okay i was at a local big box retailer pickin up a few things for the holiday you know. and i heard what i declare to be the worst rock n roll song ever. it is Rockin' Into The Night" by .38 Special. God it sucks. Coincidentally, one of the best songs ever, "Let There Be Rock" by the Drive By Truckers which i was listening to on the drive over, actually mentions .38 Special.
Dropped acid, blue oyster cult concert.
14 years old.
and i thought those lasers were spiders chasin me
on the way home got pulled over
in rogersville alabama
with a half ounce of weed
and a case of sterling big mouth
my buddy gene was drivin
he just barely turned sixteen
and i liked to im sorry but we lived to tell about it
and we lived to do a whole bunch more of crazy
stupid shit
and i never saw lynyrd skynyrd
but i sure saw molly hatchett
with .38 special and the johnny van zandt band.
e
Jun 1, 05 12:25 pm
heh, i finally remembered the name of that nbc reality show about washed up musicians >> hit me baby 1 more time
the list includes >>
a flock of seagulls
tiffany
arrested development
loverboy
vanilla ice
wang chung
the knack
cameo
tommy tutone
the motels
and more!
oh the horror. it's good for at least one watching.
e
Jun 1, 05 12:28 pm
"Man, c'mon, I had a rough night and I hate the fucking Eagles..."
- the big lebowski
ether
Jun 1, 05 12:35 pm
that would be 'too fast for love', liberty. one of my all time favorites. it is currently in my car. first (and only) time i saw motley crue - sixth grade when gnr opened up for them a couple of months after appetite came out. tommy lee had the spinning drum cage. remeber that shit?!
The commish
Jun 1, 05 12:37 pm
Poor Arrested Development. They were so great.
"A game of Horseshoes..."
Smokety - Thanks for the CMB breakdown. I now, more than ever, appreciate and give praise to the lyrical genius of Color Me Bad's "I Wanna Sex You Up."
-New Kids On the Block (NKOTB) Had some pretty horrible songs.
Luis Fraguada
Jun 1, 05 1:00 pm
What is that one . . .
B-B-B-Baby you ain't seen nothing yet . . .
by Bachman Turner Overdrive
by the way, to me the songs I think of as the "worst" almost are as necessary to listen to as those that are the "best" . . . makes the best better, and is damn fun. Except for the Bachman Turner Overdrive tune, that will always suck for me, and should never be listened to.
Brandon J
Jun 1, 05 1:04 pm
whoever said, digable planets, go get a life!!!! dang people! that would be classified as hip hop - ok, worst rock song ever, iron maiden - 666 number of the beast!
Brandon J
Jun 1, 05 1:06 pm
...and the digs are the coolest ever, definately in the top ten of hip hop....cool like dat....one of the best hip hop joints ever.
vado retro
Jun 1, 05 5:56 pm
so many horrible songs. but you know the funny thing is, that when i hear these tunes now i have a warm spot for them remembering my punky youth and the absolute dread that these songs brought on. its like nostalgia in reverse.
wang chung and the knack each had several hits.
its either shut up or get cut up
they dont wanna hear about it
its only inches on the reel to reel
and radio is in the hands of such
alot of fools
trying to anesthestize the way that you feel
radio is a sound salvation
WtfWtfWtf™
Jun 1, 05 7:37 pm
I find it too painful to search the above list for the following entry, but I have to go with:
"Where the Down-Boys Go" By Warrant.
The commish
Jun 2, 05 7:50 pm
Alright, it's not rock, but it is HORRIBLE.
Blue (da ba di) by the supercool band Eifel 66.
Nails on the Chalkboard I tell ya.
sodapop
Jun 2, 05 8:56 pm
most of the songs on this list are awesome! you guys are crazy.. how dare anyone belittle the maiden?
if you want crap how about "be with you" by Mr. Big. Even the name is dumb.
Clancy Pearson
Jun 2, 05 11:14 pm
haha!
I second that sodapop!
all of it...
too degrading
Jun 3, 05 5:22 am
have we even mentioned bay city rollers? But Beth by Kiss... christ.
There is rock and there is pop. Bad Rock is more subtle and less unforgiving, Pop will accept Beatles, Dusty Springfield and Ratt. Beach Boys are so pop... in a good way, of course.
Rick Derringer. Steve Miller. THE ABSOLUTE HORROR! Loverboy. ARGH Pluck out my eyes and ears! Anyone with headbands. Kill them.
vado retro
Jun 3, 05 7:04 am
what you dont speak with the pompadous of love?
Medit
Jun 3, 05 11:07 am
the song was pretty bad -maybe not horrible- but the video of "More Than Words" by Extreme was soporiferous, annoying and almost repulsive (and that group sucked big time)
too degrading
Jun 3, 05 8:00 pm
I think I know where I pulled this one outta...
