Hi everyone. I am applying to Notre Dame for a 3-year M.Arch I whose focus as you may know is traditional architecture. I have no design background so please keep this in mind when judging the SOP/SOI. This is a first draft so feel free to point out any typos or grammatical errors you may find. I would love some specific pointers on how to improve "my professional goals" section and how Notre Dame can help.
I am a software developer right now so maybe any ideas how I can weave that into the SOI would be great. I do "design" software in a non-visual sense.
I do two things with my time mostly: waste it and daydream of a better world with more ornamented architecture. A cynical observer may say I really only do the former thing under which the latter may be subsumed. I object since wasting time has never spurred me to action whereas imagining a better life and more beautiful society has ultimately brought me here.
I believe that the best way to design architecture even in this modern age is to study the classical principles of design even if one is to be a modernist. Since Notre Dame has arguably the best and most comprehensive program in traditional architecture, applying here is a natural choice for me. The seeds of my conscious interest in architecture began with an appreciation for modern and futuristic buildings. However, living in an architecturally diverse city like New York, my birthplace and current residence, I have had many years to live in, work, play, admire and critically observe many styles of architecture. It did not take long before I fell in love with the older styles.
However, perhaps the seeds of my subconscious interest and that which informs my ideal of archetypal beauty may have been the neighborhoods of Kew Gardens and Forest Hills in the borough of Queens well known in the area for its architecture. I would often walk over a mile to school crossing through a Tudor and colonial style enclave called Forest Hills Gardens meticulously designed and landscaped by Grosvenor Atterbury and Frederick Law Olmsted Jr., respectively. This fantastic wonderland would forever set in my mind the standard for a planned suburban community. So impactful that nostalgia has brought me back now as an adult to this neighborhood just to live within walking distance of it again.
As my tastes developed and my travels accumulated I developed a fascination with the forms of high gothic cathedrals. I think they are an inspirational gold mine for contemporary architecture. I have witnessed first hand how the art deco architects in New York City shamelessly took from this style and I have every intention of continuing this tradition of artistic theft. I realized then that I needed a good training in traditional styles of design if I wanted to understand this style. Although most programs do provide some basic instruction in the classics, I went to study the matter thoroughly at Notre Dame.
I want to study architecture because I want to help build better cities by making the built environment more pleasing for everyone. It goes without saying that in the current social climate, getting projects like these built can be an uphill battle but I will be better prepared to fight it under tutelage of professors and alumni of Notre Dame. Specifically, I would look forward to taking a course with Professor Philip Bess given his focus on sacred architecture. I admire Duncan Stroik's work for similar reasons and would love to study under him. His chapel for the Jesuit High School in Tampa is very impressive. A third professor from whom I am hoping to learn is Paolo Vitti during the Rome Studies program because not only do I have a fascination with Ancient Rome and Latin but I actually want to understand urban planning from their perspective. I believe older civilizations often have much to teach us because they were closer to nature and had to conjure up clever solutions to deal with the elements using limited technology. The contrast between the experience of architects in one of the capitals of the ancient world and my own having grown up in a capital of the modern world would perhaps shed light on some gaps in our contemporary thinking.
Building classical and traditional structures is a way of giving back to all members of the community because even people who do not work or reside in such structures reap the social and psychological benefits of their beauty. When I was in my early twenties I worked as an assistant to social workers serving low-income and immigrant communities in New York City. As a member of the Hispanic community being fluent in Spanish I was well suited to go visit these families and assist them with navigating the complex government bureaucracy and social support systems. One thing that struck me, whether these families were living in public housing or simply a less affluent part of town, was the feeling that these people had been relegated to forsaken and jilted architecture. The homes were in all very convenient parts of town; they had abundant social services willing to help them get public assistance; there were mass transit options, open spaces, public parks, schools and shopping areas all within walking distance. It was not a matter of location or even a lack of funds, but rather an attitude of society toward the design of their living conditions.
At the time I did not think I could do anything about it as I assumed that was just how things were. Yet as I have become more educated I do not believe this anymore. Good architecture is not a luxury, it is a basic human right, a spiritual necessity. In the end improving the world does not come down to a simple choice between a Corinthian column or a concrete slab as both have their time and place but rather the willingness to listen to the voices of members of a community to provide them with the built environment that they need and more importantly that they want.
A large part of what changed my attitude was the urban renovation that took place in Plessis-Robinson, a town in the suburbs of Paris. The city was renovated by replacing many decaying public housing apartment buildings in the generic modernist style with traditional architecture. The project was not just a superficial beautification; it genuinely demonstrated how traditional design could be affordable and also largely avoided the pitfalls of gentrification by allowing existing renters of public housing to purchase units in the new construction. I do not doubt that the "miracle" of Plessis-Robinson can be replicated in many other places. With the training I can receive from Notre Dame I would make it a career goal to replicate it elsewhere. This idyllic French suburb in many ways reminds me of Forest Hills Gardens I mentioned earlier that was influential in my upbringing.
