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Dear Abra

Jun 24 '05 351 Last Comment
abracadabra
Jun 24, 05 1:02 pm

I am here to help the friends in need of advice. Your questions will be answered and I will try my best to get you out of a jam. Please always start your questions with ”˜dear abra'..

Sample questions;
1. dear abra, no matter how I try, I can't make my girl/boyfriend to like my projects. The other day he/she told me that my buildings remind him/her bad sex. What do I do to make him/her like my work and get laid?

2. dear abra, rem kolhaas coming to dinner but my in-laws don't want to have dinner with him. What do I do? I really like him..

3. dear abra, the other day I had a wild sex with client's wife. She now expects me to finish the project without any further payment. What do I do? I really need the money.

4. dear abra, my husband wants me to go to Disney concert hall with him to watch paris hilton strip tease, I really hate the bitch and I don't want to see her naked ass, what do I tell him? Probably he would enjoy going alone anyway. Should I tell him that? Besides I don't like the building.

5. dear abra, I am freelancing a model making job for brad pitt. How much should I charge him?

6. dear abra what is the best graduate architecture school for me? I am 10 years old..

 

driftwood
Jun 24, 05 1:07 pm

Dear abra-

I find myself having an extremely hard time communicating my pretentious intellectual and design misconceptions to others (i.e. the hot chicks at gallery openings). This leads to a sense of isolation and loneliness that I can't seem to overcome by any means. What do I do? My PowerBook can't keep my bed warm forever...

3ifs
Jun 24, 05 1:18 pm

dear abra,

don't you have a job?

A
Jun 24, 05 1:38 pm

dear abra,

I'm sick abra. I need some crank abra. Help me abra.

Jr.
Jun 24, 05 1:38 pm

Dear abra,

Please tell me why my boss finds it necessary to put used x-acto blades back in the box w/new ones. Does he seriously think he's saving money by making me hack at things w/dulled blades?

e
Jun 24, 05 1:40 pm

dear abra,

will you buy me a drink?

abracadabra
Jun 24, 05 4:41 pm

dear lonly at art openings,
hot chicks at art openings usually go for guys with who has at least a couple grams of coke in their pocket. next time instead of talking about complicated 'tectonic issues', ask the hot chick if you could use her make up mirror. not only she will know what you mean, she might include her hot chick girlfriend in the party. stop abusing your powerbook for an imaginery happines and give your hands a break they desrve..

dear concerned for abra's job situation,
abra dedicated himself to betterment of others lives, and makes some money as a valet guy at hot hollywood parties. not to worry about abra. thanks.

dear sick without a crank,
try 'afrin' nose spray in generous amounts. half cup of coffee half cup of afrin. get well.

dear x-acto,
i think your boss actually doing this to milk the client for the time spend on the model. open your eyes and have a direct talk with your boss. ask for a bigger piece of the pie or you will blew his cover in front of the client. if that doesn't work cut couple of your fingers off and sue his ass for gross negligence.

dear dry on friday,
i think you should stay on the wagon. but if you must have a drink from me wait until i come to your town to promote my book, abracadabra, faia. check in with your local bookstore for the schedule. i'll buy you a whole gallon of JB, enough for entire weekend if you don't share.

CalebRichers
Jun 24, 05 5:07 pm

abra-how should i make a move on a new, hot, young co-worker?

driftwood
Jun 24, 05 5:17 pm

Dear abra-

I can't afford to purchase coke. Will scraping some unused brandless generic laundry or dish washing detergent from the washing machine or dish washing machine make a suitable replacement?

ericMontross
Jun 24, 05 5:21 pm

dear abra-
my new girlfriend, zaha hadid, is great. i think i might be in love, but there is just one problem. her dick is bigger than mine.
what should i do?

abracadabra
Jun 24, 05 5:51 pm

dear mover in the office,
ask her/him out if you can meet alone in the office supply room. start to shake in front of the young architect. fuck the co worker. now, you are both movers and shakers.

dear priced out of nose candy,
no.. these hot chicks know what is columbian and potent. +, you don't want to see hot chicks laying on the floor with bublles coming out from their outlets. ugly and inhumane. go back to your power book until you can afford what they want. but if you insist you are a cheap fuck, try 'afrin'. you can steal them from the shelves of rite+aid.

dear smaller than zaha,
ask her to cut half of it. if she really loves you, she will do it. otherwise she still might be fucking daniel on the side who does not have any size problem. good luck and try to understand zaha's dick. also, how about trying something different with her?

anotherquestion
Jun 24, 05 9:25 pm

dear abra, i am a magician looking for a part-time assistant.
do you know of anyone who is available for this position?