THE SCORPIANS!
e
Jun 3, 05 8:21 pm
rock, especially heavy metal, bands should be banned from doing ballads. period. oh, and no solos at your shows either. i hate solos.
turbo
Jun 4, 05 1:07 am
scorps rock!!!! the zoo.....classic.
bothands
Jun 5, 05 3:57 am
How can anyone put BOC, BTO, Pat Benetar, Scorpions, even Loverboy or Journey in the same category of unlistenable crap as Billie Joel? - He takes the cake in pompous lameness.
liberty bell
Jun 5, 05 10:01 am
Whoa, bothands, them's fightin' words. Billy Joel's first few albums are amazing - beautifully crafted songs that hold up - Turnstiles? Piano Man? Glass frickin' Houses? Those rock.
The Christie Brinkley years are questionable, you're right there. But go back and listen to "All for Leyna" or "New York State of Mind".
Smokety Mc Smoke Smoke
Jun 5, 05 10:43 pm
Anyone ever notice that a preponderance of 70's-era power trios hailed from the Great White North (Rush, Triumph, BTO)?
So, my all-time worst band/song list, in no particular order. Ready?
10. Aqua. Yeah, so the Danes are supposed to be the most civilized of all scandinavians, yet how does one explain this piece of sonic diarrhea otherwise known as "Aqua"? You know you hate them. What, you don't know who they are? They sang "Barbie Girl." They had this kinda hot gal with tattoos. And some creepy bald guy with chinstrap sideburns. Bleeeeargh!!!!
9. The Duff Sisters. Yeah, Hilary has a younger sister. Her name is Haylee, and she has about a micron of the talent that her older sister has. Oh wait, this means ... yes, that's right!!! If Hilary has zero talent, then Haylee flounders in the shoals of negative talent. The fact that someone has "negative" talent is dangerous. Think of all the things we associate with "negative" or "below" or "absence of": freezing temperatures, deep water, antimatter. Stay away from this duo, especially when they belt out their especially cringeworthy version of "Our Lips Are Sealed." Now, you know that it is impossible for the Sisters Duff to pull off the song. First of all, they are talentless. Second of all, they are not as coked up as Belinda Carlisle or Jane Wiedlin. Not yet.
8. Falco, Rock Me Amadeus. This song straddles the fine line between really pissing me off or inducing uncontrolled spasms of laughter. "Oooh, Rock Me Amadeus." Now bear with me for a second. I think I see what this song is about. It's about Mozart. He's Austrian. Wait a sec. So is Falco. So, Falco rapping about Mozart necessarily impllies that he is the inheritor of Mozart's legacy. Okay, so Mozart was a genius. He wrote volumes of music. Falco? Not so impressive. All we know about this dude is that he sings "Der Kommissar" in front of a chromakey screen as he is chased by Viennese cops. Why is he running? Is he some type of central-European Lothario being chased by the fuzz for stealing too many hearts? WRONG. He's being chased out of Vienna because he sucks. But, I give credit where credit is due ... "Rock Me Amadeus" spawned one of the funniest Simpsons episodes ever. Come on, sing with me. "Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius ..."
7. Margaritaville, Jimmy Buffett. Well, I don't think I'll be going out on a limb when I say that I don't mind Jimmy Buffett. I just hate the people who like Jimmy Buffett. So check this out. My freshman year in college, I lived in a residential college with this guy, Dave. Dave was cool. He was from Brooklyn. We was wicked smart. He wore cool clothes. He also got laid more than Sinatra. Dave was my hero. That is, until I discovered that he was a HUGE Jimmy Buffett fan. Now, bear with me for a sec. Remember in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy finds out that the "Wizard" is just some old guy playing an organ behind a green curtain? Well, the only difference between me and Dorothy is that Dorothy never felt the need to kick the "Wizard's" ass when she found out the truth. I hate Dave. I wish I would have known about his musical missteps earlier on. You suck, Dave.
6. Every Rose Has It's Thorn, Poison. Oh god, I hear something in the distance it's, it's ... the sound of projectile vomiting!!!!
5. Monkey, George Michael. During his most macho phase, George Michael sings an allegory about drug addiction. Cocaine and heroin are the proverbial "monkeys" on one's back. Okay, but you have to admit, the fact that a top 40 tune is called "Monkey" is pretty freakin' funny. Also, the fact that the word is used as frequently as it is in this song is also pretty funny. If you wanted to sing about this with an appropriate mosicum of gravitas, you would say something like "Get your damn paws off of me, you damn dirty ape"! Wait, that is the second Planet of The Apes Reference I've made in this post.
4. Lick It Up, Kiss. The song is actually called "Lick It Up." Kiss sings this without their makeup. Gene Simmons' tongue is featured prominently in the video. Okay. so maybe Gene Simmons was the toughest guy in Kiss. He had this bat motif going on with his costume. Plus, his boots had fangs! Whoaaa! Tough! Yet, having lived in Los Angeles for the past six years, I can safely say that the one celebrity I have seen the most is Gene Simmons. In fact, almost all of those Gene Simmons sightings have occurred in shopping malls. Listen, Gene Simmons: you are not tough. You suck.
3. Do I Do, Stevie Wonder. This song gets special mention for its more-than-occasional incidents of poor grammar (where's SBC????). At one point, you can hear Stevie sing "I don't care, just how long this will take/For I know the woman for me you are make." This is not poetry ... this sounds like a guy who is reading Mad Libs out loud.
