I've not been on Archinect in ages but I know how much everyone likes a good story that's right out of left field.
My sister lives in Baltimore and recently started seeing a new boyfriend. In this day and age it seems ridiculous for people to follow through on "taking it slow," but according to her that's what they were doing and were both totally cool with it.
They started dating about 4-5 months ago and she's had so many good things to say about him: he's polite, makes good money, is modest, is into her hobbies, etc. etc. It's odd hearing about my sister's sex life... but she told me early on that after being pretty care-free with guys in her past she really enjoyed that this guy was fine with waiting until it felt like the right time to even stay the night with each other. A little making out here and there but they never spent the night, until recently.
She called me yesterday to tell me all this:
They finally felt like it was the right time to spend the night and take things further this past Saturday. Had a nice afternoon and evening, and well, you can figure out the rest. She said it was nice, caring, mutual, all that. When they were done, though, just as she thought they'd be falling asleep, this guy jumps up and gets dressed - pants, shirt, socks, SHOES - and gets right back into bed IN HIS OWN HOUSE.
She was totally confused as to what was going on and asked him if everything was OK just as he was setting a small duffel bag on the floor beside the bed.
Turns out, Mr. Nice Guy has Pyrophobia and additionally is terrified of his house catching fire while he's sleeping. Never thought to mention it. Never thought to tell my sister he has to sleep in his clothes so he can get out quickly if the place goes up in flames. Are you kidding me????
And the duffel bag???? He keeps his wallet, cell phone, some insurance and financial records, and a 500 gig backup drive for his computer filled with an itunes backup and all his vacation photos and other important stuff.
My sister said she just felt horribly out-of-place and caught off guard by everything. She really likes the guy, and when we talked yesterday she just kept wondering if she could be with someone who has that problem.
Is it selfish of her, or just too weird of him? I mean, he did this within five minutes of orgasm (his - as much as I hate repeating it she said he was more than satisfactory for her) as they were holding each other.
What to make of all this? And you're welcome for the laugh - personally I hate that this happened to her with someone who seems really nice. The boyfriend before this guy was a coke addict and the guy before that had "mother issues" Don't even ask! She's been raving about this new guy for months and he turns out to be afraid of fire. Again, am I being too hard or is this a legit thing to have to sleep in clothes like this?
send him to a therapist, (god knows we all need one anyway) and if he's truly wonderful enough, stick with him. at least his weird problem is benign, out-in-the-open, and treatable!
I've never heard of pyrophobia, it does sound odd and eccentric. I would have been a bit freaked out myself.
BUT, everyone has hangups and is wierd in some way. It sounds like your sister is looking for perfection. Good Luck with that!
If he/she is great in many other ways, you have to accept the person for who they are. The advice about therapy is good, maybe he can contain his fears. But to instantly dump him just because of a fear, seems kind of cruel to me. Granted he should have mentioned it before, but its hard to admit your own shortcomings to a perspective mate.
I don't want to call your sister shallow, I don't know her. But it does sound a bit hasty to dump him so easily. It sounds she is more concerned about what other people might think than her true feelings for him.
i think i'd do a couple things for the dude...tell him to buy a fireproof safe..
or get him a safety deposit box.
keep clothes and the like in his car so that he can sleep in regular pajamas or the like...it's hard to say that this isn't weird, but one would have to see what happened in his past. i have a friend who's mother was killed in a car accident and she was severely burned...to this day she has trouble passing a truck while driving, or around curves, or down hills etc.
i think we probably all know someone who's gone through trauma...if she really loves him or at least truly likes him she'll help him through it and not dump him because of it...but that's probably easier said than done.
Rose, sounds like your sister needs to learn to love other people's quirks. Sure, this one is a bit extreme, and definitely calls for counseling, but, our quirks are what make us special. Especially the annoying/odd ones.
My wife has to have a clean (vacuumed, mopped, dusted, etc...) house every other day. That's something I really had to learn to love about her, because she expects me to help.
I dip Copenhagen snuff. Yeah, its nasty, but I just can't quit to (literally) save my life. My wife has just learned to see it as chick repellent.
There are good quirks, too. I'm sure some of those are what she fell for initially. If she's gonna make this work, she needs to learn to love him as a person more than she loves the idea of having someone perfect.
