dear abra: I can't seem to get enough time to actually CAD something I'm drawing. The CAD-tech knows shit about how I want my work to look, in fact I've never used him over the last 3 years I've been here. But I really need help - 3 BIG designs but I'm too busy meeting with all the clients. Help...
dear abra,
where's a girl architect gotta go to find a boytoy interested in smart but weird girls? he has to like photography, art and bullshit.
#1. it sure as hell ain't the oc.
help!
dear leander,
are you looking for pretentious LA hipster/boytoy obsessed with his hair, expensive jeans and scene clubs? well, look no more. fill the tank and hit 405 towards LA. yeah, that’s where its at.he’ll come and visit you on weekends thinking, orange county=beautiful country side with creeks and orange trees. if you want something more than a boytoy, read the suggestion given to 101 below post.
-----
dear abra,
i'm living in a bubble. while i once had a social life, i am now spending a disturbing amount of my time watching dvds from netflix, bad reality tv and being bored witless. at 21 i already have friends who are getting married, and more who are moving off to more interesting places leaving me in near solitude. i've always been okay with hanging alone, but now it's really wearing me down since it's become commonplace. how do i recapture something that resembles a life? how do i find a lovely intelligent boy, who isn't a pretentious LA hipster obsessed with his hair, expensive jeans and scene clubs? where do the young intelligent los angelinos hang out? or is that an oxymoron?
dear 101 ,
21 is way early to get married. next time you go to a party check out the young handsome boy hanging out by himself expressing certain amount of shyness and intelligence. go to him and finish the deal that night. for the time being, rent ‘stranger than paradise’ for seeing the model lonely girl with some brains and intuition.
------
acrabadraparaba;
please, what achilles elbow have terroists? what hide they so precious?
oil gone- erabs low, low, low living nice. what want they- all world islam. we see past- number one citizen islam- arab islam, number two citizen isalm- non arab isalm, number 3 citizen isalm- non arab & non islam, number 4 citizen islam- slave (yes, right me). you no arab, you not in islam. verifry no how this see mind you.
dear dances with words,
terrorist are like amebas. copy? no achilles anything. copy? most arabs are poor. they want no whole world islam they never did. I no full arab mother 1/2 libyan father turk. ¼ arab arab no terror. fanatic, disfranchised arab terror, oki city terror, kkk terror. me mother reads kuran for ½ hour every Friday she no fanatic. she islam. copy? i islam, me like grand sufi rumi, he poet, he rocks. you look for his work. google he.
i sad. many died. many innocent. terror ameba. a bad ameba. next time, dear abra. copy paste. oki?
------
dear abra: I can't seem to get enough time to actually CAD something I'm drawing. The CAD-tech knows shit about how I want my work to look, in fact I've never used him over the last 3 years I've been here. But I really need help - 3 BIG designs but I'm too busy meeting with all the clients. Help...
dear jam,
don’t you think it is time to hire help with work? CAD only knows as much as you do. i am no expert on CAD but i use it for designing and documentation. what is it about your buildings cad cannot do? eventually the builder will want to see blueprints. cad does that well.
or, keep using whatever you have now and up to this point. learn to delegate work or work by yourself like i do.
dear abra: I'm having a hard getting the "swelling" down after reading the proof of your book. Is this a best seller? And do you think I need to worry if its still swollen after another month??
dear mightaswell,
fuck yeah. abracadabra, faia is going to be a best seller. a large grocery store chain (name witheld due to unfinished deal) will have a special island for it near the produce dept, when it comes out. you wanna be innit.?
enjoy the prenaptuals if the thingy is still swell..earn your browny points before the honeymoon is over.
Deer Abra,
I keep designing Nudie Bars, but I don't understand why my priest won't let me do his church. I keep telling him that they're the same Friggin' thing - places of assembly (& for some, worship), but no dice.
How, oh how? Big Daddy of smart-E-ness, can I git his sorry axx to see the light?
dear nudienute,
dude. c'mon now, read father molly's lips. before he rolls the dice, he wants to check out your assemblies and interact with the end users.
take him out to the 'ball' game and show him the facilities. in 'n' out i mean. even the student edition of A's handbook of pro practice have some know how about this. amen.
<sniff> <sniff>
Thank yoo, oh wise-asis one. I shalt bringeth the light to el amigo of the cloth. Perhaps he shalt be taken pon yon VIP room so that He shall see a facility (in-N-out..burger), if ya know what's I mean. HawHaw. I figure if buttering him up w/ dancing sluttessses don't do the trick, then maybe the booze will make it easy for him to sign AIA101 (maybe 702). Hey, that Karen on Will & Grace is pretty hot! (Well, it was on after the Simpsons).
bear apra:
yes rumi, know he,you,i. years many words see as door close west. door open rumi, pretsel now corner street york of new. jewarab with sarah know, problem, problem, proplem. semites, semites- in want god wallet, tell. virgins care not side that curtain, not care sex murders with. ask you, rumi with- virgins sex murderers? rumi throu side that curtain see, see koran- lightingDarkness. apra: muderers satanic verses blind, blind. eyes wake light curtan, heart air fly bird. omeba-water. what achele/water take find? murderer darkness black, no rumi read- lightingDarkness. satanic verses read who?- read Londown yeehad black, black, black. light, no!