2. Anything by Damn Yankees. Ted Nugent is in this band, and he wears chaps in the videos. Tommy Shaw from Styx is in the band and so is the singer from Night Ranger. This is the exact opposite of a supergroup.
1. Heavy Metal Poisoning, Styx. Folks, this song is from the much-maligned album, Kilroy Was Here. One of the album's conceits is that each band member is actually a character is this terrible rock opera called "Kilroy Was Here." So, Tommy Shaw plays Kilroy. Dennis de Young gets to wear the Roboto costume. And James "JY" young plays Dr. Righteous, the cultish leader of this PMRC-like organization called the Moral Music Majority. So, RIghteous is supposed to sing about the pitfalls of heavy metal (Styx was anything but), but he sings weird wacked-out stuff like "shoot those chemicals in your brain/anything to ease the pain." And then, he sings, Everything is black and white/You are wrong and we are right/First we'll spank your big behinds/Then we'll twist your little minds."
Man, is this one weird song.
Sorry for the lengthy post.
tman
Jun 6, 05 1:07 am
anything by good charlotte
liberty bell
Jun 6, 05 10:34 am
Oh god smokety thanks for the warning about DamnYankees - I had no idea that's who they are - I'll steer clear.
Funny lengthy post, BTW.
whistler
Jun 6, 05 1:05 pm
smokey... you forgot to mention Loverboy! However I appreciate RUSH ( just think about the name ) although Geddy Lee clearly should be named the ugliest rocker of all time, the nose and hair and high pitched whine, I can't watch the videos but the music I don't mind You have to appreciate Alex Lifeson's drum playing. and the words stand up a whole lot better than many named in the lists above.
ether
Jun 6, 05 2:06 pm
i saw dee snider on tv the other nite. i about spit up. talk about ugly.
vado retro
Jun 7, 05 7:23 am
while watching a show about the history of southern rock the other night, who should pop up but .38 special. not to talk about themselves, thank god, but to talk about ronnie van zandt, as one of the members of the group that recorded, "rockin into the night" ,ie the worst rock song ever!!!, is the brother of late great one.
what was cool about the show, however, was the use of "angels and fuselage" a song by the drive by truckers; the closing tune of their great double disc "southern rock opera", while showing the wreckage of skynyrd's plane in the swamp.
the engines have all stopped now
we all know we are going down
last call for alcohol
sure wish we could have another round
and im scared shitless
of whats coming next
scared shitless
these angels i see in the trees
waiting for me
friends in the swamp
friends on the ground
and in the trees
angels and fuselage.
and dont forget stevie gaines
larslarson
Jun 7, 05 10:33 am
i don't know if this qualifies as rock..but it cracked me up
when this lyric hit me this morning...
"Reality used to be a friend of mine,
'cause complete control, I don't take too kind.
Christina Applegate, you gotta put me on."
"I wanted her to be a big PM Dawn fan,
but I had to put her right back with the rest.
That's the way it goes, I guess."
so i reread most of the thread...and i think we'd be
remiss to not mention the etude:
i'm too sexy by right said fred sp?
"the way i'm disco dancing..."
and you're a model? rrrrriggght the only problem is
you made a music video and it was shown three million
times on mtv and now we all know you're lying...bald
guys in black see through mesh shirts fall somewhere
under the definition of 'trying way too hard'
liberty bell
Jun 8, 05 10:47 am
OK so I've had a crap morning because I was up late finishing drawings for a meeting this morning but forgot to save them to a disc for the printer last night. So when I try to make the disc this morning I forget to save the plot file. So I try again and my frickin' laptop crashes. I'm running late at this point and I absolutely have to get to the printer first thing so I throw the damn moaning laptop in the car and start the race through rush hour traffic to get to the print shop. And what song greets me as I get in my car??
Loverboy's Workin' for the Weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And after a fit of hysterical laughter I realize that while I previously hadn't heard this song a single time in at least ten if not fifteen years, since moving to Indianapolis 12 weeks ago I have heard it on the radio twice.
, Neil Peart played drums in Rush. Lifeson played the guitar...
pencrush
Jun 8, 05 3:55 pm
or play I guess I should say...
liberty bell
Jun 8, 05 4:21 pm
Thanks, Smokety, that was hilarious.
And so '80s! Teal blue CMU with galvanized roofing wainscot - think I'll propose that for my client's new kitchen (meeting went very well, BTW).
Sadly, watching that video ups my WFtW listening count to three in the last 3 months. That's just unnatural and unhealthy.
vado retro
Jun 8, 05 7:23 pm
im gonna give my top five as of today.
5. Carry On My Wayward Son-Kansas
4. Any Styx song with the exception of Lorelai which I kind of like
3. Workin For The Weekend-Loverboy
2. We Built This City-Jefferson Starship
1. Rockin' Into The Night-.38 Special
Get down tonite!!!
Smokety Mc Smoke Smoke
Jun 8, 05 7:33 pm
vado ... #2 on your list is especially heinous.
