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Harsh Architecture Studio Critic One Liners...

I've been out of school for nearly 15 years, but the topic of studio project critiques came up the other day in the office.  The discussion specifically revolved around some of the most memorable comments from critics.  

 

Here are a couple that I remember:

• Student: after explaining his project in great "archispeak" detail, he finally admits that he "wanted to make something unique, and different".

Critic: after a long pause,  "....why not make it GOOD?  That would be different!"

• After a long winded defense of their project, the critic replied, "..you have done great violence to the earth with this..."  

 

Anyone else have some memorable comments to share?

 
Feb 21, 15 12:43 am
chigurh

Personally I think one liner comments are showmanship for the other jurors and students watching the presentation.  Some people think its funny to be an asshole. Sometimes it is, but as a juror, have some restraint and think about your role in the educational process.  The key is constructive criticism, to make the student think critically and better the work, even with the worst projects.  trying to be don rickles just makes you look like a dick and doesn't help anybody in the process.  

Feb 21, 15 9:07 am  · 
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b3tadine[sutures]
NO!!! - Don Wall
Feb 21, 15 9:08 am  · 
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Not a one liner, but I had a critic go on a 15 minute rant against Peter Eisenman during a review once.

It had nothing to do with my project besides his perceived notion that I had looked at an Eisenman precedent. I hadn't.
Feb 21, 15 9:59 am  · 
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rothko67
In the most serious sense you're right Chigurh. I get it. But, why do you have to be such a humourless killjoy?
Feb 21, 15 10:15 am  · 
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jcrarch

Here's one from my days in architecture studio. At final critique juror says to student, "Here's a quarter, go call your mother and tell her you're not going to be an architect".

Feb 21, 15 11:04 am  · 
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JeromeS

I remember a female student in a sheer pink sweater... I don't remember any of what was said by any of the jurors- nor do they, likely.

Feb 21, 15 11:54 am  · 
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Our project was a spa / wellness center on the Cranbrook campus, and we had sort of a project-within-a-project in which we had to design the main entrance door to the wellness center, down to the last detail. One student had designed a particularly outlandish-looking revolving door contraption at the corner of the building that didn't look particularly safe or feasible.

Professor, in a perfect deadpan: "I think your revolving door might kill somebody. That's not wellness. That's the opposite of wellness."

Feb 21, 15 12:18 pm  · 
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BulgarBlogger

Professor:

Ok class- so we will be taking a class trip to the site this Saturday.

Student:

I can't make it; I am seeing my girlfriend this weekend.

Professor:

That's great! Why don't you bring her along as well? We'll whip out the big pins and pin her up for a crit.

Feb 21, 15 10:22 pm  · 
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,,,,

I remember things being tougher in my day.

A student is sitting at his desk waiting for a mid-semester evaluation. A professor from another class walks up to his desk and picks up a model and shakes it completely apart laughing as the pieces fall on the floor. The student goes out of the room and walks around running the calculus in his head of punching the instructor out. The student comes back and said professor and another professor corner the student and berate him for getting angry.

2 years later the wife of said professor suffers a miscarriage and the student expresses concern about her and the professor.

A week later the professor sees the student and runs down a flight of stairs, shakes his hand and asks how his thesis is going and if he needs any help.

Moral of the story: There are things vastly more important than architecture.

Feb 21, 15 11:26 pm  · 
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A visiting critic studio at RISD: the followed the critic from desk to desk, stopping to listen to the critic's remarks on student work posted at each station. The critic finished the student next to me, turned and looked at the drawings I had posted, then - without uttering a word -proceeded to the next station and began talking about that project. 

Feb 21, 15 11:47 pm  · 
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bowling_ball

In my first-ever arch school crit, the first comment from the department head about my work: "Those are the most god-awful drawings I've ever seen."

Funny thing is that I had a previous design degree and a few years of formal education in fine arts - and I'd exhibited and sold work for 15 years by then. Other profs in the same department were even offering to buy my work. I still have no clue what he was talking about.

Feb 22, 15 1:22 am  · 
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g.thomas.z

"Well, at least you tried."

Feb 22, 15 2:08 am  · 
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bklyntotfc

Two favorites:

2nd year undergrad, final review in a large gallery with 6 faculty, a couple of guest critics, and about 100 students.  I felt my work was very shaky that semester, and was very nervous.  The student before me started his presentation, and the head of second year interrupted him after about 30 seconds, and announced in his French accent "this is shit, these are the same drawings you presented at mid-term.  We are not reviewing your project"  (she was right, it was shit, and he had done no work since mid-term and was pinning up the same drawings).  She then moved the jury over to my project as I tried not to wet my pants...I did survive the review though.