...apra:
know fight hand. yes know, yes me. start learn- hand light closed, rock. learn, learn- hand light (sun) hold- flower sun see. learn, learn, learn- hand rock no water take gone- air soft, guide, guide, guide, no rock. learn, learn, learn, learn- hand no, no, no- nowher- love take armhand..........
love achilemurder! know now, no (XXXXX) yessee, see? watch.
abra: how do I fight that (beep) <- I never knew that missing line, it sounded like beat, break, burp - I want to seem cool when I'm singing my old school hits to the man! Yeah "f" the man!
Thanks, your last response helped (made me cry). I took a long lunch yesterday, ate some unhealthy but tasty food, and bought my wife a present. Then I left work early and went for a run. I feel better.
If you ever decide you hate architecture, you should look into a career writing an advice column.
I am 50 and still a virgin. All my life my love has gone unrequited. Even my love for God is unrequited. I am 6'2" and athletic: not obese or overweght. I am seriously thinking of drowning myself or entering the monastery.
What should I do?
will i ever become an Archinect editor?
I am nowhere nere as attractive as patrick markesano, and i would need helluva photoshop skills to make myself a picture goodenough to go in the about pages.
as your advice bears a mark of excellence, i am compelled to thank you for your contributions to humanity.
the very next time i visit oslo, i shall see to it that you will recieve a nomination for this year's prestigious nobel peace prize in recognition of your outstanding efforts and humble sacrifice.
dear lovesick goose,
i ain’t gonna open the pandora’s box by asking you ‘what kept you out of the woodwork?’. lets deal with the issue at hand. it is time to drawn yourself in extra virginal activities asap. remember this, ‘love is a dog from hell.’ what you need is, to spend some of your savings on professional ‘virgin busters’ at this time (make sure they are licensed and bonded). and, when you get the action going, start chasing the dog. if you ain’t got the cash, do not tell any prospects that you are a semi innocent sugar cup.
if non of it works join the monastery where you will be losing your virginity within a few hour upon arrival..
------
dear desperate houseband,
first of all, being an archinect editor comes with a lot of experience. you got to start from the gossip column and move up to frank gehry critic grade. keep it coming..
pat markesano is a dog from hell. get a hold of him and he’ll make ali jeevanjee out of you in one short photo shoot with his indoor outdoor desposible cam. make sure your pic doesn’t appear nowhere near Cameroon Sinclair, who will splash paint on your pretty picture.
--------
dear oslo,
i will share that price money with you, under the ice, if you get me the medal. wouldn’t that be a dynamite..?
i AM going to arrive in oslo on a wooden boat, that, per correll is building for me.
takk.
oslo is not in sweden, but via alfred nobel's will the peace prize is awarded by the norwegian parliament and, therefore, is in oslo...well within reach by one of per corell's wooden boats.
there's also an oslo in detroit (about ten yards to the right of bobby abreu's last home run), see more at:
dear mr abra
did you know that jeff bezos almost named amazon
'cadabra'?
sincerely yours,
SHAZAM!
dear otra ?.
that would be incomplete. every cadabra needs an abra..
-------
Dear abra,
Your answer does not explain how Oslo has come to be in Sweden. Are things slipping all around, even for you?
Truly,
still out of this world
dear out there,
royal shuffling unfortunately got to this level with stockholm having escaped to oslo for security reasons. good ol Sweden is now partitioned between the three T’s,
turks,
tony blair,
tagore.
------
O wise One,
Do they accept VISA?
yrs, as always,
lovesick goose
dear loveshack goose,
i assume you are requesting for virgin busters fee's. no. those pro’s won’t accept anything other than, god bless america greenery.
afterall, they don’t know when johnny might ‘come’ again.
but i hear, most houses with reputable management practices might accept visa corporate, thus, bonded for your satisfaction, check it out.
--------
dear nobelist in oslo,
get this. i’ve just convinced rita to come alone with me on the wooden boat, since per flaked out on me for some 3D shindig.. can she (rita) get a medal too for her novel? you won't be sorry..
poor per...he is just sooo, how should we say it?...committed.
although the desicisons of the nobel committee are subject to the whims of its five members, i suspect, nonetheless, that the idea of awarding the prize to a partnership of you and rita would be appropriately novel...noble...very much in the spirit of the award...and thus viewed favorably by stortingets appointees.