Steven Ward
Jun 8, 05 7:44 pm
i don't think i've seen either 99, rosanna, or africa listed here. come on, people, toto deserves it's share of disparagement!
i have to admit an ambivalence about this topic. i'm afraid, every time i look, that someone will list one of my old standbys. vado came close, but didn't list 'dust in the wind' and stevie wonder was already dissed somewhere above. i've been known to own (may still?) a styx album. and i saw bto open for van hagar in 1986. i loved my cassette of asia so much i wore it out - and i must have rented the videodisc 25 times when i was in high school.
in 2025 will people be writing things like this about bright eyes and beck?
Smokety Mc Smoke Smoke
Jun 8, 05 9:14 pm
"Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club. hate it with a passion.
vado retro
Jun 8, 05 11:21 pm
steven, rosanna is about rosanna arquette whom i have always loved.
also, i forgot to add that i hate any song by "rush" and find that bands that are so technically great often suck the worst.
Steven Ward
Jun 9, 05 8:14 am
vado, i think that your love for rosanna should make you hate the song more. now, if peter gabriel had written a song for her when they were together, that would be something.
vado retro
Jun 9, 05 7:32 pm
sorry i like that one. call me sentimental or just mental. well its time for me to fly....
johndevlin
Jun 10, 05 1:41 am
since I am 50 I will say here I loathe Crocodile Rock. also Hotel California gives me the creeps: Madonna and cults... I always turn off the radio when they play it
e909
Jun 10, 05 6:43 am
Jefferson Starship
build this city, awful
reo speedwagon similar junk
there're too many nominees. just imagine all of those CDs at thrift srtores, that never made it to any record stores; the CD equivalent of vanity publishings.
sammy hagar. that similar guy who 'died' after he was in james gang. he plays realll l l l l l l ly sl o oooooo o o o o w. i thnk he may have joined the ealges way after they slopped-off.
eagles. 'take it too the limit' another drag on forever song.
i'm too sexy by right said fred
joke song, good for dr demento
a whole lotta mccartney wings crAp
just about anything on those easy listening radio stations.
did meatloaf actually partake in anything that could be labeled 'music'?
yeah, almost anything by Bob Seger
e909
Jun 10, 05 6:54 am
vr: so many horrible songs. but you know the funny thing is, that when i hear these tunes now i have a warm spot for them remembering my punky youth and the absolute dread that these songs brought on. its like nostalgia in reverse.
the terror we survived. how did we manage?
wang chung and the knack each had several hits.
wack schnuck ghakk!
its only inches on the reel to reel
and radio is in the hands of such
alot of fools
trying to anesthestize the way that you feel
radio is a sound salvation
(not a bad film track, imo) headbands?
like hendrix? santana?
might as well writeoff anyone who wears a backwards baseball cap.
Steve Miller
'livin in the usa'
even the bad sometimes do good.
rock, especially heavy metal, bands should be banned from doing ballads
have you heard 'changes' by sabbath?
not too bad. very simple. good sound quality/production.
nugent: amboy dukes, 'journey to center of mind' (paraphrase) a bit cliche-hokey-silly, but still sounds ok (the same way 'i had to much to dream last night' is pretty good). otherwise, nugent? hahahahahaaaa
so we're back to bad
spyrogyra.
almost everything by steely dan = gharbadj.
queen's "opera" hahaha. queen too soon descended to recording soccer chants, rather than music
bowie did lots of great bits over quite a few years, but 'young americans' is an aural horror.
vado retro
Jun 10, 05 7:24 am
one more day
eight hours
then i'll be jumpin off the deep end
and wang chunging tonite!!!
icedragon
Jun 15, 05 3:57 pm
I am floored by the the reasoning some people use here:
I have objections
Night Ranger = this is just plain WRONG. These Guy were great. I can still hear there music in my mind all these years later.
Phil Collins - Are you kidding me Worst ever, No way. His music ranks as some of the best over the last 30 years. "IN the Air tonight" is still one of the coolest uses of Guitar ever.
Billie Joel - The dude is a genieus. There is not one song he has ever written that could ever be included on a "WORST EVER!!!" list
The Beach boys- Are you kidding me? These Legends and good music.
The Rolling Stones - are you serious Worst ever??? What have written the deserves to be here??
Journey- No I don't think so. This is an obvious predjuice against polished rock sound. you may not like them and that is ok, But they don't deserve to be here. They had great stuff, Steve perry's voice still sends chills up and down my spine
Styx - Mr Roboto- Great song, one of the best and 1ST uses of systhizer. it really showed off the new technology
Ratt - Round And Round - Wrong!!! You might not like the commercial sound of RATT, but this song does not deserve to be on a "WORST EVER" list?
Starhip - "We built this City" This was a great song. I can still remeber seeing the video premier on a friday night on MTV and that was 20 years ago. this is an obvious rebellion against the old starship and the new star ship.
Wang Chung - This is Dead Wrong. They had 2 great songs and this was one of them. that base line is great. Every body "Wang Chung" Toningt.
Loverboy- everybodys working for the weekend. Catchy tune. Not the best ever, but not the worst ever either, Does not desere to be here.
i would walk 500 miles - This is not a rock song. and doese not deserve to be here. Not a bad song, but definately not a Rock song.
I Agree
Pacman Fever - this is near the top of the list. Stupid, stupid , stupid. it is the only way to describe this song.
