I'm getting a little disgusted here. Searching google for maternity leave in architecture firms, the only hits with any information were from the UK, Canada and Australia. Searching on this forum, I found three posts, all from men, one turned to a discussion of fake boobs and the other about a guy feeling aroused by a coworker breast pumping. Is this really such a taboo topic for intelligent discussion in this profession? I work in a small firm in Brooklyn which has never dealt with maternity leave for any employees before, as far as I can tell. There is no policy in place. Does anyone have any experience regarding how much is fair to negotiate, paid vs unpaid, halftime or work from home? And how long to wait to tell the principal? I am constantly worried about job security as it is, and since FMLA doesn't apply to small firms, I'm not sure I can expect them to hold my position for me for six to twelve weeks. I' m worried once I tell them I'm pregnant I will lose all respect, that they will presume that I must not really be serious about my career. I don't want to be another statistic who leaves the profession after having a child, but frankly after five years I'm becoming fed up with the lack of mutual respect between architects. I don't really see how a thirty-five year old with only six years post graduate experience could continue to advance her career as an architect after taking a year or so off to care for a child without being thrown back to intern status, but putting a six week old in daycare also is not appealing, especially since child care costs would about offset my salary. Any sincere advice from women or men who have been in this situation would be greatly appreciated.
I think 2-3 months is reasonable to ask for (unpaid) leave - then try to work something out where you can work part-time/hourly and/or from home for a while until you feel ready to head back to work full time. if they don't have kids themselves they might not understand what it takes to care for an infant - but if they do have kids then it'll be easier to negotiate with them.
toasteroven
Oct 29, 11 5:52 pm
my small office had two fathers go on leave for a month, then they returned back to work part-time for another 2 months - and my boss is pretty reasonable about allowing them to take time off when they need to for their kids. and as far as I've noticed it hasn't affected their work at all. plus I think having a kid has made them easier to work with for some reason.
tinydancer
Oct 29, 11 7:02 pm
Unfortunately, this is still a 'gool 'ol boy" profession which is a real shame because the industry does lose a lot of good architects that are women. I had a baby and before my leave discussed in length what options I would have and they were open to part time work and telecommuting. When I returned from my maternity leave, they said no to all of it. And a few months later they got rid of me. Not sure at this time if I want to return.
Best of luck to you and I hope you have a better experience than I did. Sorry I don't have anything positive to say but that's how it worked out for me. With that said, I am extremely happy I had a baby and couldn't be more in love!
quizzical
Oct 29, 11 8:08 pm
Many - but not all - small firms will try to mimic FMLA (to the extent possible) even though they are not required to comply with its requirements. I recommend that you use FMLA as a starting point in your discussions with your employer. However, what they decide to do for you will depend, I expect, on the condition of their business and your perceived value to the firm long term.
The fact that you seem to feel the need to delay telling your employer about your pregnancy suggests that you may not feel on solid ground in the relationship. I can only say that our firm appreciates as much advance notice about such matters as possible -- that gives us more time to assess and respond. Perhaps if you could approach your employer from a base of trust, they will reciprocate in kind.
I think it's important to remember that small firms have much less staffing flexibility than do mid-sized and larger firms -- it's simply not as easy for a small firm to "cover' for an employee who may need or want to take 12 weeks (or so) away from the firm. This is, I think, the main reason small firms are exempt from the requirements of FMLA. In many cases, it's not that the small firm doesn't want to comply -- it's simply that the burden of complying is way out of proportion to the size of their firm. You have to give them a reason to carry that burden.
Congratulations ... and, good luck.
Donna Sink
Oct 29, 11 11:49 pm
This is definitely one of the reasons the proportion of women in practice is so low compared to the proportion of women in architecture school. Add the low salaries - a salary that barely covers daycare is not uncommon - and a lot of women architects just step out of traditional practice entirely.
I'm not saying you should do that, but you do want to consider that having a child may be an earth-shattering change in your life. Of the 12 women I knew who gave birth about the same time as I did 2/3 of them decided not to go back to work at all. Eight years later several of them have gone back but in very different capacities. Priorities can change, dramatically.