[/Dr. Phil moment]
BTW...that's a pretty good story, relational aspects aside.
once while in a moment of passion i singed my then long hair. anyway, many people have phobias and although this is quirky,it is not really that bizarre. and hell you can always have sex partially clothed anyway. maybe he just needs some loungewear that will allow him to get out of the house. just pack some clothes along with the itunes.
The dude sleeps in his clothes and shoes. He has a debilitating phobia that majorly affects his life. This is not a quirk, as some have called it. This is a serious problem.
Maybe he can get over it, but if he hasn't sought out therapy and worked past it on his own, it is not her responsibility to cure him and get him help. We all have issues, but we all have to take care of ourselves and make ourselves happy and healthy before we involve others in our madness. If this is a serious problem that is affecting his life, why hasn't he taken steps to deal with it before now? The fact that he didn't tell her either means that he doesn't consider it a problem, or he knows that it scares women off and intentionally kept it from her until he knew she was emotionally invested; I vote for the latter, considering his willingness to "take it slowly" for so long. That doesn't seem like a great start to a long-term relationship in my book.
Your sister may think he is a catch if she's used to dating cokeheads. I personally wouldn't encourage her to put up with this sort of nonsense, but if she really likes the guy, it's her decision whether he is worth the trouble.
i think she needs to rethink her opinion of his "taking it slowly"
its quite possible he wasnt doing it out of respect for her, but because of his own hangup
and if that was a main reason she liked him and thought so much of him, it could have all been for the wrong reason
who's to say he would have been ok with "taking it slowly" if he didnt have this problem?
He was using it to illustrate designing for clients with specific needs, particularly in relation to fire prevention and suppression systems in residential construction.
Dec 11, 07 11:32 am ·
·
"And then I posted the whole stupid story on archinect."
i've slept fully clothed a few times...but it was usually because i had been up to late and was spooked that i would over-sleep and miss an important review.
this guy clearly needs to get more comfortable with his body. once was visiting a lady friend when the fire alarm went off at her apartment. wouldn't belive how many people waited outside wearing only towels.
i only sleep in my clothes after drinking....a lot of drinking.
i personally think the fact that he keeps: "a 500 gig backup drive for his computer filled with an itunes backup and all his vacation photos and other important stuff."
is hilarious
HAHAH itunes backup and vacation photos. because god forbid, you know?
if he managed to keep this quiet for 5 months, imagine all the other fun things he has in store for your sister..
great story!
smart guy, he knew she would freak out so he made sure she developed deeper feelings before taking her for a ride. Hope the best for him (and your sister).
Keep us posted please.
I guess. There used to be a medium-length wool sock with an attached light rubber sole and low leather rim, which was sewn decoratively to the (colorful) sock. I wonder how many decades have passed since those were sold. . .?
might I suggest living in a concrete bunker with reinforced windows...eliminate the threat of the house burning, only carbon monoxide poisoning. Also he might need therapy. Therapy is good
You will never believe this but this post came up in a background search earlier this week when a new (hopefully) employer was reviewing my past for some government clearance requirements. I'd forgotten about the post entirely. I have to get to a pilates class but promise that I will update everyone on, what's it been, 5 years already - update you on my sister and Bruce (we call him Flounder). Have you ever known a merchant marine? I have: him.
Crazy/Hilarious Story About My My Sister's New (soon to be Ex) Boyfriend!
I've not been on Archinect in ages but I know how much everyone likes a good story that's right out of left field.
My sister lives in Baltimore and recently started seeing a new boyfriend. In this day and age it seems ridiculous for people to follow through on "taking it slow," but according to her that's what they were doing and were both totally cool with it.
They started dating about 4-5 months ago and she's had so many good things to say about him: he's polite, makes good money, is modest, is into her hobbies, etc. etc. It's odd hearing about my sister's sex life... but she told me early on that after being pretty care-free with guys in her past she really enjoyed that this guy was fine with waiting until it felt like the right time to even stay the night with each other. A little making out here and there but they never spent the night, until recently.
She called me yesterday to tell me all this:
They finally felt like it was the right time to spend the night and take things further this past Saturday. Had a nice afternoon and evening, and well, you can figure out the rest. She said it was nice, caring, mutual, all that. When they were done, though, just as she thought they'd be falling asleep, this guy jumps up and gets dressed - pants, shirt, socks, SHOES - and gets right back into bed IN HIS OWN HOUSE.
She was totally confused as to what was going on and asked him if everything was OK just as he was setting a small duffel bag on the floor beside the bed.
