“Knowledge is Power” – Francis Bacon, which was a proverb my father reiterated every other day, which conveys, knowledge is more powerful than physical strength and no great work can be done without knowledge.” This proverb was instilled in me since I graduated from secondary school and continues to empower me till this day, as I achieve success. Being born into a family with a business background, has developed a stronger interest in me for taking part in the business world of the future. Growing up, I have seen my father and six uncles jointly put in the effort to build an empire from scratch. It is this business mind-set that I inherited, which makes me feel that it is my duty to cultivate and enhance this skill in the business world to create something of my own, coupled with a strong desire to give back to the community; by generating employment.
Living in the greatest era of technology where I can provide solutions across the world, my goal is to succeed in creating a highly curated consulting platform for all business services, catering to start-ups and mature companies. Hence, I believe that further studies are an important step on the path to my career goals and that the business school shall be a nurturing ground for me to create my own platform.
I completed my secondary school studying commerce. Where Accountancy & Economics have been my favourite subjects. I also received appreciation from my teachers for having prepared the best economics project. Apart from this I represented my house for inter-house football & volleyball games.
After my two years of studying commerce I had developed a liking for the field and pursued my Bachelor in Commerce. In my three years at Christ University, I was provided several opportunities ranging from performing an acapella to pitch my business plan in-front of judges and a crowd from various regions, which had allowed me to strengthened my public speaking skills as well as taught me how to connect with people coming from different cultural backgrounds and regions of the world.
At the age of 19, various subjects such as Business Economics, Financial Management and Financial Markets & Services had inclined me towards trading in Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. Hence, I had borrowed money from my parents, to trade in cryptocurrencies with the perspective of establishing a paltry income of my own. Once I succeed in my primary goal, I continued trading with money that I can afford to lose, consequently I had repaid the borrowed amount, since I was disinclined to incur a loss by risking my parent’s money. Trading has taught me invaluable lessons such victory & defeat, risk management and not to put all eggs in one basket by diversifying into alt coins.
In my fifth semester, I felt the need to gain some practical experience by working in an organisation. Therefore, I had interned with ClearTax, where I got the opportunity to participate in the role of product marketing. ClearTax was my first introduction into the corporate world, where I developed inter-personal skills, public speaking skills and organisation skills.
In my last semester, with four of my classmates and help from our mentors and professors, we successfully conducted a research on the “viability of an app curated for nightlife in India,” for which we were highly regarded. Although the constant pressure, intense competition, late hours and close deadlines was strenuous, I successfully contributed to the research by creating a survey, pitching in ideas and revamping the whole business model by adding new income streams. The research project also gave me an added advantage of improving me professionally by developing skills such as time management, problem-solving, team work and presentation skills.
Immediately after graduating from college, I had joined my family business and till date I continue to shadow my father at work, with an aim to learn real-life implications and be able to relate to the concepts and theories I have learned and apply it in the practical field of work. Over the months, I aimed at building strong networks and have been acquainting myself with the raw, crude & competitive world of business.
After graduating I plan on working with an organisation to gain experience alongside utilise the experience to build my own business.
I want to take up this opportunity at your university to explore my professional interest alongside enhance my professional skills, and develop a professional portfolio. I feel a formal education will equip me with more practical and theoretical knowledge in the field. It will enable me to learn with people from diverse backgrounds, create networks in the business world, work under pressure, meet deadlines, resourcefulness, and fill my knowledge gaps. I find the management avenue exciting; it is ever growing and ever challenging.
The course will allow me to gather complete theoretical knowledge and develop analytical skills which would help me to secure a job at an organisation, expand my family business and creating a business. I believe studying at your reputed university will allow me to gain self-confidence, have international exposure and it’ll give me an opportunity to study with the students from all over the world. I am sure the varied culture in the university where students from across the globe would be present would be an added advantage for me and would definitely direct me towards perfection.
Gloominati
Oct 4, 18 12:09 pm
I'd strongly suggest not starting with your father always told you knowledge is power. First, Francis Bacon never actually wrote quite exactly that - secondly it's so terribly overused in admissions essays it's a joke to admissions staff - and third, it immediately evokes the France is Bacon meme (When I was young my father said to me "Knowledge is Power ... France is Bacon"...)
The biggest issue beyond that is your essay is completely self-centered - all about what you want and what you need and what you'll get from their program. You don't tell them at all about how you'll be a good fit and addition to their program. What do you bring to them that they want and need? How are you going to collaborate with your classmates? How are you a great resource? What's the value proposition?
Everything from the third paragraph through the second-to-last paragraph is very dull and reads as if someone asked you to provide a factual summary of all your semesters. Nobody wants to read about your semesters - they've got your transcripts if they care. First, you're applying to grad school now so nobody cares at all anymore about what your favorite subjects were in secondary school. Delete that in its entirety. Then, gather up all of the paragraphs about what you did in college, highlight only those words that are essential to convincing the targeted business school that they need you for your unique background, and make that into one good paragraph.
Your second paragraph is the only one that really contains any hints as to your goals and specific interests. Expand that a little, delete your first paragraph completely, and rework the last paragraph to be more about why studying at their university will be great for their university and you - not just you.
readbetweenthetrees
Oct 4, 18 2:37 pm
What is it with international students spamming college crap all over the internet? This isn't even the right place to ask about business school questions.
Non Sequitur
Oct 4, 18 2:52 pm
This is so painful to read.
Miles Jaffe
Oct 4, 18 10:25 pm
Consulting services start at $500 / hr with a $5,000 retainer.
tuna
Oct 17, 18 4:56 pm
the fact that i had to jump all the way down to " After graduating I plan on..." is not looking good for you. The committee will likely not be interested in hearing origin stories especially reading thousands of boring ones.