Three months off sadly coincides exactly with when the little poop machines start to turn into a fun little responsive baby. Going back to work at three months was ridiculously hard for me, but it did, I think, end up going very well. Granted, I had a supportive firm.
You worry about them thinking you are not serious about your career once you tell them you're prgrnant: have you been serious until now? Have you been a valuable employee that goes above and beyond? If so they will likely want to keep you on as soon as possible after the baby is born.
Don't think your career will be over if you take a year or three off. Do give yourself allowance to reconsider how you define your career after you have a child. I think traditional practice is disappearing anyway - you may find you are able to practice in a different way when you are ready to go back. Frankly, and I sound like a bit of a mercenary saying this, but Mommy-n-Me groups can be a great place to network for small freelance jobs!
feelandtriple
Oct 30, 11 2:00 pm
Thank you all so much for the helpful comments, and I apologize if the tone of my post was negative and baiting... Hormones + Internet can equal one quite worked up person.
I fully understand why a small firm can't offer the same benefits and support as a larger one, which is why I was reaching out for advice. I am not considering hiding the pregnancy from my employer, but is it respectful to wait until the second trimester when we make a general announcement? I have proven myself a valuable hard-working contributing team member, but I am not in any critical leadership role for any projects, which makes me worry I'm replaceable. If so, I appreciate the advice to see what new opportunities may open up and to have an open mind about the shape of my career once the great priority shift happens.
jplourde
Oct 30, 11 9:19 pm
I think if maternity leave was longer, we'd have more [fully qualified] women returning to the profession after child birth. I think we desperately need more professionally qualified people no matter if they are male or female. And I think we're headed for a drain of professional architects in the next few years.
Donna Sink
Oct 30, 11 10:45 pm
feelandtriple, I and most of the other women I know waited to make the pregnancy public until we'd had genetic testing done, at 12 weeks. Generally people don't make it known until the first trimester is over, not to scare you but most pregnancies that spontaneously end do so in the first trimester. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting.
As an employer, and a parent, here is my advice to you:
wait until after the first trimester. You will feel less hormonal, and six months is still plenty of time to plan
In a small firm, it is not reasonable to expect that you will be paid for your leave. it WOULD be reasonable for them to continue your benefits such as health insurance.
Think about your role in the firm, and what disruption this will cause in the firm, and then make a plan to counter it. For example, if you are the only person in a two person firm who knows CAD, then the owner will not be able to wait 3 months for you to come back. So do research on how the firm would get a temporary substitute for you. Or if you are a project manager, and might leave in the midst of projects then develop a plan to have a co-worker cover for you, continue to be involved in the project via email, arrange baby care so you can attend the once a week job meeting, review submittals at home, etc.
If you do NOT want to come back, then say so. I have held a job for 4 months for an employee who then decided not to come back. I realize people change their minds, but it hurts everyone when someone collects maternity leave for a couple of months, then comes back for a day or two and quits. If you are committed to your career and coming back, then it will show.
The more valuable you have made yourself to the firm, the easier it will be to arrange for maternity leave, coming back part time, working from home, flex hours, etc. So get cracking and make your self invaluable in the next two or three months.
If you are serious about a life long career in architecture, I think it would be difficult to take a couple of years off and not see some loss of momentum when you come back. If you have a supportive husband, and are organized, you should be able to have a career and raise a wonderful child into adulthood.. You do not have to pick one. Having children is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me, but if you do your parent job correctly, they grow up to be happy, independent members of society, and you have an empty house. It is nice to have a strong interesting career to fill your time when you ship the last one off to college.
Be flexible. Architecture is not a nine to five job, and if you are committed, you can do this. I took my two week old son out to look at a building a client wanted me to renovate. I have (male and female) employees who bring babies to work and have them sleep under the desk while they work when daycare falls through. Employees work from home when a kid is sick. Employees start at 6 AM and leave early to pick kids up from school, etc. If you hold up your end of the deal, are responsible for your work, and make sure you have things covered, your employer will be more than willing to be flexible. Just don't expect having a baby to be an excuse to do substandard work.
marmkid
Oct 31, 11 11:55 am
I'd say 6 months is a very reasonable amount of notice to give your employer. I would imagine for the most part, many firms that are run reasonably will attempt to meet the fmla standards as much as possible, and if they dont, chances are it will only get incrementally worse as your child grows, so best to know now.