You write to me that love is "a dog from hell". I am interested to know why you say this, when The Great Book says that "God is love". I await your response eagerly. I hang on your every word, gesture, thought, cogitation.
love is a dog from hell
feet of cheese
coffeepot soul
hands that hate poolsticks
eyes like paperclips
I prefer red wine
I am bored on airliners
I am docile during earthquakes
I am sleepy at funerals
I puke at parades
and am sacrificial at chess
and cunt and caring
I smell urine in churches
I can no longer read
I can no longer sleep
eyes like paperclips
my green eyes
I prefer white wine
my box of rubbers is getting
stale
I take them out
Trojan-Enz
lubricated
for greater sensitivity
I take them out
and put three of them on
Linda where did you go?
Katherine where did you go?
(and Nina went to England)
I have toenail clippers
and Windex glass cleaner
green eyes
blue bedroom
bright machinegun sun
this whole thing is like a seal
caught on oily rocks
and circled by the Long Beach Marching Band
at 3:36 p.m.
there is a ticking behind me
but no clock
I feel something crawling along
the left side of my nose:
memories of airliners
my mother had false teeth
my father had false teeth
and every Saturday of their lives
they took up all the rugs in their house
waxed the hardwood floors
and covered them with rugs again
and Nina is in England
and Irene is on ATD
and I take my green eyes
and lay down in my blue bedroom.
Dear Abra,
I got married over 10 months ago and didn't send out more than 20% of the thank you notes to people I reiceved gifts from. I dread doing it, and it plagues my mind to think about it and makes me feel guilty. I am horribly unorganized and don't know who I already sent thank you's to, what people got me, and to top it all off I don't even have addresses for at least half of them. I do have the postage and the cards and a pen.
What do I do? Am I forever a spoiled little selfish brat who is on everyone's shit list now?
dear strawbeary,
as far as i see, didn't all the wedding guests came and said congratulations at the end of the shindig? and, didn't you and the groom said thank you for coming to our wedding? well if this happened, you're done. and the %20 you've thanked are bonus brownies.
give it up. if you get married again request self stamped and adressed envelope from, the fondue set givers, for additional thank you's.
and, never expect thank you for your own givings.
liberating, ennit?
*ps. good luck in denver. tina went to denver university thats all i know about it (she doesn't talk about her rock and coke days that much).
+, i've seen grand canyon and monument valley in few road trips.
isn't there a song about denver, goes like 'almost heaven west virginia'? ;)
dear fantasia,
keep it as a fantasy. it is a better gig. but if you must feel
the wise- dame, make it a short stop. think about your fellow samplings waiting in the line for the prof..
very distraught..... working like a dog finishing the renovations on my house and not able to keep up with the 'nect and thats what its going to be through sept. my problema.....you are persently at 1131 comments and i....at 1221 comments. can you please back off the comments so not to pass me up? or shall i try to brieve paul to change my number....else just spue shiiiit [as usual i must sat...] and try to keep up with you?
on a brighter note, think i landed a flat in london town. intentionally not living close to school to force me to have a life......highgate.....hilly.....in camdem with all that great social architects.........love them all.....
dear the, #1, TED ,
i wish i was in chicago to give you a hand with the pad.
here is a quick rundown on recent archinect you might have missed.
strawbeary is moving to denver, paul petrunia called javier ‘pootin’, gehry and calatrava on their way out, avatars are in, god is in and now verifiable, microstation out, there are some more shoes recommended, in the shoe department, and.., somebody likened eric moss to an eggplant, gahaha ha.. just like you said it before..
don’t worry about the comment #’s, ok.. i am working out a deal with the archinect management to go backwards with my numbers, the idea is, i want be the first person with (-) comments, something more advanced than ‘silent approval robot’.
but mainly, all the best in london. i am happy the way things are panning out for you.
as usual abra, you have made my day all the better. spent half of it in a 5' deep 2'x3' hole trying to soder the water pipe i rammed through from the house to garage. thank god i do yoga, i could really manuver myself in the smallest shape [reduced digg'n]
i have such a great eom story about his personal encounter with me over 2 days. i will some day get drunk and start a thread just for him. to compare him to an eggplant is too generous[eggplant is quit good]....i think the lima bean i just downed has more personality. better yet, ill write it up and send it to you in oct and you can flower it up a bit and add it to the journal......no sense scaring all the entering sci-arc student from starting in sept.......
i do need some shoes so i am glad to hear 'necter are keepn up with a strong fashion sense.....
dear traveling hornbie,
you probably forgot where the booklet is, due to excessive woodworking.
‘Me coworkers stand while looking cause me pants always jammin with wood. Tellya beast is kept caged but they dont like me rockn da office.’
check;
last piece of luggage, grocery bag or platform shoes you traveled with.
and, with your bio,
‘University consumed youth,
Loans consumed $$$,
Work consumed time,
Client consumed motivation,
Wife consumed passion.’
I suggest you stay put this time. there is a reason for everything.
