I'm a 33yo single female practising arch in New Zealand. I love our profession and have since my teens, can't imagine myself doing anything else. But ever so often it feels like a lonely journey with most of my peers no longer practising, or have family, and the left over ones being somewhat competitive in nature to be good pals with. There are archy conferences where I am but most practitioners just seems sombre from the workload. It's hard to find others with the same passion or similar kind of design philosophy (I admire Kahn, Zumthor, Rick Joy, ancient ruins, minimal and elemental designs), so at the end of the day you can't help but feel like you're in your own. Does anyone else feel like that? Tips would be great thanks.
proto
Aug 24, 20 12:58 pm
you referring to looking for a like-minded life partner? or are you lamenting sole proprietorship?
Bench
Aug 24, 20 1:00 pm
Consider actively searching out unrelated hobbies. Architects have a really (REALLY) bad habit of hanging out to much (or only) with other architects/designers. We're often quite boring, despite our heightened egos. Do something that interests you, where the potential new friends/acquantinces you can meet have other unrelated careers and/or don't really care about your *pushes glasses up nose* architecture career.
I jest somewhat here, but I think this is genuinely good advice. Having a diversity of social network to lean on is so much more stimulating than the monotony of the architecture world - sometimes.
Non Sequitur
Aug 24, 20 1:06 pm
This times 10. I have a half-dozen or so of my school colleagues that I still routinely see but it's because we have other common interests other than architecture. Our professional lives are secondary at best.
Bench
Aug 24, 20 1:22 pm
I'm basically the same. A few friends from grad school that I stay in touch with and meet up for drinks whenever possible, but even that is largely based around other common interests primarily - architecture is just how we met in the first place.
Also - hard to network potential clients when you only hang out with architects. I brought in my first potential client interview this year (pre-pandemic) that was completely found accidentally through one of my sporting interests. Someone finds out what you do haphazardly and remembers that they were actually looking at a possible project.
Chad Miller
Aug 24, 20 3:14 pm
I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum here. I never hang out with other architects. I think I should do so a wee bit more - it would be good for my professional development.
Jay1122
Aug 24, 20 1:12 pm
Not sure where the OP is headed. Are you looking for a romantic partner architect? Business Partner? Architecture connoisseur friends?
sparkyy
Aug 24, 20 1:34 pm
I have friends from previous jobs that I've kept in touch with over the years - some of my closest friends are former colleagues. We talk about work, design, and everything else. Dating life too lol. I'm also a single woman about the same age as you so that comes up sometimes. I feel like these friendships developed organically over time. Do you practice alone?
x-jla
Aug 24, 20 2:16 pm
I have similar interests and passion. I will marry you for citizenship in New Zealand.
sameolddoctor
Aug 24, 20 2:57 pm
me three
SneakyPete
Aug 24, 20 3:04 pm
anchor spouses?
Drawn in
Aug 24, 20 8:30 pm
Get a dog at the office, and or start listening to talk radio..
BabbleBeautiful
Aug 24, 20 10:53 pm
I can see how your very narrow interests and living on an island would make it difficult.
Have you considered teaching or finding a reason to connect with academia?
bowling_ball
Aug 25, 20 7:37 pm
She needs to get away from architecture people, not seek out more of the same. IMO.
randomised
Aug 25, 20 1:53 am
Have only a couple of architect friends but we were friends before we were even studying architecture, otherwise the conversations would be so boring only discussing architecture. Maybe to get out of your small bubble, do something totally unrelated, volunteer in an animal shelter or even join a political party or see if there are some potluck groups you could somehow join, food is always a great icebreaker.
apscoradiales
Aug 25, 20 5:34 pm
Quit your job for a while, and find a husband.
Then, raise a family - you'll be glad you did when you get a bit older.
Your bosses right now couldn't give a shit about your life as long as you do your job or as long as there is work in the office.
Look after yourself first, not after your bosses.
natematt
Aug 25, 20 7:42 pm
... This seems a bit presumptive to me....
natematt
Aug 25, 20 7:47 pm
The post does not seem to be asking about friends outside the profession, or romantic partners... I'm really confused why people are getting into those topics.
It seems really clear that they are asking about people who are in the field who share a a passion and positive outlook, which is a pretty reasonable thing to want.
randomised
Aug 26, 20 2:32 am
Who knows, there’s no interaction at all here, she must not be that lonely after all!
rcz1001
Aug 26, 20 2:57 am
I think the suggestions given may have turned her off from continuing to interact with this forum when suggestions like find a husband and then raising a family. That being presumptive and even assuming that is all a 30 something-year-old female is looking for. The OP didn't make any indication of that. I think the loneliness of the OP has to do with not having people to interact with whom have the same professional interests where she can relate to and have conversations about architecture with.
