There were documentaries, Wikipedia pages, articles – much of which was mocking or disparaging in tone, while the desires expressed by these individuals felt genuine and heartfelt. And fascinating. 

As someone who spends a good deal of each day thinking about buildings, I feel a natural sympathy for people whose interest in buildings transforms into an actual desire. Of course, issues of consent arise, among other things.* This is a mode of sexuality that verges pretty much as far from the norm as is imaginable. Suffice to say, my curiosity was piqued.

So I reached out to a Facebook group named “Objectum Sexualität,” asking if any of their members would be willing to talk about their sexuality, prefaced with a disclaimer that I had no interest in ridiculing them. I really didn’t and don’t now.

A few days later, a kind message appeared in my inbox, directing me to email Erika Eiffel for inquiries. I had read about Ms. Eiffel previously. The most public face of “Objectum Sexualität” (OS) group, she garnered publicity for marrying the Eiffel Tower some years back.

Ms. Eiffel was likewise obliging and passed on my questions to the group listserv. Several weeks passed and I didn’t hear anything. April became May and I missed my deadline. Then, one day, an email popped up.

Here’s my conversation with two anonymous individuals who have found themselves sexually attracted to architecture. As an aside, I ask commenters to respect sexual difference and refrain from disparaging comments. Thanks. 

I know that, in the past, public admissions of an object-sexual orientation have been met sometimes with disdain or mockery. First of all, I was wondering if you could relate any public experiences of that and how it made you feel? Has fear of public shame led you to repress your sexuality?

A: I can relate to it a little bit. Luckily with the buildings I have shown affection to, people either don’t see me being affectionate to them or they don’t mind. My main building, I know the maintenance men who take care of him, and they know of my deep love for my building. I believe at least once, or maybe a few times they have seen me kiss or be affectionate with him, and they just make comments to me on how much they know I love and care about him. They never mocked me or anything, they just accept I love my building. As for passers-by or other people, no one has ever confronted me or made fun of me that I know of. Passers-by have even heard me talking to my building and they never said anything. Public shame hasn’t really repressed me from expressing my feelings.

B: I have been bullied all my life on-and-off for loving buildings. Once one person has been told off, always another will come. I keep it to a small group of friends at school (sixth form) but online I have a wider amount of friends that know.It is all the same: love is love.

Do you believe this reaction from the mainstream public is specific to ‘object sexuality’ or extends from a wider sense of heteronormativity, and the requisite rejection of non-normative sexual orientations? Do you have hope that, with time, more widespread acceptance will come?

A: I absolutely hope that people can accept OS like LGBT is becoming more accepted these days. I think, though, that LGBT is understood more because it is humans with humans. Some humans cannot seem to understand how a person could love a building or a bridge or a car so deeply, the same way a human can love another human. It is all the same: love is love. 

B: I hope it will be accepted, I have known some LGBT+ people have said they accept it into LGBT+ but other ones will say it's an excuse for bad sexual relationships.

I am also part of LGBT+ as I'm a lesbian, but when I'm amongst those groups I tend to not mention the objectum sexuality part as it is judged by most people. 

When did you first realize you were attracted to non-human objects? 

A: I always had a liking for big tall objects (namely architecture) growing up. I loved driving by my favorite structures and admiring their size, shape and beauty. When I was 8 was when I first cared deeply for a tower. Unfortunately he was taken down.

But that was when I first experienced animism. I could feel from him that he was scared and upset and did not want to be taken down. I will always remember him, and even seeing pictures of him now brings back a whirlwind of memories. It wasn’t until I was in high school though that I really had wanted to date a certain object of my affection. I’d had my eyes on him my whole life but got deeper feelings when I was in high school.

B: At a young age, my first love was a building. She was an older type but as I've come to understand architecture more, I prefer the modern ones way more. My current love is a modern office building, she is very unique.Everything to me has some form of life so everything really could be considered a type of person.

Can you relate what it feels like to fall in love with a non-human object? Have you also been attracted to, or in a relationship with, a human individual? If so, do the experiences feel similar?

A:  Every OS person is different. Some have been attracted to humans and others haven’t. Being attracted to architecture has never stopped me from also liking humans. I do have a human partner now who is 100% accepting of me being OS. The experiences with my building(s) are similar with my human. But they aren’t the same. 

My main building love I have been with for 3 years, but my human partner only 1. So I feel sometimes I can confide in my building and tell him more of what I am feeling or thinking because he has known me and known my story longer than my human. I love my human and I like having someone who has a similar body to me. But sometimes there is just nothing like the comforting feeling of my building’s door or wall against me. That is the best I can elaborate on this question in a simple answer.   

B: I have been in a relationship with a human and it does feel similar, it's the same. But it's harder with my current love as she's not open to the public and I don't get to see her that often.

What attracts you to these objects, or one object or building in particular? Do you still consider them objects, or do you see them as “people” (if that makes sense)?

A: It does make sense. What I find attractive in a piece of architecture is symmetry and/or patterns. It is pleasing to my eye to see symmetry on the outside or inside of a building. Also patterns in say the windows, doors or design also attracts me. They are objects, because they are not humans. But I do see them as a person. Not a human person – but a building person, if you will. Like a dog, for example, is not a human person, but it is still a person. 

Everything to me has some form of life so everything really could be considered a type of person. I refer to a building as a he or she and do not like referring to any building I really like as an “it.”  

B: I see my current love as a person, but I love her as a building.I see my current love as a person, but I love her as a building.