‘ deal with issues at hand.’
dear rasputin,
let me make the call to JD, these days they see it as an asset. i am certain, i can get you the waiwer on the 'double'. this will keep exposers busy, and keep them away digging your other operations for a while..
if you want, you can go stay with my mom and lay low.
i currently live with a norweigan couple. they spend all their free time loafing around [my] apartment naked. i've grown accustomed to the nudity, however, it has raised a few other issues:
1] i can no longer relax on my couch without thinking about how long their naked ass grease has been soaking into the upholstery
2] suprisingly, long-term interior nudity starts to smell bad. there is a verifiable reason for underwear
3] since the apartment is on the 19th floor with floor to ceiling windows facing many other residential towers, it has become the neighbourhood's nightime voyuer entertainment.
how did this show got on the road in the first place?
imagine what’s happening on the upholstry when you’re not around. and all that norwegian pubic hair residing in the apt. yikes.
anyway, I see an opportunity here, you’ve got to turn this situation into a thriving biz, that is, neighbors must pay.. start to display soft and hardcore presentations on respective window openings and enjoy rent free living. make sure no one watches free..
dress according to the business.
Your advice is much appreciated.
I should have seen this situation coming considering the first night they moved in consisted of showing me nude photos of themselves on their family internet photo site. good to know this is a genetic condition.......
anyway, you'll be happy to know that per [has become a staple word in my vocabulary thanks to archinect] your advice i invested in a mechanized window covering system that with a simple push of a button folds and unfolds several layers of vertical horizontal metal slats - very kuma-esque - and a new interior lighting system including recessed wall cans and roving spotlights.
dear geno,
i don't know about genetic condition. seems like these artists are skilled professionals who are done doing oslo. family photo site is just a front to break people into business.
you've done well with the presentation. now it is time to pull doorman into the operations as a ticketing staff.
watch, people will start to call you geennoo, geennoo as you walk up and down the street with those shoes or while you are sipping the frosty coffee on the sidewalk starfuck.
javier thinks your set up is definatly an archinect feature material.
the doormen of 5 building's are in.
the concierge is in.
the norweigans have no idea, but they love what i've done with the place.
the last few nights have been a 'taster' for everyone. soon, i plan to pull the plug and close the blinds until people come asking for more whereby then i will attach a price.
however, i'm not sure how to handle it when the clientel grows so large that i can't control who is paying and who is not. people will catch on that the show continues whether they pay the doorman or not. this will get dicey and will most definitely require me to quit school to manage.
dear gennoo,
buon lavoro! bello bello bello. siete sopportati per successo.
don't worry about school. we can line up best of archinect professors for private tutoring for your education(in exchange for free and private shows) . i suspect you'll have to make a waiting list for the tutors.
in this business, you have to keep the audience (clients, better) interested and provide variety. your clients will want to interact with
blonde, brunette, oriental, latina, black and may i suggest turkish, performers. you don't want to overwork the norwegians switching window to window with no rest.
*make sure you keep a black book of client list. this will help for your quick release if you get in trouble with IRS or building department.
if you have a specific country in mind, do the masters there. if i were you, i'd get a 5 year degree, just in case if you decide not to do masters studies, you will end up with better training. that last 5 th year gives you a wider angle of perspective and it is invaluable.
most employers will be looking for your skills, persona and level of commitment no matter where you are. learn the language of the country you might go to.
4 year basic study is rarely enough for architecture, except gary paige of sci arc. ;)
good luck with school and remember, dedication is the trump card no matter..
forget the hypothetical archinect award, we are already working on getting abra a nobel peace prize nomination (see earlier posts). voice your support by contacting the nearest norwegian embassy.
Dear Abra
dear abra: I can't seem to get enough time to actually CAD something I'm drawing. The CAD-tech knows shit about how I want my work to look, in fact I've never used him over the last 3 years I've been here. But I really need help - 3 BIG designs but I'm too busy meeting with all the clients. Help...
dear abra,
where's a girl architect gotta go to find a boytoy interested in smart but weird girls? he has to like photography, art and bullshit.
#1. it sure as hell ain't the oc.
help!
dear leander,
are you looking for pretentious LA hipster/boytoy obsessed with his hair, expensive jeans and scene clubs? well, look no more. fill the tank and hit 405 towards LA. yeah, that’s where its at.he’ll come and visit you on weekends thinking, orange county=beautiful country side with creeks and orange trees. if you want something more than a boytoy, read the suggestion given to 101 below post.
