for my previously unknown projects, material manufacturing bosses inviting me to their las Vegas conventions with top floor privacy suites reserved in ceasars palace with an access to top call girls they use, and countless Hollywood people offering me big bucks to “do” their homes.. all this stuff making me uncomfortable and I am refusing all categorically. The thing is, more I refuse to participate more media interest is being pressed upon me. Javier from Archinect called me to complain about people calling 'him' to find out which days I would be in a good mood to be contacted.. I will wire him some money to put a disclaimer on me in all the major national newspapers. He is pissed off but I get him to laugh after a few juicy details of my new circles..
I finally decide talk to my lawyer friend jay who got me out of county jail few times.
- hello jaystein, I need help..
-yoo abraaa… are you at county?
-no thanks jay, I need a business get-up..
-all this art museum stuff gettin’ to ya?
-I want you to set me up jay..
-yea like you ever need a get-up.
- this time I do jay. should I come over to your office to see your jewish ass?
-I tell you what Abra, I am gonna come over to your place just to make sure this is all real and then we can discuss.
- cool buddy., I am already laying some lines the way you like it, long…
-see ya..
-see ya jayski, thanks bro..


(next; business plan)