Given this amount of notice, you should be able to adjust any current projects and have them in good order to be handed off to someone else. It really shouldnt be that big an issue if the firm is run decently.
I understand the feeling that there would be a lack of respect once you return, and unfortunately the only way around that is to just plug through and earn it. There is definitely a stereotype that seems to still be prevelant in this industry.
On a side note, I have a 6 month old who has been in daycare ever since she turned 3 months. She adjusted wonderfully and its not terrible to have a career and a child in daycare. My wife isnt an architect, so i cant speak on that, but it is possible. She got 3 months off, unpaid, and i got 2 weeks off from saved vacation time.
Also, she has told me that if you got to be home for 6 months, when the baby gets to be fun, it would have been much much harder to go back. For what thats worth.
SANEinaCRAZYwrld
Oct 31, 11 12:13 pm
I would say I am living proof of a single architecture career mom (of a toddler) who is making it due to a combo of willpower and an understanding firm. However, it is the luck of the draw when it comes to maternity-friendly employers. Maybe a lot has to do with one of the partners being Swedish but I've found that as long as I am able to do the work I need to do & do not take advantage of their kindness, they are flexible and generous (paid maternity leave, cont health insurance, open-minded about time-out/private room for pumping milk during office hours, etc). It is important to have good & honest communication with the higher ups and to increase your own personal efficiency to be able to accomplish tasks within the time frame your parenting schedule allows. I would also recommend a home office set up so if work ever needs to spill over time, you can continue at home after you put your child to bed. I have more reason to succeed now with a child than ever before.
elinor
Oct 31, 11 12:59 pm
i don't have much to contribute to this discussion that has not already been said by others with more experience than i have, but as someone with plans to have a child in the near future, i am following it closely. to the op--you have no reason to apologize for whatever perfectly understandable frustrations you are encountering, hormones or not. i tend to be more cynical about these kinds of issues than most because what i've seen out there has not been reassuring, and i would urge you to keep your pregnancy to yourself as long as possible. unfortunately, unless you have a good relationship with your employers, this industry tends to not be too accepting of personal/family needs, and you need to protect yourself and your child's well-being before other concerns, including how you are perceived as a professional (people will see you how they want to see you). the bottom line is that unless you have very understanding employers, the 'business of business is business', and most small employers will probably not risk a loss or setback to the business for the benefit of one employee. that said, i recently spoke with two different firm owners who are bending over backwards to continue providing fully-covered health insurance to their employees out of a sense of responsibility. there are people out there who are trying, but the odds are steeply stacked. play it close to the vest and don't feel guilty about it.
elinor
Oct 31, 11 1:14 pm
ps--i think the advice given by archie is very, very good. the problem is that it presupposes that the employer is receptive. i have a problem with the kind of 'give, give, give, prove, prove, prove your benefits to the employer' strategy some are suggesting, because it keeps the employee in a state of permanent deficit and at risk of never deriving any actual 'return' on all that investment. i think it is particularly dangerous for women, who often are already working for substandard pay, to adopt this position and then be hit later in life with the problem of combining motherhood and work, which only drives them deeper into the hole, forcing them to accept less and less while putting in more and more. as the original poster said, there has to be more mutual respect, for the actual contributions of employees but also for their human needs, to not be endlessly available 24-hrs a day, to be able to set personal and family priorities. this is sorely lacking in this profession.
future hope
Oct 31, 11 8:25 pm
I agree that you should start the discussion by using FMLA as a guideline. Even though the firm is not required to follow it, they will probably be inclined to try. Granted, 12 weeks of unpaid leave is not that great. Since having a baby 9 months ago, I realize how horrible our maternity laws are. This country is not supporting families. I think you can try to negotiate part time work if that is what you want also. I think it will be easier to work part time for a firm that already knows and is committed to you. Finding a new part time job might be difficult...