Turns out, Mr. Nice Guy has Pyrophobia and additionally is terrified of his house catching fire while he's sleeping. Never thought to mention it. Never thought to tell my sister he has to sleep in his clothes so he can get out quickly if the place goes up in flames. Are you kidding me????
And the duffel bag???? He keeps his wallet, cell phone, some insurance and financial records, and a 500 gig backup drive for his computer filled with an itunes backup and all his vacation photos and other important stuff.
My sister said she just felt horribly out-of-place and caught off guard by everything. She really likes the guy, and when we talked yesterday she just kept wondering if she could be with someone who has that problem.
Is it selfish of her, or just too weird of him? I mean, he did this within five minutes of orgasm (his - as much as I hate repeating it she said he was more than satisfactory for her) as they were holding each other.
What to make of all this? And you're welcome for the laugh - personally I hate that this happened to her with someone who seems really nice. The boyfriend before this guy was a coke addict and the guy before that had "mother issues" Don't even ask! She's been raving about this new guy for months and he turns out to be afraid of fire. Again, am I being too hard or is this a legit thing to have to sleep in clothes like this?
where's Savage Love when you need him?!
Oh man [beta]v.4 I read Savage every week in the Chicago Reader. I didn't even think about submitting this there! :D
send him to a therapist, (god knows we all need one anyway) and if he's truly wonderful enough, stick with him. at least his weird problem is benign, out-in-the-open, and treatable!
dan's in seattle.
mail(at)savagelove.net
that sounds pretty wierd, be it's not dangerous or scary.
sounds like a keeper to me
I've never heard of pyrophobia, it does sound odd and eccentric. I would have been a bit freaked out myself.
BUT, everyone has hangups and is wierd in some way. It sounds like your sister is looking for perfection. Good Luck with that!
If he/she is great in many other ways, you have to accept the person for who they are. The advice about therapy is good, maybe he can contain his fears. But to instantly dump him just because of a fear, seems kind of cruel to me. Granted he should have mentioned it before, but its hard to admit your own shortcomings to a perspective mate.
I don't want to call your sister shallow, I don't know her. But it does sound a bit hasty to dump him so easily. It sounds she is more concerned about what other people might think than her true feelings for him.
i think i'd do a couple things for the dude...tell him to buy a fireproof safe..
or get him a safety deposit box.
keep clothes and the like in his car so that he can sleep in regular pajamas or the like...it's hard to say that this isn't weird, but one would have to see what happened in his past. i have a friend who's mother was killed in a car accident and she was severely burned...to this day she has trouble passing a truck while driving, or around curves, or down hills etc.
i think we probably all know someone who's gone through trauma...if she really loves him or at least truly likes him she'll help him through it and not dump him because of it...but that's probably easier said than done.
the picture in my mind is amusing though.
I love Baltimore.
I don't get it.
lars and myriam, thank you. funny story. . .
Oh great. After reading that now I'm afraid of fires...
I'm sure he's still a good guy.
Rose, sounds like your sister needs to learn to love other people's quirks. Sure, this one is a bit extreme, and definitely calls for counseling, but, our quirks are what make us special. Especially the annoying/odd ones.
My wife has to have a clean (vacuumed, mopped, dusted, etc...) house every other day. That's something I really had to learn to love about her, because she expects me to help.
I dip Copenhagen snuff. Yeah, its nasty, but I just can't quit to (literally) save my life. My wife has just learned to see it as chick repellent.
There are good quirks, too. I'm sure some of those are what she fell for initially. If she's gonna make this work, she needs to learn to love him as a person more than she loves the idea of having someone perfect.
[/Dr. Phil moment]
BTW...that's a pretty good story, relational aspects aside.
Bring candles into the bedroom and convince the guy that not all fire is bad.
once while in a moment of passion i singed my then long hair. anyway, many people have phobias and although this is quirky,it is not really that bizarre. and hell you can always have sex partially clothed anyway. maybe he just needs some loungewear that will allow him to get out of the house. just pack some clothes along with the itunes.
wait, isnt that how everyone sleeps at night?
Maybe he's just not that into her and cooked up this phobia just in case the sex was bad...
Either that or he's a spy/paid assassin...
maybe she should consult this guy...
btw...has your sister's porno problem resolved itself?
that is bizarre. but judging from my own experience with women, it's probably a test of some kind...