My immediate objective after graduation is to work at a firm that specializes in traditional architecture such as Peter Pennoyer Architects or at Robert M. Stern that blends both traditional and modern. Although a firm like Stern's is a lofty goal, the preparation and reputation of a school like Notre Dame would be instrumental in helping me achieve it. I want to be an architectural designer in a firm. More specifically I want to gain experience and specialize in designing houses and residential buildings. My medium term goal is to be licensed as an architect and to earn a second post-professional masters in either Urban Design or Urban Planning so I may design better communities based on my experience with social work. It is my dream to be able to have more community involvement in the architectural and real estate development process.
In preparation for this master of architecture I have taken drawing classes in school and privately. I routinely practice sketching and painting on my own. I also took a course in color theory at The New York School of Interior Design to supplement my future design studies. I create modern art in part because I lack the skills and training to make classical art. But also because I like to blend the old and ornamented with the new and minimalist which is evident in the artwork in my portfolio. Most of the projects in my portfolio also have a distinct modernist look to them for similar reasons because I had to construct them myself and again my craftsmanship skills are limited. Nevertheless in the concept sketches I explore a fusion of abstract forms with traditional elements. The curriculum at Notre Dame would undoubtedly help further develop my style. The zeitgeist of most contemporary institutions is that old man architecture must not stand still. This is certainly true, but it can only keep marching forward because it has not thrown away the old legs upon which it stands. Perhaps no other institution in America embodies this wisdom better than Notre Dame.
b3tadine[sutures]
Oct 16, 23 9:22 pm
Nothing about sustainability. A complete waste of time.
newbie.Phronesis
Oct 16, 23 11:38 pm
and far too many buzzwords.
Also: a statement of intent shouldn't all be "me me me", but what you can offer or bring to the school. Think job application cover letter.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 7:07 am
What exactly can I offer the school? I have no design background. Should I mention my software dev skills?
Non Sequitur
Oct 16, 23 11:48 pm
Far too many passive sentences and soupe-du-jour type buzzwords. This is not graduate-school entry-level type writing and you ping-pong between self-promotion, junior-high book report, and abuse of architectural jargon. I'd also bar entry for the use of the term Zeitgeist alone... but that's me. You have to scrap the tributaries and figure out what de fuck is the point of the statements of interest before rambling.
No folio? boo urns.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 8:02 am
There are only three passive clauses in the entire statement.
Non Sequitur
Oct 17, 23 8:45 am
Alex, I see more, but even if only 3, that still 3 too many.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 10:17 am
Out of curiosity could you point out all the passive voice sentences you see? I may have missed some. But three is not too many. That's one per page.
There is this misguide notion that the passive voice is bad. First of all, it it were bad it wouldn't exist in the language. Second of all, it is sometimes impossible to write coherent sentences that have subordinate clauses without it. Just point out what you think is passive and I will gladly reevaluate those sentences.
I pasted your post into the prompt and came up with around two dozen instances.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 10:43 am
Thank you Chad. I posted it on Grammarly and found some errors. But I don't see two dozen instances of passive voice at all if that is what you meant.
Chad Miller
Oct 17, 23 10:51 am
I did in Grammarly . . . .
archanister
Oct 17, 23 11:13 am
Could you past some specific examples here where passive voice is highlighted please? The free version of Grammarly does not point them out. In fact none of the 22 errors had to do with passive voice because I went through one by one and corrected them as suggested.
Non Sequitur
Oct 17, 23 11:36 am
2nd Paragraph: "I have had many years to live in"
2 in 3rd paragraph: "archetypal beauty may have been the neighborhoods of Kew Gardens and Forest Hills in the borough of Queens well known in the area for its architecture. I would often walk over a mile to school crossing"
5th paragraph: "Specifically, I would look forward to"
I copy/pasted your post in a language evaluator (like Chad did) and got 17 passive sentence errors. It's lazy writing and is not necessary. Take some pride and write in an assertive way. Using passive is dismissive and really waters down your points in a way that makes them just blah.
I also abhor the self-interview opening cliche you use in the first paragraph.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 11:51 am
None of those are in the passive voice. Lol. You are confusing perfect aspect with passive voice.
ACTIVE VOICE 2nd Paragraph: "I have had many years to live in" PASSIVE VOICE "Many years have been had to live by me" - Theoretically possible but unlikely to ever be used because it sounds too awkward.
