I'm a young female designer and am finding myself miserable in an office dominated by mediocre white bros who subject me to every imaginable insult to my intelligence and professional capabilities on the daily. When I look into my options for finding a job elsewhere, I find to my dismay that every other office in the area is also run by..... mediocre white bros. What to do?
x intern
May 8, 15 10:04 am
As someone with little girls I say stand up for yourself every time until they respect you, you leave or they fire you. Tell them you don't think this is acceptable and you would appreciate being treated like the professional you are. At the very least you will feel better and they will be pissed off. Fear of losing your job should not force you to accept being treated terrible. Life is to short to let people make you miserable. I've had jobs that took the turn and everyone became hostile. If you stay professional but firm in your position most people will eventually realize you aren't just being an a$$hole but have a point and things will get better. But you have to stay professional, one temper tantrum and your on their level. Don't be afraid of aggression or bluster, these a$$holes aren't going to hit you, if they do you get to own the company. If its not in you to fight then tell them to F#$% off and walk, no shame in that but don't stay in a toxic environment.
Wilma Buttfit
May 8, 15 10:21 am
"paint my nails bitch" -- Having a quick and tasteless wit is a prereq for brodom. Thanks for the tip, I'm using that.
x-jla
May 8, 15 11:20 am
zzzzzzzzzzz, I completely understand the type of behavior that you are refering to...To me it sounds like you are in an office full of extroverted males, when you may be more of an introverted female? Being an introverted male myself, I can totaly relate to how you feel uncomfortable in this setting...being that you are a female you have another strike against you...I cant relate to that, but I do imagine it is difficult as I know many professional females and hear plenty of stories...Imo, the possibility that you are an introvert is more likely to be the reason why these bros feel that they can push you and be disrespectful. As an introverted male, Ive been in similar situations, but my calmness/quietness coupled with my appearance is usually percieved as a threat...without a mean male appearance (even though in reality im a non-manly man that would rather watch the voice than football) Nothing would sheild their laser like douche rays...So, I can only imagine that an introverted women would be more open to their attacks since bros. are only deterred by 2 things...threat of social shuning or getting beat up...Looking mean helps though...maybe you can get some tats, shave your head, carry a samurai sword on your back...?
curtkram
May 8, 15 11:30 am
would rather watch the voice than football
that's the most horrible thing i've heard all day. i kind of feel like i should just call it a day and go home and watch some football now.
i support the tattoo suggestion. swords are worn in an obi, not on the back.
x-jla
May 8, 15 11:44 am
Lol. yes samurai use an obi...you are correct. ninjas carry swords on back though...also wear lots of black which may be consistent with the whole arch thing...dont knock the voice...its a good show with the exception of adam levine...hes a dick...
BR.TN
May 8, 15 11:55 am
I think jla-x hit it right on the head. I can relate to your position there.
zzzzzzzzzz, you're either gonna have to quit working where you are and find a better office, OR take it upon yourself to transform into a different type of person to turn this weakness into a strength. Metaphorically, the best architecture is often produced out of the most restrictive programmatic demands.
Now, I totally agree that its not your responsibility to change who you are, how you carry yourself, or how you act around others - it is moreso their responsibility to accommodate your individual level of comfort. All I'm saying that transforming who you are is an option to use as a coping mechanism, and its not easy (especially as an introvert). The benefit here is if you can make yourself resilient to these types of people, then voila, you've gained a new foundational skill to use for the rest of your career.
When I was in 9th grade I desperately wanted to be popular, so I literally observed who the popular kids were, who they hung out with, what they liked to do, and how I could adapt myself to be like them. By 11th grade it worked and I had an amazing final two years of high school. By my sophomore year of college I realized most of them were terrible people, and I disbanded my friendship with them in search for more qualitative relationships vs. status (which doesn't really exist after high school anyways). My point with this story is that although this group of people (the popular high school clique) isn't very admirable now that we're adults, it was great practice for me to learn how to be like them. Now when I meet people who are still stuck in that realm like they're fighting a quarter-or-mid-life crisis, its easier for me to control the conversations and make the interaction worth my while.
In my early years of college I befriended the sociable business school partiers and by my later years of college I befriended the qualitative creative types, so now I sort of have the best of both worlds. You can too if you can find a way to adapt to these "mediocre white bros".
Donna Sink
May 8, 15 1:16 pm
Zzzz, it sounds to me like you should get out. Midlander's advice is good (actually most of the sdvice you're getting here is good, well done everyone!) relating to one of rationalist's earlier posts: if suddenly tomorrow everyone became respectful and friendly in the firm, would you still want to work there? It sounds like you're not thrilled with the place anyway, so while I respect what x intern said about women standing up for themselves, is *this job* worth that fight on your part?
awaiting_deletion
May 8, 15 1:20 pm
curtkram don't get all emotional on me......and you missed my point.............tintt I started to imagine a scenario where Navy Seals did polish their finger nails - in the future tatoos and dog tags no good for Navy Seals instead another method for identification is needed. via color cooridnatation of the finger nails the Navy Seals could signify thwir group etc.... Navy Seal getting a manicure -"gonna go kill me some terrorists today,paint my nails Pink bitch!"
rationalist
May 8, 15 6:31 pm
zzzzzzz, that absoutely is a remarkable situation. Get out, don't look back. Believe me, not all firms are like that, and you can absolutely do better.