Best Regards
A la peanut-butter sandwiches

abracadabra
Jun 24, 05 10:19 pm

dear magic,
as a matter of fact i do (twins). these guys were personally trained by me and got a lot of hocus-focus going for them. let them open the show while you are doing your tap dance..
*ps; they love peanut butter..
magician's best assistants

b3tadine[sutures]
Jun 25, 05 12:21 am

Dear Abra,

I have a offer in hand more $$ of course. I proposed to my current firm a way to keep me, attain more responsibility, and more $$ - but less than my in hand offer. Question; Is it true what they say about the devil you know being better than the devil you don't know?

Sign Me

Lickety Split

Smokety Mc Smoke Smoke
Jun 25, 05 1:06 am

dear abra:

should i grow a beard?
should i quit smoking?

Jun 25, 05 1:07 pm

dear abra,

What is "design in perspective?" Is it a building? Is it an interior design? Are there any historical examples?

If "design in perspective is design in non-Euclidean space," then does that mean it is indeed possible for something man-made to be non-Euclidean and at the same time exist in the overall near-Euclidean space that is our world to begin with? Or could/should the statement read "design in perspective is design OF non-Euclidean space?"

Could it be that human perception of space may be non-Euclidean, but that human imagination has evolved (so far) in a very Euclidean manner?

e
Jun 25, 05 1:33 pm

dear abra,

what does one plus one equal?

TED
Jun 25, 05 1:42 pm

dear abra,

i applied to two schools and was offered places at both; a phd program and an MArch program. what should i do as i have to tell them in a week?

--your the best as always.

T

c.k.
Jun 25, 05 2:26 pm

dear abra,

I have to go to grad school but what I really want to do is go back to my country and work with my friends there. what should I do?

yours,
the torn alien

abracadabra
Jun 25, 05 3:00 pm

dear lickety split,
they are all devils and you'll become your own devil too. which firm is more engaging in terms of architecture should play a role on your decision as well as money, benefits and amount of incoming projects. you don't want to transfer to find out the project they hired you for put on hold. if you are going to be on your own like a rolling stone, get to know as many devils as possible. the devil you know is better if you are a lifer for the same co. a nno no for many who studied architecture.
Split and don't look back.

beardy mc smoke smoke not,
we,d like you either way. but don't forget the long hot summer is upon us and that means heat times 2 for your face. also, those them bushes where the tiny creatures that cause itches like to reside.
as far as smoking goes,
whats gonna happen with the screen name? airy mc air air? that might be too much postmodernism to take for your brothers and sisters to take. but heck quit anyway. i should be next..

dear lost in euclidean space,
i directed to design in perspective question to bob and he responded to me by saying 'look not to vanna house from the edge of the front yard, but ask my mom what it took to build it'. go figure.
i know euclid rocked, but now it is all camera obscura.. them boys got together every night in iskenderiya to drink some good egyiptian wine and dine and figuring out some bitchin theorems for us to put in our visual cones. optics indeed. thats where its at.
i always wondered myself if design is 'drawing' in perspective? well like phil brunelleschi said, it is all illusion at the end anyway, and euclid is mostly a street name used instead of 13th. st.
i'd say stick with this

abracadabra
Jun 25, 05 4:05 pm

dear 1+1,
you must have gotten a hold of that 1 gallon JB and drinking alone in your post-asbestos backyard. one plus one have many possibilities and 2 is the most boring 1. try to add 1 zero on the side and viola nothing seems the way they should. if i've confused you have another 1. :)

dear prof,
go for the phd. there are a lot of masters of everything but one phd can kick butts of them all. why bother with master, which is really an extended undergrad for most of the time or a means to get an arch degree for the history majors. professor. hmmm, it is better. the only alternative to coke when it comes to hot chicks with reading glasses.

dear torn alien,
probably you don't have a green card either. it became a lot harder to get one after the color coded alerts. but, your friends will always welcome you after school and time flies. i'd say do the school thing and get hell out of dodge afterwards to join your friends. once you do it, you'll be glad you did. and there is no problem working with your friends through the internet. people are getting their CD's done in china these days without living 54 th. street. there is nothing like your own backyard.