“Knowledge is Power” – Francis Bacon, which was a proverb my father reiterated every other day, which conveys, knowledge is more powerful than physical strength and no great work can be done without knowledge.” This proverb was instilled in me since I graduated from secondary school and continues to empower me till this day, as I achieve success. Being born into a family with a business background, has developed a stronger interest in me for taking part in the business world of the future. Growing up, I have seen my father and six uncles jointly put in the effort to build an empire from scratch. It is this business mind-set that I inherited, which makes me feel that it is my duty to cultivate and enhance this skill in the business world to create something of my own, coupled with a strong desire to give back to the community; by generating employment.
Living in the greatest era of technology where I can provide solutions across the world, my goal is to succeed in creating a highly curated consulting platform for all business services, catering to start-ups and mature companies. Hence, I believe that further studies are an important step on the path to my career goals and that the business school shall be a nurturing ground for me to create my own platform.
I completed my secondary school studying commerce. Where Accountancy & Economics have been my favourite subjects. I also received appreciation from my teachers for having prepared the best economics project. Apart from this I represented my house for inter-house football & volleyball games.
After my two years of studying commerce I had developed a liking for the field and pursued my Bachelor in Commerce. In my three years at Christ University, I was provided several opportunities ranging from performing an acapella to pitch my business plan in-front of judges and a crowd from various regions, which had allowed me to strengthened my public speaking skills as well as taught me how to connect with people coming from different cultural backgrounds and regions of the world.
At the age of 19, various subjects such as Business Economics, Financial Management and Financial Markets & Services had inclined me towards trading in Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. Hence, I had borrowed money from my parents, to trade in cryptocurrencies with the perspective of establishing a paltry income of my own. Once I succeed in my primary goal, I continued trading with money that I can afford to lose, consequently I had repaid the borrowed amount, since I was disinclined to incur a loss by risking my parent’s money. Trading has taught me invaluable lessons such victory & defeat, risk management and not to put all eggs in one basket by diversifying into alt coins.
In my fifth semester, I felt the need to gain some practical experience by working in an organisation. Therefore, I had interned with ClearTax, where I got the opportunity to participate in the role of product marketing. ClearTax was my first introduction into the corporate world, where I developed inter-personal skills, public speaking skills and organisation skills.
In my last semester, with four of my classmates and help from our mentors and professors, we successfully conducted a research on the “viability of an app curated for nightlife in India,” for which we were highly regarded. Although the constant pressure, intense competition, late hours and close deadlines was strenuous, I successfully contributed to the research by creating a survey, pitching in ideas and revamping the whole business model by adding new income streams. The research project also gave me an added advantage of improving me professionally by developing skills such as time management, problem-solving, team work and presentation skills.
Immediately after graduating from college, I had joined my family business and till date I continue to shadow my father at work, with an aim to learn real-life implications and be able to relate to the concepts and theories I have learned and apply it in the practical field of work. Over the months, I aimed at building strong networks and have been acquainting myself with the raw, crude & competitive world of business.
After graduating I plan on working with an organisation to gain experience alongside utilise the experience to build my own business.
I want to take up this opportunity at your university to explore my professional interest alongside enhance my professional skills, and develop a professional portfolio. I feel a formal education will equip me with more practical and theoretical knowledge in the field. It will enable me to learn with people from diverse backgrounds, create networks in the business world, work under pressure, meet deadlines, resourcefulness, and fill my knowledge gaps. I find the management avenue exciting; it is ever growing and ever challenging.
The course will allow me to gather complete theoretical knowledge and develop analytical skills which would help me to secure a job at an organisation, expand my family business and creating a business. I believe studying at your reputed university will allow me to gain self-confidence, have international exposure and it’ll give me an opportunity to study with the students from all over the world. I am sure the varied culture in the university where students from across the globe would be present would be an added advantage for me and would definitely direct me towards perfection.
I'd strongly suggest not starting with your father always told you knowledge is power. First, Francis Bacon never actually wrote quite exactly that - secondly it's so terribly overused in admissions essays it's a joke to admissions staff - and third, it immediately evokes the France is Bacon meme (When I was young my father said to me "Knowledge is Power ... France is Bacon"...)
The biggest issue beyond that is your essay is completely self-centered - all about what you want and what you need and what you'll get from their program. You don't tell them at all about how you'll be a good fit and addition to their program. What do you bring to them that they want and need? How are you going to collaborate with your classmates? How are you a great resource? What's the value proposition?
Everything from the third paragraph through the second-to-last paragraph is very dull and reads as if someone asked you to provide a factual summary of all your semesters. Nobody wants to read about your semesters - they've got your transcripts if they care. First, you're applying to grad school now so nobody cares at all anymore about what your favorite subjects were in secondary school. Delete that in its entirety. Then, gather up all of the paragraphs about what you did in college, highlight only those words that are essential to convincing the targeted business school that they need you for your unique background, and make that into one good paragraph.
Your second paragraph is the only one that really contains any hints as to your goals and specific interests. Expand that a little, delete your first paragraph completely, and rework the last paragraph to be more about why studying at their university will be great for their university and you - not just you.
What is it with international students spamming college crap all over the internet? This isn't even the right place to ask about business school questions.
This is so painful to read.
Consulting services start at $500 / hr with a $5,000 retainer.
the fact that i had to jump all the way down to " After graduating I plan on..." is not looking good for you. The committee will likely not be interested in hearing origin stories especially reading thousands of boring ones.
your interests and what you think you can offer.