I Wanna Sex You Up." - yes, man if you tried this with a woman, you would be slapped into the middle of next week. This song is a tributed to every ego driven male fantasy who wishes he would go up to a perfect stranger and have her drop and give it to him right there. yea what a waste of air time, with this sewage
spice girls – Need I Say More??? BAby spice, slutty spice and all spice.
Geroge Michael –yes, He is a recrutiment tool. terrible music, I just can't say enough about how bad his music.
Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club- This song give me the creeps. when it first came out it creeped me out and the thought of it creeps me out today. i nominate this song as the worst ever. j m o
I sure there are many more bad song and a few more songs good songs that I have not commented on.
icedragon
Jun 15, 05 4:46 pm
I come from the land down under. different sound, but crappy lyrics
Smokety Mc Smoke Smoke
Jun 15, 05 4:56 pm
icedragon ... there is a world of difference between the Beach Boys who sang "Kokomo" and the Beach Boys that sang "God Only Knows" or "Sloop John B." The "Kokomo" Beach Boys are offensive indeed.
okay i was at a local big box retailer pickin up a few things for the holiday you know. and i heard what i declare to be the worst rock n roll song ever. it is Rockin' Into The Night" by .38 Special. God it sucks. Coincidentally, one of the best songs ever, "Let There Be Rock" by the Drive By Truckers which i was listening to on the drive over, actually mentions .38 Special.
Dropped acid, blue oyster cult concert.
14 years old.
and i thought those lasers were spiders chasin me
on the way home got pulled over
in rogersville alabama
with a half ounce of weed
and a case of sterling big mouth
my buddy gene was drivin
he just barely turned sixteen
and i liked to im sorry but we lived to tell about it
and we lived to do a whole bunch more of crazy
stupid shit
and i never saw lynyrd skynyrd
but i sure saw molly hatchett
with .38 special and the johnny van zandt band.
heh, i finally remembered the name of that nbc reality show about washed up musicians >> hit me baby 1 more time
the list includes >>
a flock of seagulls
tiffany
arrested development
loverboy
vanilla ice
wang chung
the knack
cameo
tommy tutone
the motels
and more!
oh the horror. it's good for at least one watching.
"Man, c'mon, I had a rough night and I hate the fucking Eagles..."
- the big lebowski
that would be 'too fast for love', liberty. one of my all time favorites. it is currently in my car. first (and only) time i saw motley crue - sixth grade when gnr opened up for them a couple of months after appetite came out. tommy lee had the spinning drum cage. remeber that shit?!
Poor Arrested Development. They were so great.
"A game of Horseshoes..."
Smokety - Thanks for the CMB breakdown. I now, more than ever, appreciate and give praise to the lyrical genius of Color Me Bad's "I Wanna Sex You Up."
-New Kids On the Block (NKOTB) Had some pretty horrible songs.
What is that one . . .
B-B-B-Baby you ain't seen nothing yet . . .
by Bachman Turner Overdrive
by the way, to me the songs I think of as the "worst" almost are as necessary to listen to as those that are the "best" . . . makes the best better, and is damn fun. Except for the Bachman Turner Overdrive tune, that will always suck for me, and should never be listened to.
whoever said, digable planets, go get a life!!!! dang people! that would be classified as hip hop - ok, worst rock song ever, iron maiden - 666 number of the beast!
...and the digs are the coolest ever, definately in the top ten of hip hop....cool like dat....one of the best hip hop joints ever.
so many horrible songs. but you know the funny thing is, that when i hear these tunes now i have a warm spot for them remembering my punky youth and the absolute dread that these songs brought on. its like nostalgia in reverse.
wang chung and the knack each had several hits.
its either shut up or get cut up
they dont wanna hear about it
its only inches on the reel to reel
and radio is in the hands of such
alot of fools
trying to anesthestize the way that you feel
radio is a sound salvation
I find it too painful to search the above list for the following entry, but I have to go with:
"Where the Down-Boys Go" By Warrant.
Alright, it's not rock, but it is HORRIBLE.
Blue (da ba di) by the supercool band Eifel 66.
Nails on the Chalkboard I tell ya.
most of the songs on this list are awesome! you guys are crazy.. how dare anyone belittle the maiden?
if you want crap how about "be with you" by Mr. Big. Even the name is dumb.
haha!
I second that sodapop!
all of it...
have we even mentioned bay city rollers? But Beth by Kiss... christ.
There is rock and there is pop. Bad Rock is more subtle and less unforgiving, Pop will accept Beatles, Dusty Springfield and Ratt. Beach Boys are so pop... in a good way, of course.
Rick Derringer. Steve Miller. THE ABSOLUTE HORROR! Loverboy. ARGH Pluck out my eyes and ears! Anyone with headbands. Kill them.
what you dont speak with the pompadous of love?
the song was pretty bad -maybe not horrible- but the video of "More Than Words" by Extreme was soporiferous, annoying and almost repulsive (and that group sucked big time)
I think I know where I pulled this one outta...
THE SCORPIANS!
rock, especially heavy metal, bands should be banned from doing ballads. period. oh, and no solos at your shows either. i hate solos.
scorps rock!!!! the zoo.....classic.