ACTIVE VOICE 5th paragraph: "Specifically, I would look forward to taking a course" PASSIVE VOICE Doesn't exist because "to look" is intransitive.
Non Sequitur
Oct 17, 23 12:08 pm
Perhaps, I don't split hairs when it comes to bad writing.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 12:11 pm
Perhaps you have no clue what you are talking about and instead prefer to insult people online and add to the toxicity.
Non Sequitur
Oct 17, 23 12:15 pm
Perhaps, but that's unlikely. Maybe learn to take criticism and re-evaluate how you look at the SI. Even in a no creative design school like ND, the SI is still a creative design exercise. You might as well write that you want to study architecture because you played with LEGO as a child if you're going to mail it in.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 12:16 pm
Here's the Grammarly article to help you understand the passive voice better next time you want to berate someone asking for help with their application to grad school. It will give you ammunition to make your toxic snark more effective.
Buddy, perhaps put this effort in your application instead? It definitively needs help.
Almosthip
Oct 17, 23 3:30 pm
I agree with Non. Your writing is sloppy and amateurish. Be precise. "I look forward to" "I had many years to live"
Le Courvoisier
Oct 17, 23 12:00 am
You should mention the traditional works of Erik Bootsma, a ND alum. The craft shown in his detailing of MDF by cutting in an ogee for fascia board or doing VCT with 2x2 act and troffer lights in a church is inspired and traditional.
bowling_ball
Oct 17, 23 12:41 am
I fell asleep 172 paragraphs in. That's it. That's your feedback. You can do better.
bowling_ball
Oct 17, 23 12:42 am
JK I didn't read a single word, because it's way too long by a factor of ten. Seriously.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 6:52 am
Did you not read the part where I said ND asks for 3 to 5 pages or were you asleep by then?
archanister
Oct 17, 23 7:14 am
===== OP COMMENT =====
I've been getting lots of comments that think it's too long and talking about unnecessarily things. Below are the instructions from Notre Dame and the specific questions I am answers in the statement. I'm answering the questions highlighted in bold.
=====================
The statement of intent is an opportunity for the applicant to express themselves directly. Typically, statements are 3 to 5 pages in length. In crafting their statement, all applicants must answer the question: What has led you to apply to the Notre Dame School of Architecture in particular?
Applicants are also asked to include a response to at least one question from each of the following lists, a minimum of three total.
List 1
Why do you want to study architecture? What do you specifically hope to gain from your studies at Notre Dame?
What are your career ambitions and aspirations? What do you hope to do with your Notre Dame education in your professional (and/or academic and/or civic) life?
The study of architecture at Notre Dame is a holistic endeavor addressing a variety of subjects and concerns. What capabilities and sensibilities do you bring with you that you believe will be important in your success as an architecture student and in your work as an architect? What areas will you seek to nurture and develop in your time at Notre Dame?
What is your point of view on the relationship between urbanism and architecture?
List 2
In your view, what is the role of tradition in architecture?
What experiences do you anticipate that will enrich your path to becoming an architect as part of course travel at Notre Dame including the School-supported semester in Rome and other opportunities?
Speak about a critical issue in the world today and the role that you see architects play in addressing that issue and determining possible solutions.
Speak about an architect, writing, place, building, or city that is meaningful; why it is important to you and why it is important more broadly?
Non Sequitur
Oct 17, 23 7:44 am
Figures a stuck in the past place like ND would have such rigid and unimaginative framework for their application process. Snore fest.
bowling_ball
Oct 17, 23 12:27 pm
One school I applied to, tasked each applicant with creating a piece of art that reflects a day in the applicant's life - and it had to be shipped, without breaking, to the school. It was essentially a problem solving test. Writing a million words isn't a test any longer, not with chatgpt etc.
Non Sequitur
Oct 17, 23 12:32 pm
I ran this wanker's SI in ChatGPT for kicks and what it spit back is 100% better. Content is still meh but at least it's readable. Case in point, take 5th paragraph:
CHATGPT wizards:
I yearn to study architecture because I aspire to contribute to the creation of better cities, enriching the built environment for all. In our current societal climate, realizing such projects can prove to be an arduous uphill battle. However, I am convinced that the guidance of Notre Dame's esteemed professors and alumni will equip me to confront these challenges more effectively.
vs
Original:
I want to study architecture because I want to help build better cities by making the built environment more pleasing for everyone. It goes without saying that in the current social climate, getting projects like these built can be an uphill battle but I will be better prepared to fight it under tutelage of professors and alumni of Notre Dame.
Almosthip
Oct 17, 23 4:21 pm
Kramer: Do you ever yearn?