Cameron
Jun 25, 05 5:40 pm

Dear Abra,

While I appreciate my positioning on the About Archinect page, why does Susan Surface keep staring at me like that? it's very disturbing.

Also did you start this thread so you could have the most comments? Are you going to invoke eminent domain to take over archinect? why do you not see baby pigeons?

Cheers,
Confused in Montana.

Aaron WilletteAaron Willette
Jun 25, 05 5:52 pm

Dear Abra:

Why is Cameron complaining? I'd be more than happy to let Susan Surface stare at me - wouldn't you?

-PW

tman
Jun 25, 05 5:56 pm

Dear Abra,

I'll be studying abroad in france next semester, and i'd like to study a "broad" or two. How can I pick up foreign women I cant speak too?

TED
Jun 25, 05 7:04 pm

dear abra -

thank you very much for your thoughts.

i am so confused.

the march is not a extended barch like your american schools and the school has a very good base of research i am interested in. although i wrote a hot shit research paper to get into the phd[as i only have an barch so i am hopping a step a bit which i have no problem with!!] -- my first choice school to do the march so i am going to speak to them to see if i can switch to get a phd after an additional 2 years with them.

so financing the venture--should i sell my house, cash in my 401k or take student loans [about $25k per year]. oh so many decisions.....


[i hope your not using a Ouija board for your answers!]

best.

abracadabra
Jun 25, 05 7:31 pm

dear confused,
i think she will be less disturbing if she sees you in a more cheerful mood like in this picture explaning to art center audiance that world is round, and you want to change it starting from archinect discussion board.

..just an advice though..
if you are interested raising your post numbers, i can donate about 1000 of them to you which are as good as camel cash. thank you boss, no eminent domain for me, you can have that too if you think i have it. if you are confused in montana allah help you in istanbul with all the beauties.
cheers and have some RAKI on me. it will get better.
*ps, thanks for informative bird stories i didn't know. i feel like a pigeon now.

dear secret lover,
i agree.. she is good looking. for me, i am in love with tina. but good luck to you she seems nice and intelligent. i am not sure who she is staring though it could be a misplacement.

dear "broad scholar",
french are very responsive to body language. i don't think you'll have any problems. don't get too wild though, they can also close the book on you, leaving you on champ de elysee looking for immigrant tricks in the middle of the night.

abracadabra
Jun 25, 05 7:38 pm

dear TED,
don't sell your house my friend..just a pigeon instinct.

Cameron
Jun 25, 05 7:48 pm

Thank you Abra,
I am still worried, it's mainly the look of distain. Did she not like working in the AFH offices?

However Abra, I feel the need to correct you. The picture above was me explaining to the artsy centered crowd how to smother a starchitect. It takes alot of force as they are usually beating you with their personal volume of El Croquis.

As you can clearly see in the photograph, one of them is lurking behind the sofa.

I will am currently in training as there will be a gaggle of keynotes in Turkey and when keynotes attack, it isn't pretty. Apparently Haha Zadid is going for the Turkish Delight but I can't verify that as the gutter told me.

Cheers.

abracadabra
Jun 25, 05 8:03 pm

dear cameron,
thanks for the correction. i wouldn't worry about the art center crowd as i was in the faculty grants jury last year and the proposals sucked. as outsider jury, we spent hours on 40 or so proposals to find half decent ones. i wish you the best in turkey and i hope bryan finoki is going too.
i am a fan of your projects and sent the soccer field competition results to emre zeytinoglu, who writes on soccer from the social perspective. hoping he'll mention it to his readers. www. gazetem.net

johndevlin
Jun 25, 05 8:21 pm

dear abra,

do I dare eat a peach?