-----
dear abra,
i'm living in a bubble. while i once had a social life, i am now spending a disturbing amount of my time watching dvds from netflix, bad reality tv and being bored witless. at 21 i already have friends who are getting married, and more who are moving off to more interesting places leaving me in near solitude. i've always been okay with hanging alone, but now it's really wearing me down since it's become commonplace. how do i recapture something that resembles a life? how do i find a lovely intelligent boy, who isn't a pretentious LA hipster obsessed with his hair, expensive jeans and scene clubs? where do the young intelligent los angelinos hang out? or is that an oxymoron?
dear 101 ,
21 is way early to get married. next time you go to a party check out the young handsome boy hanging out by himself expressing certain amount of shyness and intelligence. go to him and finish the deal that night. for the time being, rent ‘stranger than paradise’ for seeing the model lonely girl with some brains and intuition.
------
acrabadraparaba;
please, what achilles elbow have terroists? what hide they so precious?
oil gone- erabs low, low, low living nice. what want they- all world islam. we see past- number one citizen islam- arab islam, number two citizen isalm- non arab isalm, number 3 citizen isalm- non arab & non islam, number 4 citizen islam- slave (yes, right me). you no arab, you not in islam. verifry no how this see mind you.
dear dances with words,
terrorist are like amebas. copy? no achilles anything. copy? most arabs are poor. they want no whole world islam they never did. I no full arab mother 1/2 libyan father turk. ¼ arab arab no terror. fanatic, disfranchised arab terror, oki city terror, kkk terror. me mother reads kuran for ½ hour every Friday she no fanatic. she islam. copy? i islam, me like grand sufi rumi, he poet, he rocks. you look for his work. google he.
i sad. many died. many innocent. terror ameba. a bad ameba. next time, dear abra. copy paste. oki?
------
dear abra: I can't seem to get enough time to actually CAD something I'm drawing. The CAD-tech knows shit about how I want my work to look, in fact I've never used him over the last 3 years I've been here. But I really need help - 3 BIG designs but I'm too busy meeting with all the clients. Help...
dear jam,
don’t you think it is time to hire help with work? CAD only knows as much as you do. i am no expert on CAD but i use it for designing and documentation. what is it about your buildings cad cannot do? eventually the builder will want to see blueprints. cad does that well.
or, keep using whatever you have now and up to this point. learn to delegate work or work by yourself like i do.
dear abra: I'm having a hard getting the "swelling" down after reading the proof of your book. Is this a best seller? And do you think I need to worry if its still swollen after another month??
dear mightaswell,
fuck yeah. abracadabra, faia is going to be a best seller. a large grocery store chain (name witheld due to unfinished deal) will have a special island for it near the produce dept, when it comes out. you wanna be innit.?
enjoy the prenaptuals if the thingy is still swell..earn your browny points before the honeymoon is over.
Deer Abra,
I keep designing Nudie Bars, but I don't understand why my priest won't let me do his church. I keep telling him that they're the same Friggin' thing - places of assembly (& for some, worship), but no dice.
How, oh how? Big Daddy of smart-E-ness, can I git his sorry axx to see the light?
Daar Abra,
I'm having regrets abt. calling my priest bad words. In Whom can I now confess..to? Will 2 more years of Ark school be penance?
dear nudienute,
dude. c'mon now, read father molly's lips. before he rolls the dice, he wants to check out your assemblies and interact with the end users.
take him out to the 'ball' game and show him the facilities. in 'n' out i mean. even the student edition of A's handbook of pro practice have some know how about this. amen.
<sniff> <sniff>
Thank yoo, oh wise-asis one. I shalt bringeth the light to el amigo of the cloth. Perhaps he shalt be taken pon yon VIP room so that He shall see a facility (in-N-out..burger), if ya know what's I mean. HawHaw. I figure if buttering him up w/ dancing sluttessses don't do the trick, then maybe the booze will make it easy for him to sign AIA101 (maybe 702). Hey, that Karen on Will & Grace is pretty hot! (Well, it was on after the Simpsons).
bear apra:
yes rumi, know he,you,i. years many words see as door close west. door open rumi, pretsel now corner street york of new. jewarab with sarah know, problem, problem, proplem. semites, semites- in want god wallet, tell. virgins care not side that curtain, not care sex murders with. ask you, rumi with- virgins sex murderers? rumi throu side that curtain see, see koran- lightingDarkness. apra: muderers satanic verses blind, blind. eyes wake light curtan, heart air fly bird. omeba-water. what achele/water take find? murderer darkness black, no rumi read- lightingDarkness. satanic verses read who?- read Londown yeehad black, black, black. light, no!
...apra:
know fight hand. yes know, yes me. start learn- hand light closed, rock. learn, learn- hand light (sun) hold- flower sun see. learn, learn, learn- hand rock no water take gone- air soft, guide, guide, guide, no rock. learn, learn, learn, learn- hand no, no, no- nowher- love take armhand..........
love achilemurder! know now, no (XXXXX) yessee, see? watch.
Dr. Stangelove, is that You?
abra: how do I fight that (beep) <- I never knew that missing line, it sounded like beat, break, burp - I want to seem cool when I'm singing my old school hits to the man! Yeah "f" the man!