I'm a young female designer and am finding myself miserable in an office dominated by mediocre white bros who subject me to every imaginable insult to my intelligence and professional capabilities on the daily. When I look into my options for finding a job elsewhere, I find to my dismay that every other office in the area is also run by..... mediocre white bros. What to do?
As someone with little girls I say stand up for yourself every time until they respect you, you leave or they fire you. Tell them you don't think this is acceptable and you would appreciate being treated like the professional you are. At the very least you will feel better and they will be pissed off. Fear of losing your job should not force you to accept being treated terrible. Life is to short to let people make you miserable. I've had jobs that took the turn and everyone became hostile. If you stay professional but firm in your position most people will eventually realize you aren't just being an a$$hole but have a point and things will get better. But you have to stay professional, one temper tantrum and your on their level. Don't be afraid of aggression or bluster, these a$$holes aren't going to hit you, if they do you get to own the company. If its not in you to fight then tell them to F#$% off and walk, no shame in that but don't stay in a toxic environment.
"paint my nails bitch" -- Having a quick and tasteless wit is a prereq for brodom. Thanks for the tip, I'm using that.
zzzzzzzzzzz, I completely understand the type of behavior that you are refering to...To me it sounds like you are in an office full of extroverted males, when you may be more of an introverted female? Being an introverted male myself, I can totaly relate to how you feel uncomfortable in this setting...being that you are a female you have another strike against you...I cant relate to that, but I do imagine it is difficult as I know many professional females and hear plenty of stories...Imo, the possibility that you are an introvert is more likely to be the reason why these bros feel that they can push you and be disrespectful. As an introverted male, Ive been in similar situations, but my calmness/quietness coupled with my appearance is usually percieved as a threat...without a mean male appearance (even though in reality im a non-manly man that would rather watch the voice than football) Nothing would sheild their laser like douche rays...So, I can only imagine that an introverted women would be more open to their attacks since bros. are only deterred by 2 things...threat of social shuning or getting beat up...Looking mean helps though...maybe you can get some tats, shave your head, carry a samurai sword on your back...?
would rather watch the voice than football
that's the most horrible thing i've heard all day. i kind of feel like i should just call it a day and go home and watch some football now.
i support the tattoo suggestion. swords are worn in an obi, not on the back.
Lol. yes samurai use an obi...you are correct. ninjas carry swords on back though...also wear lots of black which may be consistent with the whole arch thing...dont knock the voice...its a good show with the exception of adam levine...hes a dick...
I think jla-x hit it right on the head. I can relate to your position there.
zzzzzzzzzz, you're either gonna have to quit working where you are and find a better office, OR take it upon yourself to transform into a different type of person to turn this weakness into a strength. Metaphorically, the best architecture is often produced out of the most restrictive programmatic demands.
Now, I totally agree that its not your responsibility to change who you are, how you carry yourself, or how you act around others - it is moreso their responsibility to accommodate your individual level of comfort. All I'm saying that transforming who you are is an option to use as a coping mechanism, and its not easy (especially as an introvert). The benefit here is if you can make yourself resilient to these types of people, then voila, you've gained a new foundational skill to use for the rest of your career.
When I was in 9th grade I desperately wanted to be popular, so I literally observed who the popular kids were, who they hung out with, what they liked to do, and how I could adapt myself to be like them. By 11th grade it worked and I had an amazing final two years of high school. By my sophomore year of college I realized most of them were terrible people, and I disbanded my friendship with them in search for more qualitative relationships vs. status (which doesn't really exist after high school anyways). My point with this story is that although this group of people (the popular high school clique) isn't very admirable now that we're adults, it was great practice for me to learn how to be like them. Now when I meet people who are still stuck in that realm like they're fighting a quarter-or-mid-life crisis, its easier for me to control the conversations and make the interaction worth my while.
In my early years of college I befriended the sociable business school partiers and by my later years of college I befriended the qualitative creative types, so now I sort of have the best of both worlds. You can too if you can find a way to adapt to these "mediocre white bros".
Zzzz, it sounds to me like you should get out. Midlander's advice is good (actually most of the sdvice you're getting here is good, well done everyone!) relating to one of rationalist's earlier posts: if suddenly tomorrow everyone became respectful and friendly in the firm, would you still want to work there? It sounds like you're not thrilled with the place anyway, so while I respect what x intern said about women standing up for themselves, is *this job* worth that fight on your part?
curtkram don't get all emotional on me......and you missed my point.............tintt I started to imagine a scenario where Navy Seals did polish their finger nails - in the future tatoos and dog tags no good for Navy Seals instead another method for identification is needed. via color cooridnatation of the finger nails the Navy Seals could signify thwir group etc.... Navy Seal getting a manicure -"gonna go kill me some terrorists today,paint my nails Pink bitch!"
zzzzzzz, that absoutely is a remarkable situation. Get out, don't look back. Believe me, not all firms are like that, and you can absolutely do better.