Now that the semester is coming closer to an end, the annual Taubman College Career Fair is right around the corner, or this Thursday...same thing you know. This event presents itself as a huge opportunity to find work for the summer, but even more so, network and connect with the alumni and firms that the university brings in for us students. The two biggest questions and fears on one's mind is "Am I prepared?" and "Am I good enough?". My last few weeks have been spent dwelling on those two thoughts in the free time between studio and other classwork.

Am I prepared? I would like to think so! I have spent hours reproducing my portfolio, bringing it to date from where I had left it last year. Looking through my projects and work, I can see a natural progression. Better graphics, more attention to line weights and color pallets, complex and well thought through ideas, and so on. I am proud to see where I have come since I began here at Taubman College nearly two years ago. Back then I could hardly use Illustrator and did not even know what a Rhino Command was. My time here has helped me grow as a designer, and a person, exposing me to a variety of differing thoughts, perceptions, and experiences. These have helped me to produce a more cohesive, well rounded, and rich portfolio and resume. I also participated in the fair last year. I was much more nervous the first time around, but now that I have been though that hurtle, I am able to gauge this upcoming one and know how to present myself in a more cohesive manner. So, in retrospect, I feel as though I am more prepared and ready for this years career then ever before, the only question that is yet to be answered is "Am I good enough?"

However, as much as I have advanced in my studies, I still see myself as not being up to the standards to those around me. They say a chef hates their own cooking, and I think the same applies to architects and myself in particular. When I complete my work, I look at it and never feel satisfied, as though it is missing one ingredient, a certain flavor or spice. I look at the work at my piers, and see multiple examples of fantastic work! I think as to how I can achieve their level, what am I doing wrong or not enough of to be at their level. Don't get me wrong, I see other work where I know it is not as good as mine, but typically what that work is lacking is a thought out design and it still has fantastic representation (a highly revered quality here at Taubman..at times to much..). I am worried that I will not stand out among the others who will attend and I fear of becoming lost in the crowd. Even when others tell me my work is good, I feel as though I can strive to do better, and I worry of being left behind. 

No matter what though, I will give this Thursday all I got. I will be myself, and present who am I to the tenth degree! Thank you for listening to my inner worries and thoughts. The ultimate fear is that I will be without an internship this summer, the ultimate Summertime Sadness.