Smokety Mc Smoke Smoke
Jun 25, 05 9:22 pm

dear abra,

why am i so ridiculously good looking?

johndevlin
Jun 25, 05 9:31 pm

dear abra,

smokety Mc smoke smoke will wear white flannel trousers and walk upon the beach...

with kind regards and best wishes, I remain
yrs truly,
J

c.k.
Jun 25, 05 9:47 pm

dear abra,
Çok tesekkur ederim

I will go back to packing for school then

abracadabra
Jun 25, 05 9:58 pm

finally some serious questions without archinect ranking and, not so secret anymore, internal crushes of editorial stuffing. thank you peaches and handsome..
yes you can eat a peach as long as you don't splash the juice on handsome's white flannel pants. peach has the hardest stain to get it out.

abracadabra
Jun 25, 05 10:07 pm

sevgili ckl, eger gercekten bir yardimim olduysa ne mutlu bana :)
bol sanslar dilerim. bence iyi bir tercih yapiyorsunuz.

abracadabra
Jun 25, 05 10:08 pm

pardon, hangi okula gittiginizi sorabilirmiyim?

c.k.
Jun 25, 05 11:09 pm

dear abra,

sorabilirmiyim, yardimim, yapiyorsunuz,

I think I can get the rest but not these words.

abracadabra
Jun 25, 05 11:27 pm

sorabilirmiyim = can i ask
yardimim= as in, if i was 'helpful'
yapiyorsunuz= as in, you are 'making' a good choice.

c.k.
Jun 25, 05 11:46 pm

oh, I see
i'm going to upenn

Aaron WilletteAaron Willette
Jun 26, 05 8:15 am

Dear Abra:

What is the average air speed velocity of a swallow carrying a coconut?

-PW

abracadabra
Jun 26, 05 1:47 pm

dear coconut teaser,
swallows can't carry anything bigger than they can swallow. it is different for pigeons who are capable of flying cargo planes.

dia
Jun 26, 05 11:10 pm

Dear Abra,

Is everyone laughing at me, or is it just my cat?

Sincerely,

diabase's "friend".

abracadabra
Jun 27, 05 2:12 pm

dear base's "friend",
it is just meoww laughing at you, because 'puss puss' is the only one who understands you. lucky man..

le bossman
Jun 27, 05 2:24 pm

dear abra

in the last couple of months i've been developing a [eh-hem] "personal" problem. i used to have a somewhat gratifying architectural sex-life, but now when i look at pictures of the guggenheim or rem koolhaas, i can't get an an erection. this is really upsetting to me, as fewer and fewer humans have been coming to my barbeques. what should i do?

sincerely

limp in michigan

abracadabra
Jun 27, 05 2:59 pm

dear limp in michigan,
i’ve been getting a lot of mail regarding the problem you came forward with.
a lot of woodies out there now walking around with pounds of tender meat that is no longer bearable. the illness called ‘bilbao limp’.
but not to worry no more. there is this new thing called ‘SUR’ that is drawing hundreds to brooklyn PS1 for a sure ‘get up’. i suggest you get there asap and join rest of the circle jerks for some sweet mayan style (a little different than doggie but more precisely ant eater style, i am told) experience. take your barbie with you and throw some argentinian sausages and watch the ol tool reach to manhattan in a new york minute.

e
Jun 27, 05 3:39 pm

dear abra

the bottle of JB had helped immensely and provided much clarity. i now wonder will you be our next american idol?

TED
Jun 27, 05 10:46 pm

dear abra;

been gone for a few days. met up with a pigean and we did a flew the coup.

i am curious; how do you tell between a guy pigean and a girl pigean?

we went to milleneam park to see the bean.


upon my return based upon your advise, i followed the pigean to the eaves of the garage of my house that i am going to paint to prepare it for rental [ i wont sell my house based on your recomendation] in the eaves i found some tiffany gallas segment....how bizarre. do you have any clue why the previous owner [its a pre chicago fire farm house] would have hidden them hear? how cleaver of that pigeon to take me here.

my schools of offer are the AA and the bartlett.

thanks

always...., T

TED
Jun 27, 05 10:56 pm

ps.

please dont give me the usual 'just look under the wings' shit----it aint obvious.

TED
Jun 27, 05 10:58 pm
abracadabra
Jun 28, 05 1:37 am

no idoling for me 'e'. but thanks, but i will consider sampling the jury.

dear T,
what a great story. 'boy' on the foreground for sure. robust neck tells it all, but it wouldn't make any difference anyway they are just beautiful 2.
have fun with tiffany.
both shchools, much respect.

Jr.
Jun 28, 05 11:40 am

Dear Abra:

I scraped my leg on a rusty pipe last night and my doctor says I have to get a tetanus shot. Is it going to hurt as much as I think it is going to hurt?

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