I took 16 weeks off and then went back full time. In an ideal world I would work part time, but that isn't feasible right now. Hopefully in the future it will be.
Also, my husband took 12 weeks off after I did. While this was not as good as being home myself, it was really, really nice. If your husband works for a company with over 50 employees they are required to let him do this. Take advantage of it! Most men don't consider it, but they should. My husband really enjoyed it.
Donna Sink
Oct 31, 11 8:43 pm
Yay for Mr. future hope! I think that's a great system if a couple has that opportunity: one parent home for the first 6 months of the babe's life.
sameolddoctor
Nov 1, 11 12:15 am
First off, congratulations. It is going be an incredible journey from now on!
I am not sure about smaller firms, but the state might be able to help. Please be aware that in NY and CA (I am not sure about other states, but am relatively sure about both CA and NY), you can get 10 weeks of disability from the state. In CA this is 55% of your last salary. You can also get 6 weeks of family bonding time from the state in CA, upto one year of the baby's birth.
miss casual
Nov 1, 11 9:40 am
I had a baby when I was at a bigger corporate firm (even though FMLA didnt apply there at the time because they had downsized they upheld it) but it was all unpaid leave and I had to foot the bill for my own health insurance while I was out. I couldnt afford to take more than 9 weeks off even with disability insurance. Coming back is going to be hell no matter how long you have off by the way.
Personally though I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I LOVE my kid but I need the intellectual stimulation my job provides.
This time around Im at a small firm (11 people) and I dont have disability insurance. It will be hard to afford the time off. To be honest Im not sure what to do about it.
All the advice I would have is to think about it from your bosses point of view. Really think about it. For a long while. Chances are they dont want to lose you. Good employees are not easy to find and if you are a good fit for the office they will want to work with you. But be as flexible as you can. And I definitely agree with DonnaSink that the kid is going to totally transform your life in ways that are not imaginable right now so be patient with your employer and yourself if you can.
SeaArch
Nov 4, 11 6:38 pm
I'm a Partner in a 20 person firm and I have two children in grade school. I didn't get paid maternity leave...and I'm a Partner! I took three unpaid months off and then came back four days a week for the next three months. It was very hard at the start. My husband also went to four days a week the first six months so that meant only three days with a nanny and four days with one of us. I believe with everyone set up to work remotely it has become soooo much easier to have children and a career in Architecture. My experiences led us to create a very family friendly firm. We have flex time and it is a given that you can work from home when you have a sick child. We even have children in the office some days when even the best made plans fall apart. We give them lots of drawing materials and pin their drawings on wall. The office is great for hide and seek too. There are many days I work from home and my clients have no idea I'm not in the office.
I didn't have children until I was 38 and I was already a Partner. I'm glad I did it that way...but now I'm 48 with two energetic children and a very busy firm..its exhausting and I get very little time to myself. But, children really are the best part of life so its worth it.
I just had a conversation last week with an expectant mother in our office. She is the fourth mother in our office. She gave us six months notice which I appreciated. She is planning on three months off and I encouraged her to take six if she needed it. I also explained that other new mothers in our office started back on a four day a week schedule. We pay all benefits while employees are on leave.
One last note....every family needs a support network...other relatives, friends, baby-sitters and neighbors you can count on. The toughest week of my life was when my husband was in London on business and I and the two kids had the flu. Family and friends cooked for us, got us medicine, walked the dog.etc. I don't know how anyone does it alone......
Donna Sink
Nov 4, 11 7:21 pm
SeaArch thank you so much for that post - sounds like you have a great firm!
Your last paragraph supports the advice I've given here often to people trying to figure out where to move: if having children is in your near future, consider moving close to your or your spouse's family or to somewhere you have a big network of friends already. Raising kids and working without access to emergency babysitting/caregiving family and friends nearby is five times as hard!
So I know this thread just got resurrected, but HR is trying to convince our firm's brass on a new thing that I thought I'd paste here for comment. New as of next year, we may be able to buy PTO tax-free (really just reducing our overall gross income). This would be for any reason I suppose, but is specifically discussed as a way to provide maternity leave.