George: Yearn? Do I yearn?
Kramer: I yearn.
George: You yearn?
Kramer: Oh, yes. Yes, I yearn. Often I sit...and yearn. Have you yearned?
George: Well not recently. I craved.
Chad Miller
Oct 17, 23 4:58 pm
What if I've only desired?
archanister
Oct 17, 23 7:11 pm
Is Archinect usually this toxic? You people make Stackoverflow look like a nice place. Just wow. I hope you people realize what you sound like to an external observer. Like man. Just wow. This is a very disgusting forum. I hope next time you ask a question as an outsider you get treated better than you treated me. Even rude childish assholes like you don't deserve what you dish out. It's one thing if you had given me constructive criticism and I got defensive but you started with insults right out of the gate. Lol. Are you people lacking all self-awareness?
Here is a collection of the first responses I got for my original post before I even bothered to reply to the rude comments:
b3tadine[sutures] Nothing about sustainability. A complete waste of time.
Non Sequitur
Far too many passive sentences and soupe-du-jour type buzzwords. This is not graduate-school entry-level type writing and you ping-pong between self-promotion, junior-high book report, and abuse of architectural jargon. I'd also bar entry for the use of the term Zeitgeist alone... but that's me. You have to scrap the tributaries and figure out what de fuck is the point of the statements of interest before rambling.
No folio? boo urns.
Le Courvoisier
You should mention the traditional works of Erik Bootsma, a ND alum. The craft shown in his detailing of MDF by cutting in an ogee for fascia board or doing VCT with 2x2 act and troffer lights in a church is inspired and traditional.
bowling_ball
I fell asleep 172 paragraphs in. That's it. That's your feedback. You can do better.
JawkneeMusic
You sound like u have a lot of passion & IDEAS! I suggest you get a sheaf of paper and draw as much arch as u can
Chad Miller
Oct 17, 23 7:41 pm
Just and FYI - Jawkneen is a mentally unstable person with no actual experience in any type of A and E field.
While the rest of the comments were harsh you have to understand that they aren't incorrect. Your post seem like you made a minimal attempt at writing your initial statement and now want the internet to edit it for you.
This site gets a lot of undergrad students asking for others to do their work for them. Many users here don't tolerate that type of thing. It's quite clear when a student has made an attempt to do the work themselves and in those instances the site is very accommodating and helpful.
You're an undergrad with a vast amount of resources available to your via your current school. Use those resources and attempt to do the work yourself before you come here for input.
Non Sequitur
Oct 17, 23 8:11 pm
Alex, there is loads of excellent advise buried under the (mostly deserved) snark. That is the price to pay when you ask others to do your work. Your SI is bland and mostly tired cliches.... and it's very very badly written. Something everyone here has noted. Architecture is not just design, it's about communicating ideas and instructions in a clear and concise manner. What you've done is not that.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 8:28 pm
@Chad I am not an undergrad. I said in the OP I work as a software developer so I have no one to help me but the internet.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 8:42 pm
@Non Sequitor. I know the writing is not great. I said it was my first draft. I am here for specific ideas about content. I can go all Shakespeare on the details later.
Non Sequitur
Oct 17, 23 9:18 pm
Crowd sourcing ideas for a personal statement of interest is why you're receiving the snark.
Chad Miller
Oct 18, 23 11:20 am
You have an undergrad don't you archanister? Use the that knowledge to at least attempt to do a first draft.
nomnom4usDAVID
Dec 21, 23 8:45 am
OMG, I feel you :( I was on this forum lurking for almost two weeks before asking my question. And guess what? The same Non-whatever comments on my post saying, "perhaps graduate-level studies is not a wise idea." Like seriously, if you have nothing of value to add, then maybe don't say anything. Never expected this forum to be sooo unhelpful and so toxic.
Non Sequitur
Dec 21, 23 10:02 am
Buddy, maybe don’t rely on the internet and random wankers for your adult decisions? Lurk some more and read the forum, you’ll see that there is plenty of good stuff here.
Alvin Huang, AIA, NOMA
Oct 17, 23 7:58 pm
As someone who reviews these statements regularly, my advice is to highlight three things in your personal statement:
What makes you unique as an applicant and what you can bring to the school?
What specifically makes you a good fit for that specific school?
What specifically attracts you to that school and how do you expect to take advantage of that aspect if you attend? Ie joining specific faculty research, taking specific courses, joining specific programs, etc.
In general, specificity is critical!!
archanister
Oct 17, 23 8:18 pm
Thank You Alvin. I appreciate your feedback.
archanister
Oct 17, 23 8:27 pm
For points 1 and 2, it feels like the chicken and the egg problem. I don't feel I have any skills an M.Arch. could want besides maybe programming. But is programming really useful for a traditional program like NDs? What other things could I talk about that aren't already understood visually from the portfolio.