The dude sleeps in his clothes and shoes. He has a debilitating phobia that majorly affects his life. This is not a quirk, as some have called it. This is a serious problem.
Maybe he can get over it, but if he hasn't sought out therapy and worked past it on his own, it is not her responsibility to cure him and get him help. We all have issues, but we all have to take care of ourselves and make ourselves happy and healthy before we involve others in our madness. If this is a serious problem that is affecting his life, why hasn't he taken steps to deal with it before now? The fact that he didn't tell her either means that he doesn't consider it a problem, or he knows that it scares women off and intentionally kept it from her until he knew she was emotionally invested; I vote for the latter, considering his willingness to "take it slowly" for so long. That doesn't seem like a great start to a long-term relationship in my book.
Your sister may think he is a catch if she's used to dating cokeheads. I personally wouldn't encourage her to put up with this sort of nonsense, but if she really likes the guy, it's her decision whether he is worth the trouble.
Thanks for the laugh.
i think she needs to rethink her opinion of his "taking it slowly"
its quite possible he wasnt doing it out of respect for her, but because of his own hangup
and if that was a main reason she liked him and thought so much of him, it could have all been for the wrong reason
who's to say he would have been ok with "taking it slowly" if he didnt have this problem?
i'd get the f out if i were her
yeah, never take it slowly. she could've figured this out months ago if she would've taken him for a test drive.
Poor guy. He has no idea how good it feels to sleep shoeless.
you guys are awful...
but i do recommend fire extinguishers and fireman's boots in the bedroom. They can come in hand - in any event.
is your sister dating Ben Stiller's character in the Royal Tennenbaums?
How does this relate to architecture?
(don't tell me it doesn't...just make up some BS reason why it does if you have to)
i assume LaTorpilleRose is an architect
thats how it relates
He was using it to illustrate designing for clients with specific needs, particularly in relation to fire prevention and suppression systems in residential construction.
"And then I posted the whole stupid story on archinect."
i've slept fully clothed a few times...but it was usually because i had been up to late and was spooked that i would over-sleep and miss an important review.
this guy clearly needs to get more comfortable with his body. once was visiting a lady friend when the fire alarm went off at her apartment. wouldn't belive how many people waited outside wearing only towels.
i only sleep in my clothes after drinking....a lot of drinking.
TMI
"You think that's bad? My last girlfriend told me she had a fire burning in her loins! I ran straight to my own bed and haven't gotten out since."
concrete houses everyone....concrete houses
He could use an online backup service and lighten the load a bit.
maybe a goat or two would help.
Wow!
i personally think the fact that he keeps: "a 500 gig backup drive for his computer filled with an itunes backup and all his vacation photos and other important stuff."
is hilarious
HAHAH itunes backup and vacation photos. because god forbid, you know?
if he managed to keep this quiet for 5 months, imagine all the other fun things he has in store for your sister..
Wow, you guys are great :)
noritabonita - it is hilarious, I agree. THAT's what he chooses to really covet?
yourwebsitekillsme - LMAO at the Sex & The City post. That's awesome.
Gotta re-read the rest of them but glad you enjoyed the story and/or replied!
great story!
smart guy, he knew she would freak out so he made sure she developed deeper feelings before taking her for a ride. Hope the best for him (and your sister).
Keep us posted please.
Slipper-sox, and a bathrobe that looks like an overcoat ?
You mean Totes?
I guess. There used to be a medium-length wool sock with an attached light rubber sole and low leather rim, which was sewn decoratively to the (colorful) sock. I wonder how many decades have passed since those were sold. . .?
I still have a very old pair of those totes (mine are light gray without the whales). They warm up cold feet like nothing else.
fires hot
might I suggest living in a concrete bunker with reinforced windows...eliminate the threat of the house burning, only carbon monoxide poisoning. Also he might need therapy. Therapy is good
so what of the outcome? did she break up with him?
Perfect x-mas gift idea.
Le Bossman, and everyone else,
You will never believe this but this post came up in a background search earlier this week when a new (hopefully) employer was reviewing my past for some government clearance requirements. I'd forgotten about the post entirely. I have to get to a pilates class but promise that I will update everyone on, what's it been, 5 years already - update you on my sister and Bruce (we call him Flounder). Have you ever known a merchant marine? I have: him.
Welcome back! Donna and I were talking about you a few weeks ago...
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