I haven't gotten to ask, but my first take is that it seems like a very convoluted way to allow people to stay employed "on the books" and effectively pay the firm back to cover health insurance and other benefits. If the firm is so concerned about the costs of covering an employee for that time, I'm not sure why they don't just make the employee cover health insurance, but I'm guessing there are hidden laws that are making the firm suggest these gymnastics.
I'm getting a little disgusted here. Searching google for maternity leave in architecture firms, the only hits with any information were from the UK, Canada and Australia. Searching on this forum, I found three posts, all from men, one turned to a discussion of fake boobs and the other about a guy feeling aroused by a coworker breast pumping. Is this really such a taboo topic for intelligent discussion in this profession? I work in a small firm in Brooklyn which has never dealt with maternity leave for any employees before, as far as I can tell. There is no policy in place. Does anyone have any experience regarding how much is fair to negotiate, paid vs unpaid, halftime or work from home? And how long to wait to tell the principal? I am constantly worried about job security as it is, and since FMLA doesn't apply to small firms, I'm not sure I can expect them to hold my position for me for six to twelve weeks. I' m worried once I tell them I'm pregnant I will lose all respect, that they will presume that I must not really be serious about my career. I don't want to be another statistic who leaves the profession after having a child, but frankly after five years I'm becoming fed up with the lack of mutual respect between architects. I don't really see how a thirty-five year old with only six years post graduate experience could continue to advance her career as an architect after taking a year or so off to care for a child without being thrown back to intern status, but putting a six week old in daycare also is not appealing, especially since child care costs would about offset my salary. Any sincere advice from women or men who have been in this situation would be greatly appreciated.
first off - congratulations!
found this - might be helpful
I think 2-3 months is reasonable to ask for (unpaid) leave - then try to work something out where you can work part-time/hourly and/or from home for a while until you feel ready to head back to work full time. if they don't have kids themselves they might not understand what it takes to care for an infant - but if they do have kids then it'll be easier to negotiate with them.
my small office had two fathers go on leave for a month, then they returned back to work part-time for another 2 months - and my boss is pretty reasonable about allowing them to take time off when they need to for their kids. and as far as I've noticed it hasn't affected their work at all. plus I think having a kid has made them easier to work with for some reason.
Unfortunately, this is still a 'gool 'ol boy" profession which is a real shame because the industry does lose a lot of good architects that are women. I had a baby and before my leave discussed in length what options I would have and they were open to part time work and telecommuting. When I returned from my maternity leave, they said no to all of it. And a few months later they got rid of me. Not sure at this time if I want to return.
Best of luck to you and I hope you have a better experience than I did. Sorry I don't have anything positive to say but that's how it worked out for me. With that said, I am extremely happy I had a baby and couldn't be more in love!
Many - but not all - small firms will try to mimic FMLA (to the extent possible) even though they are not required to comply with its requirements. I recommend that you use FMLA as a starting point in your discussions with your employer. However, what they decide to do for you will depend, I expect, on the condition of their business and your perceived value to the firm long term.
The fact that you seem to feel the need to delay telling your employer about your pregnancy suggests that you may not feel on solid ground in the relationship. I can only say that our firm appreciates as much advance notice about such matters as possible -- that gives us more time to assess and respond. Perhaps if you could approach your employer from a base of trust, they will reciprocate in kind.
I think it's important to remember that small firms have much less staffing flexibility than do mid-sized and larger firms -- it's simply not as easy for a small firm to "cover' for an employee who may need or want to take 12 weeks (or so) away from the firm. This is, I think, the main reason small firms are exempt from the requirements of FMLA. In many cases, it's not that the small firm doesn't want to comply -- it's simply that the burden of complying is way out of proportion to the size of their firm. You have to give them a reason to carry that burden.
Congratulations ... and, good luck.
This is definitely one of the reasons the proportion of women in practice is so low compared to the proportion of women in architecture school. Add the low salaries - a salary that barely covers daycare is not uncommon - and a lot of women architects just step out of traditional practice entirely.