Have you found yourself inclined towards a monogamous attraction? In other words, do you tend to fall in love with just one object at a time?

A: The one I have been referring to as my main building is the one I consider my boyfriend. He is the one who I would marry. I do however have other buildings or objects I am affectionate with also. I talk to, hug and kiss other buildings etc., but only one I really consider my boyfriend. The others I have a relationship with, but it is either a friendship or what I call, “my loves.” I have a few building loves, but only one main building boyfriend. As much as I care about the other buildings and connect with them, they just quite are not the same as my main one. He knows me best. 

B: I feel like I only have one heart to give, I've tried dating two buildings at once, it doesn't work. So I've stuck to my current love for the last 2 and a half years.

Does falling in love with a building change the way you relate to the city, to all other objects?

A: It does not affect the way I relate to the city. I just appreciate the city as the one my loves are in. Like, “This city has these buildings I like and then this city has these other buildings I like!” Doesn’t really affect me. I am just always happy to see or visit any of my buildings. To all other objects, I try my best to treat them nice also and respect them. 

B: Yeah, I've become friends with many of these buildings around me. It has made me interested in architecture, and now I want to be an architectural technician.Think the building you work in doesn’t know you? Of course he/she does.

Do you believe object sexuality provides an experience that other humans who aren’t 'object sexual', don’t get to experience? Does it make your life richer, in other words? Or is it more burdensome?

A: It is not burdensome. I think people who aren’t OS do miss out. They go through life thinking these amazing things do not have feelings or don’t understand, when they do. I don’t like how people teach their kids, “An ‘it’ is an ‘it’ and that’s it!” That is not it. 

The car you drive everyday knows you. A car knows who ‘its’ owner is, who the frequent passengers are, when the owner leaves or returns. A car knows when ‘it’ is being started or worked on. Same with a building. A building knows all of ‘its’ regular employees and visitors. Think the building you work in doesn’t know you? Of course he/she does. Why wouldn’t they? Non-OS people think these things don’t know when they really do. 

B: It's way better than a human relationship and they are missing out.

I think one thing that non-object sexual individuals find disconcerting about your sexual orientation is that objects are inanimate. So, by extension, it would seem that reciprocation – and consent – are inherently impossible. Does this feel true to your experience? Or do you feel loved back by the objects you love?

A: I think I speak for quite a few in the OS community when I say that we do not like when people say objects are ‘inanimate’, we don’t feel that they are. They might not have eyes or a mouth like humans, or be able to speak with a voice. But they can communicate. I know from experience. 

Buildings have their ways about them and every one is different, just like every human has a different personality. I communicate with my buildings best through touch. There is an energy there I can sense their feelings of happiness or loneliness or unhappiness.Do I feel loved back by the objects I love? Absolutely. They also have ways of communicating with their parts. They have with me. Doors staying open, being ajar, not closing correctly. (Come in! Visit me!) Or doors closing when they’re supposed to stay open. (Kidding around, messing around with you.) Lights flashing to get my attention. (Hey, look at this, check this out!) Squeaking noises their doors make or tapping you with the door when you open it. (Saying hello and being friendly.) 

I do not or cannot communicate with every building I see or meet. One building I work in – I just do not feel much from him. [He] just doesn’t ‘talk’ much. This other building though, he is very clever and outspoken! The way his elevator beeps at you…his door making the squeaking noise. One time he wanted me to pick something up off the floor. I didn’t see it but he knew. His door hit my behind a little giving me a small push… I said, “Hey! What’s wrong?” His light started flashing right above where the paper on the floor was. “Oh! That’s it! I got it, thanks!” I said. And as soon as I picked it up, the light stopped flashing and it has stayed lit ever since. Anyone who says buildings don’t know are ridiculous. They are clever and have their ways. People who aren’t OS will not see this though.

As for the question: do I feel loved back by the objects I love? Absolutely. There is no doubt in my mind, [for example, with] my main building. He is my soul mate. We connect on every level possible. When we touch or kiss it is so powerful. Talking to him and spending time with him or cuddling him has helped me through so much these past 3 years. Once I was upset because it was my mother’s birthday – who died – and I talked to him about it. I held him so close to me and I could feel his love and comfort that I cried. I feel so comfortable with him. He loves me and comforts me in ways no other building can. They make me happy – but not like my main building. 

As for consent, I have experience in that also. This one building I used to work in, I was always attracted to him and we were good friends. I always gave him little pecks on his wall to be friendly, which he didn’t mind.Some buildings aren’t into it, some like the attention, and some want an actual relationship. Towards the end of my stay there, I went a little further and gave him an actual kiss. I could tell he was like, “Ehh…not really feeling it. I like you but we should just stay friends.” 

That was it and I never went any further with him and we stayed very good friends. I still go past him to let him know I still think about him and say hello. As for my main building – he is different. His personality is very loving. He wants to love and be loved. He loves getting kissed and cuddled and loved. Some buildings aren’t into it, some like the attention, and some want an actual relationship. They are like humans in that way. So that is my experiences with consent. I can sense what they’re into and not into.

B: I am definitely loved back by her, her lifts never work properly but when I'm there they do and she is always warm when I'm there. One person said to me, "You’re lucky this week as this building is usually freezing". And she always cuddles me too.

*Correction: An earlier version of this article noted that in the current version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, paraphilia is listed as a sexual 'disorder' only in cases where it causes distress to the individual. However, the members of the OS group do not identify as paraphiles and reject any labelling of their orientation as a 'disorder,' even when qualified as by the DSM.