I understand those feelings. To an extent, it is that way for me which is due to lack of a local architecture community to discuss architecture because talking architecture to people who don't have any architectural interest is often only one-way conversations and they are just looking at you like a deer in headlights totally lost and even bored because they don't understand what you are saying.
Our vernacular like that of IT professionals and their technical jargon only means something and understood by those who know the jargon. It can be lonely when the people you talk to can't provide meaningful feedback in the conversation and they are just as much uninterested and bored as you are failing to converse.
randomised
Aug 26, 20 3:52 am
Reread the initial post and you are right natematt!
Jay1122
Aug 26, 20 8:57 am
Lonely in terms of architecture passion? I totally understand that since i work at a boring project firm. People in the firm does not care about architecture at all, it is just a job to make money. I think people in high design firm cares more, but i do not know, have not been there to find out yet. Maybe passion eventually gets washed out by reality.
apscoradiales
Aug 26, 20 8:25 am
Having a family will re-focus a life.
it will show you who is more important, job that lasts for a few years or a life that lasts forever. There is far more happiness in raising a family or being a member or than any temporary happiness working on a job or a progress.
Wood Guy
Aug 26, 20 8:53 am
Not everyone wants a family. I'm glad you found it fulfilling, but I can't imagine having kids and am perfectly satisfied not having them. I'm old enough to be a grandparent and the feeling has not changed.
natematt
Aug 26, 20 12:03 pm
Got to say, this whole covid thing has really got me feeling more ok than ever about not having a family... haha
I'm curious if a man were to make a similar post, if he'd get these sorts of responses.
I felt the same after moving to a rural area and setting up a solo practice. I'm an introvert and don't need a lot of social interaction, but I need some and I wanted to build a community interested in talking about things I'm interested in. I ended up copying a model friends had put together, for a local meet-up to discuss building science. It was successful; we had get-togethers monthly for two and a half years and I made some new friends and business contacts with shared interests.
I encourage others to start their own building science discussion group. Or pick the topic of your choice; I just know that there's a ready audience who want to learn and share building science knowledge, which is sorely lacking in the architecture world. I named my group BS and Beer (BS stands for building science) because we met at a local microbrewery. There are now 12-15 BS + Beer local groups around the US, and one in Australia. Our mission is to spread BS and to have fun doing it.
When Covid hit we switched from in-person meetings to Zoom and partnered with Green Building Advisor to help with logistics, and we now have 100-200 viewers each week and we get to talk with building science experts from all over. Ours is now less of a local community but others are still running local groups, some virtually and some in-person. I don't say all this for self-promotion, but to possibly inspire you to start your own local group to talk about an aspect of architecture that appeals to you. Friends of mine have had sketching groups, my mom is in a watercolor group, and I'm sure other groups focus on other aspects of design.
Hi all, newbie here.
I'm a 33yo single female practising arch in New Zealand. I love our profession and have since my teens, can't imagine myself doing anything else. But ever so often it feels like a lonely journey with most of my peers no longer practising, or have family, and the left over ones being somewhat competitive in nature to be good pals with. There are archy conferences where I am but most practitioners just seems sombre from the workload. It's hard to find others with the same passion or similar kind of design philosophy (I admire Kahn, Zumthor, Rick Joy, ancient ruins, minimal and elemental designs), so at the end of the day you can't help but feel like you're in your own. Does anyone else feel like that? Tips would be great thanks.
you referring to looking for a like-minded life partner? or are you lamenting sole proprietorship?
Consider actively searching out unrelated hobbies. Architects have a really (REALLY) bad habit of hanging out to much (or only) with other architects/designers. We're often quite boring, despite our heightened egos. Do something that interests you, where the potential new friends/acquantinces you can meet have other unrelated careers and/or don't really care about your *pushes glasses up nose* architecture career.
I jest somewhat here, but I think this is genuinely good advice. Having a diversity of social network to lean on is so much more stimulating than the monotony of the architecture world - sometimes.
This times 10. I have a half-dozen or so of my school colleagues that I still routinely see but it's because we have other common interests other than architecture. Our professional lives are secondary at best.
I'm basically the same. A few friends from grad school that I stay in touch with and meet up for drinks whenever possible, but even that is largely based around other common interests primarily - architecture is just how we met in the first place.
Also - hard to network potential clients when you only hang out with architects. I brought in my first potential client interview this year (pre-pandemic) that was completely found accidentally through one of my sporting interests. Someone finds out what you do haphazardly and remembers that they were actually looking at a possible project.
I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum here. I never hang out with other architects. I think I should do so a wee bit more - it would be good for my professional development.