I'm not saying you should do that, but you do want to consider that having a child may be an earth-shattering change in your life. Of the 12 women I knew who gave birth about the same time as I did 2/3 of them decided not to go back to work at all. Eight years later several of them have gone back but in very different capacities. Priorities can change, dramatically.
Three months off sadly coincides exactly with when the little poop machines start to turn into a fun little responsive baby. Going back to work at three months was ridiculously hard for me, but it did, I think, end up going very well. Granted, I had a supportive firm.
You worry about them thinking you are not serious about your career once you tell them you're prgrnant: have you been serious until now? Have you been a valuable employee that goes above and beyond? If so they will likely want to keep you on as soon as possible after the baby is born.
Don't think your career will be over if you take a year or three off. Do give yourself allowance to reconsider how you define your career after you have a child. I think traditional practice is disappearing anyway - you may find you are able to practice in a different way when you are ready to go back. Frankly, and I sound like a bit of a mercenary saying this, but Mommy-n-Me groups can be a great place to network for small freelance jobs!
Thank you all so much for the helpful comments, and I apologize if the tone of my post was negative and baiting... Hormones + Internet can equal one quite worked up person. I fully understand why a small firm can't offer the same benefits and support as a larger one, which is why I was reaching out for advice. I am not considering hiding the pregnancy from my employer, but is it respectful to wait until the second trimester when we make a general announcement? I have proven myself a valuable hard-working contributing team member, but I am not in any critical leadership role for any projects, which makes me worry I'm replaceable. If so, I appreciate the advice to see what new opportunities may open up and to have an open mind about the shape of my career once the great priority shift happens.
I think if maternity leave was longer, we'd have more [fully qualified] women returning to the profession after child birth. I think we desperately need more professionally qualified people no matter if they are male or female. And I think we're headed for a drain of professional architects in the next few years.
feelandtriple, I and most of the other women I know waited to make the pregnancy public until we'd had genetic testing done, at 12 weeks. Generally people don't make it known until the first trimester is over, not to scare you but most pregnancies that spontaneously end do so in the first trimester. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting.
Also, you may find this older thread of value.
As an employer, and a parent, here is my advice to you:
wait until after the first trimester. You will feel less hormonal, and six months is still plenty of time to plan
In a small firm, it is not reasonable to expect that you will be paid for your leave. it WOULD be reasonable for them to continue your benefits such as health insurance.
Think about your role in the firm, and what disruption this will cause in the firm, and then make a plan to counter it. For example, if you are the only person in a two person firm who knows CAD, then the owner will not be able to wait 3 months for you to come back. So do research on how the firm would get a temporary substitute for you. Or if you are a project manager, and might leave in the midst of projects then develop a plan to have a co-worker cover for you, continue to be involved in the project via email, arrange baby care so you can attend the once a week job meeting, review submittals at home, etc.
If you do NOT want to come back, then say so. I have held a job for 4 months for an employee who then decided not to come back. I realize people change their minds, but it hurts everyone when someone collects maternity leave for a couple of months, then comes back for a day or two and quits. If you are committed to your career and coming back, then it will show.
The more valuable you have made yourself to the firm, the easier it will be to arrange for maternity leave, coming back part time, working from home, flex hours, etc. So get cracking and make your self invaluable in the next two or three months.
If you are serious about a life long career in architecture, I think it would be difficult to take a couple of years off and not see some loss of momentum when you come back. If you have a supportive husband, and are organized, you should be able to have a career and raise a wonderful child into adulthood.. You do not have to pick one. Having children is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me, but if you do your parent job correctly, they grow up to be happy, independent members of society, and you have an empty house. It is nice to have a strong interesting career to fill your time when you ship the last one off to college.
Be flexible. Architecture is not a nine to five job, and if you are committed, you can do this. I took my two week old son out to look at a building a client wanted me to renovate. I have (male and female) employees who bring babies to work and have them sleep under the desk while they work when daycare falls through. Employees work from home when a kid is sick. Employees start at 6 AM and leave early to pick kids up from school, etc. If you hold up your end of the deal, are responsible for your work, and make sure you have things covered, your employer will be more than willing to be flexible. Just don't expect having a baby to be an excuse to do substandard work.