How can anyone put BOC, BTO, Pat Benetar, Scorpions, even Loverboy or Journey in the same category of unlistenable crap as Billie Joel? - He takes the cake in pompous lameness.
Whoa, bothands, them's fightin' words. Billy Joel's first few albums are amazing - beautifully crafted songs that hold up - Turnstiles? Piano Man? Glass frickin' Houses? Those rock.
The Christie Brinkley years are questionable, you're right there. But go back and listen to "All for Leyna" or "New York State of Mind".
Anyone ever notice that a preponderance of 70's-era power trios hailed from the Great White North (Rush, Triumph, BTO)?
So, my all-time worst band/song list, in no particular order. Ready?
10. Aqua. Yeah, so the Danes are supposed to be the most civilized of all scandinavians, yet how does one explain this piece of sonic diarrhea otherwise known as "Aqua"? You know you hate them. What, you don't know who they are? They sang "Barbie Girl." They had this kinda hot gal with tattoos. And some creepy bald guy with chinstrap sideburns. Bleeeeargh!!!!
9. The Duff Sisters. Yeah, Hilary has a younger sister. Her name is Haylee, and she has about a micron of the talent that her older sister has. Oh wait, this means ... yes, that's right!!! If Hilary has zero talent, then Haylee flounders in the shoals of negative talent. The fact that someone has "negative" talent is dangerous. Think of all the things we associate with "negative" or "below" or "absence of": freezing temperatures, deep water, antimatter. Stay away from this duo, especially when they belt out their especially cringeworthy version of "Our Lips Are Sealed." Now, you know that it is impossible for the Sisters Duff to pull off the song. First of all, they are talentless. Second of all, they are not as coked up as Belinda Carlisle or Jane Wiedlin. Not yet.
8. Falco, Rock Me Amadeus. This song straddles the fine line between really pissing me off or inducing uncontrolled spasms of laughter. "Oooh, Rock Me Amadeus." Now bear with me for a second. I think I see what this song is about. It's about Mozart. He's Austrian. Wait a sec. So is Falco. So, Falco rapping about Mozart necessarily impllies that he is the inheritor of Mozart's legacy. Okay, so Mozart was a genius. He wrote volumes of music. Falco? Not so impressive. All we know about this dude is that he sings "Der Kommissar" in front of a chromakey screen as he is chased by Viennese cops. Why is he running? Is he some type of central-European Lothario being chased by the fuzz for stealing too many hearts? WRONG. He's being chased out of Vienna because he sucks. But, I give credit where credit is due ... "Rock Me Amadeus" spawned one of the funniest Simpsons episodes ever. Come on, sing with me. "Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius ..."
7. Margaritaville, Jimmy Buffett. Well, I don't think I'll be going out on a limb when I say that I don't mind Jimmy Buffett. I just hate the people who like Jimmy Buffett. So check this out. My freshman year in college, I lived in a residential college with this guy, Dave. Dave was cool. He was from Brooklyn. We was wicked smart. He wore cool clothes. He also got laid more than Sinatra. Dave was my hero. That is, until I discovered that he was a HUGE Jimmy Buffett fan. Now, bear with me for a sec. Remember in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy finds out that the "Wizard" is just some old guy playing an organ behind a green curtain? Well, the only difference between me and Dorothy is that Dorothy never felt the need to kick the "Wizard's" ass when she found out the truth. I hate Dave. I wish I would have known about his musical missteps earlier on. You suck, Dave.
6. Every Rose Has It's Thorn, Poison. Oh god, I hear something in the distance it's, it's ... the sound of projectile vomiting!!!!
5. Monkey, George Michael. During his most macho phase, George Michael sings an allegory about drug addiction. Cocaine and heroin are the proverbial "monkeys" on one's back. Okay, but you have to admit, the fact that a top 40 tune is called "Monkey" is pretty freakin' funny. Also, the fact that the word is used as frequently as it is in this song is also pretty funny. If you wanted to sing about this with an appropriate mosicum of gravitas, you would say something like "Get your damn paws off of me, you damn dirty ape"! Wait, that is the second Planet of The Apes Reference I've made in this post.
4. Lick It Up, Kiss. The song is actually called "Lick It Up." Kiss sings this without their makeup. Gene Simmons' tongue is featured prominently in the video. Okay. so maybe Gene Simmons was the toughest guy in Kiss. He had this bat motif going on with his costume. Plus, his boots had fangs! Whoaaa! Tough! Yet, having lived in Los Angeles for the past six years, I can safely say that the one celebrity I have seen the most is Gene Simmons. In fact, almost all of those Gene Simmons sightings have occurred in shopping malls. Listen, Gene Simmons: you are not tough. You suck.
3. Do I Do, Stevie Wonder. This song gets special mention for its more-than-occasional incidents of poor grammar (where's SBC????). At one point, you can hear Stevie sing "I don't care, just how long this will take/For I know the woman for me you are make." This is not poetry ... this sounds like a guy who is reading Mad Libs out loud.
2. Anything by Damn Yankees. Ted Nugent is in this band, and he wears chaps in the videos. Tommy Shaw from Styx is in the band and so is the singer from Night Ranger. This is the exact opposite of a supergroup.