Grad school, a very fit, athletic professor giving a desk crit to an older, not fit at all student a few days before our final review.

Instructor: Do you know what a Knox maneuver is?

Student: No

Instructor: If you're free climbing - rock climbing without any ropes - and you're on a sheer rock face and can't find any new hand/toe holds within reach, a Knox maneuver is when you just leap for an outcropping that's out of reach.  If you make it you keep climbing.  If you don't, you fall to your death.

Student: Ummm...OK

Instructor: Your project needs a Knox maneuver.

Feb 22, 15 8:27 am  · 
1  · 
proto

2nd studio semester ever

prof: "well...everybody has to design a circular building once. at least, you got yours out of the way!"

Feb 22, 15 1:48 pm  · 
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proto

1st studio ever (commonly referred to as "spots & dots")

prof: "your project looks like it was crafted with a spoon" [referring to a figure/ground project made w/ colored paper]

Feb 22, 15 1:51 pm  · 
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proto

materials/methods class

good ole boy contractor professor

slide on the screen of a partially finished install that was not following the design

'...so I said to him, " let's whack off a bit and see how it turns out!" '

Feb 22, 15 1:54 pm  · 
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awaiting_deletion

"Do you know what a line is?"

Feb 22, 15 8:39 pm  · 
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square

After a long winded, incoherent explanation of a not-so-good project, professor says:

"Is that it? I think we were all waiting for...something more...

[pause]

Listen. We know your family is proud of you. It was probably a big accomplishment to be admitted. But now is the time to do some soul searching and to ask yourself, 'Why am I here?'"

[silence]

Feb 23, 15 8:32 am  · 
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Final crit for a master's studio project where I decided to  go outside the minimum program requirements and took over an adjacent property to add a landscaped area to the building program. The jury member's only comment was that I should have stuck to the site work and just let someone else in my class do the building because my design was crap.

In undergrad there was a professor who was notable for stomping models. After they were destroyed he would point out that obviously what was learned that day was the models were not very structural because they broke too easily.

Feb 23, 15 8:41 am  · 
 · 

Yeah, I'm not a big fan of truly assholic comments or actions like stomping a model or telling someone they should give up and never be an architect. But the one-liners can be funny, and we do all need thick skin when it comes to showing work to actual clients later.

I can't recall the exact words, but a good friend was asked "Where are the elephants and giraffes?" when he showed a big open unshaded plaza for a project in Arizona.

Do you guys remember the "water column" story? Let me see if I can find it.

Feb 23, 15 8:54 am  · 
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Found it. Page 3. Not a one-liner, but a pretty epic bad review story. I'll copy it below:

Story posted by curt clay:
We had a guy who decided to do his floor plans in white pencil on black boards (for no apparent reason), but in the middle of the plan at the bottom of a long, curving and descending ramp. He went through this LONG explanation about how once you descend down this ramp and turn this corner you would be greeted by his marvelous invention: "The AQUACOLUMN" and this fish tank that wraps around the column would hold piranhas and other exotic fish.

One simple question from the crit about the slope of his ramp and it was all over for him. It was obviously too steep and all of the jurors start into this story that went like this:

"so I lose control of my wheelchair on your 35% sloped ramp...."
"as your fingers are getting caught in the spokes of the wheelchair..."
"then I look up....."
"and you're heading straight for a fish tank..."
"... with piranhas inside..."
"so you crash into the fish tank..."
"shards of glass have sliced my arm off...."
"the rushing water knocked a little 3 year old girl off her feet nearby..."
".. who was just trying to see the fish..."
"I'm soaked and wet as 300 gallons of water are flowing over me..."
"... so I'm drowning...."
"and I have piranhas flapping in my lap
"or eating everyone else's legs who was standing in the lobby..."
"if they haven't already drowned or been sliced up by all of the glass..."
"or eaten by the piranhas..."

the entire room was exploding with laughter as they were doing all of these crazy hand motions and swimming motions to enact their story..

he just sat there silent and never cracked a smile...

Feb 23, 15 9:17 am  · 
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The project was a national park at the confluence of the Mississippi and Ohio rivers

The student had proposed an Indian village with a ride along tram and nothing related to Lewis and Clark the focus of the studio. It was a shabby cheap roadside attraction looking thing not a national monument.  

One instructor in the crit said nothing, when asked by the other two instructors on the jury if he had anything to say he replied "this is not meritorious of comment, I have nothing to say"

 

Nothing is sometimes as devastating as something snarky or mean.