Chad Miller
Oct 18, 23 11:24 am
It's not just about what architectural skills you can bring to the school. You're going to school to learn those architectural skills. It's your personal experiences, observations, passions, ect that you're brining. This will apply to both items 1 and 2. Part of the application is to show your views and personal understanding of what architecture is.
Alvin Huang, AIA, NOMA
Oct 17, 23 10:43 pm
You have more to offer than just skills. We aren't necessarily looking for the things you can provide that we can give you (ie skills) but what are the things that you come pre-loaded with? Ie critical thinking, multi-disciplinarity, humanitarian values, lived experiences, and most importantly any demonstration of creativity.
BTW I would argue programming is a useful skill even for a traditional program. Programming is about the rules of language. Check out Christopher Alexander's "A Pattern Language" to understand the connection...
Hi everyone. I am applying to Notre Dame for a 3-year M.Arch I whose focus as you may know is traditional architecture. I have no design background so please keep this in mind when judging the SOP/SOI. This is a first draft so feel free to point out any typos or grammatical errors you may find. I would love some specific pointers on how to improve "my professional goals" section and how Notre Dame can help.
I am a software developer right now so maybe any ideas how I can weave that into the SOI would be great. I do "design" software in a non-visual sense.
Thank you all very much!
Btw ND explicitly says 3 to 5 pages so this SOI is in fact a bit short atm.
https://architecture.nd.edu/ac...
==========================================
I do two things with my time mostly: waste it and daydream of a better world with more ornamented architecture. A cynical observer may say I really only do the former thing under which the latter may be subsumed. I object since wasting time has never spurred me to action whereas imagining a better life and more beautiful society has ultimately brought me here.
I believe that the best way to design architecture even in this modern age is to study the classical principles of design even if one is to be a modernist. Since Notre Dame has arguably the best and most comprehensive program in traditional architecture, applying here is a natural choice for me. The seeds of my conscious interest in architecture began with an appreciation for modern and futuristic buildings. However, living in an architecturally diverse city like New York, my birthplace and current residence, I have had many years to live in, work, play, admire and critically observe many styles of architecture. It did not take long before I fell in love with the older styles.
However, perhaps the seeds of my subconscious interest and that which informs my ideal of archetypal beauty may have been the neighborhoods of Kew Gardens and Forest Hills in the borough of Queens well known in the area for its architecture. I would often walk over a mile to school crossing through a Tudor and colonial style enclave called Forest Hills Gardens meticulously designed and landscaped by Grosvenor Atterbury and Frederick Law Olmsted Jr., respectively. This fantastic wonderland would forever set in my mind the standard for a planned suburban community. So impactful that nostalgia has brought me back now as an adult to this neighborhood just to live within walking distance of it again.
As my tastes developed and my travels accumulated I developed a fascination with the forms of high gothic cathedrals. I think they are an inspirational gold mine for contemporary architecture. I have witnessed first hand how the art deco architects in New York City shamelessly took from this style and I have every intention of continuing this tradition of artistic theft. I realized then that I needed a good training in traditional styles of design if I wanted to understand this style. Although most programs do provide some basic instruction in the classics, I went to study the matter thoroughly at Notre Dame.
I want to study architecture because I want to help build better cities by making the built environment more pleasing for everyone. It goes without saying that in the current social climate, getting projects like these built can be an uphill battle but I will be better prepared to fight it under tutelage of professors and alumni of Notre Dame. Specifically, I would look forward to taking a course with Professor Philip Bess given his focus on sacred architecture. I admire Duncan Stroik's work for similar reasons and would love to study under him. His chapel for the Jesuit High School in Tampa is very impressive. A third professor from whom I am hoping to learn is Paolo Vitti during the Rome Studies program because not only do I have a fascination with Ancient Rome and Latin but I actually want to understand urban planning from their perspective. I believe older civilizations often have much to teach us because they were closer to nature and had to conjure up clever solutions to deal with the elements using limited technology. The contrast between the experience of architects in one of the capitals of the ancient world and my own having grown up in a capital of the modern world would perhaps shed light on some gaps in our contemporary thinking.