1. Heavy Metal Poisoning, Styx. Folks, this song is from the much-maligned album, Kilroy Was Here. One of the album's conceits is that each band member is actually a character is this terrible rock opera called "Kilroy Was Here." So, Tommy Shaw plays Kilroy. Dennis de Young gets to wear the Roboto costume. And James "JY" young plays Dr. Righteous, the cultish leader of this PMRC-like organization called the Moral Music Majority. So, RIghteous is supposed to sing about the pitfalls of heavy metal (Styx was anything but), but he sings weird wacked-out stuff like "shoot those chemicals in your brain/anything to ease the pain." And then, he sings, Everything is black and white/You are wrong and we are right/First we'll spank your big behinds/Then we'll twist your little minds."
Man, is this one weird song.
Sorry for the lengthy post.
anything by good charlotte
Oh god smokety thanks for the warning about DamnYankees - I had no idea that's who they are - I'll steer clear.
Funny lengthy post, BTW.
smokey... you forgot to mention Loverboy! However I appreciate RUSH ( just think about the name ) although Geddy Lee clearly should be named the ugliest rocker of all time, the nose and hair and high pitched whine, I can't watch the videos but the music I don't mind You have to appreciate Alex Lifeson's drum playing. and the words stand up a whole lot better than many named in the lists above.
i saw dee snider on tv the other nite. i about spit up. talk about ugly.
while watching a show about the history of southern rock the other night, who should pop up but .38 special. not to talk about themselves, thank god, but to talk about ronnie van zandt, as one of the members of the group that recorded, "rockin into the night" ,ie the worst rock song ever!!!, is the brother of late great one.
what was cool about the show, however, was the use of "angels and fuselage" a song by the drive by truckers; the closing tune of their great double disc "southern rock opera", while showing the wreckage of skynyrd's plane in the swamp.
the engines have all stopped now
we all know we are going down
last call for alcohol
sure wish we could have another round
and im scared shitless
of whats coming next
scared shitless
these angels i see in the trees
waiting for me
friends in the swamp
friends on the ground
and in the trees
angels and fuselage.
and dont forget stevie gaines
i don't know if this qualifies as rock..but it cracked me up
when this lyric hit me this morning...
"Reality used to be a friend of mine,
'cause complete control, I don't take too kind.
Christina Applegate, you gotta put me on."
"I wanted her to be a big PM Dawn fan,
but I had to put her right back with the rest.
That's the way it goes, I guess."
btw pm dawn is apparently still kickin it...
http://www.pmdawn.net/asp-vb/pm-main-new.asp
and the site has all their priceless lyrics.
so i reread most of the thread...and i think we'd be
remiss to not mention the etude:
i'm too sexy by right said fred sp?
"the way i'm disco dancing..."
and you're a model? rrrrriggght the only problem is
you made a music video and it was shown three million
times on mtv and now we all know you're lying...bald
guys in black see through mesh shirts fall somewhere
under the definition of 'trying way too hard'
OK so I've had a crap morning because I was up late finishing drawings for a meeting this morning but forgot to save them to a disc for the printer last night. So when I try to make the disc this morning I forget to save the plot file. So I try again and my frickin' laptop crashes. I'm running late at this point and I absolutely have to get to the printer first thing so I throw the damn moaning laptop in the car and start the race through rush hour traffic to get to the print shop. And what song greets me as I get in my car??
Loverboy's Workin' for the Weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And after a fit of hysterical laughter I realize that while I previously hadn't heard this song a single time in at least ten if not fifteen years, since moving to Indianapolis 12 weeks ago I have heard it on the radio twice.
Damnation. What am I doing in the Midwest.
liberty bell ... i think you may appreciate this
, Neil Peart played drums in Rush. Lifeson played the guitar...
or play I guess I should say...
Thanks, Smokety, that was hilarious.
And so '80s! Teal blue CMU with galvanized roofing wainscot - think I'll propose that for my client's new kitchen (meeting went very well, BTW).
Sadly, watching that video ups my WFtW listening count to three in the last 3 months. That's just unnatural and unhealthy.
im gonna give my top five as of today.
5. Carry On My Wayward Son-Kansas
4. Any Styx song with the exception of Lorelai which I kind of like
3. Workin For The Weekend-Loverboy
2. We Built This City-Jefferson Starship
1. Rockin' Into The Night-.38 Special
Get down tonite!!!
vado ... #2 on your list is especially heinous.
i don't think i've seen either 99, rosanna, or africa listed here. come on, people, toto deserves it's share of disparagement!
i have to admit an ambivalence about this topic. i'm afraid, every time i look, that someone will list one of my old standbys. vado came close, but didn't list 'dust in the wind' and stevie wonder was already dissed somewhere above. i've been known to own (may still?) a styx album. and i saw bto open for van hagar in 1986. i loved my cassette of asia so much i wore it out - and i must have rented the videodisc 25 times when i was in high school.
in 2025 will people be writing things like this about bright eyes and beck?
"Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club. hate it with a passion.
steven, rosanna is about rosanna arquette whom i have always loved.
also, i forgot to add that i hate any song by "rush" and find that bands that are so technically great often suck the worst.
vado, i think that your love for rosanna should make you hate the song more. now, if peter gabriel had written a song for her when they were together, that would be something.
sorry i like that one. call me sentimental or just mental. well its time for me to fly....
since I am 50 I will say here I loathe Crocodile Rock. also Hotel California gives me the creeps: Madonna and cults... I always turn off the radio when they play it
build this city, awful
reo speedwagon similar junk
there're too many nominees. just imagine all of those CDs at thrift srtores, that never made it to any record stores; the CD equivalent of vanity publishings.
sammy hagar. that similar guy who 'died' after he was in james gang. he plays realll l l l l l l ly sl o oooooo o o o o w. i thnk he may have joined the ealges way after they slopped-off.
eagles. 'take it too the limit' another drag on forever song.
i'm too sexy by right said fred
joke song, good for dr demento
a whole lotta mccartney wings crAp
just about anything on those easy listening radio stations.
did meatloaf actually partake in anything that could be labeled 'music'?
yeah, almost anything by Bob Seger
vr:
so many horrible songs. but you know the funny thing is, that when i hear these tunes now i have a warm spot for them remembering my punky youth and the absolute dread that these songs brought on. its like nostalgia in reverse.
the terror we survived. how did we manage?
wang chung and the knack each had several hits.
wack schnuck ghakk!
its only inches on the reel to reel
and radio is in the hands of such
alot of fools
trying to anesthestize the way that you feel
radio is a sound salvation
ugh, that was not attractions' best.
try
http://www.lyricsdepot.com/elvis_costello/im-not-angry.html
and mystery dance cover was good.
radio radio sums up this post dude.
(not a bad film track, imo)
headbands?
like hendrix? santana?
might as well writeoff anyone who wears a backwards baseball cap.
Steve Miller
'livin in the usa'
even the bad sometimes do good.
rock, especially heavy metal, bands should be banned from doing ballads
have you heard 'changes' by sabbath?
not too bad. very simple. good sound quality/production.
nugent: amboy dukes, 'journey to center of mind' (paraphrase) a bit cliche-hokey-silly, but still sounds ok (the same way 'i had to much to dream last night' is pretty good). otherwise, nugent? hahahahahaaaa
so we're back to bad
spyrogyra.
almost everything by steely dan = gharbadj.
queen's "opera" hahaha. queen too soon descended to recording soccer chants, rather than music
bowie did lots of great bits over quite a few years, but 'young americans' is an aural horror.
one more day
eight hours
then i'll be jumpin off the deep end
and wang chunging tonite!!!
I am floored by the the reasoning some people use here:
I have objections
Night Ranger = this is just plain WRONG. These Guy were great. I can still hear there music in my mind all these years later.
Phil Collins - Are you kidding me Worst ever, No way. His music ranks as some of the best over the last 30 years. "IN the Air tonight" is still one of the coolest uses of Guitar ever.
Billie Joel - The dude is a genieus. There is not one song he has ever written that could ever be included on a "WORST EVER!!!" list
The Beach boys- Are you kidding me? These Legends and good music.
The Rolling Stones - are you serious Worst ever??? What have written the deserves to be here??
Journey- No I don't think so. This is an obvious predjuice against polished rock sound. you may not like them and that is ok, But they don't deserve to be here. They had great stuff, Steve perry's voice still sends chills up and down my spine
Styx - Mr Roboto- Great song, one of the best and 1ST uses of systhizer. it really showed off the new technology
Ratt - Round And Round - Wrong!!! You might not like the commercial sound of RATT, but this song does not deserve to be on a "WORST EVER" list?
Starhip - "We built this City" This was a great song. I can still remeber seeing the video premier on a friday night on MTV and that was 20 years ago. this is an obvious rebellion against the old starship and the new star ship.
Wang Chung - This is Dead Wrong. They had 2 great songs and this was one of them. that base line is great. Every body "Wang Chung" Toningt.
Loverboy- everybodys working for the weekend. Catchy tune. Not the best ever, but not the worst ever either, Does not desere to be here.
i would walk 500 miles - This is not a rock song. and doese not deserve to be here. Not a bad song, but definately not a Rock song.
I Agree
Pacman Fever - this is near the top of the list. Stupid, stupid , stupid. it is the only way to describe this song.
I Wanna Sex You Up." - yes, man if you tried this with a woman, you would be slapped into the middle of next week. This song is a tributed to every ego driven male fantasy who wishes he would go up to a perfect stranger and have her drop and give it to him right there. yea what a waste of air time, with this sewage
spice girls – Need I Say More??? BAby spice, slutty spice and all spice.
Geroge Michael –yes, He is a recrutiment tool. terrible music, I just can't say enough about how bad his music.
Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club- This song give me the creeps. when it first came out it creeped me out and the thought of it creeps me out today. i nominate this song as the worst ever. j m o
I sure there are many more bad song and a few more songs good songs that I have not commented on.
I come from the land down under. different sound, but crappy lyrics
icedragon ... there is a world of difference between the Beach Boys who sang "Kokomo" and the Beach Boys that sang "God Only Knows" or "Sloop John B." The "Kokomo" Beach Boys are offensive indeed.