 

Over and OUT

Peter N

Feb 23, 15 9:48 am  · 
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SneakyPete

bklyntotfc,

 

I'm fairly certain that professor made up the "Knox Maneuver". 

Feb 23, 15 4:47 pm  · 
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rothko67
I love the Knox story!
Feb 23, 15 4:53 pm  · 
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Non Sequitur

SneakyPete, I am an avid boulderer and such a move is called a "Dyno". I've never heard Knox used for anything.

Feb 23, 15 4:53 pm  · 
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SneakyPete

Indeed. It's definitely a dyno and anyone who gets into a situation where... "you're on a sheer rock face and can't find any new hand/toe holds within reach, a Knox maneuver is when you just leap for an outcropping that's out of reach.  If you make it you keep climbing.  If you don't, you fall to your death." ...isn't a climber.

 

They're a moron.

 

And free climbing isn't climbing without ropes, soloing is. Free climbing is climbing without the use of aid placements.

 

I would wager that asshole watched Mission Impossible 2 the night before.

Feb 23, 15 5:38 pm  · 
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xtbl

2nd year studio. A professor reviewing a student's final model "Did you build this with your feet?"

Feb 23, 15 8:11 pm  · 
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Menona

One positive thing from the harsh reviews is that there's nothing anyone can say that will really hurt your feelings. 

Once I had a critic say something and then mumble the end of their sentence.  I said, "I'm sorry, I don't understand -"

Before I could finish ("...what you said.") they interrupted,

"No. Clearly you do not."

Feb 23, 15 10:04 pm  · 
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Joe1988

After a really bad review my professor goes up to my friend...

"Wow, that was hard to sit through. Good thing there's always booze to wash away that pain!"

Friend - "I'm Mormon... I don't drink..."

Without missing a beat "Maybe thats your problem... Well its never to late to start, lets go!"

And probably the most common comment that rang through my alma mater's  halls...

"It just looks like there was a missed opportunity here."

Student - "And what might that be?"

"I'm not sure... But it just needs to be better..."

Feb 24, 15 10:32 am  · 
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mightyaa

Ah.. the old days. Started in a class of 120... 15 of us graduated (only 3 stayed on track and graduated on time.. I did the 6.5 year plan :P).

We had one professor who'd come through the studio in the wee-hours (after midnight) leaving prefilled and pre-signed drop cards on your desk.  And for a select few, a personal note about what career path he thinks plays to their strong traits; Like accounting, computer science, etc. as well as the name of the professor in that department to talk to.

Feb 24, 15 11:19 am  · 
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^ That is fucking brilliant. 

Feb 24, 15 11:27 am  · 
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Non Sequitur

I've had a studio prof pop-in after midnight one time for a surprise desk crit session. He just so happen to walk in while my desk was on fire because I was trying to coat cardboard with paraffin wax using a heat gun.

Another prof would, at times, place dead squirrels in the graduate student's studios if he felt they were not working hard/late enough.

Feb 24, 15 11:43 am  · 
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Zbig

"This butterfly-shaped feature emits vibrations that offset the natural organization of the sequence of spaces".

Feb 24, 15 5:01 pm  · 
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curtkram

clearly mighty's professor should have pursued a career as a high school guidance counselor instead of architect professor.

Feb 24, 15 5:25 pm  · 
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awaiting_deletion

This crit happened in Germany about the American's projects (mine and another US student).........................."it's interesting that you broke all the rules of the program, building code, and building construction. This was not a concept project, this project is about architecture."......... ........you will never hear that in the US, but correct me if I am wrong.

Feb 24, 15 6:57 pm  · 
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awaiting_deletion

A friend of mine who was year behind me did same school in Germany and when he returned he had a juror at the US school say "You are doing what you are told.. This is great work but it's to standard and why brick?."...........it was a beautiful buildable building using brick.

Feb 24, 15 7:03 pm  · 
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mightyaa

Oh, they were cruel in many ways. 

Just keep in mind, offered a lot of praise and encouragement as well.  That same one leaving drop cards might also show up with coffee and donuts for those who were there at 3am or buy a few pizza's and have them delivered to the studio for us to share.  So... he provided food and caffeine every growing architect needs and was one of the favorite professors.  Tough love program :P

Feb 24, 15 7:06 pm  · 
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awaiting_deletion

2nd hand story but repeated so much I use the crits phrase to this day.....................some student designed a space with useless triangle spaces in plan, juror says - "is that where dogs go to die?"