Building classical and traditional structures is a way of giving back to all members of the community because even people who do not work or reside in such structures reap the social and psychological benefits of their beauty. When I was in my early twenties I worked as an assistant to social workers serving low-income and immigrant communities in New York City. As a member of the Hispanic community being fluent in Spanish I was well suited to go visit these families and assist them with navigating the complex government bureaucracy and social support systems. One thing that struck me, whether these families were living in public housing or simply a less affluent part of town, was the feeling that these people had been relegated to forsaken and jilted architecture. The homes were in all very convenient parts of town; they had abundant social services willing to help them get public assistance; there were mass transit options, open spaces, public parks, schools and shopping areas all within walking distance. It was not a matter of location or even a lack of funds, but rather an attitude of society toward the design of their living conditions.
At the time I did not think I could do anything about it as I assumed that was just how things were. Yet as I have become more educated I do not believe this anymore. Good architecture is not a luxury, it is a basic human right, a spiritual necessity. In the end improving the world does not come down to a simple choice between a Corinthian column or a concrete slab as both have their time and place but rather the willingness to listen to the voices of members of a community to provide them with the built environment that they need and more importantly that they want.
A large part of what changed my attitude was the urban renovation that took place in Plessis-Robinson, a town in the suburbs of Paris. The city was renovated by replacing many decaying public housing apartment buildings in the generic modernist style with traditional architecture. The project was not just a superficial beautification; it genuinely demonstrated how traditional design could be affordable and also largely avoided the pitfalls of gentrification by allowing existing renters of public housing to purchase units in the new construction. I do not doubt that the "miracle" of Plessis-Robinson can be replicated in many other places. With the training I can receive from Notre Dame I would make it a career goal to replicate it elsewhere. This idyllic French suburb in many ways reminds me of Forest Hills Gardens I mentioned earlier that was influential in my upbringing.
My immediate objective after graduation is to work at a firm that specializes in traditional architecture such as Peter Pennoyer Architects or at Robert M. Stern that blends both traditional and modern. Although a firm like Stern's is a lofty goal, the preparation and reputation of a school like Notre Dame would be instrumental in helping me achieve it. I want to be an architectural designer in a firm. More specifically I want to gain experience and specialize in designing houses and residential buildings. My medium term goal is to be licensed as an architect and to earn a second post-professional masters in either Urban Design or Urban Planning so I may design better communities based on my experience with social work. It is my dream to be able to have more community involvement in the architectural and real estate development process.
In preparation for this master of architecture I have taken drawing classes in school and privately. I routinely practice sketching and painting on my own. I also took a course in color theory at The New York School of Interior Design to supplement my future design studies. I create modern art in part because I lack the skills and training to make classical art. But also because I like to blend the old and ornamented with the new and minimalist which is evident in the artwork in my portfolio. Most of the projects in my portfolio also have a distinct modernist look to them for similar reasons because I had to construct them myself and again my craftsmanship skills are limited. Nevertheless in the concept sketches I explore a fusion of abstract forms with traditional elements. The curriculum at Notre Dame would undoubtedly help further develop my style. The zeitgeist of most contemporary institutions is that old man architecture must not stand still. This is certainly true, but it can only keep marching forward because it has not thrown away the old legs upon which it stands. Perhaps no other institution in America embodies this wisdom better than Notre Dame.
Nothing about sustainability. A complete waste of time.
and far too many buzzwords.
Also: a statement of intent shouldn't all be "me me me", but what you can offer or bring to the school. Think job application cover letter.
What exactly can I offer the school? I have no design background. Should I mention my software dev skills?
Far too many passive sentences and soupe-du-jour type buzzwords. This is not graduate-school entry-level type writing and you ping-pong between self-promotion, junior-high book report, and abuse of architectural jargon. I'd also bar entry for the use of the term Zeitgeist alone... but that's me. You have to scrap the tributaries and figure out what de fuck is the point of the statements of interest before rambling.
No folio? boo urns.
There are only three passive clauses in the entire statement.
Alex, I see more, but even if only 3, that still 3 too many.
Out of curiosity could you point out all the passive voice sentences you see? I may have missed some. But three is not too many. That's one per page.
There is this misguide notion that the passive voice is bad. First of all, it it were bad it wouldn't exist in the language. Second of all, it is sometimes impossible to write coherent sentences that have subordinate clauses without it. Just point out what you think is passive and I will gladly reevaluate those sentences.
Try this:
https://www.grammarly.com/pass...
I pasted your post into the prompt and came up with around two dozen instances.
Thank you Chad. I posted it on Grammarly and found some errors. But I don't see two dozen instances of passive voice at all if that is what you meant.
I did in Grammarly . . . .
Could you past some specific examples here where passive voice is highlighted please? The free version of Grammarly does not point them out. In fact none of the 22 errors had to do with passive voice because I went through one by one and corrected them as suggested.