Dear Abra,
Thanks, your last response helped (made me cry). I took a long lunch yesterday, ate some unhealthy but tasty food, and bought my wife a present. Then I left work early and went for a run. I feel better.
If you ever decide you hate architecture, you should look into a career writing an advice column.
dear abra,
I am 50 and still a virgin. All my life my love has gone unrequited. Even my love for God is unrequited. I am 6'2" and athletic: not obese or overweght. I am seriously thinking of drowning myself or entering the monastery.
What should I do?
yrs truly,
lovesick moose
Dera Abra,
will i ever become an Archinect editor?
I am nowhere nere as attractive as patrick markesano, and i would need helluva photoshop skills to make myself a picture goodenough to go in the about pages.
what can i do? how will i pave my way to success?
desperate househusband
dear abra,
as your advice bears a mark of excellence, i am compelled to thank you for your contributions to humanity.
the very next time i visit oslo, i shall see to it that you will recieve a nomination for this year's prestigious nobel peace prize in recognition of your outstanding efforts and humble sacrifice.
tusen takk
dear lovesick goose,
i ain’t gonna open the pandora’s box by asking you ‘what kept you out of the woodwork?’. lets deal with the issue at hand. it is time to drawn yourself in extra virginal activities asap. remember this, ‘love is a dog from hell.’ what you need is, to spend some of your savings on professional ‘virgin busters’ at this time (make sure they are licensed and bonded). and, when you get the action going, start chasing the dog. if you ain’t got the cash, do not tell any prospects that you are a semi innocent sugar cup.
if non of it works join the monastery where you will be losing your virginity within a few hour upon arrival..
------
dear desperate houseband,
first of all, being an archinect editor comes with a lot of experience. you got to start from the gossip column and move up to frank gehry critic grade. keep it coming..
pat markesano is a dog from hell. get a hold of him and he’ll make ali jeevanjee out of you in one short photo shoot with his indoor outdoor desposible cam. make sure your pic doesn’t appear nowhere near Cameroon Sinclair, who will splash paint on your pretty picture.
--------
dear oslo,
i will share that price money with you, under the ice, if you get me the medal. wouldn’t that be a dynamite..?
i AM going to arrive in oslo on a wooden boat, that, per correll is building for me.
takk.
Dear abra,
Since when is Oslo in Sweden?
sincerely,
out of this world
dear rita,
it is strictly for security reasons that stockholm became a gated community in oslo.
dear mr abra
did you know that jeff bezos almost named amazon
'cadabra'?
sincerely yours,
SHAZAM!
Dear abra,
Your answer does not explain how Oslo has come to be in Sweden. Are things slipping all around, even for you?
Truly,
still out of this world
O wise One,
Do they accept VISA?
yrs, as always,
lovesick goose
rita,
oslo is not in sweden, but via alfred nobel's will the peace prize is awarded by the norwegian parliament and, therefore, is in oslo...well within reach by one of per corell's wooden boats.
there's also an oslo in detroit (about ten yards to the right of bobby abreu's last home run), see more at:
http://www.atmsphr.org/articles/oslo.htm
and, of course, we await abra's official answer
dear mr abra
did you know that jeff bezos almost named amazon
'cadabra'?
sincerely yours,
SHAZAM!
dear otra ?.
that would be incomplete. every cadabra needs an abra..
-------
Dear abra,
Your answer does not explain how Oslo has come to be in Sweden. Are things slipping all around, even for you?
Truly,
still out of this world
dear out there,
royal shuffling unfortunately got to this level with stockholm having escaped to oslo for security reasons. good ol Sweden is now partitioned between the three T’s,
turks,
tony blair,
tagore.
------
O wise One,
Do they accept VISA?
yrs, as always,
lovesick goose
dear loveshack goose,
i assume you are requesting for virgin busters fee's. no. those pro’s won’t accept anything other than, god bless america greenery.
afterall, they don’t know when johnny might ‘come’ again.
but i hear, most houses with reputable management practices might accept visa corporate, thus, bonded for your satisfaction, check it out.
--------
dear nobelist in oslo,
get this. i’ve just convinced rita to come alone with me on the wooden boat, since per flaked out on me for some 3D shindig.. can she (rita) get a medal too for her novel? you won't be sorry..
dear abra,
poor per...he is just sooo, how should we say it?...committed.
although the desicisons of the nobel committee are subject to the whims of its five members, i suspect, nonetheless, that the idea of awarding the prize to a partnership of you and rita would be appropriately novel...noble...very much in the spirit of the award...and thus viewed favorably by stortingets appointees.
moreover, the image of the two of you floating up oslofjorden via per's seafaring vessel and landing at the nobel institute's fancy new adjaye-designed digs adjacent the old rådhuset should provide the necessary touch of élan for the international press to gushingly report on the whole affair. i'll do what i can, in the meantime leave december 10th open and let's hope the weather cooperates.
hey puddles tell me more about this olso place in dtown
O Wise and Eminent One,
You write to me that love is "a dog from hell". I am interested to know why you say this, when The Great Book says that "God is love". I await your response eagerly. I hang on your every word, gesture, thought, cogitation.
with kind regards etc etc.
