A Hamburger Architect is someone who has gone through many hours of schooling to fully educate themselves on the many facets of creating a contemporary, fully functioning, stable, holistic, and socially relevant Hamburger. A Hamburger Architect stays up at night, worrying, contemplating the different levels of strata involved in building a well crafted Hamburger. They think about things like texture, surface area, gestalt, weight distribution over the bun, load compensation, drainage, flavor twinks, regional sourcing of materials, re-use of discarded materials, and ultimately..cost. The Hamburger Architect overhears such comments as “I dont need an Architect to design and build my hamburger... I can do it myself.” The Hamburger Architect has heard this a million times. And also.. witnessed the sadness that follows. The weekend warrior type who tries to build their own Hamburger - 8 times out of 10, ends up spending two or three times the money and not to mention the countless hours toiling away in obscurity in order to save a few measly dollars versus the totally and imagined frightening expense of hiring a Hamburger Architect... only to see it go to waste as his bun is ruined by poor grease drainage. Or the diameter of his/hers beef patty simply cant handle the surface area of the bun to grease ratio. It is all too common. One has to understand that the Hamburger Architect has “Been There and Done That”. The Hamburger architect will be able to understand that at first it is a big step. Yes, designing and building a Hamburger that you and your family will eventually eat for the rest of your lives is a substantial undertaking. But, you must learn to trust the Hamburger Architect, as they have- and have always had- your best Hamburger interests in mind. At times you might disagree with your Hamburger Architect. You might even get into hair pulling screaming matches with them as they steadfastly stand by their position that you “Absolutlely need a* fucking* Triscuit on that* fucking* Bacon Avocado Burger.” You might wonder, “Whyyy?” But..the Hamburger Architect knows why. They know you need a single layer of Garden Salsa Triscuit under a 1/3 lb beef patty and also on top of it in order to increase traction with the avocado. Otherwise your fucking avocado and bacon (and whatever toppings are on there) will simply slip or shoot out the side at the first bite. This is someting your average DIY enthusiast wouldn't be able to wrap their head around. Let alone the whole concept of lining that shit up with some fries. Ultimately... the Hamburger Architect is the caretaker of our physical surroundings. They provide us with Hamburger, as we dilligently go about our days on earth. We need more Hamburger Architcts to design and build our safe future Hamburgers. We as a race. .A human race.. Must learn to trust our Hamburger Architects. As they, ultimately, are the reason why our modern, contemporary Hamburgers look, feel, and function the way that they do. They are the Architects of the Hamburgers that we as human consumers...consume.
Something tells me you aren't talking about hamburgers.
ArchNyen
May 24, 15 9:37 pm
Hamburger architects are our savour. So many times I have bitten into a hamburger and know that the hamburger architects master hands are not at work, as a result, disaster and disappointment. Few incidents where the sauce squirts into my companions face and the patty falls flat on my lap like some unsecured canopy floating somewhere in revit 3d model land placed on a random level. We need more expert hamburger architects who are status of Gorden Ramsey on Hell's Kitchen whom can put fear and insult into wankster burger architects and insights into hamburger customers who wants 5star yelp burger craftsmanship in exchange for peanuts!! Hamburger architect, you have my vote for president!!
Non Sequitur
May 24, 15 11:00 pm
hamburger architects? Is that the same program subway sandwich artists need to attend? I bet their thesis are better than the majority of posters here looking for advice.
toasteroven
May 24, 15 11:34 pm
hamburger architects know that your average burger flipper will try to pass off a plain-old bun on you - even though they clearly specified that it be spread with garlic butter and grilled. without the hamburger architect you have no recourse - you just have to power through that mediocre burger without the transcendent experience of that garlicky buttery goodness permeating every bite...
Miles Jaffe
May 25, 15 9:09 am
Hamburger architects adorned pre-formed meat substitute with cheese substitute and customize it with a selection of iceberg lettuce, mayonnaise, ketchup, bacon, etc.
You want fries with that?
chigurh
May 25, 15 9:45 am
assuming this model only works as design build project delivery?
x-jla
May 25, 15 3:04 pm
^ Why dont hamburger architects make hamburgers that the public wants? Where are the cheetos and oreo toppings? why cant I find a full pounder with bacon and maple syrup? Why cant I substitute the boring minimalist bun for frosted doughnut? Please make hamburgers that the public wants!!!
natematt
May 25, 15 3:26 pm
^but seriously, someone needs to make a doughnut bun.
x-jla
May 25, 15 4:35 pm
here you go
x-jla
May 25, 15 4:37 pm
avant-garde
x-jla
May 25, 15 4:39 pm
ugh...picture wont post!
Miles Jaffe
May 25, 15 5:23 pm
Order up!
snooker-doodle-dandy
May 25, 15 6:11 pm
It is all just minced meat to me...
toasteroven
May 25, 15 7:57 pm
client wanted burger made out of filet minion - but unfortunately with all the toppings we specified they only had budget for expired taco bell meat. after several rounds of VE, burger is now a cold slice of leftover cheese pizza.
ArchNyen
May 25, 15 9:04 pm
DAmn YOu!!! I want a burger now
Miles Jaffe
May 25, 15 11:55 pm
Donut Burger:
Cinnamon Roll Burger:
For the more upscale, a Double Caviar Burger:
Designer Black Burger, great for formal events:
awaiting_deletion
May 27, 15 7:49 am
once you have had a Diner burger or a burger from a real burger joint you can never go back to McDonalds. for christ sake, the Big-Mac looks like a slider at most Diners.