2nd Paragraph: "I have had many years to live in"
2 in 3rd paragraph: "archetypal beauty may have been the neighborhoods of Kew Gardens and Forest Hills in the borough of Queens well known in the area for its architecture. I would often walk over a mile to school crossing"
5th paragraph: "Specifically, I would look forward to"
I copy/pasted your post in a language evaluator (like Chad did) and got 17 passive sentence errors. It's lazy writing and is not necessary. Take some pride and write in an assertive way. Using passive is dismissive and really waters down your points in a way that makes them just blah.
I also abhor the self-interview opening cliche you use in the first paragraph.
None of those are in the passive voice. Lol. You are confusing perfect aspect with passive voice.
ACTIVE VOICE
2nd Paragraph: "I have had many years to live in"
PASSIVE VOICE
"Many years have been had to live by me" - Theoretically possible but unlikely to ever be used because it sounds too awkward.
ACTIVE VOICE
5th paragraph: "Specifically, I would look forward to taking a course"
PASSIVE VOICE
Doesn't exist because "to look" is intransitive.
Perhaps, I don't split hairs when it comes to bad writing.
Perhaps you have no clue what you are talking about and instead prefer to insult people online and add to the toxicity.
Perhaps, but that's unlikely. Maybe learn to take criticism and re-evaluate how you look at the SI. Even in a no creative design school like ND, the SI is still a creative design exercise. You might as well write that you want to study architecture because you played with LEGO as a child if you're going to mail it in.
Here's the Grammarly article to help you understand the passive voice better next time you want to berate someone asking for help with their application to grad school. It will give you ammunition to make your toxic snark more effective.
https://www.grammarly.com/blog...
Buddy, perhaps put this effort in your application instead? It definitively needs help.
I agree with Non. Your writing is sloppy and amateurish. Be precise. "I look forward to" "I had many years to live"
You should mention the traditional works of Erik Bootsma, a ND alum. The craft shown in his detailing of MDF by cutting in an ogee for fascia board or doing VCT with 2x2 act and troffer lights in a church is inspired and traditional.
I fell asleep 172 paragraphs in. That's it. That's your feedback. You can do better.
JK I didn't read a single word, because it's way too long by a factor of ten. Seriously.
Did you not read the part where I said ND asks for 3 to 5 pages or were you asleep by then?
===== OP COMMENT =====
I've been getting lots of comments that think it's too long and talking about unnecessarily things. Below are the instructions from Notre Dame and the specific questions I am answers in the statement. I'm answering the questions highlighted in bold.
=====================
The statement of intent is an opportunity for the applicant to express themselves directly. Typically, statements are 3 to 5 pages in length. In crafting their statement, all applicants must answer the question: What has led you to apply to the Notre Dame School of Architecture in particular?
Applicants are also asked to include a response to at least one question from each of the following lists, a minimum of three total.
List 1
Why do you want to study architecture? What do you specifically hope to gain from your studies at Notre Dame?
What are your career ambitions and aspirations? What do you hope to do with your Notre Dame education in your professional (and/or academic and/or civic) life?
The study of architecture at Notre Dame is a holistic endeavor addressing a variety of subjects and concerns. What capabilities and sensibilities do you bring with you that you believe will be important in your success as an architecture student and in your work as an architect? What areas will you seek to nurture and develop in your time at Notre Dame?
What is your point of view on the relationship between urbanism and architecture?
List 2
In your view, what is the role of tradition in architecture?
What experiences do you anticipate that will enrich your path to becoming an architect as part of course travel at Notre Dame including the School-supported semester in Rome and other opportunities?
Speak about a critical issue in the world today and the role that you see architects play in addressing that issue and determining possible solutions.
Speak about an architect, writing, place, building, or city that is meaningful; why it is important to you and why it is important more broadly?
Figures a stuck in the past place like ND would have such rigid and unimaginative framework for their application process. Snore fest.
One school I applied to, tasked each applicant with creating a piece of art that reflects a day in the applicant's life - and it had to be shipped, without breaking, to the school. It was essentially a problem solving test. Writing a million words isn't a test any longer, not with chatgpt etc.
I ran this wanker's SI in ChatGPT for kicks and what it spit back is 100% better. Content is still meh but at least it's readable. Case in point, take 5th paragraph:
CHATGPT wizards:
I yearn to study architecture because I aspire to contribute to the creation of better cities, enriching the built environment for all. In our current societal climate, realizing such projects can prove to be an arduous uphill battle. However, I am convinced that the guidance of Notre Dame's esteemed professors and alumni will equip me to confront these challenges more effectively.
vs
Original:
I want to study architecture because I want to help build better cities by making the built environment more pleasing for everyone. It goes without saying that in the current social climate, getting projects like these built can be an uphill battle but I will be better prepared to fight it under tutelage of professors and alumni of Notre Dame.