Feb 24, 15 7:10 pm  · 
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Wilma Buttfit

I was usually in studio at 7 or 8 am, Saturdays too, but never 3 am. That is really dumb that professors think being at studio at 3 am means you are a good student. wtf, let's go ahead and stop that kind of stupidity, ok? MURICA!

Feb 24, 15 7:11 pm  · 
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Wilma Buttfit

architecture school profs who think students need to work all night and sleep all day:

Feb 24, 15 7:48 pm  · 
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mightyaa

lol... at our school, the saying went like: "the only building that was never locked, the lights never went off, smoking is allowed and you'll find fresh coffee at any hour".  We're also talking 25 years ago...

I witnessed 2 full out emotional breakdowns/panic attacks where paramedics were called, several people pass out from exhaustion and even a epilepsy seizure (he forgot to take his meds).  Also some seriously deep gashes from xacto knives and lack of sleep...  got good at super-gluing skin back together again and stopping blood with paper towels and drafting tape bandages..  Even have a few bald spots on my legs where hair won't grow from the 3rd degree hot glue gun burns.  I hated by business major roommates... sissies.

Feb 24, 15 7:58 pm  · 
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SneakyPete

The head of my department actually loved it when a students work went wrong and caused the smoke alarms to go off, emptying the building.

Feb 25, 15 11:54 am  · 
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x intern

First year first presentation 50 people in studio:

the girl stands up to give her presentation (she looks terrified)

Prof: you have two minutes

We stared at her for two minutes while she didn't say a word (complete silence)

Prof: Your two minutes are up

Feb 25, 15 2:52 pm  · 
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poop876

During one of the presentations, one of the students covered his model with some kind of cloth ans was going to unveil it during his presentation. When he lifted the cover, he said "Ta da" and one of the professors yelled "Oh god, cover it back up".

There was this Italian exchange student that had a tendency to talk loud and gesturing with his hands and arms and after he presented his project one of the professors stood up to the presentation boards to have a discussion with him. It quickly became an argument, but was not aggressive or harsh at all, but at one point the student got to close to the professor while gesturing and explaining his concept, the professors though he was attacking him and quickly punched the guy in the face.

"You should put this on your refrigerator so you are reminded every day not to do this again" - comment about a model

Feb 25, 15 3:27 pm  · 
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JLC-1

my school was a block away from a hospital, one morning, we came to find a trail of blood coming out of our studio out to the street and away towards the hospital; one of my classmates had been working on a cardboard model with a box cutter, and using it backwards, puling the knife 12 inches into his right leg.

Feb 25, 15 3:49 pm  · 
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archanonymous

"I wouldn't hire you to design a doghouse. Next"

 

There were so many... a few professors managed zingers, but most tended to the cruel side. 

"Are you developmentally disabled?"

"What?"

"I'll take that as a yes."

 

mightyaa, our school was like that and I graduated in 2010... lights on 24/7/365, always people smoking and drinking coffee, up all night with glazed eyes. Of course the other side of that was the camaraderie, the bongs on the fire escape, studio parties, all nighters together. That came with plenty of injuries... one time a guy glued his eye shut while trying to un-clog some super glue... i'm sure you can imagine how.

Feb 25, 15 11:46 pm  · 
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From a professor that I otherwise really liked: "You like this? You think this is good?"

No matter what you thought before he asked that question, the answer he was looking for was clearly "no, not when you put it like that."

Feb 27, 15 5:44 pm  · 
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In my master's, one of the design critics told a student that they had successfully designed a plaza for evil to inhabit. "Even your drawings look evil."

In the same crit, they went to work on a guy who had clearly not spend much time on either analysis or design. For 15 minutes they grilled him on why he thought he should be allowed to keep going in architecture after the abominable work he was presenting. It wasn't untrue what they were saying, but everyone felt like they could have just said they wanted to discuss things with him later and talk to him privately instead of publicly haranguing him.

What always really got me about unnecessarily cruel crit comments was that our instructors had never bothered to point out any of the flaws during desk crits and would have a jolly laugh about all the stupid, preventable mistakes the first years would make. They seemed to take pleasure in setting people up for mockery.

Mar 2, 15 10:38 am  · 
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accesskb

Acting like they had to be excused for a phone call and never returning.

Mar 2, 15 8:28 pm  · 
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awaiting_deletion

I went to be a crit for the first or second time. I was the only person when introduced who acknowledged the students through a half ass wave and making eye contact. The other jurors reached for their coffees when introduced and basically ignored the presence of the students.......

Mar 2, 15 8:34 pm  · 
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