I'd say 6 months is a very reasonable amount of notice to give your employer. I would imagine for the most part, many firms that are run reasonably will attempt to meet the fmla standards as much as possible, and if they dont, chances are it will only get incrementally worse as your child grows, so best to know now.
Given this amount of notice, you should be able to adjust any current projects and have them in good order to be handed off to someone else. It really shouldnt be that big an issue if the firm is run decently.
I understand the feeling that there would be a lack of respect once you return, and unfortunately the only way around that is to just plug through and earn it. There is definitely a stereotype that seems to still be prevelant in this industry.
On a side note, I have a 6 month old who has been in daycare ever since she turned 3 months. She adjusted wonderfully and its not terrible to have a career and a child in daycare. My wife isnt an architect, so i cant speak on that, but it is possible. She got 3 months off, unpaid, and i got 2 weeks off from saved vacation time.
Also, she has told me that if you got to be home for 6 months, when the baby gets to be fun, it would have been much much harder to go back. For what thats worth.
I would say I am living proof of a single architecture career mom (of a toddler) who is making it due to a combo of willpower and an understanding firm. However, it is the luck of the draw when it comes to maternity-friendly employers. Maybe a lot has to do with one of the partners being Swedish but I've found that as long as I am able to do the work I need to do & do not take advantage of their kindness, they are flexible and generous (paid maternity leave, cont health insurance, open-minded about time-out/private room for pumping milk during office hours, etc). It is important to have good & honest communication with the higher ups and to increase your own personal efficiency to be able to accomplish tasks within the time frame your parenting schedule allows. I would also recommend a home office set up so if work ever needs to spill over time, you can continue at home after you put your child to bed. I have more reason to succeed now with a child than ever before.
i don't have much to contribute to this discussion that has not already been said by others with more experience than i have, but as someone with plans to have a child in the near future, i am following it closely. to the op--you have no reason to apologize for whatever perfectly understandable frustrations you are encountering, hormones or not. i tend to be more cynical about these kinds of issues than most because what i've seen out there has not been reassuring, and i would urge you to keep your pregnancy to yourself as long as possible. unfortunately, unless you have a good relationship with your employers, this industry tends to not be too accepting of personal/family needs, and you need to protect yourself and your child's well-being before other concerns, including how you are perceived as a professional (people will see you how they want to see you). the bottom line is that unless you have very understanding employers, the 'business of business is business', and most small employers will probably not risk a loss or setback to the business for the benefit of one employee. that said, i recently spoke with two different firm owners who are bending over backwards to continue providing fully-covered health insurance to their employees out of a sense of responsibility. there are people out there who are trying, but the odds are steeply stacked. play it close to the vest and don't feel guilty about it.
ps--i think the advice given by archie is very, very good. the problem is that it presupposes that the employer is receptive. i have a problem with the kind of 'give, give, give, prove, prove, prove your benefits to the employer' strategy some are suggesting, because it keeps the employee in a state of permanent deficit and at risk of never deriving any actual 'return' on all that investment. i think it is particularly dangerous for women, who often are already working for substandard pay, to adopt this position and then be hit later in life with the problem of combining motherhood and work, which only drives them deeper into the hole, forcing them to accept less and less while putting in more and more. as the original poster said, there has to be more mutual respect, for the actual contributions of employees but also for their human needs, to not be endlessly available 24-hrs a day, to be able to set personal and family priorities. this is sorely lacking in this profession.
I agree that you should start the discussion by using FMLA as a guideline. Even though the firm is not required to follow it, they will probably be inclined to try. Granted, 12 weeks of unpaid leave is not that great. Since having a baby 9 months ago, I realize how horrible our maternity laws are. This country is not supporting families. I think you can try to negotiate part time work if that is what you want also. I think it will be easier to work part time for a firm that already knows and is committed to you. Finding a new part time job might be difficult...
I took 16 weeks off and then went back full time. In an ideal world I would work part time, but that isn't feasible right now. Hopefully in the future it will be.