Kramer: Do you ever yearn?
George: Yearn? Do I yearn?
Kramer: I yearn.
George: You yearn?
Kramer: Oh, yes. Yes, I yearn. Often I sit...and yearn. Have you yearned?
George: Well not recently. I craved.
What if I've only desired?
Is Archinect usually this toxic? You people make Stackoverflow look like a nice place. Just wow. I hope you people realize what you sound like to an external observer. Like man. Just wow. This is a very disgusting forum. I hope next time you ask a question as an outsider you get treated better than you treated me. Even rude childish assholes like you don't deserve what you dish out. It's one thing if you had given me constructive criticism and I got defensive but you started with insults right out of the gate. Lol. Are you people lacking all self-awareness?
Here is a collection of the first responses I got for my original post before I even bothered to reply to the rude comments:
b3tadine[sutures]
Nothing about sustainability. A complete waste of time.
Non Sequitur
Far too many passive sentences and soupe-du-jour type buzzwords. This is not graduate-school entry-level type writing and you ping-pong between self-promotion, junior-high book report, and abuse of architectural jargon. I'd also bar entry for the use of the term Zeitgeist alone... but that's me. You have to scrap the tributaries and figure out what de fuck is the point of the statements of interest before rambling.
No folio? boo urns.
Le Courvoisier
You should mention the traditional works of Erik Bootsma, a ND alum. The craft shown in his detailing of MDF by cutting in an ogee for fascia board or doing VCT with 2x2 act and troffer lights in a church is inspired and traditional.
bowling_ball
I fell asleep 172 paragraphs in. That's it. That's your feedback. You can do better.
JawkneeMusic
You sound like u have a lot of passion & IDEAS! I suggest you get a sheaf of paper and draw as much arch as u can
Just and FYI - Jawkneen is a mentally unstable person with no actual experience in any type of A and E field.
While the rest of the comments were harsh you have to understand that they aren't incorrect. Your post seem like you made a minimal attempt at writing your initial statement and now want the internet to edit it for you.
This site gets a lot of undergrad students asking for others to do their work for them. Many users here don't tolerate that type of thing. It's quite clear when a student has made an attempt to do the work themselves and in those instances the site is very accommodating and helpful.
You're an undergrad with a vast amount of resources available to your via your current school. Use those resources and attempt to do the work yourself before you come here for input.
Alex, there is loads of excellent advise buried under the (mostly deserved) snark. That is the price to pay when you ask others to do your work. Your SI is bland and mostly tired cliches.... and it's very very badly written. Something everyone here has noted. Architecture is not just design, it's about communicating ideas and instructions in a clear and concise manner. What you've done is not that.
@Chad I am not an undergrad. I said in the OP I work as a software developer so I have no one to help me but the internet.
@Non Sequitor. I know the writing is not great. I said it was my first draft. I am here for specific ideas about content. I can go all Shakespeare on the details later.
Crowd sourcing ideas for a personal statement of interest is why you're receiving the snark.
You have an undergrad don't you archanister? Use the that knowledge to at least attempt to do a first draft.
OMG, I feel you :( I was on this forum lurking for almost two weeks before asking my question. And guess what? The same Non-whatever comments on my post saying, "perhaps graduate-level studies is not a wise idea." Like seriously, if you have nothing of value to add, then maybe don't say anything. Never expected this forum to be sooo unhelpful and so toxic.
Buddy, maybe don’t rely on the internet and random wankers for your adult decisions? Lurk some more and read the forum, you’ll see that there is plenty of good stuff here.
As someone who reviews these statements regularly, my advice is to highlight three things in your personal statement:
In general, specificity is critical!!
Thank You Alvin. I appreciate your feedback.
For points 1 and 2, it feels like the chicken and the egg problem. I don't feel I have any skills an M.Arch. could want besides maybe programming. But is programming really useful for a traditional program like NDs? What other things could I talk about that aren't already understood visually from the portfolio.
It's not just about what architectural skills you can bring to the school. You're going to school to learn those architectural skills. It's your personal experiences, observations, passions, ect that you're brining. This will apply to both items 1 and 2. Part of the application is to show your views and personal understanding of what architecture is.
You have more to offer than just skills. We aren't necessarily looking for the things you can provide that we can give you (ie skills) but what are the things that you come pre-loaded with? Ie critical thinking, multi-disciplinarity, humanitarian values, lived experiences, and most importantly any demonstration of creativity.
BTW I would argue programming is a useful skill even for a traditional program. Programming is about the rules of language. Check out Christopher Alexander's "A Pattern Language" to understand the connection...
That makes sense. Thank you.