Lovesick Moose
dear moose, i thought you might enjoy it.
love is a dog from hell
feet of cheese
coffeepot soul
hands that hate poolsticks
eyes like paperclips
I prefer red wine
I am bored on airliners
I am docile during earthquakes
I am sleepy at funerals
I puke at parades
and am sacrificial at chess
and cunt and caring
I smell urine in churches
I can no longer read
I can no longer sleep
eyes like paperclips
my green eyes
I prefer white wine
my box of rubbers is getting
stale
I take them out
Trojan-Enz
lubricated
for greater sensitivity
I take them out
and put three of them on
Linda where did you go?
Katherine where did you go?
(and Nina went to England)
I have toenail clippers
and Windex glass cleaner
green eyes
blue bedroom
bright machinegun sun
this whole thing is like a seal
caught on oily rocks
and circled by the Long Beach Marching Band
at 3:36 p.m.
there is a ticking behind me
but no clock
I feel something crawling along
the left side of my nose:
memories of airliners
my mother had false teeth
my father had false teeth
and every Saturday of their lives
they took up all the rugs in their house
waxed the hardwood floors
and covered them with rugs again
and Nina is in England
and Irene is on ATD
and I take my green eyes
and lay down in my blue bedroom.
Charles Bukowski, 1974-77
O Wise One,
I didn't think you would disapppoint me, and you haven't!!
yrs etc.
LSM
Dear Abra,
I got married over 10 months ago and didn't send out more than 20% of the thank you notes to people I reiceved gifts from. I dread doing it, and it plagues my mind to think about it and makes me feel guilty. I am horribly unorganized and don't know who I already sent thank you's to, what people got me, and to top it all off I don't even have addresses for at least half of them. I do have the postage and the cards and a pen.
What do I do? Am I forever a spoiled little selfish brat who is on everyone's shit list now?
Dear Abra.
I fantasize about a much older professor. How do I live with myself?
dear strawbeary,
as far as i see, didn't all the wedding guests came and said congratulations at the end of the shindig? and, didn't you and the groom said thank you for coming to our wedding? well if this happened, you're done. and the %20 you've thanked are bonus brownies.
give it up. if you get married again request self stamped and adressed envelope from, the fondue set givers, for additional thank you's.
and, never expect thank you for your own givings.
liberating, ennit?
*ps. good luck in denver. tina went to denver university thats all i know about it (she doesn't talk about her rock and coke days that much).
+, i've seen grand canyon and monument valley in few road trips.
isn't there a song about denver, goes like 'almost heaven west virginia'? ;)
dear fantasia,
keep it as a fantasy. it is a better gig. but if you must feel
the wise- dame, make it a short stop. think about your fellow samplings waiting in the line for the prof..
dear abra,
very distraught..... working like a dog finishing the renovations on my house and not able to keep up with the 'nect and thats what its going to be through sept. my problema.....you are persently at 1131 comments and i....at 1221 comments. can you please back off the comments so not to pass me up? or shall i try to brieve paul to change my number....else just spue shiiiit [as usual i must sat...] and try to keep up with you?
on a brighter note, think i landed a flat in london town. intentionally not living close to school to force me to have a life......highgate.....hilly.....in camdem with all that great social architects.........love them all.....
your admire,
the TED.
dear the, #1, TED ,
i wish i was in chicago to give you a hand with the pad.
here is a quick rundown on recent archinect you might have missed.
strawbeary is moving to denver, paul petrunia called javier ‘pootin’, gehry and calatrava on their way out, avatars are in, god is in and now verifiable, microstation out, there are some more shoes recommended, in the shoe department, and.., somebody likened eric moss to an eggplant, gahaha ha.. just like you said it before..
don’t worry about the comment #’s, ok.. i am working out a deal with the archinect management to go backwards with my numbers, the idea is, i want be the first person with (-) comments, something more advanced than ‘silent approval robot’.
but mainly, all the best in london. i am happy the way things are panning out for you.
as usual abra, you have made my day all the better. spent half of it in a 5' deep 2'x3' hole trying to soder the water pipe i rammed through from the house to garage. thank god i do yoga, i could really manuver myself in the smallest shape [reduced digg'n]
i have such a great eom story about his personal encounter with me over 2 days. i will some day get drunk and start a thread just for him. to compare him to an eggplant is too generous[eggplant is quit good]....i think the lima bean i just downed has more personality. better yet, ill write it up and send it to you in oct and you can flower it up a bit and add it to the journal......no sense scaring all the entering sci-arc student from starting in sept.......
i do need some shoes so i am glad to hear 'necter are keepn up with a strong fashion sense.....