Also, my husband took 12 weeks off after I did. While this was not as good as being home myself, it was really, really nice. If your husband works for a company with over 50 employees they are required to let him do this. Take advantage of it! Most men don't consider it, but they should. My husband really enjoyed it.
Yay for Mr. future hope! I think that's a great system if a couple has that opportunity: one parent home for the first 6 months of the babe's life.
First off, congratulations. It is going be an incredible journey from now on!
I am not sure about smaller firms, but the state might be able to help. Please be aware that in NY and CA (I am not sure about other states, but am relatively sure about both CA and NY), you can get 10 weeks of disability from the state. In CA this is 55% of your last salary. You can also get 6 weeks of family bonding time from the state in CA, upto one year of the baby's birth.
I had a baby when I was at a bigger corporate firm (even though FMLA didnt apply there at the time because they had downsized they upheld it) but it was all unpaid leave and I had to foot the bill for my own health insurance while I was out. I couldnt afford to take more than 9 weeks off even with disability insurance. Coming back is going to be hell no matter how long you have off by the way.
Personally though I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I LOVE my kid but I need the intellectual stimulation my job provides.
This time around Im at a small firm (11 people) and I dont have disability insurance. It will be hard to afford the time off. To be honest Im not sure what to do about it.
All the advice I would have is to think about it from your bosses point of view. Really think about it. For a long while. Chances are they dont want to lose you. Good employees are not easy to find and if you are a good fit for the office they will want to work with you. But be as flexible as you can. And I definitely agree with DonnaSink that the kid is going to totally transform your life in ways that are not imaginable right now so be patient with your employer and yourself if you can.
I'm a Partner in a 20 person firm and I have two children in grade school. I didn't get paid maternity leave...and I'm a Partner! I took three unpaid months off and then came back four days a week for the next three months. It was very hard at the start. My husband also went to four days a week the first six months so that meant only three days with a nanny and four days with one of us. I believe with everyone set up to work remotely it has become soooo much easier to have children and a career in Architecture. My experiences led us to create a very family friendly firm. We have flex time and it is a given that you can work from home when you have a sick child. We even have children in the office some days when even the best made plans fall apart. We give them lots of drawing materials and pin their drawings on wall. The office is great for hide and seek too. There are many days I work from home and my clients have no idea I'm not in the office.
I didn't have children until I was 38 and I was already a Partner. I'm glad I did it that way...but now I'm 48 with two energetic children and a very busy firm..its exhausting and I get very little time to myself. But, children really are the best part of life so its worth it.
I just had a conversation last week with an expectant mother in our office. She is the fourth mother in our office. She gave us six months notice which I appreciated. She is planning on three months off and I encouraged her to take six if she needed it. I also explained that other new mothers in our office started back on a four day a week schedule. We pay all benefits while employees are on leave.
One last note....every family needs a support network...other relatives, friends, baby-sitters and neighbors you can count on. The toughest week of my life was when my husband was in London on business and I and the two kids had the flu. Family and friends cooked for us, got us medicine, walked the dog.etc. I don't know how anyone does it alone......
SeaArch thank you so much for that post - sounds like you have a great firm!
Your last paragraph supports the advice I've given here often to people trying to figure out where to move: if having children is in your near future, consider moving close to your or your spouse's family or to somewhere you have a big network of friends already. Raising kids and working without access to emergency babysitting/caregiving family and friends nearby is five times as hard!
Check out 2019 NYC law link below:
https://paidfamilyleave.ny.gov/2019
So I know this thread just got resurrected, but HR is trying to convince our firm's brass on a new thing that I thought I'd paste here for comment. New as of next year, we may be able to buy PTO tax-free (really just reducing our overall gross income). This would be for any reason I suppose, but is specifically discussed as a way to provide maternity leave.
I haven't gotten to ask, but my first take is that it seems like a very convoluted way to allow people to stay employed "on the books" and effectively pay the firm back to cover health insurance and other benefits. If the firm is so concerned about the costs of covering an employee for that time, I'm not sure why they don't just make the employee cover health insurance, but I'm guessing there are hidden laws that are making the firm suggest these gymnastics.