Amid COVID-19, the rise of remote work has forced many professionals to upheave their old way of life for an unfamiliar "new normal." While several have risen to the occasion, plenty still face trials navigating this new collaborative dynamic. Particularly when it comes to coworkers under immense pressure during this time, staff in many firms have begun to see a different side to their fellow team members. It can be easy to forget that our coworkers are people with a whole life outside of work. They have families, loved ones, hopes, dreams, and fears, just like we do.
So, how does one deal with stressed coworkers during COVID-19? It could be a leader who is a bit brash, or who has left you to fend for yourself, with little direction or clarity on how to move forward. Or it could be a coworker who seems to be sabotaging the work you and the rest of the team are working on. It can take many forms. The common denominator are coworkers who are out of character, over-emotional, or even, on occasion, seemingly irrational. Let's look at some ways we can handle this delicate debacle in our virtual workplace during this season.
"In anything, it is a mistake to think one can perform an action or behave in a certain way once and no more...What one does, one will do again, indeed has probably already been done in the distant past."
- Cesare Pavase
It's rare that any of us are going to change the character of our coworkers. People who deal with stress by being short and impatient are likely going to continue to behave in this way. Sure, if something borders on the unreasonable, it could be a good idea to have a talk with them about it, but it's a tricky path that takes skill to navigate. Most of the time, especially when dealing with a superior, the person is going to be how they are going to be, and there is not much that can be done about it. Unless that person makes a personal decision to change, it's not going to happen. So, for those who are making your work more difficult while working from home, the answer is to learn to manage their personalities.
For example, if I have a project manager who I know tends to give vague direction, but has a very specific vision in mind, I will ask them more questions up front to ensure I give them what they want at the end. From my past experience, I will have learned that whenever I try to interpret this person's vague direction, it is always met with their frustration of how I did not perform in the manner they were expecting.
Instead of...trying to explain how their instructions weren't clear enough, I just make a note about this character trait for my next interaction with them and move forward.
Instead of arguing with them, trying to explain how their instructions weren't clear enough, I just make a note about this character trait for my next interaction with them and move forward. The next time around I know that I need to "help" the project manager give me clearer direction. No harm no foul. They get what they want and I don't have to spend time trying to figure out what to do.
I'd do the same with a micromanager. If I have someone who I've learned has a tendency to worry about what me and my coworkers are working on throughout the day. Or if I learn that they like to nitpick the details of how I go about my work, or what I am spending my time on, I will over-communicate with that person to try and ease their worry. Instead of complaining at their micromanagement, I'll try to "manage" it in a manner that gives them the peace of mind they need, but helps me not go crazy.
"I do not ask the wounded person how he feels...I myself become the wounded person."
- Walt Whitman
In The Laws of Human Nature, Robert Greene writes on the importance of building an empathic attitude towards the people around us. Through his instruction in building this skill, Greene offers an important warning: "The greatest danger you face is your general assumption that you really understand people and that you can quickly judge and categorize them. Instead, you must begin with the assumption that you are ignorant and that you have natural biases that will make you judge people incorrectly."
Think of the workplace. If someone is rude, then they are a jerk. But what if they just lost a loved one? Or if someone is a control freak, then they are "difficult" or "power hungry." But there could be many factors that contribute to that behavior that we are unaware of. We should not give a pass to people who act unprofessionally. It's true that control freaks are hard to work with and jerks exist, the point here is that there are many times deeper aspects about a person that we do not understand. Particularly, if a person has suddenly begun to behave differently in the midst of this pandemic, it is crucial to remember the anxieties and stresses everyone is facing.
...if a person has suddenly begun to behave differently in the midst of this pandemic, it is crucial to remember the anxieties and stresses everyone is facing.
Give people the benefit of the doubt and realize that everyone does not deal with hardship in the same way you do. Some people are able to let go and accept that there are facets of life that they cannot control, but others will be stressed and on edge until this is all over. I'm in the first category. For me, stressing out about what I can't control isn't going to help me in any way, but when I encounter someone who is panicked and emotional about this situation, I don't scoff or dismiss them. I don't expect them to be like me, and I don't know what is going on in their life. It's possible that if I were in their shoes I may be feeling the same way.
"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them."
- Epictetus
Ultimately, as frustrating and difficult as it is, this challenging situation we're currently facing is only temporary. It won't last forever. Since we cannot control how things will unfold, let's seize this novel opportunity to grow. What will things look like after this is all over? It's a question many are asking. Whatever the answer, we can all be sure that we will still have to work with other people. Taking this time to learn how to interact and collaborate with others in a new way could prove vital to your future success and growth. Other people will be how they will be, you only have control over your own behavior.
So let's start building our powers of empathy, seeking to put ourselves in the shoes of our coworkers. Let's realize that many are in difficult situations at home and let's move away from a singular focus on our own circumstance. Start growing your skills in managing those tough personalities in light of this new way of working. Look for ways to be the person who provides relief and peace to your managers and coworkers instead of one who adds to stress and friction. In the long run your efforts will help you in your future working with others.
Sean Joyner is a writer and essayist based in Los Angeles. His work explores themes spanning architecture, culture, and everyday life. Sean's essays and articles have been featured in The Architect's Newspaper, ARCHITECT Magazine, Dwell Magazine, and Archinect. He also works as an ...
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