Dear Abra,
Where is my passport? You really need to come through on this one, if I don't find it I'm SCREWED.
dear traveling hornbie,
you probably forgot where the booklet is, due to excessive woodworking.
‘Me coworkers stand while looking cause me pants always jammin with wood. Tellya beast is kept caged but they dont like me rockn da office.’
check;
last piece of luggage, grocery bag or platform shoes you traveled with.
and, with your bio,
‘University consumed youth,
Loans consumed $$$,
Work consumed time,
Client consumed motivation,
Wife consumed passion.’
I suggest you stay put this time. there is a reason for everything.
‘ deal with issues at hand.’
*my hunch is; missus know where the passport is..
Dear Abra, should I contact the Justice Department as I have been exposed as a double agent?
dear rasputin,
let me make the call to JD, these days they see it as an asset. i am certain, i can get you the waiwer on the 'double'. this will keep exposers busy, and keep them away digging your other operations for a while..
if you want, you can go stay with my mom and lay low.
dear abra,
i currently live with a norweigan couple. they spend all their free time loafing around [my] apartment naked. i've grown accustomed to the nudity, however, it has raised a few other issues:
1] i can no longer relax on my couch without thinking about how long their naked ass grease has been soaking into the upholstery
2] suprisingly, long-term interior nudity starts to smell bad. there is a verifiable reason for underwear
3] since the apartment is on the 19th floor with floor to ceiling windows facing many other residential towers, it has become the neighbourhood's nightime voyuer entertainment.
what do i do?
Dear ABRA,
You seem like competition. Oh, hi there again, GENO. Omnipotence, gotta luv it.
dear, between nudes and a hard place,
how did this show got on the road in the first place?
imagine what’s happening on the upholstry when you’re not around. and all that norwegian pubic hair residing in the apt. yikes.
anyway, I see an opportunity here, you’ve got to turn this situation into a thriving biz, that is, neighbors must pay.. start to display soft and hardcore presentations on respective window openings and enjoy rent free living. make sure no one watches free..
dress according to the business.
Dear Abra,
Your advice is much appreciated.
I should have seen this situation coming considering the first night they moved in consisted of showing me nude photos of themselves on their family internet photo site. good to know this is a genetic condition.......
anyway, you'll be happy to know that per [has become a staple word in my vocabulary thanks to archinect] your advice i invested in a mechanized window covering system that with a simple push of a button folds and unfolds several layers of vertical horizontal metal slats - very kuma-esque - and a new interior lighting system including recessed wall cans and roving spotlights.
do you think this is an ample beginning setup?
dear geno,
i don't know about genetic condition. seems like these artists are skilled professionals who are done doing oslo. family photo site is just a front to break people into business.
you've done well with the presentation. now it is time to pull doorman into the operations as a ticketing staff.
watch, people will start to call you geennoo, geennoo as you walk up and down the street with those shoes or while you are sipping the frosty coffee on the sidewalk starfuck.
javier thinks your set up is definatly an archinect feature material.
dear abra,
the doormen of 5 building's are in.
the concierge is in.
the norweigans have no idea, but they love what i've done with the place.
the last few nights have been a 'taster' for everyone. soon, i plan to pull the plug and close the blinds until people come asking for more whereby then i will attach a price.
however, i'm not sure how to handle it when the clientel grows so large that i can't control who is paying and who is not. people will catch on that the show continues whether they pay the doorman or not. this will get dicey and will most definitely require me to quit school to manage.
geno
dear gennoo,
buon lavoro! bello bello bello. siete sopportati per successo.
don't worry about school. we can line up best of archinect professors for private tutoring for your education(in exchange for free and private shows) . i suspect you'll have to make a waiting list for the tutors.
in this business, you have to keep the audience (clients, better) interested and provide variety. your clients will want to interact with
blonde, brunette, oriental, latina, black and may i suggest turkish, performers. you don't want to overwork the norwegians switching window to window with no rest.
*make sure you keep a black book of client list. this will help for your quick release if you get in trouble with IRS or building department.
dear abra,
Which one should I pick, a 4 yr B.arch+2 yr M. arch or a 5 yr professional degree. If my intention is to get jobs overseas?
if you have a specific country in mind, do the masters there. if i were you, i'd get a 5 year degree, just in case if you decide not to do masters studies, you will end up with better training. that last 5 th year gives you a wider angle of perspective and it is invaluable.
most employers will be looking for your skills, persona and level of commitment no matter where you are. learn the language of the country you might go to.
4 year basic study is rarely enough for architecture, except gary paige of sci arc. ;)
good luck with school and remember, dedication is the trump card no matter..
you're so dedicated to us abra.
if there were an archinect award, i'd nominate you.
geno,
forget the hypothetical archinect award, we are already working on getting abra a nobel peace prize nomination (see earlier posts). voice your support by contacting the nearest norwegian embassy.
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