Not sure where the OP is headed. Are you looking for a romantic partner architect? Business Partner? Architecture connoisseur friends?
I have friends from previous jobs that I've kept in touch with over the years - some of my closest friends are former colleagues. We talk about work, design, and everything else. Dating life too lol. I'm also a single woman about the same age as you so that comes up sometimes. I feel like these friendships developed organically over time. Do you practice alone?
I have similar interests and passion. I will marry you for citizenship in New Zealand.
me three
anchor spouses?
Get a dog at the office, and or start listening to talk radio..
I can see how your very narrow interests and living on an island would make it difficult.
Have you considered teaching or finding a reason to connect with academia?
She needs to get away from architecture people, not seek out more of the same. IMO.
Have only a couple of architect friends but we were friends before we were even studying architecture, otherwise the conversations would be so boring only discussing architecture. Maybe to get out of your small bubble, do something totally unrelated, volunteer in an animal shelter or even join a political party or see if there are some potluck groups you could somehow join, food is always a great icebreaker.
Quit your job for a while, and find a husband.
Then, raise a family - you'll be glad you did when you get a bit older.
Your bosses right now couldn't give a shit about your life as long as you do your job or as long as there is work in the office.
Look after yourself first, not after your bosses.
... This seems a bit presumptive to me....
The post does not seem to be asking about friends outside the profession, or romantic partners... I'm really confused why people are getting into those topics.
It seems really clear that they are asking about people who are in the field who share a a passion and positive outlook, which is a pretty reasonable thing to want.
Who knows, there’s no interaction at all here, she must not be that lonely after all!
I think the suggestions given may have turned her off from continuing to interact with this forum when suggestions like find a husband and then raising a family. That being presumptive and even assuming that is all a 30 something-year-old female is looking for. The OP didn't make any indication of that. I think the loneliness of the OP has to do with not having people to interact with whom have the same professional interests where she can relate to and have conversations about architecture with.
I understand those feelings. To an extent, it is that way for me which is due to lack of a local architecture community to discuss architecture because talking architecture to people who don't have any architectural interest is often only one-way conversations and they are just looking at you like a deer in headlights totally lost and even bored because they don't understand what you are saying.
Our vernacular like that of IT professionals and their technical jargon only means something and understood by those who know the jargon. It can be lonely when the people you talk to can't provide meaningful feedback in the conversation and they are just as much uninterested and bored as you are failing to converse.
Reread the initial post and you are right natematt!
Lonely in terms of architecture passion? I totally understand that since i work at a boring project firm. People in the firm does not care about architecture at all, it is just a job to make money. I think people in high design firm cares more, but i do not know, have not been there to find out yet. Maybe passion eventually gets washed out by reality.
Having a family will re-focus a life.
it will show you who is more important, job that lasts for a few years or a life that lasts forever. There is far more happiness in raising a family or being a member or than any temporary happiness working on a job or a progress.
Not everyone wants a family. I'm glad you found it fulfilling, but I can't imagine having kids and am perfectly satisfied not having them. I'm old enough to be a grandparent and the feeling has not changed.
Got to say, this whole covid thing has really got me feeling more ok than ever about not having a family... haha
I'm curious if a man were to make a similar post, if he'd get these sorts of responses.
brought to you by...
https://www.focusonthefamily.c...
I felt the same after moving to a rural area and setting up a solo practice. I'm an introvert and don't need a lot of social interaction, but I need some and I wanted to build a community interested in talking about things I'm interested in. I ended up copying a model friends had put together, for a local meet-up to discuss building science. It was successful; we had get-togethers monthly for two and a half years and I made some new friends and business contacts with shared interests.
I encourage others to start their own building science discussion group. Or pick the topic of your choice; I just know that there's a ready audience who want to learn and share building science knowledge, which is sorely lacking in the architecture world. I named my group BS and Beer (BS stands for building science) because we met at a local microbrewery. There are now 12-15 BS + Beer local groups around the US, and one in Australia. Our mission is to spread BS and to have fun doing it.
When Covid hit we switched from in-person meetings to Zoom and partnered with Green Building Advisor to help with logistics, and we now have 100-200 viewers each week and we get to talk with building science experts from all over. Ours is now less of a local community but others are still running local groups, some virtually and some in-person. I don't say all this for self-promotion, but to possibly inspire you to start your own local group to talk about an aspect of architecture that appeals to you. Friends of mine have had sketching groups, my mom is in a watercolor group, and I'm sure other groups focus on other aspects of design.
(If you're interested in seeing our BS + Beer show, this is our website: https://www.thebsandbeershow.com/.)
Don't worry- the wood skyscraper is coming to you soon!