Non Sequitur
May 27, 15 8:21 am
I prefer mine with ground Elk, brie, and very ripe pears.
b3tadine[sutures]
May 27, 15 11:56 am
I'm calling bullshit on this thread, I think it's an obvious attempt at subversive marketing, a lá John Carpenter's; They Live. Put on your sunglasses people, SEE THE TRUTH!
x-jla
May 27, 15 1:04 pm
Non, never had elk burgers but had a venison burger and it was damn good. Bison is my favorite though.
A Hamburger Architect is someone who has gone through many hours of schooling to fully educate themselves on the many facets of creating a contemporary, fully functioning, stable, holistic, and socially relevant Hamburger. A Hamburger Architect stays up at night, worrying, contemplating the different levels of strata involved in building a well crafted Hamburger. They think about things like texture, surface area, gestalt, weight distribution over the bun, load compensation, drainage, flavor twinks, regional sourcing of materials, re-use of discarded materials, and ultimately..cost. The Hamburger Architect overhears such comments as “I dont need an Architect to design and build my hamburger... I can do it myself.” The Hamburger Architect has heard this a million times. And also.. witnessed the sadness that follows. The weekend warrior type who tries to build their own Hamburger - 8 times out of 10, ends up spending two or three times the money and not to mention the countless hours toiling away in obscurity in order to save a few measly dollars versus the totally and imagined frightening expense of hiring a Hamburger Architect... only to see it go to waste as his bun is ruined by poor grease drainage. Or the diameter of his/hers beef patty simply cant handle the surface area of the bun to grease ratio. It is all too common. One has to understand that the Hamburger Architect has “Been There and Done That”. The Hamburger architect will be able to understand that at first it is a big step. Yes, designing and building a Hamburger that you and your family will eventually eat for the rest of your lives is a substantial undertaking. But, you must learn to trust the Hamburger Architect, as they have- and have always had- your best Hamburger interests in mind. At times you might disagree with your Hamburger Architect. You might even get into hair pulling screaming matches with them as they steadfastly stand by their position that you “Absolutlely need a* fucking* Triscuit on that* fucking* Bacon Avocado Burger.” You might wonder, “Whyyy?” But..the Hamburger Architect knows why. They know you need a single layer of Garden Salsa Triscuit under a 1/3 lb beef patty and also on top of it in order to increase traction with the avocado. Otherwise your fucking avocado and bacon (and whatever toppings are on there) will simply slip or shoot out the side at the first bite. This is someting your average DIY enthusiast wouldn't be able to wrap their head around. Let alone the whole concept of lining that shit up with some fries. Ultimately... the Hamburger Architect is the caretaker of our physical surroundings. They provide us with Hamburger, as we dilligently go about our days on earth. We need more Hamburger Architcts to design and build our safe future Hamburgers. We as a race. .A human race.. Must learn to trust our Hamburger Architects. As they, ultimately, are the reason why our modern, contemporary Hamburgers look, feel, and function the way that they do. They are the Architects of the Hamburgers that we as human consumers...consume.
The Hamburger Architect / A Plea for Hamburger Architecture ©WEATHER CRITIC 2015
Something tells me you aren't talking about hamburgers.
Hamburger architects are our savour. So many times I have bitten into a hamburger and know that the hamburger architects master hands are not at work, as a result, disaster and disappointment. Few incidents where the sauce squirts into my companions face and the patty falls flat on my lap like some unsecured canopy floating somewhere in revit 3d model land placed on a random level. We need more expert hamburger architects who are status of Gorden Ramsey on Hell's Kitchen whom can put fear and insult into wankster burger architects and insights into hamburger customers who wants 5star yelp burger craftsmanship in exchange for peanuts!! Hamburger architect, you have my vote for president!!
hamburger architects? Is that the same program subway sandwich artists need to attend? I bet their thesis are better than the majority of posters here looking for advice.
hamburger architects know that your average burger flipper will try to pass off a plain-old bun on you - even though they clearly specified that it be spread with garlic butter and grilled. without the hamburger architect you have no recourse - you just have to power through that mediocre burger without the transcendent experience of that garlicky buttery goodness permeating every bite...
Hamburger architects adorned pre-formed meat substitute with cheese substitute and customize it with a selection of iceberg lettuce, mayonnaise, ketchup, bacon, etc.
You want fries with that?
assuming this model only works as design build project delivery?
^ Why dont hamburger architects make hamburgers that the public wants? Where are the cheetos and oreo toppings? why cant I find a full pounder with bacon and maple syrup? Why cant I substitute the boring minimalist bun for frosted doughnut? Please make hamburgers that the public wants!!!
^but seriously, someone needs to make a doughnut bun.
here you go
avant-garde
ugh...picture wont post!
Order up!
It is all just minced meat to me...
client wanted burger made out of filet minion - but unfortunately with all the toppings we specified they only had budget for expired taco bell meat. after several rounds of VE, burger is now a cold slice of leftover cheese pizza.
DAmn YOu!!! I want a burger now
Donut Burger:
Cinnamon Roll Burger:
For the more upscale, a Double Caviar Burger:
Designer Black Burger, great for formal events:
once you have had a Diner burger or a burger from a real burger joint you can never go back to McDonalds. for christ sake, the Big-Mac looks like a slider at most Diners.
I prefer mine with ground Elk, brie, and very ripe pears.
I'm calling bullshit on this thread, I think it's an obvious attempt at subversive marketing, a lá John Carpenter's; They Live. Put on your sunglasses people, SEE THE TRUTH!
Non, never had elk burgers but had a venison burger and it was damn good. Bison is my favorite though.