I graduated in 2009. I couldn't work immediately because of bad economy at that time and increased pressure from family of recommending me not to start work life and just get married. I resisted and freelanced for two years. Eventually got married in 2011. Have a 6 month kid now and expecting another in 6 months. But during all this I have realized architecture was indeed my true passion and couldn't pursue it due to multiple reasons. I still miss that culture, being independent. My husband is a doctor and wants me to shift to Pakistan which has very little opportunity for new and design oriented architects. Or I can choose to stay in Dubai with my parents and look for work here. I have the option of hiring a nanny and look after the kids. Just feel so divided over moving to Pakistan and accepting another 5 years of not working and depending on husband vs staying here and looking for work. I need opinions from people who have young families.
uh huh
Dec 21, 14 4:38 am
The very reason family pressure is at the bottom list of my priorities. My parents expects me to hunt down a wealthy boyfriend, get married, get them grandchildren, and tells me of such dreams all the time. Too bad I just let them talk and not going to follow any of it.
Some of my young professors are doing just that, hiring a nanny, but their marriage partners are also sacrificing some, to equally share the child-caring duties.
chigurh
Dec 21, 14 9:46 am
I feel for ya...it has gotta be so hard to be a woman in architecture for so many reasons, family being top of the list.
I have young kids and my wife works part-time, around 20 hours a week, and she takes care of the kids a bunch....way more than I can given that I work full time +, and have a commute. It also sounds like you might be from a culture that expects you to just follow your husband and be subservient? Just a guess.
Moving to Pakistan wouldn't be so bad if it was temporary and you looked at it as time to just be a stay at home mom for a couple of years till your kids are old enough to go to pre-school, then you could move elsewhere and get back to work. You just need to be clear in your expectations and really set some concrete career goals and communicate those to your husband. I'm sure everybody looks at your job as being unnecessary since your husband is a MD, and makes the big bucks...so that will be another challenge in communicating what you want, don't back down.
I did the stay at home gig for about 8 months between jobs and it was super hard, but awesome, and people always say kids grow up way to fast, which is true. Given that, staying at home for a couple of years with the kids is time you will never get back and even though it is hard work, where you work all day and accomplish nothing, I wouldn't trade it.
Good luck.
gwharton
Dec 22, 14 12:48 pm
Stay home with the kids. That will have a much larger payoff over the course of your life. The career thing is just money.
I graduated in 2009. I couldn't work immediately because of bad economy at that time and increased pressure from family of recommending me not to start work life and just get married. I resisted and freelanced for two years. Eventually got married in 2011. Have a 6 month kid now and expecting another in 6 months. But during all this I have realized architecture was indeed my true passion and couldn't pursue it due to multiple reasons. I still miss that culture, being independent. My husband is a doctor and wants me to shift to Pakistan which has very little opportunity for new and design oriented architects. Or I can choose to stay in Dubai with my parents and look for work here. I have the option of hiring a nanny and look after the kids. Just feel so divided over moving to Pakistan and accepting another 5 years of not working and depending on husband vs staying here and looking for work. I need opinions from people who have young families.
The very reason family pressure is at the bottom list of my priorities. My parents expects me to hunt down a wealthy boyfriend, get married, get them grandchildren, and tells me of such dreams all the time. Too bad I just let them talk and not going to follow any of it.
Some of my young professors are doing just that, hiring a nanny, but their marriage partners are also sacrificing some, to equally share the child-caring duties.
I feel for ya...it has gotta be so hard to be a woman in architecture for so many reasons, family being top of the list.
I have young kids and my wife works part-time, around 20 hours a week, and she takes care of the kids a bunch....way more than I can given that I work full time +, and have a commute. It also sounds like you might be from a culture that expects you to just follow your husband and be subservient? Just a guess.
Moving to Pakistan wouldn't be so bad if it was temporary and you looked at it as time to just be a stay at home mom for a couple of years till your kids are old enough to go to pre-school, then you could move elsewhere and get back to work. You just need to be clear in your expectations and really set some concrete career goals and communicate those to your husband. I'm sure everybody looks at your job as being unnecessary since your husband is a MD, and makes the big bucks...so that will be another challenge in communicating what you want, don't back down.
I did the stay at home gig for about 8 months between jobs and it was super hard, but awesome, and people always say kids grow up way to fast, which is true. Given that, staying at home for a couple of years with the kids is time you will never get back and even though it is hard work, where you work all day and accomplish nothing, I wouldn't trade it.
Good luck.
Stay home with the kids. That will have a much larger payoff over the course of your life. The career thing is just money.